Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling. If I was, I'd be deciding what country I'm buying, not writing fan fiction.

A/N: Anything in italics is part of Severus Snape's commentary.

Why Harry and Ron Are Not on the Hogwarts Express

'Ah yes, this was the year that Weasley and Potter decided to arrive in a different way.'

1. I just haven't found them yet.

2. They overslept and missed the train.

Severus sighed. Sometimes his wife could be daft. 'Of course that's not it. Molly would never allow that to happen.'

== That can't be right, since Percy, the twins, and Ginny made it onto the train. Mrs. Weasley would never allow that to happen.

'Oh good, she figured it out.'

3. They lost their tickets.
== That would be just like Ron. Harry's rather organized though, especially when it comes to things like that.

'Molly would have made sure that they had their tickets anyway.'

'Well, that was a short list. Not to mention a waste of parchment,' Severus thought. Then he noticed another, longer list written on the back.

Things That Harry and Ron Need to Hear

'Hmm,' Severus thought. 'There are a lot of things those boys need to hear. I wonder if she ever said any of them?' Severus noticed that this list was dated on the first day of term.

1. Stop acting like dunderheads!
== Now I'm acting like a dunderhead! Of course, I can't say that! They would accuse me of being a Slytherin, or worse, they might think that I actually like Professor Snape!

Severus frowned. 'She sure changed her mind! Of course, she was twelve years old at the time and apparently in love with that brat, Lockheart.'

2. You boys are idiots! You could have been sent to prison or worse, expelled!

Severus couldn't help but smile. 'They still are idiots. Of course they wouldn't be sent to Azkaban, they were very much under age.' Severus scowled and thought, 'they should have been expelled though.'

== Of course if I said that, they would just say that I've got my priorities wrong.

Severus sighed. He did think that Hermione did in fact need to sort out her priorities. Going to Azkaban would be a lot worse than getting expelled.

== Maybe they are right. Maybe expulsion would be better than going to prison.

'Now you're talking sense!'

3. You should be ashamed of yourselves!

'Molly took care of that,' Severus thought with a smile. He remembered that Howler well. He had quite enjoyed the look on Weasley's and Potter's faces. He hadn't enjoyed, despite the what he said, finding out that Arthur was facing an inquiry.

4. You need to be more careful and think things through!

'That will never happen.' Even now, Severus knew that Weasley and Potter rarely thought things through. Well Potter tended to think things through more than Weasley.

5. I hope you've learned your lesson.

'Of course they didn't.'

6. You deserve every bit of punishment you were given.

'And more.'

7. You really should think before you act.

'But that's not possible for them, they're Gryffindors.'

8. Don't you even care about how your actions affect others?

Severus realized that this was the end of the list and moved onto the next one.