I have only three things to say:
I refuse to feel shame for the delay.
With this chapter, I have officially crossed the 100k mark. Huzzah!
The image in Episode 521 when they say the title perfectly captures the dichotomy of Luffy and Not-Luffy. You simply must see it.
With that, we move my year-long break.
Zoro had seen some fairly odd things in his 19 years. Most of them had shown up in his brief time as Luffy's first mate. He'd seen a man with an ax for a hand, a detachable clown, a crew of men whom clearly had some kind of fur fetish, Fishmen, and Usopp's nose.
This, however, was easily the oddest sight of all.
Usopp was holding up a roll of parchment, mysteriously obtained, that stretched from his shoulders to his knees. It was covered from top to bottom with tiny handwriting, with Usopp reading each line out to Luffy and Nami in a voice that would have bored a monk. Said newly-confirmed couple was occupying a single chair, with the redheaded navigator in her captain's lap and quite literally wrapped up in his arms. She looked incredibly comfy there, a fact that had Sanji clutching his heart and writhing in the corner, muttering things like "too cruel" and "doesn't deserve her" and "my sweet Mellorine!" Zoro, as always tuned him out. Gin was steering, but obviously listening, and Leum was, like Zoro, laying against the bulkhead and watching with amused interest.
Usopp had obviously put a lot of thought into what he termed "Romantic Conduct". It had started with the phrase "To all whom it may apply" and gotten more technical from there. Zoro didn't know whether to be impressed or disturbed. Close as they were as a crew, Zoro had zero interest in knowing the fine details of his captain's sex life. He, like Usopp, agreed that they as a crew should come to an understanding when it came to keeping such things private.
Usopp, however, had taken that to a whole new extreme. The number of restrictions and regulations that he had come up with in the bare six hours since Luffy and Nami had joined lunch holding hands bordered on the ridiculous.
For example:
"Regarding meal times, and any other instances in which the crew is required to spend a significant length of time within the ship's galley, all couples are required to sit at least two chair lengths apart. When circumstances dictates this to be impossible or to a degree of difficulty to arrange deemed unacceptable by a third nakama, the following restrictions apply: First, that the couple shall not make any form of lip-to-lip contact, or any other lip contact to other pursuant body parts; Second…"
The gist of it, from what Zoro could understand (which wasn't much), was that Luffy and Nami could not so much as wink at each other outside a locked, soundproofed room at a prearranged time. Nami was regarding Usopp with something like calm exasperation, while Luffy looked like his brainwaves had flatlined after the first sentence.
Zoro wondered if the marksman actually expected any of his rules to be followed, or if he was venting present and future embarrassment/jealousy in one big burst.
Leum's eyes were flickering around the room with a little too much intensity. Zoro remembered just what he could see and asked "How are our guardians reacting to all this?"
Leum cocked his head, like he was listening to three different people at once and trying to focus on Zoro.
"Well, Sabo, that's Luffy's childhood friend, still can't believe that Luffy managed to score a woman that beautiful. He just keeps looking at them and asking 'How?' Bellemere, Nami's foster mother, is gushing. She's currently bouncing grandchildren's names to herself. Usopp's mother, and for the record that nose simply does not belong on a female, is managing to agree with everything he's saying and lecture Bellemere on the consequences of teenage pregnancy at the same time. Kuina just keeps shaking her head and saying we're all acting like idiots."
That said, Leum returned his attention to the third article of Usopp's legislature and the ghosts observing.
Zoro filed it all away for future use, before letting his mind wander a little. He'd never really felt attracted to anyone, girl or boy. He could recognize beauty, but it had no pull on him. He never really got the point of all the lovey-dovey nonsense. Even Kuina had just been a friendly rival. Should he maybe… Nah. Training was more important.
Eventually, Nami decided enough was enough. She murmured something to Luffy that made him relax his arms. The sight of them winding back to normal like giant rubber bands didn't even merit notice at that point; it was just Luffy.
"Usopp," Nami said, cutting the teen off halfway through a definition of snuggling. "We live on a ship. A small ship. We've all had to adjust to that and what it entails. If I can live with six boys' dirty laundry, you can live with Luffy and I doing couple's things. Now, I need to check our heading."
She walked past the flabbergasted Usopp, snatching "Romantic Conduct" from his hand. By the time she reached the deck outside the galley, it was already floating away as confetti on the breeze.
Gin whistled and turned to look at Luffy. "You are so going to be whipped."
The captain grinned like a loon. "I know."
Usopp was miffed. Not annoyed, not displeased, not exasperated; he was miffed. And pouting. Which was quite a sight with his fishy lips as he leaned against the railing and watched the sunset.
Nami didn't have to tear up his constitution. She could have crunched it into a ball, instead. But no, she took the hard-earned result of hours of headaches and hand cramps and cast it to the wind. That wasn't fair at all.
Of course it had all been redundant. He'd known that before he wrote it. That wasn't the point! The point was getting through to Luffy that he shouldn't make out with Nami in front of everyone else. Usopp didn't doubt Luffy's self-restraint, not after all he'd seen him do and how he tried to limit the damage. What Usopp doubted was Luffy's sense of modesty. His consistent habit of walking from the shower to the boy's cabin in his birthday suit, and his inability to listen to the others telling him not to, was solid evidence to Usopp's case.
Luffy was just so dense about the little things that Usopp had figured he'd need a rocket-powered battering ram to get the idea that PDA's were discouraged through the boy's thick skull. And Nami hadn't even let him keep a memento of the occasion!
"Forsooth! How dare she destroy the precious property of the great and manly SOGE-?"
Usopp forced the name back down his throat and the thought to the back of his head. That was really getting annoying. Every time his emotions started to run high, those crazy thoughts took over.
It wasn't that Usopp didn't like his alter ego; it just made him uncomfortable. When his brain made that shift, the fear went away. The fear of provoking someone, of drawing the ire of someone strong and mean, the fear that defined the paradox of the proud coward that was Usopp: it went away. What took its place was bottomless confidence, an utter surety that there wasn't anything in the world that could take him down. Sogeking didn't worry about dying, or humiliating himself; all he did was be loud and proud.
And that bothered Usopp. He wasn't reckless. He attempted (rather grandiosely) to frighten his opponents with words and make himself look big. But at the end of the day, he didn't run into the face of danger. He hid in the corner, every once in a while coming out to take a shot, but always to the side. Sogeking didn't stand to the side. He rushed right at the problem, wild and free, in all the ways Usopp was not. And he had even better aim than Usopp.
Whether from the Haki or a mental problem or Sanji's secondhand smoke, Usopp had a switch in his head that transformed him from a sane weakling to a practically suicidal warrior. And there was no way to fix it.
Well, no way that would leave him with what was left of his sanity intact, anyway. Speaking of which…
"Hey, Usopp!" Luffy yelled, appearing out of nowhere at Usopp's side.
"Gah!" Usopp croaked, just barely catching himself from falling over the rail in shock. On reflex, Usopp channeled Haki to his leg and kicked out at his captain… who dodged as if he'd known exactly what Usopp would do. "That's not fair," Usopp groaned, cursing the fact that Luffy could now add "precognitive" to his already hefty list of abilities.
"Heheheh. Sorry, Usopp. I thought you heard me." The teen chuckled a little more, leaning back against the rail as Usopp got his breath back. A second later, the boy's face hardened and the air became still and calm. Usopp suppressed a shiver; it was always disconcerting when his lighthearted captain became serious.
"You know why I'm here," Luffy stated, his eyes shadowed by Hat.
Usopp sighed. "You're here to try and teach me how to be a functional bipolar. There, I said it." Knowing Luffy, the process would probably be headache-inducing, completely ridiculous, and very, very painful. Usopp silently bid farewell to his peace of mind.
"You make it sound like a bad thing." The way Luffy said that was odd. It was not a joke; it was a reproof. "Don't. If you think of the other as a curse or some kind of illness, you'll never be able to work with him."
Usopp stared at Luffy in shock. "You mean you like having to share your brain?"
Luffy sighed. "I didn't say that. I said that you can't demonize the other one. They're there, in your thoughts, and you can't get rid of them. If you try to just lock them away, you really will go insane. I know. I came close."
Usopp bit back the "Nani!" that was straining to escape his lips. Not that he didn't have reason to yell; how would you react if you found out that the person you abandoned your home for was not only mentally disturbed, but actually had a near-miss with psychosis? Still, Usopp forced himself to be silent. It was obvious from Luffy's dead tone that the memory was a painful one. Usopp wouldn't subject his captain to his fear and pity. The little breakdown right after the battle with Nelson had warned the Straw-Hats that their captain was a lot more fragile than they thought.
"I'll walk you through how I managed it. It should work, but you might have to improvise a little bit." Luffy's face could have been carved from stone. He was acting so different from when he taught Haki that Usopp was starting to get seriously freaked out.
Luffy noticed the discomfort on Usopp's face and sighed. He knew that he was coming on a bit strong. He hated the spark of fear he saw in his nakama's eyes, and he hated even more that he had put it there. Still, he couldn't help it. Whenever those memories went through his head, he was reminded of just how scary he could be. And he was determined that Usopp would never have to go through something like he had to. If he had to scare Usopp a little to stop him from ever attacking his own reflection, he would do it.
Luffy still vividly recalled the long string of events that had led to him gaining some semblance control over his 'other'.
It had started around the time that Luffy had turned twelve. Ace was always busy training, and Dadan usually sent Luffy to do errands in town to get some peace and quiet. The pubescent rubber boy didn't mind; he liked being in Fuusha. It was close to the sea, and he could see Makino and reminisce about Shanks. And the path back and forth was full of animals for him to test his powers on. Life seemed good.
The first time, it was some kid. He was the reigning bully, and he wasn't clued in to all the gossip surrounding Luffy. He was maybe two years older than the pirate-to-be, and not much taller. Still, he thought it would be worth it to make the idiot look like a bigger idiot.
It began normally enough: lurk around corner, trip as target goes by, insult. To the bully's annoyance, though, nothing worked. Luffy bounced right back up like nothing happened, and took the age-old jabs against height, clothes, and intelligence like he didn't hear them. Frustrated, the bully had snatched Hat with the intention of holding it over Luffy's head.
Luffy had never reacted well to having his treasure manhandled. This was different. He took one look at Hat in the mean kid's hands and something exploded. A rush of red-hot, writhing fury filled Luffy's chest as his vision went blurry like he'd opened his eyes under water. Luffy barely noticed that he was screaming. The next thing he knew that made any sense was that he was holding Hat, and there was something red on his hands.
The bully would spend the next three months recovering from eight broken ribs, a broken arm, a broken hand, and a very broken face. Luffy would spend the same amount of time doing quadruple chores for Dadan. He didn't complain even once.
Luffy felt numb, too confused and shock at his own actions to leave room for anything else. He'd broken Ace, much worse than he had the bully, and that memory would haunt him for life. But this wasn't the same. With Ace, it had been Haki. Luffy had chosen to use his power to hurt. It had been a very, very bad choice, made in anger, but it had still been a conscious decision.
Luffy hadn't wanted to beat up the bully. He didn't decide to retaliate. But somehow, his body had done it anyway. His 'pistol' punches had rained down on another person, and he couldn't even remember it happening. No matter how hard Luffy tried to recall, there was nothing. Nothing but that burning flood of rage not his own.
Eventually, Luffy brushed it off as one of those things that will never be explained, and focused on his chores.
The second time, it was a mountain lion. Luffy had decided to celebrate the end of his punishment with some survival training. For Luffy, 'survival training' involved going into the (dark, forbidding) forest, finding a large, edible animal (with teeth), chasing it down on foot (screaming his head off the whole time), and building a decent fire to cook the (dead from exhaustion) catch. It combined tracking, endurance, speed, and foraging into one simplistic exercise.
It's so genius it's scary.
The target that particular day had been a wild dog. The thing had led Luffy on a merry chase, but Luffy had won in the end. After four hours straight running through stinging branches and tripping ground, Luffy was ready to swallow the gasping canine whole. He'd just pulled back for the punch that would break the poor thing's neck and put it out of is misery, when something else beat him to it.
The lion leapt down in a perfect pounce from the tree cover. The beast took its prey with a single, savage swipe to the head. The golden-brown feline was easily three times' Luffy's small size, and it regarded its catch with a lazy, possessive glee more commonly found in its domestic cousins.
Luffy snapped. Actually, that's the wrong word. 'Snapped' implies that some form of resistance was met and overcome.
Luffy unhinged.
The surge of frustration that welled up in the boy automatically at realizing his prey was stolen mutated halfway through its birth into a roaring, thrashing, blazing hatred so intense that whatever tiny corner of Luffy's mind was untouched by the madness half-expected the forest to catch on fire. In the space of a heartbeat, Luffy was focused on the lion as if it were the source of all the pain and suffering in the world, and personally responsible for killing every loved one Luffy had ever known. Blood pumped through the boy's veins so hot and fast that if felt like lava.
Luffy's fist was already pulled back. He sent it forward so hard that even his flexible rubbery muscles tore at the effort. The entire left side of the lion's torso just caved in at the impact. Barely able to see, almost insane with rage, Luffy threw himself at the beast that had dared cross him.
By the time that Luffy snapped out of his berserk anger, the lion was little more than a furry paste. Luffy just stood there, staring at his handiwork. He remained there, silent and still, until the sun set. Then, sore and aching and limping, Luffy slowly made his way home.
Over the next few weeks, Luffy seemed to shrink into himself. He kept to his room, barely spoke, and ate infrequently. The last in particular worried Dadan, since the only time Luffy lost his appetite was when he was almost suicidal, as he'd been after Ace's beating and Sabo's death. The bandit leader tried on numerous occasions to ask Luffy what was wrong, but every time the boy had all but fled in panic before she finished the first sentence.
And Luffy was panicked. The truth was harsh and inescapable: he had wrought pain and suffering without conscious decision. Out of nowhere, his body had moved on its own, his mind clouded by emotions so powerful and so sudden that they could scarcely be defined as 'human'.
And there was nothing he could do about it. There was no warning for these fits, no way to redirect them. Luffy spent each night worrying himself sick over what would trigger the next fit. It could be Dadan. It could be the mayor. It could be a bird. And the next thing Luffy would know, his hands would be red.
Luffy started sneaking out. He'd crawl out his window and go somewhere quiet. If nothing happened around him, nothing could set him off. Luffy almost considered just running off, but then people would follow. They'd try to find him. If they did… no.
Despite all his cautions, the fits continued. The third time was an alley cat. The fourth time was a random bandit. The firth time was a puddle. And so on. Each time, the anger came. Each time, something died. Whether it was an animal or a plant or a little piece of Luffy, each fit ended with a death.
Luffy knew it couldn't last. He couldn't balance on the knife tip forever. Eventually, something truly horrible would happen. Someone he loved would die. He knew, and was powerless to stop it. His fate was clear, harsh, and cruel. It was only a matter of time.
Day after endless day, Luffy hid, despaired, and slowly lost his mind.
At last, the day came. Luffy's grandfather, Vice Admiral Monkey D. Garp, came for a visit. Upon hearing from a by-now frantic Dadan about Luffy's self-imposed isolation, Garp decided to fix it with his usual direct, clueless, tactless approach.
Garp walked right up to Luffy's door, blew it to many thousand smithereens, and shouted "Let's have a talk, gaki!"
It was by the grace of that dumb luck with protects fools and pirates that Garp wasn't greeted with a broken nose. Luffy hadn't been sleeping well, and had been up since dawn, staring into space in a stupor as his frayed nerves played again and again the montage of his victims. The abrupt shock of having his room come under attack, which would have set off a fit in a fully aware Luffy, served just to snap the boy from his morbid thoughts.
Luffy looked up in dull bewilderment at the towering form of his grandfather. The fact that a living, breathing, breakable person was in his room was just as much a source of confusion to the weary boy as who that person was. People didn't come into his room. People couldn't come into his room. Bad things would happen.
Garp grunted with mixed concern and consternation. The brighter, more energetic of his grandsons was limp in bed. It was unnatural, and Garp planned to fix it.
"Get out of bed, gaki! It's a beautiful day outside! We're going to go for a walk and have a little talk on your behavior."
"Gramps… what are you doing here?"
Luffy's head was getting clearer by the second, and his fear was rising with it. His grandpa was here. His grandpa was here. His loud, argumentative, never-failed-to-get-under-his-skin grandpa was HERE!
"I'm here to have a chat with my moody grandson, that's why I'm here!" shouted Garp, as grouchy and grating and infuriating as always.
"Get out! Get away now! Please, just get out!" Luffy half-screamed. He was fighting a losing battle with his panic. If he didn't get his emotions down, he'd have a fit. But it was that very fact that made the panic grow all the faster.
"Don't you talk that way to me, you snot-nosed brat!" Garp yelled.
"GET OUT!" roared Luffy as the fit seized him.
Garp's instincts took over as his body realized the danger before his mind could.
A fist that could fell a tree flew at the old man. It was caught by a hand that could handle cannonballs like baseballs. Undeterred, the psychotic that would one day be known as Not-Luffy lashed out with a kick that could fracture stone. It too was caught, and the rubber boy suddenly found himself being thrown through and out the window by a veteran Marine that could bend steel like tinfoil.
Not-Luffy bounced twice off the ground before finding his feet and digging them into the ground to slow him down. The berserker glared in the direction from whence he'd been thrown. He was now even more enraged, if that were even possible. For the first time, the untamable alter ego of the Boy with Haki accessed that terrible power. Roaring like a wild beast, he charged forward, the air shimmering around him like a desert at midday. His opponent, unsmiling and unafraid, let loose his own war cry as he rushed to meet his half-mad grandson, ignoring the wall in his way like it wasn't there.
The two titans met and clashed. The younger launched a relentless assault, throwing punches and kicks and head-butts like coins at an arcade. Each blow was backed by lean muscle, a Devil's power, and a mad King's wrath. The older expertly dodged them all with the ease and grace of decades' of practice. At each opening in the sloppy onslaught, the elder threw his own punches, made by arms the size of tree trunks sculpted by superhuman conditioning. The younger seemed not to feel them, never pausing in his flurry of attacks, aimed at nothing more than the elder's pain.
Dadan watched in horror from Luffy's room as the boy she'd come to love like a son and the only man she had ever feared fought each other. She couldn't break it up; to step into that storm was suicide. All she could do was watch through the gaping holes in her house. She reminded herself to tell Garp he owed her a new wall and door, and almost went in hysterics at the ridiculously out-of-place thought.
The fight was something elemental, timeless. The primal struggle between these two beings of power was of an order of magnitude the likes of which had rarely, if ever, been seen in East Blue. As such, it could not be measured in minutes or hours, or feet and yards. These things were wisps of smoke to the fire and violence that raged on between Not-Luffy and Vice Admiral Garp. The former took as many hits as he threw, but went on regardless of injury. The latter kept up a defense of speed and agility at odds with his hulking frame, but it wasn't perfect. Some hits landed, and they were all of them enough to end a lesser fight. The old soldier ignored the pain as best he could and continued to counter with pinpoint, punishing blows that did much less damaged than they should have against the young warrior's elastic flesh. It became a race to see which would give out first: Luffy's pain tolerance or Garp's stamina.
The unstoppable force had met the immovable object. Now there was nothing to do but await the outcome.
At last, it ended. Not even Not-Luffy could defy his limits forever. The wild blows came slower, even sloppier than before as the day wore on. Just as the sun kissed the horizon, the young powerhouse completely overextended. Garp, as always, seized the opening, landing a truly punishing blow to the boy's head, driving him into the ground. For the first time in hours, the boy was still.
Garp panted, his body giving him a stern talking to. He ached in places he didn't know had places. He really was getting too old for this. Wearily, the old man found a convenient tree and collapsed against it.
The two were in a clearing that hadn't existed that morning. Trees littered the ground like sticks, forming a trail of destruction even a blind man could follow back to Dadan's house. Grandfather and grandson were soaked in sweat, their clothes worn down to bloody rags. Everywhere was silence. Not even an insect stirred, every creature in the area frozen in awe and fear.
When Garp got his breath back, he became aware of a soft choking sound. The old man closed his eyes, refusing to see his grandson cry.
"Why?' the boy sobbed, his face pushed into the ground. "Why does this happen? Why do I hurt people? Why?"
Garp sighed. This was the part where he was supposed to say something wise and profound and grandfatherly. He sucked at these things.
"I have no idea, gaki. I have no idea why you went berserk. But you've gotta fix it."
"I can't!" Luffy wailed, sounding truly hopeless. There was no pride or faith in this bright young man. His was the voice of despair.
"I can't stop it! I don't even know when it'll happen! There's nothing I can do!"
Garp grabbed the nearest rock and lobbed it at Luffy's head where it bounced off quite painfully. Luffy jerked his head up to stare at his grandfather, whom didn't seem the least affected by his grandson's grief.
"Enough with that kind of thinking," Garp ordered. "Right now, you're running away from the problem. You don't fix things by running away. You fix them by facing the problem like a man! Don't just sit there waiting for another one of these outbursts to happen! Figure out how they work and learn some control!"
Luffy was stunned. The fits had seemed like the end of life as he knew it. Garp was making them sound like some annoying puzzle to be solved. It was ridiculous. It was impossible! It was… strangely comforting.
People can often solve their problems on their own. They just need someone to remind them of that from time to time. A single kind word can make a world of difference.
Garp slowly stood up, his every move accompanied by a symphony of snaps, crackles, and pops. "Well, this was fun, but I think it's time to call it a day. Come on; we need to go back to Dadan and apologize for breaking her house."
Shakily, Luffy got up. He walked with his grandfather back home, both of them acting like a monumental duel to the death hadn't just happened.
The next day, Luffy purposely went into a fit. When he recovered, he did it again. And again. Each time, he learned more on how they worked.
Luffy started to hear the voice in his head. Rather than hide from the truth and pretend it wasn't real, Luffy talked back. They debated. They argued. They fought for control of the body they shared. And they learned to work together.
Luffy acknowledged how useful Not-Luffy could be. It was like playing with fire, but Luffy would rather burn than die against an opponent too strong for him alone. He built walls to keep Not-Luffy in control. He learned to stay aware when Not-Luffy broke free. He learned how to be himself.
It took years, but Luffy mastered his divided soul. And it was time for Usopp to do the same.
Sanji had to admit that life as a pirate had its perks.
There was no such thing as a typical day at sea. Almost every hour, it seemed, Sanji was faced with something interesting. Whether it was an interesting cloud formation or attempted nakama-cide, the fact was the there was never a dull moment on the Going Merry. Of course, working at the Baratie wasn't exactly like watching paint dry, but Sanji could still say that he'd never been less bored since he'd become a Straw-Hat.
Then, of course, was the simple joy of doing his job and being appreciated for it. It was one thing to be number two at a world-famous restaurant; it was quite another to be cook for a bustling family that never tired of complementing the chef. Though Sanji would rather give up smoking than admit it, he got an almost motherly glee out of making snacks for the crew and hearing them tell him how delicious they were. Sanji had honestly questioned his masculinity the first time he felt a glow when Usopp praised his onigiri, until he'd consoled himself that women liked men in touch with their feminine side.
Ah, yes, women. That was certainly an argument in piracy's favor. Each one of the precious creatures was a gem, of course, but only a certain kind of lady attended the Baratie, and not many. Since traveling to different islands became his daily life, he'd been exposed to more variety than he'd dared to dream.
Naturally, there were some flaws with this lifestyle. Nothing was perfect. Sanji was forced to cohabitate with his arch-nemesis; the blunt, uncouth Marimo. The guy was lazy, arrogant, dismissive, messy, and to top it all off, a misogynist. Sanji was positive he would never meet another man more at odds with his own personality. But they were nakama, so Sanji was forced to deal with him.
Then there was the constant threat of starvation in the form of his captain's appetite. Waking up to discover that over half of the oh-so-carefully hidden, methodically calculated rations had vanished in the night was becoming distressingly common. Sanji was more than capable of stretching scraps into a five-course meal, but he wasn't a magician. At the rate that Luffy was learning how to avoid the ever-growing number of traps Sanji laid around the pantry, even accounting for fishing and hunting gains, the whole crew would starve before they made it two weeks in the Grand Line. It was a constant war with logistics to keep the crew well-fed, and Sanji was tiring of the siege.
The true trial though, the simple greatest agony of being the Straw-Hat chef was the brand-new "can't look, don't even think of touching" rule regarding the stunning, glorious, bewitching Nami-swan.
Sanji pictured what would happen if he ever again gushed, waited on, or attempted to embrace the declared partner of the single most powerful person he had ever known. He imagined it wouldn't be good for his health.
But how could he not adore Nami? She was a beautiful lady! And if there was one thing Sanji believed, it was that ladies were to be treasured. They were unique gems, every one, and it was the duty of every decent man to insure that they should be preserved. NO lady should ever have to lift a finger or come to harm, for they were the shining light in this dark, weary world of men, and deserved every attention, which Sanji was ever eager to provide.
But no more could Sanji attend to Nami-swan. She was now in the care of Luffy, and to try and care for a claimed beauty was an open invitation for a fight. And Sanji had no doubt who would win in a battle between him and Luffy. Alas, he must beat the torment of holding his adoration inside, never again to be heard or seen by she who so obviously was entitled to it.
Thus the thoughts of Sanji preparing breakfast.
In no time at all, the galley dissolved into chaos as the crew ate through food at a pace that would boggle lesser minds. Such was the power of Luffy's adamantium-plated skull that attempts to teach him table manners had led to the destruction of everyone else's. Taking the time to try and get him to use a fork and knife at the same time just meant he had more opportunity to steal from your plate. So, every Straw-Hat ate each meal like starving dogs, in order to get as much as they could before all the food inevitably was sucked into the black hole Luffy called a stomach.
Once decorum was reestablished, Nami pulled out a map and laid it out on the table.
"All right boys, listen up. We're drawing near the entrance of the Grand Line, and it seems we'll be seeing something strange."
"This is about Reverse Mountain, isn't it?" Gin asked, glaring at the map with a scowl on his face.
Nami seemed surprised, then embarrassed. "I forgot you'd already made this trip once, Gin."
"What, what, whatcha guys talking about?" asked Luffy, as jittery as a five-year-old on espresso at the mere mention of the Grand Line.
At the tiller, Usopp started to struggle with something. The crew didn't notice.
"The first taste of the Grand Line's wonders lies at its gate," said Leum. "With the Calm Belt as a wall, the only safe way in is Reverse Mountain, the place where rivers flow upward."
"Impossible," Zoro scoffed. "Water goes down, not up."
Nami refuted him with a description of the unique currents that would theoretically allow this impossibility. She also mentioned just how easy it could be to die there.
"So it's a Mystery mountain," Luffy stated, clearly having not heard a word.
"Well, this explains something old man Zeff said," Sanji mused.
"He told you about Reverse Mountain?" Nami asked, an almost schoolgirl curiosity in her eyes.
Sanji visibly twitched, but restrained himself otherwise. "No. He just said that most people who try to enter the Grand Line die before they get there."
"Um, guys?" Usopp was now straining against the tiller, which wasn't moving an inch. Again, he was ignored.
"Wait a minute," Zoro said, turning to Gin. "If that's true, then how did each one of Krieg's ships get through? You'd think with fifty ships at once at least one would miss and smash the cliff."
Gin gave a wry chuckle. "There's a reason the crew was starving after only a week. The Don had every ship throw all the food overboard. He figured if the ships were lighter, they'd have an easier time maneuvering the currents. It worked, but we were half-dead even before Mihawk found us."
Leum suddenly fell out of his chair, giving a cry. His face was scrunched with pain, his hands clamped over his ears. Everyone but Usopp crowded around him.
"Leum! What's wrong?" Luffy asked, his big eyes concerned.
One red eye opened, hazy and uncertain. "It's nothing. I've just… never heard so many ghosts in one place."
As if that weren't dramatic enough, Sogeking appeared.
"An it please thee, friends, help me with this blasted tiller! Even with every drop of my great strength, it refused to turn! I fear a scuppering might be upon us!"
Nami's pupils shrunk to pinpoints. "Holy bullion! We were closer than I thought. We're already caught in the current!"
Almost as one, the crew burst out of the galley to see what lay ahead.
What they saw defied reason.
The horizon had been replaced with a colossal expanse of rock. From left to right to straight up, the sky had become a burnt red stone. Even the clouds could not top this mass. This was the only continent in the world, the Red Line.
But that wasn't all.
A single line of blue ran up the rock to an immeasurable height. A mighty river, it seemed tiny, surrounded by all that earth. And, unbelievably, the water was flowing up. Hundreds of gallons a second were being whisked skyward at dizzying speeds, spitting in the face of gravity.
It was as awe-inspiring as it was terrifying.
"Sugoi!" Luffy screamed, half-mad with delight at the adventure in the air.
"So that's the Red Line," Sanji muttered, his lone eye gazing at the sheer wall of rock appraisingly.
"I can't believe it," Zoro gaped, leaning over the rail to get a better look. "The water really is running uphill."
"Here it goes again." Gin faced the impossible sight with weary determination.
Nami was the first to recover her wits. "Zoro, Sanji! Go help Usopp with the tiller! We'll have to aim for the entrance very quickly."
"Don't bother," Leum told the men just ordered. He seemed to have recovered from the initial shock of coming in range of the mountain, but he was clutching his amulet to his chest in a characteristic show of anxiety. His eyes were as piercing as ever, though. "There's nothing we can do at this point. The current's so strong that the tiller will break before the rudder will turn. We are in the hands of the fates now."
Nami bit her lip in frustration, but nodded and turned away. Leum was right; there was nothing to do but wait and see what happened.
"Where is the entrance, anyway?" Luffy asked. He was peering at the cliff in confusion, utterly unfazed by the ship's inability to change course.
"Just there," Gin pointed. "Behind the mist."
Indeed, it was. Looking ludicrously small in the grand mass of the Red Line, a series of gates framed where the mighty river began its paradoxical climb. In no time, the ship was rushing at the gape with frightening speed. Unfortunately, the Merry's course for the gap was a bit off.
"Oh, no. We're going to run into the gate. Zoro, Sanji, Luffy, somebody do something!" Usopp panicked. The 'lessons' with Luffy had not gotten far. The only progress so far was that Usopp could snap back to himself without a sense of disorientation.
"I'm on it!" Luffy yelled, running for the edge of the deck. At precisely the right moment, the Straw Hat boy leapt, putting his body between the fragile wood of his ship and the unforgiving stone of the gate.
"Gomu Gomu no Fuusen (Rubber Balloon)!" he yelled, sucking air into his rubber lungs until he resembled an overinflated beach ball. With an impact that would have ground anyone else into a paste, Luffy's body deflected the Merry into a proper course. Now there was just the small issue of Luffy hanging over open water that would swallow him whole without blinking.
It's times like these that make one appreciate having superpowers.
"Nami!" Luffy shouted, already pulling back his arm to throw.
"Here!" she replied, already in position gripping the mast. Precognition was just so dang useful.
Falling fast, Luffy launched his hand at Nami, who caught it perfectly. From there, Luffy's body followed the recoil of his anchored hand, zooming through the air towards his navigator/girlfriend.
The two collided and fell to the deck, Luffy instinctively landing first to absorb their weight and keep her safe. They both started laughing, the high of adrenaline as rushing as the water beneath them. Naturally, they kissed.
Sanji gave a full-body spasm as though he'd been electrocuted. Still, he kept his silence. Usopp, still a bit annoyed with Nami, muttered "That violates Article II, Section 6, paragraph 1 concerning activities on deck."
"Really? Wouldn't it fall under the Life/Death Event Allowances Clause?" questioned Leum, back to his nonchalant self.
Usopp opened his mouth to reply, then closed it, a strange puzzled look on his face.
Zoro shook his head. "Beaten at your own game. Shame on you, Usopp."
In short order, everyone returned to the situation at hand. Said situation being a 60 degree ascent up a mountain in a sailing vessel towards the place where all their dreams would come true.
"This is incredible!" shouted Usopp, looking in disbelief at his surroundings. "We're so high up!"
"I must admit, this is something," Leum drawled, gazing unafraid at the could racing toward them.
"God, this is just as nerve-wracking the second time," Gin grumbled, clutching the rail so hard his knuckles were white.
"You got a thing about heights?" Zoro asked, at ease by his side.
"Heights? No. Speed? No. Natural laws being violated before my eyes? No. All three at once? Yes."
Brace yourselves! We're coming up on the cloud bank!" Nami shouted.
Almost before the words left her mouth, the Going Merry plunged into the cold, wet blanket of white. Sight, sound, and smell were muted, leaving only the dizzying sensation of the ship's speed.
A few endless, stretching seconds passed, and then they were thorugh.
The sight before them was even more amazing than the entrance to the mountain.
Four rivers collided at the summit of the mountain, throwing up a massive cloud of spray. Here, above the clouds, the air was so cold that the water froze into delicate ice instantly, each shard shattering as it fell locked in gravity's embrace. The sun was directly overhead, the beams shockingly intense even though it was so cold.
The effect was that of a living rainbow, a glittering gateway into another world.
"It's beautiful!" Luffy shouted, his eyes wide as saucers.
"A pleasant distraction to a disturbing fact," Leum mused. "You realize that we're at the end of the road, yes?"
Seconds later, the Going Merry was flung into the air. She and her entire crew were suspended at the roof of the world, with a very, very long way to the ground. Then, with elegant grace, she began to fall.
Usopp screamed. The rest of the crew weren't far behind him.
By some miracle, the Merry landed in the fifth river, the one running from the summit in a straight line down into the most dangerous sea in the world. The Straw-Hats had passed nature's test; they had entered the Grand Line.
"We made it!" shouted Nami. The whole crew cheered with her.
As joy at their survival faded, each crew member quieted down and faced the hazy stretch of blue they were plunging towards.
'A map of the world.'
'All Blue. It's somewhere out there.'
'Round two. Edge of the world, here I come.'
'Mihawk. I know you're out there. When we meet again, I will not lose.'
'S-So this is it. The start of the Adventure of Warrior Usopp! (And Sogeking)'
'The World Government rules from this ocean. To honor the past and save the future, they must fall. I must grow strong.'
'The greatest sea on the planet. The sea that the Pirate King ruled! And at the end, the treasure he left behind… One Piece.'
"YOSH! TO THE GRAND LINE!" Straw Hat Luffy roared.
"TO THE GRAND LINE!" echoed his nakama.
Their story had begun.
Time for the first plot twist.
Yes, yes I did leave all of you hanging for a full year, after saying that I had finally found my true drive and passion for writing, only to deliver a shorter-than-average chapter with all the plot development of two anime episodes. I cite senior year, college craziness, terminal laziness, and the death of my brother's best friend's father. I say no more.
P.S. I'd much rather you flamed me rather than quietly taking me off your alert list. Reviews are like crack. You all should know this.