RPOV
Ivan didn't return to St Vlad's with us. It was hard to say goodbye to him again, but I did what I had to. Dimitri and I were back to spending nearly every spare moment together. Dad had been giving us looks of relief and something else... indulgence, maybe? Maybe worry? I didn't know what he had to be worried about, it wasn't like he knew I could possibly crushing on my newest, youngest, Older guardian. I had to be out of my mind loving Dimitri, but I couldn't help it. He had saved me multiple times in various ways. Besides, he was just... Dimitri. What wasn't there to love about my Dimitri, my superhero? Well... I could think of one thing about him that I didn't like. He followed rules and laws rigidly and wouldn't start a relationship with me until after my eighteenth birthday because it.
He wouldn't kiss me. He wouldn't touch me. And goddamn it, I hated it! For at least a month now I wanted to know what it was like to have his lips against mine, even in a chaste kiss! I wanted to be folded in his warm arms again, I wanted that feeling of belonging back. I wanted to know what it was like to have dirty things whispered in my ear in a his very heavy Russian accent. Yeah, I had to be out of my mind lusting for him. Just because he'd admitted to loving me didn't strictly mean I... excited him in the physical way I had excited Ivan. Then again, I'd also been out of my mind kissing him, making out with him. Just because I dreamed of Things happening between me and Dimitri didn't mean he did too. All of this messed up, confusing love and desire I felt for my guardian and mentor made training that much harder. I didn't know if I preferred knowing he loved me but not knowing if he desired me over the distance and fighting. I'd found one level of peace... only to discover a new ache. Sometimes I couldn't help wondering if his love for me was purely familial. Some days, usually after a hot Dimitri-dream and professional-mentor real Dimitri in morning trainings, I caught myself questioning if he really loved me or was just using it as an excuse to do be stricter on me, to control me again. I wasn't going to let him do that, not to Rose Mazur.
"You know what André said to me over break?" Lissa started happily at lunch. We'd been back for a month but with her big brother always finding a reason to talk to me she seemed determined to gossip about an incident over the holidays she hadn't previously.
"What?" I failed to do Dimitri's cool one-eyebrow trick.
She smiled and whispered in my ear. "He said he liked you and wished you were spending holidays with us."
I gasped. "You mean like, or like?" He was only four years older than me and he'd been nothing but nice to me since I'd arrived, and especially this term just started.
"Like, as in he really likes you, Rose."
I pursed my lips in thought. "He is cute," I conceded. No one could ever be as hot as Dimitri, though. It was just impossible. "And he is very, very nice. But Liss, he's your brother and a sophomore."
"He's happier around you," she argued evenly, "and you went out with Casper, didn't you? For now the age gap's the same. Please," she pleaded, "pretty please Rose, give him a shot? Besides, Mom and Dad were already planning on convincing your dad to let you spend all summer with us. Please Rose?"
I couldn't resist that face she pulled so I sighed in resignation. "Okay." I couldn't believe I'd just agreed to date my best friend's brother, the future Prince Dragomir. I was going to hear about this from Dimitri in training this afternoon.
"Yay!"
Mason and Eddie were also sitting with us and neither looked too happy about the set up. Regardless, they said nothing about it.
"What are you thinking, Rose? André Dragomir? Do you realise where this is going to send your reputation?"
I scowled at Dimitri while stretching. "I don't see how my dating life is any of your business."
"Rose," groaned Dimitri, "I'm trying to protect you. Rose Mazur does not need to be a name synonymous with the word easy. Your father told me over the holidays he's thinking of reducing the number of guards you have because some of your enemies no longer see you as a threat."
"I'm not easy, Dimitri-"
"Yeah, sure," he scoffed. "I found you making out with my best friend now your planning on making out with your best friend's big brother."
I stood straight up and strode over to him, getting up in his space in an intimidating way I'd not done before, a way I'd seen Dad do a lot to his enemies. "How dare you, Dimi," I said in a cold, dangerous voice I didn't know I was capable of. I was shaking in fury... and heartbreak. "I thought you loved me. I thought you at least cared about me enough to never think those kinds of things about me, enough to let me find my own way in life and love."
Dimitri looked like I had hurt him more than if I'd punched him with all I had. He looked agonised. "You think I lied about loving you?" he whispered.
"It certainly feels that way."
"Roza, you're my world. How could you possibly believe you're not?" The pain and honesty in his eyes hurt me, cut me to my very essence.
"Because you don't show it."
"I can't, Roza. We've been through this before."
"You can't? Or you won't?"
Dimitri pulled a hand through his hair. "Can't, Rose."
"I don't believe you. And until you change my mind I'll see whoever I like and if you bug me about it again me ignoring you will be the least of your concerns." I stalked out of the gym and headed towards the track. I needed to run out my overreactive emotions. I could never hate my Dimi, but I was currently very close to it. I was absolutely pissed at him.
"Hey Rosie, what's got your panties in a twist," called André. Right now his voice and find nickname for me was a welcome balm. I stopped my running to jog over to my best friend's cute big brother.
"Hey Andy," I greeted sweetly.
André groaned in mock annoyance. His green eyes glimmered with amusement and affection. Then he pulled out a smile that could woo the entire senior campus female population. It had an affect on me, drew me to him. It had done so all month. I craved the attention, I realised. I craved the affection of the opposite sex, of this big boy in particular, since Dimitri had been treating me as if he had never said the L word.
I impulsively pulled André into a hug. I needed contact with someone who cared for me.
His arms wrapped around me. "What's this about?" he asked teasingly.
"Liss told me what you told her on the holidays, about liking me. Well, I told her I like you too," more or less.
André pulled back a little only to tip my chin up. "Rose Mazur, did you just say you liked me?"
I nodded, entranced by his green eyes. Brown was my favourite eye color, but right now I didn't like the guardian those eyes belonged to. I wanted to live my own life and those green eyes were my present. "Yup. I, Rose Mazur, like you, André Dragomir."
He smiled without showing his fangs. "Well then, Rosie, would you please accompany me to Jason Badica's party tomorrow night?"
I grinned. "Of course, Andy."
"Well then, Rosie, I'll come find you-"
"Rosemarie Mazur!" a Russian voice boomed, ruining the moment. André's lips had been hovering over mine, just about to come down and touch mine. Oh shit. "André Dragomir, I suggest you keep your lips and hands off my charge and student." Dimitri turned his disapproving and stern self on me. "You," he nearly growled, "are supposed to be training. Not kissing your best friend's older brother."
"Guardian Belikov, what Rose does and who she kisses is none of your business." André still had his arms wrapped around me, pointedly.
"It is when it interrupts her training. Now, Rose get inside and start on the machines."
I glared at him. "No." I looked up at André, "Shall we go see Lissa?"
He nodded with a smile. "Later, Guardian Belikov."
"I'll see you later, Guardian Belikov."
Out of the corner of my eye I noticed him flinch. I couldn't bring myself to give a damn. He'd overstepped the new line I'd drawn.
"He's possessive of you, Rosie."
I sighed. "Tell me about it."