Entrance. It is I, Bella. Not Bellatrix lestrange if you may ask. Possibly because she's on drugs, and this is the wrong tale. But also because her hair is nappy and mine is fashionably adorably cute and straight. And also plain and boring… I need jenny craig to help me enrich my life. However, Opera is not on my viewing tube any longer.
I blame Nessie. That vile offspring of mine, the goat from drag me to hell a film where a goat says "you freed me you little whore". Therefore, Nessie was a Whore. And a goat. A whore goat. Sometimes farmers wills ell you those for cheap cause they're gross. And what would you do goat OR a Klondike bar that they're sold with? Nothing. That's right.. .
Next.
Whilst I was speaking I ate a fly. This is because I forget to shower usually because I am plotting. Plotting things to do. Such as murder. And I would like to make a lasagna but it's taken me years to do so. Therefore. I don't. I knew it was time when I found last years newspaper under 15 feet of dirt in my hair.
One day, when my spawn doesn't walk th lanet I call earth, I will be able to shower once again.
I will be a clean Bella. Bella will walk the earth with no grimbuh on her bodice. Bella is me, so I won't be dirty any longer, like dirty laundry after it's bath. In the washing machine. Such as da clothez, I will put myself in the washing machine to cleanse. One day, I says. One day.
Because I hate my spawn, I hate my mother who spaweeded me. That's like spawning, but more natural and polite. Drugs aren't usually involved, unless they go in your spine and eat the pain gone. My daily activities this week have been murder, and my mother. She was a grand activitity and I had a splendid enjoyment fli. This fli I did was to push her over a large bridge. Dear Jesus, Bitch, Love bella. Also, I threw coyote with his andvils over the bridge to plop one on her noggin. My Mother, therefore, she ded.
See? Now I am happily motherless. Soon, I will be happily nessie-less. She isn't my daughter, she is my nessie. The worst kind of thing: my arch nessimas. Like a nemisis, but worse because she's fuly and only has one tooth but it's like a beaver. So she can guh-naw on things. Like trees and cars. Ever wonder why so many people have rusty cars in their lots? Sometimes when she's angry and hungry, traffic lights are consumed. Eaten. Devoured. Yumb.
I am wearing a snuggie. It has a foot cover, and a butt cover but so I can poop, it has a flap. I wouldn't have purchased this luxury item if it didn't have a flap. I hate a cold bottom whilst I poo. Nessie doesn't poo, so I think that's why she's so evil. She may have some konstipation.
I am writing this leter to George Washingtun, so that he may hear me and understand the doom with with the world is run in days of now. Love Bella. But not Bellatrix Lestrange, it's me. Bella the nappiless nappitity head. Of me.