"You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it."
Chapter 10 - Second Chances
That night when everyone finally fell asleep, Asher laid in bed and tossed and turned. She had never been able to get a peaceful night sleep since Happy had pushed her away, and now that he was under the same roof, she was contemplating on seeing if he was awake, or asleep. Sighing she turned the fireplace on that was in her room, and sat up. She looked at the clock and it was going on one in the morning, and began an internal battle with herself on what she should do.
She knew that he would ask questions about her and Kozik, but she hadn't slept with him in months, because he had started to see a woman, and Ash was happy for him. She knew that Happy would probably request for Kozik to entire the ring with him for what has happened, but knew that Kozik could handle his own.
Finally getting brave, she pushed back the covers and got out of her king sized bed. She put a robe on over her over-sized t-shirt, that happened to be Happy's that she had taken when she left Charming. She didn't bother to turn the lights on since the hallway had a night light for Cash, and made her way to the living room. She saw Tig on the couch without a blanket, and she grabbed a throw cover off the back of the couch and covered him up, and kissed his forehead. She saw Juice on the smaller couch, and added a blanket to him and kissed his head, followed by Chibs who was in a chair.
She made her way to the guest bedroom that she showed Happy, and saw that the light was on, and stood there for a moment debating if she wanted to walk in or knock.
Taking a deep breath she knocked softly, and opened the door.
Happy was leaning against the head board shirtless, with a pad of paper on his lap, and a pencil in his hand, drawing. Something he did when he couldn't sleep. When he heard the door open he glanced up, and saw Asher.
"Can't sleep?" Happy asked, sitting the paper and pencil down, and Asher shook her head and closed the door. Asher couldn't help but to bite her lip at the sight of Happy. He was a little more toned than before, and his sweatpants hung low on his waist. Happy got out of bed and stood up, catching Asher off guard. He brushed her cheek with the pad of his thumb. "Care if I join you in bed? I haven't slept well since.." Happy started to explain but Asher just nodded her head, and went to open the door and walked out, with Happy turning the light off and following.
Once Asher and Happy hit her bedroom, Happy shut the door at the request of Asher, and watched as she stripped of her robe, and climbed into the large bed. He immediately was rock hard at just the sight of her toned legs, with memories of them wrapped around his waist.
He knew that he'd probably get punched in the face, but he couldn't stop himself as he climbed on top of her, and stared into her eyes, and she leaned up and crashed her lips to his. Happy slowly kissed her neck, all her sweet spots as he grinding himself against her. It was as if their bodies moved together, her hands went to his shirtless back, and dugged her nails into him, causing him to hiss out slightly. He moved down slowly and lifted his old t-shirt to expose her tits, and took a nipple into his mouth and took her nipple in with his teeth, and realized by her breathing she was turned on, but wasn't stopping since she wasn't stopping him. He devoured her nipple, and then moved to another one. "Hap...please... I need you..." Asher moaned out, and Happy looked up with his dark eyes and found green eyes staring back at him. Happy pulled away and stripped himself of his sweatpants and boxers, exposing his rock hard dick. He leaned forward and pulled on Ash's panties, and threw them behind him as she pulled her tshirt the rest of the off. Happy immediately covered her with his body, and his mouth crashed to hers, as if it was the one thing he needed to breathe. Asher wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him close, causing the kiss to deepen. Happy's large hand was based at the curve of her neck as he used his other hand to grab the base of his dick and held it to her entrance and slowly thrusted into her. Asher's breath hitched in her throat at the feeling, and Happy moaned into her mouth at the vise like grip around him, causing his body to shudder. Happy waited for her to adjust to his size, and began to slowly pull back out and then back in. He made sure to take his time with her, to cherish this moment as he made love to the naked beauty beneath him. Her moans filled the bedroom, the sound of her beautiful moans that he caused was the only thing holding back his exploding into her. "Please...Harder..." Asher moaned staring into Happy's eyes as his forehead pressed to hers. "You're so beautiful.." Happy moaned and picked up the past of his thrusts, with Asher arching her back. "Come for me Ash...let me feel it.." Happy stared into her eyes as she was reaching her climax, "Oh god! Oh god! Hap!" Asher moaned, and Happy buried his face into the side of her neck feeling her walls tighten around him, his hands on her hips gripping them tighter, as he savored the feel of her climax and let himself explode inside of her and kissed her neck, and then her lips roughly as he rode it out.
Happy stayed inside of her for a few minutes, not letting her move, just staring at her. "I've never loved anyone, you know besides ma, and the club, but when I met you, you turned my world upside down. I'm nothing without you. I'm not the enforcer, I'm not the son, I'm nothing without you, and without OUR son...you are what makes me breathe.." Happy stated, and knew that she was still hurting, and he didn't expect her to say anything. He saw the same look in her eyes, the same pain he caused. "Please.. just let me back in.." Happy stayed with a whisper.
Asher couldn't deny the feeling she had when Happy was still laying on top of her, but resting his weight on his elbows. "You have done a really good job raising Cash, I can see a lot of you in him.." Happy stated stroking her long hair. "Sometimes I see so much of you in him, it scares me.." Asher let out a small laugh. "He is definitely protective, and has that killer glare that you get when someone pisses you off." Ash let out a small smile, and Happy couldn't help but chuckle. "I was at the recieving end of one of those glares, and if he wasn't two, I'd probably be a little intimidated." Happy stated and rested his head on her chest. "I know that you are angry with me, but I swear, once you left, I tried to search for you, but then shit with the club went down...I've never been good with words Ash, but everything I said to you that night, fucking haunts me. I wish I could take it all back, and you were right, I was a coward. I was so fucking scared that something would happen to you or Cash, I thought the best thing was to put you in a spot to where you were away from the club. I will regret my decision for the rest of my life, because not only did I break a promise to you, but I wasn't there when our son was born. I wasn't there for his big moments, and I wasn't there for you... Ash, I haven't stopped loving you." Happy declared with sincerity in his voice.
"Ya know, I knew what you were doing, the entire time. I just...I let the hormones get the best of me, and became an emotional basket case. There were so many nights where I wanted to call you, just to hear your voice, but your words kept playing in my head, and I couldn't bring myself to do it. I was afraid that you really felt that way...I was afraid you didn't want to be a father, or a old man.." Asher stated but was cut off by Happy's lips, and he pulled away.
"From the moment I saw you on that stage in that bar, I was fucking hooked. When Liam came to the lot, I wanted to knock his teeth down his throat with getting so touchy with you, and from the moment I kissed you, I knew right then I wanted no one else. When you told me you were pregnant, I was fucking thrilled, and just watching our baby grow inside you, made me realize that I wanted that kind of life with you, and I never even thought about it until I met you. I even told Ma, that I was whipped and hadn't even had you yet. Now that I'm out, I'm not letting go of you and Cash ever again. I don't care what you say, you are mine. Cash is ours, and I will do anything and everything to make it up to the both of you." Happy stated and Ash had tears falling on her cheeks.
"Mama?" Asher heard the sleepy voice of their son, and Happy quickly got up and put on his boxers and sweatpants, and Asher pulled Happy's shirt over her, and quickly pulled on a clean pair of panties, and rushed to the door. "What's wrong little man?" Asher asked bending down to pick up Cash, and he clung to her, as she made her way into the bed. "Want me to leave?" Happy asked, and Asher shook her head, and Happy nodded and moved towards the bed and got in next to Asher, with his back resting against the headboard.
Cash was straddling Asher's stomach holding on to his lion and Asher turned the lamp on the side of the bed on. Happy couldn't help but laugh at Cash's face, his eyes were bright, and he was definitely not tired. "Let me guess, you aren't tired are you?" Asher asked and Cash shook his head no. "He has your eyes.." Happy was mesmerized looking at his son up close and personal, and noticed the bright green, with dashes of black in them. "Everyone says that." Asher said swooping Cash's hair to the side, out of his face.
For an hour straight, Asher just watched and listened at Happy and Cash talk to each other, and get to know one another, and it was an expierence she would never forget. The more that they talked Cash was opening up to him, telling him favorite things, and favorite toys. Which surprised Asher because Cash didn't talk to a lot of people, he was very shy to a point around new people. He didn't trust a lot of people, but he trusted Quinn and Kozik, and Tig.
Happy was thrilled and on a high from talking with his son. Through out the conversations with the two-year old, Cash made his way to sit on Happy, as Cash examined his tattoo's on his chest. Happy had told him about his papa being scared of dolls, and Cash went into a fit of giggles.
"Remind me to ban my father from giving him chocolate before bed." Asher laughed at her son who was tracing each of Happy's tattoos. "No kidding, do you think maybe we could tell him?" Happy asked giving Asher a look that meant he wanted Cash to know that he was his daddy. Asher let out a sigh and sat up and thought.
If Cash were to know that Happy was his father, that meant that there was a chance that Cash were to get hurt if Happy decided to leave again, but in the back of her mind, she knew what it was like to have a thousand questions on what it was like to not know her actual parents. Asher knew that Cash was having trouble knowing that something was missing from his life, and knew what she had to do. Not for her, but for her son.
"Yeah, but I'm telling you...he comes first, you can't just walk away when things get tough." Asher stated quietly with her eyes locked on Happy so Cash wouldn't understand too much of what the adults were saying.
"I won't. I just need a chance to prove that. I promise you won't regret it." Happy stated matter of factly, and frowned when Asher took Cash off of Happy's stomach and into hers.
"Hey!" Cash giggled when Ash began peppering kisses on his cheeks. "Can I talk to ya for a second buddy?" Asher asked and quit with the kisses, and Cash nodded his head.
Happy sat up more straight and became nervous, what if Cash didn't like him? What if Cash didn't want him to be his father? A million questions popped into his head, he ended up drowning out the begining of Ash's conversation.
"So, you know how Uncle Jax and Uncle Opie are daddies to Abel, Thomas, Kenny and Ellie?" Asher asked, and Happy noticed Cash's voice was a little sad. "Well, when I had you, your daddy had to go away for a little while, but now he is back." Asher stated and Cash's head shot up, "I got a daddy?" Cash asked and Asher smiled. "Yeah baby, you have a daddy. You wanna meet him?" Asher asked. "Duh mama!" Cash said almost like a teenager, and Asher shook her head and laughed. "This is your daddy." Asher pointed to Happy, and Cash turned his head, and Happy felt his palms grow sweaty, trying to read Cash's face after the news, and before he knew it Cash launched himself into Happy's arms, and Happy wrapped his arms around his small boy, and couldn't help but to cry. He felt complete.
"I'll give you guys a few minutes alone to talk." Asher rubbed her son's back, and kissed Happy's head, and climbed out of bed, and grabbed her robe, and prayed she did the right thing as she walked into the kitchen.
Walking into the kitchen, she was greeted by a wide awake Chibs, and Piney. "What are you guys doin' up?" Ash asked as she made her way to the fridge for a bottle of water. "We can't sleep with that crazy ol' bastard snorin' like a cow." Piney explained and Ash let out a laugh. "Aye luv, you doin' okay?" Chibs asked as Asher sat down. Ash let out a sigh and got comfortable in the chair. "Happy and I told Cash that Happy was his father, I'm just scared...he will push us..him away again." Ash explained, and Chibs and Piney both looked at each other and then back to Ash.
"Can I explain somethin' to ya darlin?" Piney asked and Ash nodded her head. "When I first met Mary, I was a complete asshole, I mean going through crow-eaters left and right, but when she told me she was pregnant with Opie, something inside me changed. I ended up still being an complete asshole, but I refused to let anything happen to my family. When we had the Mayan war, I pushed her so far away to where she couldn't even stand to look at me. Ended up taking Opie away until he was nine or ten. The patches symbolize something not most people get. You do anything and everything you can to protect your family, and your brothers. Some of the guys keep their families around to make sure that nothing happens to anyone, and some guys push them away, thinking they deserve a better life." Piney explained and took a drink of his coffee, and Asher let his words sink in.
"When I first found out what Happy had done, I laid into him. You are like my grand-daughter, and I was furious, but I saw the pain in his eyes after he found out you left town. He was distant, and wreckless, he threw himself into the club, and never left his dorm when there wasn't club business. When he would come out and someone mentioned you, he ended up taking a hang-around into the ring. When crow eaters would try to throw themselves at him, he was furious. He pushed them away, and threatened to kill them, to the point where a few didn't return after. When Abel was taken, Happy threw himself into the mission, and everyone saw how it affected him. He's not a man of many regrets, we both know what he does for the club, but when he pushed you away, it was the biggest mistake of his life. It's almost like he needs to be with you to breathe, we've seen him when he was with you, and we've seen him without you, and after you left, he was a shell of a man, almost living in darkness." Piney explained and Asher had tears falling down her face.
"Aye, luv, he was unbearable to be aroun'...we all know that he was tryin' to fin' ya, but then Abel was taken, and he didn' have time to look for ya' afterwar'." Chibs stated with a thick accent.
"I know that you love him, I can see it in your eyes Asher girl, but you are so blinded by the past, and scared that the pain is keeping you from seeing what he is truly saying. He knows he fucked up, and he won't rest until you see that." Piney said gently, and Ash nodded her head.
"They're right...when we were locked up, I was in a cell with him for 14 months." Juice spoke up from the door way of the kitchen, and Ash turned her head to face him. "He would probably kill me if I told you this, but you need to know..." Juice started and went to sit down next to Asher. "He'd have nightmares from day one, thinking of something happening to you or Cash, he would talk in his sleep. He begged for you to forgive him. He doesn't know I have this, because he wanted to throw it away..." Juice stated and handed Asher a notebook. "He drew you every single night, I asked him the first night we were in lock up if he missed you, and you know what he said?" Juice asked and Asher shook her head. "He said every day. We'd stay up late and talk about the baby, how much he wanted to be a better father than his was, and vowed that he would get you back one way or another." Juice stated gently, and Asher took it all in.
"I can assure you that he did not once touch a crow-eater, or any woman since you left. He said that he couldn't hurt you with that after what he said, and he mentioned that he had tried to reach out to Kozik and Quinn, but neither of them would tell him anything, besides that you were okay. It killed him Ash, he wasn't the Tacoma Killer after you left, he was a broken man and I saw it first hand." Juice stated and Asher had to wipe her cheeks. She had no clue that he had tried to reach out to Kozik or Quinn, and was rather hurt because neither of them had said anything.
Asher kissed Juice's cheek, followed by Piney, and Chibs, and grabbed the notebook and got up from the table, and headed to her son's room for a moment to gather her thoughts after that information.
She sat in the rocking chair, and opened the book, and looked at the dozens of drawings of her. Her breath was taken away by the details of the pictures, as if she were looking at someone else. She felt love poured into the drawings, and on the final page, their was a crow. She wiped her cheeks, and held tightly to the notebook, and decided to go into her bedroom closet, and grab the box of letters that Happy had written to her, and read them.
"You okay?" She heard Happy's voice, and just nodded. She needed to just read the letters, and then take a few minutes to figure out everything she was told. She walked into her closet, and grabbed the box, but put the notebook on the shelf, and walked back out without a second glance, and headed back to her son's room.
Happy was completely confused on why Asher was so quiet walking into her bedroom, and began to wonder if she already regretted telling Cash about him being his father. Happy had decided to lay with Cash, as he watched a movie as he snuggled close to Happy's side.
His mind was wondering what Ash was thinking, all of this was kind of sprung on her, especially with Samcro showing up un-announced. He was watching his son sleep next to him with the movie credits playing on the tv, when he heard the door open.
He saw Ash's silhouette glow from the TV screen, as she walked quietly to his side of the bed, with something in her hand. "Did you mean this?" Asher asked, and Happy saw that she had been crying, and quickly sat up without disturbing Cash. He sat on the edge of the bed with Asher between his legs, and looked at the box, and noticed his letters. She finally had read them. "Every single word." Happy stated glancing at the box, and then to Asher's eyes, and she instantly wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. Happy's arms went around her waist and pulled her close to him as they explored each other's mouths. "I love you Emmanuel, and I never stopped.." Asher whispered, and Happy wiped her tears with his thumbs, "I love you Ash, and I will spend every single day making it up to you and Cash." Happy declared and gave her one final kiss.
"I know this is probably not the best time, but am I gonna have to get Kozik in the ring?" Happy asked, not wanting to kill the mood, but he needed to know for sure, and Asher was silent. "It hasn't happened for months, and it was just an..outlet.." Asher stated, when she heard him growl lowly. "I'll handle it, but that shit ain't happening again...and I'm definitely not happy about it." Happy stated sternly with a glare, and pulled her into the bed, and the three of them cuddled until Happy and Ash fell asleep with their son in the middle.
A/N: I took it a completely different direction than I explained in the last chapter. What do you think? There's still plenty of Happy/Asher drama ahead, along with club issues that get brought to Asher's doorstep. And, also, thank you for the reviews. I'm working on another story under 'darkestdaysbrowneyes' as well and it will be a Jax/Happy/OC story called 'Princess of Anarchy' and I should have it posted under a different name today or tomorrow, so check it out.