A/N- Okay, before I do anything else, I want to thank everyone who has reviewed, favorited, and put this story on alert. You guys are AWESOME! As a present, you finally get the answer to who owns Ozzy. I think I've kept you in the dark for long enough now. And you get to read about Ogihci's ruined innocence... X'D
Warnings- Language alert. Some of these guys have problems with that... Oh, and I have nothing against gays. It's just... Szayel and Chuhlhourne leave us with some reason for doubt. And as I said before, there will be some OOC-ness, mostly because everyone isn't trying to kill each other. Hey, there's a mutant hollow bunny on the loose. No time for murder! (Well, maybe a little bit, but that's beside the point)
Disclaimer- Do I really need to say this? I do NOT own Bleach. (or ANY other copyrighted material)
Continued on from the last chapter...
"Ozzy! Ozzy!"
Orihime was running through Karakura town, searching for the escaped psycho-bunny. It had been over an hour since he had escaped, so she was in a state of panic. She could only hope that he hadn't hurt anyone yet.
Panicking, she noticed a familiar nerd coming out of the town's library, a book tucked under his arm. She ran up to him, grabbing his shoulder.
"Uryu!"
"Huh? Oh, Orihime," he said, greeting her while pushing his glasses up in that geeky way that hid his face. Then he noticed how out of breath she was. "Are you okay?"
"Yes... I'm fine. Hey, Uryu? You haven't seen Ozzy anywhere, have you?"
"What? You lost him?"
"Um... He escaped?" Orihime replied, rubbing the back of her head sheepishly.
"What do you mean, 'He escaped'?"
"I don't know how! Can you help me find him?"
"Well, I kinda have to."
So they went off to look for him, asking around to see if anyone had seen him. Tatsuki had the same reaction as Uryu, but with more screaming. Isshin didn't seem to know what they were talking about. Urahara hid behind his fan, said he hadn't seen Ozzy, then returned to his lollipop.
They were about to give up when the sounds of someone running up behind them, as well as a familiar voice shouting, caught their attention.
"Orihime!"
"Kurosaki-kun?"
They both turned to find the orange-haired shinigami stopping in front of them, panting, with a small, white ball of fluff in his arms, fast asleep.
Orihime gasped. "Where'd you find him?" she asked, taking Ozzy from Ichigo.
"Erm..." Ichigo paused for a minute, trying to find a way to explain the mutant bunny's earlier whereabouts. He gave up with a sigh. "Uh... It doesn't matter. But Orihime- for the love of all that's hollowfied- keep track of him!"
He turned around and began walking towards his home.
"Wait Kurosaki-kun! Where are you going?"
He looked over his shoulder at her with tired eyes. "...I promised my zanpakuto and hollow that I'd help clean up," Ichigo explained before flash-stepping away, leaving a confused Orihime and Uryu behind.
"...His zanpakuto?" the Quincy questioned.
"Um... Did he say 'hollow'?"
"Sounded like it..."
Uryu looked down at Ozzy, who was sleeping soundly in Orihime's arms. 'What has he been up to?'
...
"Ogihci!"
"Ha! Take it like a man, King!"
"You guys are just making a bigger mess for us to pick up by doing that. Now stop it."
The plan of cleaning up Ichigo's inner world was failing miserably, Ogihci having found something to play with in the short amount of time that Ichigo had been gone. The shinigami was now dodging multicolored, water-filled balloons being chucked at him by a slightly sugar-high hollow. Zangetsu was busy trying to dodge misfired balloons while simultaneously filling up holes in the buildings with cement.
Ducking to avoid a wayward yellow balloon, the sword's face was immediately assaulted by a red one. Standing and wiping the water out of his eyes, he sighed and went off to retrieve something. Returning, he set his boombox down, made a selection, and put it on full blast.
Techno-type music began playing, which didn't seem to faze them. Then the lyrics started.
"Slash, gash, terror whore
I like you better on the floor"
Ichigo and Ogihci froze, both having WTF expressions on their faces.
"Um... Zanny?" What is that?"
Zangetsu didn't answer.
"On the bed, give me head
Make you scream, 'Candy Cream!' "
"Seriously Zangetsu. What is that and why are you listening to it?" Ichigo asked.
He didn't answer for a few more seconds, allowing them to become even more freaked out.
"Let's rock our bodies in time and to the beat
And you can feel it as we turn up the heat
I need to feel myself inside you so deep~"
"Blood On the Dance Floor," he said.
"Uh, okay... What song?" Ichigo asked.
"Blood On the Dance Floor."
"I get that. What song?"
"Ichigo, it's Blood On the Dance Floor by Blood On the Dance Floor," Zangetsu said, turning off his boombox.
"Oh."
"Now, can you guys go back to fixing things now?"
Ichigo nodded. Ogihci froze, then raised a water balloon to throw it.
"Ogihci, throw it and I will tie you down and force you to watch Two Girls, One Cup."
The albino's eyes widened in fear. "No Zanny... Not again," he whispered, dropping the balloons.
Ichigo raised an eyebrow but continued picking up pieces of rubble and putting them into the piles, remaining silent.
After a few minutes of filling in craters, cleaning up debris, and replacing window panes, Ogihci began to get restless. About five minutes later, he began to ask stupid questions like he always did when he got bored.
"King~. Why's the sky blue?"
Ichigo sighed. "Because of refraction," he answered. Ogihci had asked these questions countless other times, and he was tired of explaining stuff to him. He usually knew the answers anyways.
"How come the buildings are sideways?"
"Because they are."
"Well, why are they blue?"
"Because."
" 'Because' why?"
"I don't know! Just 'cause!"
"..."
The hollow stopped asking random questions after that. Zangetsu breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe this day wouldn't be that bad after all...
"King, where do babies come from?"
Dammit.
Ichigo froze. "Okay, I know you know the answer to that one."
"No I don't! Really, where do they come from?"
"You know what? I could actually understand it if you didn't know the answers to those other questions... But you've got to know what that answer is."
"But I don't!"
He turned to Zangetsu for help, but he just said, "I don't know, Ichigo. He doesn't seem to be lying this time."
"How?" he demanded. "You read so many pervy manga, so how?"
"My manga books aren't pervy!"
Zangetsu pulled a book from nowhere and began to flip through it with a raised eyebrow. "...Yes they are. Now, if only I can find a page to help explain this to you..."
"Uh, Zangetsu? I don't think hentai is the best thing to help with Sex Ed..." Ichigo said, but was ignored by the sword.
"Hey! Give it!" Ogihci tried to grab the book from the sword, running around in a childish manner and jumping. Zangetsu just kept turning and held it out of his reach.
"Zanny!"
"Found one."
Ichigo walked over and took a look at the page, blushing profusely. After a few seconds, he turned to his hollow. "Uh, Ogihci, you wanted to know where babies, uh, come from, right?"
"Yeah."
"Sit down over here."
They sat in a circle on the building, away from the rubble and glass shards. Ichigo was having major flashbacks of the time his dad gave him "The Talk". One word- Horrible. It didn't help that his dad had borrowed Yuzu's Barbie and Ken dolls and used them to do a demonstration, mentally scarring him in the process.
Zangetsu just sat there awkwardly, adverting his eyes from the manga and adjusting his sunglasses, Ichigo fiddled with his sandle straps nervously, and Ogihci just sat there expectantly.
"Err... Well, see that?" Ichigo asked, pointing at the page of the manga that Zangetsu was holding. (which, due to this fic being rated T, cannot be described in detail)
Ogihci nodded. "Yeah. So?" he said, completely unfazed by the images.
"Um... Well..." he turned red with embarrassment and was unable to finish his sentence.
Zangetsu sighed, then tapped a finger on one of the panels. "This," he said, moving his finger from one panel to the next. "Equals babies, under certain circumstances."
Ichigo sweat-dropped.
Ogihci just sat there, blinking.
"Now do you understand?" the sword asked, satisfied that he had found an easy answer for that age-old question.
"Uh... No?"
Ichigo, fed up with his hollow's questions, then blurted out, "What don't you understand about that? Sex makes babies, okay?"
"..."
"..."
"..."
"SEX MAKES BABIES!"
"You've got to be freakin' kidding me..."
...
-The World of The Living-
Uryu had gone back to Orihime's house to make sure that Ozzy didn't escape again, which really wasn't necessary; he was still sleeping off all of the sake he had drunk from Zangetsu's stash, not that either of them were aware of that.
When they arrived, Orihime decided that she wanted to cook something, much to Uryu's dismay. Since Ozzy appeared to be sleeping soundly, she just set him down on the couch where he would be comfortable.
After deciding that the albino was safe, she went into the kitchen, which turned into a disaster area soon afterwords. While the teen stirred something that was turning a vivid blue color, Uryu ran around trying to prevent the spread of the many small kitchen fires that were popping up everywhere. Orihime didn't seem to notice these, as she just continued pouring odd ingredients into her pot, which was beginning to smoke.
"Uh, Orihime... Maybe you should stop that for a little while..." Uryu said, putting out a small fire that had somehow started in the sink.
"Don't worry! It's fi- Wah!" Her cheery tone changed to a panicked yell as her pot suddenly burst into flames, giving off a lot of smoke, along with an acidic smell.
"Woah!" Uryu exclaimed, backing up towards the sink, trying to remember what to do with a stove fire. Orihime began panicking. The smoke alarm began going off.
Basically, Orihime's kitchen was in chaos.
"Orihime! Where's the lid to that pot?" the Quincy asked her, remembering to smother fire.
"It-it doesn't have one!" she replied in a panicked tone.
"Crap!"
The fire only got bigger in that time. Orihime, seeing this, tried to fill a bowl up with water.
"No! Don't put water on it!"
"Its a fire! What else am I supposed to use?"
"You don't put water on a stove fire! Where's your baking soda?" he asked, flinging open one of the cabinets.
"I don't have any!"
Uryu was about to turn around, drag Orihime out of her apartment, and call the fire department when a cry of, "Growl, Haineko!" came from behind them, a cloud of ash appearing and smothering the fire.
Orihime spun around and squealed. "Rangiku! Tōshirō!" She ran up and hugged her big breasted friend, who returned the act of kindness joyfully. Tōshirō looked on from his perch on the windowsill.
"What were you trying to do? Burn down your apartment?" he asked, looking at the kitchen, which was covered with burn marks.
"Um, no. I was trying to make-" Orihime started, looking at her kitchen in despair.
"Curry?" Rangiku guessed.
"Yes! It caught on fire though..."
"Don't worry! We can just make another batch! With eggplant!"
"Ooh, and peanut butter! Come on, let's do it!"
"Curry with eggplant and peanut butter?" Uryu said weakly.
"..."
"Uh, so anyways," Uryu turned to the small captain. "Why are you guys here?"
"Special assignment from Soutaichou Genryūsai Yamamoto."
"Ah."
He was about to say more when a thump sounded from Orihime's living room. Walking in with Tōshriō in tow, he quickly spotted Ozzy, who had apparently rolled off the couch and onto the floor. He was now looking around groggily.
"Hey, Orihime? Ozzy's up."
"Be there in a second!"
"I thought he was supposed to go back last week..." Tōshirō said, looking at the dazed albino in front of him. "Why is he still here?" At the sound of his voice, Ozzy's head shot up and he began staring back at him.
"Apparently the repairs are taking longer than they thought they would. They should be done sometime this week, though. And anyways- I think Orihime enjoys his company."
The cheery girl in question entered the room soon after, preventing Tōshirō from saying anything else. "Ozzy~! Are you hungry?" she sang out, gently picking him up.
Ozzy began growling and kicking his hind legs.
Startled by his behavior, she put him back down on the floor before he could bite her, taking a step back. He just sat back on his haunches and glared at Tōshirō.
"Um... Okay... Ozzy? Do you, uh, want a carrot? I know you love them," she said nervously, walking to her fridge. Ozzy had never acted like that (at least not to her), and she was freaking out.
Tōshirō took a step back from the mutant bunny, who in turn hopped towards him.
"Orihime?" Rangiku called, the uneasiness clear in her voice. "Can you hurry with that carrot? Ozzy doesn't seem to like Taichou..."
"I-I'm trying!" she called back, rummaging through her fridge. 'Where did I put those carrots?'
Suddenly, an awful thought came to her, causing her to freeze. Turning around slowly, she was met with the worst sight possible in this situation.
She had left the carrots out.
On the counter.
In the sun.
And they had dried up.
She went back into the living room, where Ozzy had a certain white-haired shinigami pressed up against the wall.
Tōshirō noticed that she was empty handed and asked, "Where's the carrot?"
"Um... They went bad?" she replied, looking down.
"They WHAT?"
Ozzy looked up at Orihime, somehow appearing pissed even with all of his cuteness.
"He can't understand what you're saying, right?" Uryu asked her.
"I don't know..."
Ozzy then chose to puff up and live up to all of his mutant hollow bunny glory. Which caused everyone (Tōshirō included) to scream and run.
"AHHH!"
...
-Hueco Mundo-
"Um... Ulquiorra-sama, sir? The repairs in the East Wing are complete."
Turning to the small Arrancar who was serving as a messenger, Ulquiorra glared at his nervous form coldly.
"I do not see how this information is relevant to me. My quarters are not in the East Wing, so inform those who's are instead."
He turned back to the security monitors he had been watching, where Nnoitra appeared to be terrorizing one of the Números. She was currently trying to prevent him from groping her chest and/or anywhere else.
"I-I al-already did, sir," he stammered, his entire body shaking.
"Then continue on with your duties elsewhere."
"Ye-Yes sir."
The nameless Arrancar attempted to exit the room in an orderly fashion, but ended up practically sprinting for the door. Unfortunately for him, he bumped into someone before he could make it out. Falling back, he looked up and was met with a very unsettling sight.
"Oh? Who's this? 'Ello little one. Goin' somewhere?" Gin asked, leaning in towards the fallen Arrancar, who started freaking out. Who wouldn't if a six-foot tall, silver-haired, pedophile-type guy was looming over them?
"Ichimaru, Aizen-sama has banned you from harassing any of our personnel," Ulquiorra deadpanned, still focused on the security monitors.
"But Ulqui..."
"No buts," he said in such a serious manner that it was almost funny. "Now if you aren't busy with anything else, I believe we have a problem." He motioned at the monitor from before, where it appeared that Nnoitra's perverted nature had gotten the best of him. The Números that he had earlier been trying to grope was now on the ground, trying to beat the Spoonspada off of her while he was trying to, erm, have some fun.
"Oh dear..." Gin tilted his head and lost his usual pedo-smile as he took in the scene playing out in the West Wing. "Well, we can't have any o' our team hurt, can we? I'll go stop him in a minute. But first..." He reached into his pocket, retrieving several small objects. "Candy?" he asked, offering them to the two Arrancar in the room with him.
"Ichimaru," Ulquiorra warned.
"Aww... Yer no fun. Oh well. See ya, Ulqui-la-la!" Gin said cheerfully, waving before flash-stepping away to go prevent Nnoitra from causing any further harm.
Ulquiorra glanced back at the monitors for a second, seeing Gin escorting the Números away and scolding Nnoitra. He then shifted his gaze to the small messenger, who was still on the floor. "Do not take anything from him," he warned. "Ever."
He nodded before scampering out of the room.
The Cuatro once more returned his eyes to the monitors, specifically, the ones showing the East Wing. It being fixed meant that he could return.
Time to make a call.
...
"For the love of... Now I know why Ichigo was so anxious to get rid of him. That thing's a monster!"
Orihime, Uryu, Rangiku, and Tōshirō had fled the apartment. Ozzy, throwing an apparent temper tantrum, had chased them around for at least half an hour before they finally managed to lose him.
"I-I've never seen Ozzy act like that..." Orihime said, leaning against a building, trying to regain her breath.
"Why... Why was he trying to eat Hyōrinmaru?" Tōshirō asked, clutching his zanpakuto to his chest, still protecting it from Ozzy's fangs.
"I don't know but... we need to... catch him before... he hurts someone," Uryu managed to get out, pausing for breath in between phrases.
"Yes... Renji, Rukia, and Chad can help-" The rest of the short captain's sentence was cut off by him being hit and almost smothered by Rangiku's gigantic breasts.
"Taichou~! I -hic- don't want to chase -hic- Ozzy around~!" she whined, taking a swig from the bottle she was grasping while still clutching her captain to her massive chest.
Tōshirō just barely managed to escape from her deathgrip and fell to the floor, not that she noticed. "Ma- Matsumoto..." he growled.
"How the heck is she already drunk?" Uryu asked, staring at the woman currently staggering around the alley singing what sounded like a variation of The Beer Song.
"That's Matsumoto for you..." Tōshirō said, watching his lieutenant to make sure she didn't hurt herself.
"Um... Where did Rangiku get sake?" Orihime questioned while leading her drunken friend back into the alley so she didn't wander into the street.
"Who knows?"
"Tō-Tōshirō? Rangiku? What are you guys doing here?" Ichigo, who had been responding to a Hollow Alert, had noticed the group's panicked spiritual pressure and followed it to the alley, where he was now standing with a confused look on his face.
"Hitsugaya-Taichou..." Tōshirō reminded him. He didn't acknowledge it.
"Oh! Kurosaki-kun! Well... You see..."
"Uh... Ozzy... Kind of escaped," Uryu finished for her.
"He WHAT? How? Why'd you let him- AH!" His questioning was cut short by Rangiku glomping him and nearly smothering someone for the second time that day.
"Ichigo~!"
"G-get off! C-can't... Can't br-breath..." he said, thought it sounded more like this to the people around him- "Mmm! Mmnph Mnnnph!"
While Uryu and Orihime rushed in to pull her off Ichigo, Tōshirō simply remarked, "You know, that's the same thing she did to me..."
Later, after the group had returned to Orihime's apartment and laid the passed-out Rangiku down on the couch, they sat down to talk. Rukia, Renji, and Chad had shown up soon after; Chad mostly because of how cute Ozzy was in his normal form. He had never witnessed the mutant bunny's rage himself, so he figured everyone was just over exaggerating things.
"We really need to catch that thing..."
"He has a name... Can you use it, Hitsugaya-kun?"
"Hitsugaya-Taichou... And he's just another hollow now."
"Hmm..."
"He likes carrots, right? We could set a trap."
"Uryu, he's a raging mess right now. I don't think carrots are going to cut it."
"Hmm..."
"Chad? Do you have an idea?"
"...Is he as cute as Orihime says?"
"When he's not raging, yes, but that's beside the point."
'Ichigo, don't put him back in here...' Zangetsu called from Ichigo's mindscape.
'I won't.'
'King! I know how you can catch him.'
'I know I'm going to regret asking this, but... How?'
'Rocket launcher.'
Ichigo actually groaned out loud when he heard his hollow say that.
"What's wrong, Kurosaki-kun?" Orihime asked, starting to worry.
"My hollow... He wants me to blow Ozzy up with a rocket launcher..."
"Uh, okay. Can anyone say 'Random'?" Renji said, raising a tattooed eyebrow.
"...Random..." Rangiku mumbled, half asleep on the couch.
"Well, don't listen to him," Tōshirō told Ichigo, who was still arguing with his hollow. He continued to ignore his lieutenant, who was now half on and half off the couch.
"Ichigo, your hollow is insane," Rukia declared, crossing her arms.
"You think I don't know that?"
Just then, a cell phone began to going off. Orihime plucked the phone from her pocket and flipped it open. "Hello?"
"Halloween?" Ichigo questioned, finding the movie theme to be an odd ringtone choice for his joy-filled friend. She shushed him.
"Uh-huh... Really?... That's great!"
"What's great?" Renji asked her.
Putting her hand over the receiver, Orihime said in a hushed tone, "Ozzy can go home today! ...Oh., yes, I'm still here..."
"Uh, Orihime? That would have been good news about an hour ago, but Ozzy's kinda on the run right now..." Ichigo reminded her, shifting in his seat uncomfortably.
She froze up. "Um, five o'clock?" She glanced at the clock on the wall. Four o'clock. "Isn't that a bit early? ...Oh, no, nothing's wrong. It's just... I'm not lying! Really!"
"Orihime, you're talking to an Arrancar on your phone. Who can fire ceros. Maybe you should tell the truth."
"Wait, she's talking to an Arrancar?" Tōshirō asked, his eyes narrowing.
"They have phones in Hueco Mundo?" Renji asked.
"Apparently so..." Rukia answered.
Orihime shushed them again. "Um, well, actually... I'm getting there! ...Okay, well you see...Ozzy escaped then Kurosaki-kun found him and brought him back and then the carrots dried up and he attacked us and then escaped again and now he's lost please don't be mad!" she said without taking a breath.
There was a long period of silence where not even the talkative people in the room made a sound. And then...
"HE WHAT?"
"Please don't be mad!"
"Wow..." Ichigo breathed. Whoever was on the other end of that line must have, like, exploded if his voice to be so loud on this end when the phone wasn't even on speaker.
"We'll get him back! I promise! ...No, you don't need to come here... Yes, we can handle it... Um, okay, bye."
She closed her phone and turned to the group. "Okay! We have until six to find Ozzy."
"Good. Now we just have to figure out how..."
"Orihime," Uryu began. "You said, 'We have until six'... What happens after that?"
She looked at him. "...I don't know. He didn't say..."
...
-Hueco Mundo-
Everyone heard the shout. Everyone. Harribel heard it from her quarters. Szayel heard it from his lab. Tōsen heard it while giving Wonderwiess a bath. Aizen nearly spilled his tea when he heard it. Heck, even the poor Números Grimmjow had been beating up heard it.
And they all had the same reaction.
"...Ulquiorra?"
Meanwhile, the Cuatro was deep in thought. That thing that they had decided to name 'Ozzy', loose in the World of the Living? That could be disastrous. Not that he really cared about the weak souls there, but... His owner wouldn't be happy if he was killed.
"Damn, that was you that shouted?"
Ulquiorra turned to find Grimmjow leaning on the door frame of the security room.
"What do you want, Grimmjow?" he asked calmly.
"Will you stop sayin' my name like that?"
"I believe I am pronouncing it right."
"No, it's the way ya say it! Grimmjow..." the Sexta said, mimicking Ulquiorra's monotone voice the best he could. "It's like your freakin' in love with me!"
"I do not pronounce it any different than other names."
"Yes you do!"
"No, I do not."
"Fine. Say Szayel's name."
"I am not going to play your games, Grimmjow."
"There! See, you did it again! Say. Szayel's. Name."
"If it will make you leave me alone, then fine. Szayel Aporro Granz."
"Okay, now say mine."
"..."
"Say it."
"...Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez."
"See! You say it weird!"
"That's because your name sounds French, Grimmjow," Harribel said, entering the room.
"It does not!"
"I'll be taking over now," she told Ulquiorra, ignoring Grimmjow, who was saying his name repeatedly, trying to determine if it was French.
"You're on security duty now?" he asked Harribel, who nodded.
"Aizen is switching up our duties for some reason..."
Ulquiorra nodded in reply and began to head out the door.
"Hey," Grimmjow called out to him. "Are ya going to the World of The Living? You know, to get that... Thing?"
"At six. He escaped. If the woman cannot retrieve him by then, then we will have to go."
...
-Ichigo's Mindscape-
"Zanny? ...Zanny~! Where are you?"
Ogihci was walking through the skyscrapers, trying to find Zangetsu, who had disappeared after Ozzy had gone ballistic in the real world. From what the hollow could gather, the sword was afraid that Ozzy would drink the rest of his sake, so he was guarding it. The only problem was, Ogihci had no clue where Zangetsu's stash was now. He had moved it.
"Zanny!"
The sound of breaking glass filtered through soon after that.
Ogihci tried to peer into one of the rooms through one of the windows, but couldn't see anything. Like something was blocking it...
So he found the entrance to the building and entered, quickly locating Zangetsu.
He just stood there for a second, taking in his surroundings. And then he took in the sword's appearance. He stood there for a few minutes, shocked.
Zangetsu was sitting in the center of the room, sipping from a bottle. He was surrounded by dozens and dozens of boxes with labels such as 'sake', 'whiskey', and Ogihci's personal favorite, which the sword had undoubtedly labeled while drunk, 'Who Gives a Fuck as Long as it Gets Me Drunk'. He also had his pole, which had somehow become dislodged in the short time that Ogihci had lost track of him, clutched protectively to his chest. To complete his "I'm Drunk as Hell!" look, the old man was wearing a large, pink, floppy hat on his head.
"Err, Zanny?"
The sword slowly turned his head to look at him. "Clowns..." he mumbled, shivering.
"What? No, there aren't any clowns," Ogihci said, stepping towards Zangetsu. "How many drinks have you had, Zanny?"
"...Clowns... No! You won't steal my soul!" Zangetsu yelled at the hollow, waving his emo pole and a now broken bottle at him.
"Woah. Calm down. There are no clowns, and I'm not going to steal your soul."
"No! Stay away!"
Ogihci sighed. Since when was he the mature one?
Walking up to the window, he found it to be covered with tinfoil.
"Uh... Zanny? Why's this here?" he asked, tugging at the material.
"To block out the alien tractor beams."
"Ah..."
Tearing away the tinfoil despite Zangetsu's protests and opening the window, Ogihci leaned out and shouted as loud as he could.
...
5:02 pm
"Damn... How can a giant mutant hollow bunny hide so well in this town?"
"Well, he could've returned to his cute form."
"No, Orihime. He's still raging. Can't you feel his spiritual pressure?"
"Um... Oh Yeah! Uryu, can't you track him by that?"
"No. I don't know what it is, but while you can sense his spiritual pressure, you can't trace it. It's odd..."
"We should just stop and rest here. Orihime looks like she's about to pass out."
"Tōshirō's right. Why are you running with us again, Orihime?"
"Guy's, don't worry about me! I'm..."
"Orihime!"
"Great. She passed out."
The group had been running around Karakura town for about an hour searching for Ozzy. Chad had stayed back at Orihime's house to keep watch on Rangiku and to make sure Ozzy didn't come back while they were gone. Orihime had decided to tag along for some reason, though.
While they stopped and rested near a park, Rukia and Uryu tried to wake Orihime up while Ichigo, Tōshirō, and Renji talked about what to do about the current situation.
"Maybe he would be attracted to a high amount of spiritual pressure... Other hollows are," Tōshirō said after a moment of thought.
"What about Uryu's hollow bait? That could work..." Ichigo suggested.
"Okay, one- I'm never going to use that around you again. Not after last time. Two- I'm not sure if that would work on him, and we don't need to deal with a swarm of hollows right now."
"Well, what other things does he like?" Renji asked Ichigo, since Orihime was still passed out on the ground.
"Let's see... Carrots, that rabbit food, those weird toys he has... Uh, and I think he likes candy and sake too..."
"Wait, candy and sake? Where'd he get those?" Tōshirō questioned.
"Uh, well when he disappeared last time, he somehow ended up in my inner world... My hollow and zanpakuto- they like candy and sake. So they both have stashes. And Ozzy... Kinda got into those stashes? That's why he was passed out..." Ichigo explained. "Well anyways, I'm pretty sure he likes those things. And Zangetsu's emo pole..."
"Emo pole?"
"He just stands on it all day acting all emo, so yeah."
"Ichigo, your mind's screwed up," Renji commented.
"I know. Oh, and Ozzy really doesn't like Zangetsu, if it help any."
"He doesn't like your zanpakuto? That might be useful..."
Ichigo didn't hear the rest of Tōshirō's sentence. Ogihci's yelling was much to loud.
'KING! GET IN HERE! ZANNY'S DRUNK AND COMPLETELY INSANE!'
He sighed. "Look, apparently my zanpakuto is completely wasted right now, so I have to go deal with that now..." he told them before entering him mindscape, leaving his unconscious body behind.
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"Kurosaki-kun's zanpakuto is drunk?"
"Oh good, Orihime. You're awake."
"Oh, Rukia! I'm so sorry I passed out..."
"It's not your fault. Just go back home and help Chad, okay?"
"Um, okay." With that, she ran off in the direction of her house.
Everyone stayed silent, watching her go. Then Ichigo came back.
"Okay, problem solved. Ogihci's trying to sober him up now."
"You're... Letting your hollow sober him up?"
"Yeah. He's too afraid I'll take away his candy stash away if he hurts him." Ichigo paused as if he was listening to someone.
The group shared a glance before continuing on.
"Well, we could try the spiritual pressure method Hitsugaya pointed out," Uryu said.
"No, you can't make him watch Two Girls, One Cup... Just because he did doesn't mean you should. And it's not going to help him sober up!"
"Who're you talking to?" Renji asked him.
"Ogihci... He's trying to torture Zangetsu."
"Uh..."
"Well, it's not my fault he's insane... Yes you are... Do you want me to come in there?... You aren't supposed to say yes!... I don't care if you're bored. Just sober Zangetsu up!... No! That should NOT involve hitting him with a guitar! Especially a death-metal one!"
"A guitar?"
"Really, don't ask."
"...Well, now we've got to figure out how we're- WAH!"
As Uryu was talking, no one noticed the giant psycho-bunny creeping up behind him (somehow). Until it was to late.
"AHH!"
While Uryu tried to distangle Ozzy's claws from his... cape... thing... mantle... whatever you want to call it, Ichigo started to back up, as did everyone else. Inside Ichigo's head Zangetsu began to freak out again, Ogihci resulting to knocking him out before he hurt himself.
"Kidō him! Kidō him!" Uryu shouted at the shinigami present, but they had all gone into a state of shock upon seeing Ozzy.
"Guys!" Ichigo yelled at the others. "Freakin' kidō him already!"
This seemed to snap them out of it. Rukia chanted- "Bakudō #61. Rikujōkōrō!" sending six wide beams of light at Ozzy, which slammed into him, leaving him completely immobalized.
Retrieving their navy-haired friend, the group stood there for a while, trying to decide on what to do.
"We should probably try to get him to Orihime's..." Tōshirō said, still freaked out over Ozzy's sudden appearance.
"Yeah..." Ichigo agreed. "But how-"
He stopped talking when a loud cracking sound rang out. The whole group whipped around towards Ozzy, hoping that it wasn't what they thought it was.
It was.
The kidō restraining Ozzy was breaking. And when it broke, Ozzy was pissed.
"Shit... RUN!"
"How-" Tōshirō wasn't able to finish as Ichigo grabbed him and dragged him out of Ozzy's path of bunny-rage.
"Kurosaki!" the child-sized captain, who was being carried under Ichigo's arm as the group ran, yelled. "Put me down!"
"Right. Sorry!" he said, stopping and letting Tōshirō go recklessly, sending him flying into a tree. Ichigo's hand went to his zanpakuto's hilt.
"Ichigo, wait! You can't hurt Ozzy!" Rukia exclaimed, coming to a stop next to him.
"Hey, he wasn't even hurt when Zangetsu and Ogihci went Bankai! He just got a haircut!" Ichigo replied, unsheathing Zangetsu and springing at the bunny.
Uryu sighed, manifesting his bow. This was going to be a long day.
...
-Hueco Mundo-
5:30
"Ulquiorra. You had something you wanted to discuss with me?" Aizen said calmly, taking a sip from his tea.
"Yes, Aizen-sama," the Quatro replied, bowing respectfully before continuing. "As I'm certain that you are aware of, the repairs on the East Wing were recently completed. This being said, a certain... Resident of that wing, Ozzy, will be able to return today. I would like your permission to visit the World of The Living to retrieve him."
"Of coarse, my dear Cuatro. This... Ozzy as you call him, he's the 'mutant hollow bunny', correct? The one that Szayel wants to study?" the ex-shinigami asked, taking another sip from his tea.
"Yes sir, but I believe-"
"Hey Ulquiorra!" Grimmjow roared as he barged into Aizen's throne room.
Aizen, who actually seemed surprised at the Sexta's unruley entry, seemed to be about to say something, but Ulquiorra beat him to it.
"Trash. Can't you see that I am speaking to Aizen-sama?" he asked, visibly annoyed.
"Yeah, but you were the one arguing with me earlier about this! Googled it- my name's not French!"
"Yes it is, Grimmjow," Harribel said as she emerged from the shadows to their right.
"No, it ain't! And quit saying my name like that!"
"Actually," Szayel popped in from a side entrance. "Jacques is a fairly common French name. Therefore, he is French," he informed everyone.
"Szayel, you're not helping. You and your gayness get out!" Grimmjow yelled, pointing at him.
"I'm not gay!" he replied, flabbergasted. "I'm as straight as a circle!"
"That makes you gay!"
"Does not!"
"Does to!"
"What is going on in here?" Tōsen asked, entering from where Szayel had.
"JUSTICE!" the pink-haired man yelled, sonidoing out of the room.
'Why are so many of my Espada showing up in here?' Aizen thought, looking around at Grimmjow, Harribel, Ulquiorra, Baraggan (who had shown up for some reason and was now staring at Harribel), and Starrk, who was sleeping in the corner.
Tōsen shrugged and left the room.
"Hey, bitches!" Nnoitra screeched, popping up in all of his Spoonman glory from behind Aizen's throne, making him jump. "Ya seen my copy o' Hustler anywhere?"
"No, and porn is now banned from all parts of Las Noches except living quarters, Nnoitra," Aizen told him, running a hand through his slicked back hair. "You've scarred too many Arrancar by looking at it while on patrol."
Nnoitra grumbled, walking a few feet away and pouting.
"Alright, will everyone who's not Ulquiorra get ou-"
Aizen was interrupted by Charlotte Chuhlhourne skipping into the room, wearing nothing but, to everyone's horror, a g-string. The scantily-clad man (I think?) stopped directly in front of Aizen, picked up his teacup and tea kettle, and, in front of his horrified audience, dumped it over his head, allowing the warm liquid to drip down his body. Shaking his head and spraying everyone with his hair-tea, he did one of his poses, winked, and ran out of the room. *
The gathered Espada and their leader just stood there for several minutes, trying to process the disturbing sight that had just played out in front of them.
"What... The... Fuck..." Nnoitra said, looking stunned.
"Remind me why we keep him?" Aizen asked to no one in particular.
"Because Baraggan would throw a hissy fit if you killed him," Starrk replied, having woken up to Charlotte's 'performance'.
"Ah."
Ulquiorra just stood there looking traumatized for a few seconds before turning back to Aizen. "So... That is a yes?"
"...Yes."
"Thank you, Aizen-sama," he said before turning and walking out, that priceless look still on his face.
"...You can all leave now."
Everyone departed, still shocked. Then Gin showed up.
"Aww... You were havin' a party an' didn' invite me? What'd I miss?"
"...Not much."
...
-The World of The Living-
5:45
"AH! What the hell is wrong with this thing?" Renji cursed as he was being dragged around by his zanpakuto, which had become lodged in Ozzy's hollow hole.
No matter what they did, it didn't seem to be helping. Tōshirō had tried freezing the bunny- he had shattered it and eaten his captian's haori. Rukia tried the same thing- Sode no Shirayuki nearly ended up in Ozzy's stomach. Ichigo tried firing a Getsuga Tensho at him- he dodged and attacked. And when Uryu tried shooting his arrows at him- he freaking ate them.
Things weren't looking good for the group, and things took a turn for the worse when Orihime decided to show up.
"Kurosaki-kun!" she cried, seeing Ichigo getting thrown into a tree by Ozzy.
"Orihime! No, stay back!" He heard footsteps approaching from behind. Turning, he once again found himself with a face full of cleavage, courtesy of a still drunk Rangiku.
Managing to pull his face from the two massive objects intent on killing him, he told her, "Rangiku! Go! He'll kill you! And will you stop drinking that?" He snatched away the sake bottle that had appeared from somewhere within her shihakushō.
'Huh. Maybe that's what her giant rack's for...' Ogihci pondered within his head.
'Sh-shutup!'
Rangiku shakily turned to Ozzy, who was looming over her. She squinted slightly, trying to focus. Ozzy cocked his head to the side in confusion and slight agitation, wondering why this one wasn't running.
"Matsumoto! Get over here now!" Tōshirō yelled from the sidelines.
Ozzy roared, and Rangiku's eye's widened. Then she did something that surprised everyone.
"You!" the blond roared at the massive creature in front of her, staggering towards him with a shaky finger pointed. "Don't you -hic- know not to -hic- yell at a lady? -hic-"
That was surprising enough, but then Ozzy backed away from her. Yes, Ozzy the mutant hollow bunny was backing away from the lazy drunk. Go figure.
As Rangiku released all of her alcohol-induced bitch-rage on the poor creature, the rest of the group just stood back, amazed.
"Wow... Who knew Rangiku's drinking would actually be useful for once?" Renji remarked.
"That's... Surprising," Tōshirō said, sweat-dropping.
"Yeah..." Orihime agreed, looking down at her watch and gasping.
"What is it? What's wrong?" Ichigo asked her.
"It's... Five fifty-nine," she said. "...Six."
"Well, where were you supposed to take him?"
"Um... He said, 'Be with Ozzy when I come to retrieve him. Location is not relevant- I will find you'."
"Orihime... Who's 'He'?" Renji asked her.
"Ulquiorra," she said, glancing at Ichigo while turning a bit pink. He was too busy watching Rangiku terrorize Ozzy to notice.
Before anyone could say or ask anyone else, the familiar static-like sound of a garganta opening was heard. They all looked behind them to see the rip opening up, revealing four Arrancar standing just beyond the opening, staring at the one sided bitch-off currently going on with amusement.
"-hic- And that fur coat you're -hic- wearing... Hideous!" Rangiku spat, waving something that looked suspiciously like a rubber chicken at her victim.
"Che... A crazy chick with big jugs and a rubber chicken?" Grimmjow asked, unimpressed. "That's who's dealing with the big, scary bunny?"
"Uh... Well, she's drunk now, but there's a good chance she's crazy too, so... Yeah," Ichigo said, watching Ozzy cower as Rangiku hit him over the nose with her chicken.
Ulquiorra looked at Orihime, slightly raising a eyebrow as if to ask 'Really?'. She just smiled awkwardly back.
"Look, can you guys just grab Ozzy so we can go back?" Starrk asked, yawning. "I want to finish my nap..."
"Lazy-ass."
"Hey, at least I don't get high on catnip on the weekends."
"What? I do not!"
"Oh yeah! That was awesome!" Lilynette exclaimed as she squeezed past the arguing Starrk and Grimmjow. They looked down at her, the Sexta in annoyance and the Primera in amusement before continuing.
"Well, they seem to be having fun," Rukia commented, crossing her arms.
"Yeah, it's almost like they're family," Uryu replied.
Grimmjow huffed, stepping out of the garganta, the others following. "So, how're we gonna get the overgrown bastard home?"
"Your friend... Can you get her away from Ozzy?" Ulquiorra asked Orihime, who nodded.
"Don't you -hic- backtalk me!" Rangiku yelled.
"Um, Ranguku? It's time to calm down now..." Orihime said softly, grabbing her friend's arm. "Ozzy is unfashionable and rude... Just back away now."
With a hmph, the drunken lieutenant was led away, her chicken confiscated.
Ulquiorra walked up beside Grimmjow. "Does anyone have any carrots?"
"No?" Grimmjow answered, looking at his fellow Espada like he was nuts.
"They are his favorite type of food, Grimmjow," Ulquiorra told him.
"Seriously? Gah... Say 'Grim'."
Ulquiorra gave him a tired look. "If I do, will you focus on the task at hand?"
"Maybe."
"...Grim."
"Say 'Jow'."
"...Jow."
"Now put them together. 'Grimmjow'."
"I am not a toddler, Grimmjow," Ulquiorra replied calmly.
"Why do you people say it like that?"
While the two Espada stood by arguing about Ulquiorra's pronunciation of Grimmjow's name, everyone else just stood by, sweat-dropping.
"Do they always fight like this?" Ichigo asked Starrk and Lilynette.
"Unfortunately," Starrk replied.
"Grimmjow always starts fights," Lilynette explained. "Basically, he just likes pissing people off."
"Why's he so mad about that?" Orihime asked. "Isn't that how everyone says his name? 'Grimmjow'?"
"Yes... It's just the fact that Ulquiorra's the one saying it that pisses him off. Punks and emos don't mix," he said with a sigh, turning back towards Ozzy, who was just sitting there, confused.
"Well, I guess we should- wait Lilynette!" Starrk exclaimed, trying to stop the young Arrancar from rushing up to Ozzy, who now looked like he wanted to kill everyone.
"Hey Ozzy! You ready to go home?" she asked, standing directly in front of him, smiling warmly. He just stared at her.
"He's agitated. It would be best to stay away from him," Ulquiorra told her.
"Ozzy won't hurt me. See? He's perfectly-" She had been reaching out to pet Ozzy when a growl cut through the air.
"Uh, Ozzy?" she asked, backing away a bit.
Ozzy roared, then charged Lilynette. She dodged and sonidoed away, but Tōshirō, who had been standing behind her, wasn't so lucky. The albino knocked him down, bit the back of his shihakushō, and jerked him into the air.
"Tōshirō!"
"Taichou~!"
The only response the midget-captain was able to get out was a yell as Ozzy, with him in tow, ran past the surprised Arrancar and through the garganta that had been left open, entering Hueco Mundo.
"What the..." Grimmjow said as Ozzy passed, turning towards the portal.
"Hey, if you don't want Ozzy to eat him, you might want to help catch him," Lilynette told Tōshirō's group.
"Eat him? How do you know he'll do that?"
"You'll have to trust her on that one," Starrk answered before going through the garganta.
"Are ya comin' or what?" Grimmjow snarled over him shoulder, following Starrk's lead.
"It's probably a trap. Don't go," Rukia said, grabbing Ichigo's shoulder to stop him.
"It's not a trap, trash," Ulquiorra coldly told her.
"Ozzy will eat your friend if you don't catch him. That's what he does when he's raging," Lilynette said, walking towards the garganta.
"How do you know that?" Rukia asked.
Looking over her shoulder, the small Arrancar said softly, "Because. He's mine."
After a second of thought, Tōshirō's group followed the Arrancar into Hueco Mundo, hoping to save their friend from the raging Ozzy.
*- Supreme Overlord of Everything- There you go! Aizen's tea- dumped. Bet you weren't expecting me to do it that way though, huh?
A/N- Well then. I'll bet none of you guys were suspecting Lilynette, were you?
In case anyone's wondering- Ogihci has NO idea how to sober someone up. That's why he's trying to hit Zangetsu with things. And his innocence has been RUINED! XD (I'm sorry! I just had to!)
Ogihci- You bastard! That wasn't funny!
...Moving on.
I'm soooo sorry you guys had to wait so long for this. I had some exams and all hell is starting to break loose in my school... Family problems and such are popping up. You know, life stuff. I've got good news, though. The next chapter is all typed out and everything, for once. I'll probably post it in a few days, maybe sooner. Depends on if I feel like teasing you guys or not. :P
Review! If you do, maybe Tōshirō won't end up as rabbit chow. (Joking... Or am I? O.O)