Ashley

From Yesterday

It's been sixteen days, eight hours, and twenty four minutes since I woke up.

I wasn't sure which I preferred – still living in the nightmare of working for the Agency, or living in a complete new nightmare.

Aiden had been overstaying his welcome. He spent so much time with me that I thought he was going to pop the question soon, getting down on one knee and all. But that never happened. I wanted to tell him to get lost, I really did, but part of me felt guilty. Another part felt lonely.

So I kept to myself, braced myself every time he showed up, and prayed for sleep to take me away from reality as often as possible.

There was something peculiar about Aiden's behavior – I couldn't really place my finger on it. Ever since he showed up the first time. Every day I saw him, he wore the same suit, impeccable as usual, hairstyle the same, perfect, eyes greener than the day before, and his face free of any stubble. Something seemed off – he seemed just too precise, too healthy, too surreal.

Don't get me wrong; he could be the ideal guy, he could be flawless in every way possible, it still wouldn't make me fall for him. I just didn't swing that way. But everything about him – it was as if he was a Ken doll, molded to cringeworthy perfection.

And every time a nurse came by, or Doctors Carlin or Lewis, he had managed to excuse himself and disappear while they were with me. He had a freakishly scary intuition.

It was freaking me out.

But despite it all, I still couldn't get myself to ask him to leave and not come back.

"So, have you given thought to my proposition?"

I haven't even opened my eyes yet and here he was. There was no pretending with him either – he knew when I was asleep and trying to fake it.

I gradually blinked, sometimes still blinded by the light streaming into my new room. I had finally been downgraded to normal care. Now in a semi-private room, the other bed unoccupied for the time being, I had so much more privacy, and could actually move around a bit. I wasn't allowed to walk yet due to the broken ribs, but getting wheeled around in a wheelchair by the staff on this floor was a lot better than being stuck in bed all day.

I missed Kat, though.

"What was that again?" I finally sighed out, staring at Aiden. I was struggling today. My patience was running low, I felt moody, and really just wanted to get out and far away from everybody.

Aiden wore a cocky smile. One that I'd be happy to slap off his face.

"The job, when you get out of here. I need to know, so I can prepare things."

I wished I could fall asleep at a simple command to my brain. It was the only way he left me in peace. "I don't even know when I'm getting out."

I stared at Aiden, then at the door. Maybe if I pressed the nurse's button he'd leave.

"I can see when I'm not welcome. You're in a bad mood today," he pressed on. You'd think he'd get the hint, but despite his findings he just made himself more comfortable on the bed next to mine.

I didn't wish hospital stays upon anyone, and I'd probably be annoyed if I got a roommate, but maybe he'd stay away if I had someone to actually share the room with. I considered asking one of the nurses if there were any patients who wanted to bunk up.

"Ash, come on, help me out here. All I need is a yes or a no." He paused for a second, then looked at me. "On second thought, hold on to that answer. Would you like a snack or anything not from the hospital?"

See? He was doing the whole disappearing-thing again. I wondered who was on their way to my room. It bugged me, that he didn't want to be seen. Was he hiding from someone? Was I still in danger?

"Pop-Tarts. I want the cherry flavor. Oh, and minty gum."

"Got it. See you in an hour."

I watched him leave and turn left out of my room, excited that I'd get some nice snacks, but highly irritated because I just was.

Doctor Chelsea Lewis stepped into my room, oblivious to the visitor who had left less than a second ago. How did they not see him leave my room? Nobody ever asked about him, except Kat, who saw the moved chair that one day.

"Ashley, it's so good to see you – you're really recovering quite well!" I enjoyed Doctor Lewis's visits, even if she never stayed long. She took her job very seriously, and once told me it was like an art to her. I admired her. She seemed so spiritually free, despite an underlying sadness I sometimes picked up when we tried to touch on the topic of family. She was somehow connected to the married Carlin doctors, but I didn't want to pry too much – the same way she knew not to ask about my non-existent family.

"Yeah, well, got to get out of here eventually," I smiled at her.

"What's the matter? You seem a bit down," Doctor Lewis said carefully, pulling a visitor's chair closer to my bed.

I sighed. Why was it that people could see the mood I was in but felt inclined to then stay and make me miserable?

"I just want to get out," I admitted, sitting upright. I made a point of it to stretch my limbs as often as I could, not wanting to lose muscle functionality. At least they had me do some basic exercises twice a week in the rehab section.

"Oh, girl, it's not long anymore. I think Doctor Carlin will probably give permission to have you discharged in a week or so. But you know you're not going to be a hundred percent back to normal yet, right?"

"I know that, I just… I miss the sun, and fresh air, and I just want to walk. I haven't done that in almost three weeks."

Doctor Lewis gave a supportive smile. "They will let you walk before you get discharged. Just have some patience. I know it's easier said than done. You're going to miss us when you leave though."

I had to agree with her there. They had become like family to me, if only just a fraction of what family was.

"I know what I can do for you in the meantime, though. Hang tight, I'll be back in a second," Doctor Lewis joked. By now I was used to her corny hospital jokes. I was going to miss that when I was gone.

I waited patiently, not as if I had anywhere to be or anything to do. It was that time of the day where all the TV channels were filled with soap operas and I wasn't going to get into that, ever. The music channels weren't any better, and it hurt to use headphones. So I avoided that. I'd read all the magazines the nurses had snuck in for me. There was literally nothing for me to do.

"So, I have about thirty minutes for a short break. Fancy getting out of here?" Doctor Lewis announced, stepping back into the room, pushing an empty wheelchair.

My face lit up. I wanted to hug her. "You're heaven-sent."

"Shh, don't tell anyone, but I'm actually an undercover angel." Another corny joke. It was supposed to make me laugh, but for some reason, it made me feel very uneasy. I faked a smile and allowed Doctor Lewis help me up from my bed into the chair.

"Won't you get into trouble?" I asked, concerned. I was ecstatic to get out of the room, but I definitely didn't want anybody to get into trouble.

"Nah, I'm one of the favorites."

"So, can I ask you something personal?"

I swallowed hard, curious to know just how curious people were about me. It couldn't have been more than I was myself. Like everybody else, I also wanted to know who Ashley Davies was.

I looked around me, staring at patients and visitors alike, sitting around in the little hospital park, soaking up the late afternoon sun. I'd be forever grateful towards Doctor Chelsea Lewis for cheering up my miserable day. The fresh air and sunlight was doing wonders. It was somewhat hard, to see all the people out here smiling, like they knew who they were and where they belonged. Even terminal patients who were allowed out briefly, were more content with themselves than I was. It was frustrating. I had to try and be grateful – I'd be out soon and could go and be whoever I wanted to be.

Doctor Lewis was waiting patiently with a smile on her face when I finally looked at her. I returned the smile uncertainly. "Sure."

Chelsea, like Arthur, was extremely good with people. She had sensed so easily that I wasn't entirely in the best space. Unlike Paula – the female Doctor Carlin – who frankly, scared me a little, Chelsea and Arthur were warm and open. They had this pull toward them, like you wanted to talk to them, wanted to tell them your troubles and fears.

"It's going to sound weird, but I'd really like to learn about that tattoo of yours. The one on your wrist – what is the meaning behind that?"

Of all the questions she could have asked, this was probably the least likely thing I'd ever think of, yet it was one of the toughest.

I wish I knew more about it. But no matter how hard I tried, I had no recollection of getting it, and still no connection to anyone or anything starting with an "S". I often found myself tracing the letter on the inside of my wrist – more than I ever did before. Usually it would only be part of my job ritual.

"To be honest, I can't really remember. I think I was drunk one night, it was a high-school thing," I lied. Who knows, maybe I was talking the truth.

Chelsea was back in doctor-mode. "Are you having memory problems, Ashley?"

And the frustration and foul mood was back. I sighed heavily, wishing we could forget about the accident for just one moment. What I wouldn't give to just talk about my past…

"No, it's not that. I just really don't remember much of my school days. I wasn't exactly there all the time, if you know what I mean. Doing school was totally overrated. I always believed that if you just showed up, they'd eventually let you out after four years." Another lie. Or perhaps another truth.

"Rebel without a cause?" Chelsea joked. I appreciated her light mood. It helped a little to keep my own frustration at bay.

"You could say that."

We sat and chatted lightly about everything and nothing for another twenty minutes. By the time we were headed back to my room, the foul mood had disappeared, and I was almost looking forward to the standard hospital dinner, and then much needed sleep.

We were about to go into the room, when something triggered my memory. I asked Doctor Lewis to hold back a second, and frowned. My room was at the end of the building. If you were inside and had to go into the open passageway, you could only turn right. There was a window on the left, looking out onto the city.

I didn't know why that bothered me, but it did.

Doctor Lewis helped me back into the bed, and I thanked her for going through the effort to take me outside. After she left, I wasn't surprised that Aiden strolled casually into the room. I was happy about my snacks, but still not happy to see him.

"Aaaw, why the long face, Ash? I got you your treats like you asked." Still cocky.

If he was going to ask me about the job he had for me again I was seriously going to call the nurses to remove him and send him back to where he came from. Wherever that was. I thought about that for a moment.

And then it struck me.

He walked in from the left…

From Yesterday – 30 Seconds to Mars