Ryxl and I put our heads together and decided between Prim's training with her mother and Johanna's people in Seven there would be some knowledge of plant life that could help purge things like morphling from someone's system to help them be clearer headed.
Warnings of some brief recollections of childhood abuse in this chapter. I eat but it's mostly wooden motion open mouth, close mouth, chew, swallow, drink my water. They check my vitals take more blood, ask me questions about what I remember from yesterday.
We talk about the goat, the cave, her. What do I feel when my fists are clenching? What do I feel when my teeth are grinding together? Some of these words sound familiar.
Then tapes and drugs. People in trees. People in clothes. People in caves. People so bold. Blacks and reds, blonde and dark. I feel them floating away from me even as I try to hold on to them, the cold and heaviness in my limbs drags me away from what they're saying and pulls me through the ground until everything is on top of me and I'm a small point beneath a big tower that's going to topple over.
Bright lights in my eyes again, clicking noises, and shadows moving in, out and away.
"Peeta," a foggy, soft whisper.
My head is full of sludge as I try to turn towards the noise.
"Peeta?" it repeats, more concerned. Weight shifts as she sits on the bed near me and takes my face gently with her hands and turns it so that I can properly see her face. She's slightly blurry but I can make her out, the blonde crown and the up turned corners of a smile, "Hey..." there's something moving across my field of vision a blurry shape that makes her eyes disappear for a moment, "That's good," she says. She's coming more into focus as I blink.
"Hey," my tongue feels too big for my mouth. The word doesn't come out correctly.
She gives me water which helps.
"Johanna's going to be in later. You remember Johanna?"
I nod but things go blurry again, "Baldie..."
"Yes," she says, "She's going to bring Delly with her. Hopefully the three of you can talk about some things, and do some positive work without video or drug intrusion, which is why I have this for you." She pulls a tiny ball out of the pocket of her pinafore. It's about the size of a fingernail. It's an old smell, as she holds it towards my face, something I haven't experienced for ages. For a moment I'm partly burying myself under a pile of leaves and then I'm back in the bed again, "Hold this in your cheek," she says, "It'll help clear your head. Though...it does make some people throw up..." she warns, pulling an apologetic face, and offering me more water, "...but the drugs are out of your system one way or another."
"That's faster," I point out.
"True, if it doesn't. Well, either way I'll be in to..." she looks slightly embarrassed, "...help you to the bathroom," she helps me pouch the ball which seems to be some sort of moss in my cheek, and I drink some more water. She puts a bucket by the side of the bed, and slips back out of the room.
I'm one of the fortunate ones who does not throw up, it seems.
After we're sorted and Prim sets me up with means to wash myself, she also leaves me a pair of pants and a shirt and then goes out of the door. It's so strange to be free of the shackles to have a semblance of clothes and the means to walk around, unsteady as I feel on my feet. I find myself knocking on the walls to make sure they're there. There's a beep from the door area and then it opens and Johanna comes in with someone else.
"Well, hey, you look almost human!" Johanna remarks, "This is Delly, Blondie, remember? You guys...grew up together?"
"Yes," the girl introduced as Delly nods, "We lived very close together in the Merchant District. I would tell people he was my big brother when we were growing up. I mean, we're the same age, but look at him," she gives a smile.
I find myself scratching the back of my head and feeling sort of sheepish, especially because the things she's saying aren't all that familiar. I do...remember something...
"Chalk drawings?"
"Yes!" she says, excitedly.
"I remember you talking about it," I clarify, "In here. I don't really remember doing them. Don't get too excited," I lean against the wall and sit down.
"We gotta get some comfy stuff in here if they're going to make you stay in this hole," Johanna remarks, sitting down across from me, and inviting Delly to sit down too, she does so cautiously, "I know we've been uncomfy for months that doesn't mean it's gotta stay that way. I've got plans to go out to Twelve to see if we can get some things from your place? Can you...think of anything you might...want?"
"No."
"Nothing at all?" she presses.
"No! Alright?"
Delly scoots back a little.
"Okay..." Johanna says, "Shit. Just see if something floats in there while we're talking. No pressure," she waves a hand towards me, "It's okay. It really is. I was just...hoping. I have some ideas though. Prim and I were talking. If we can get up there. They're trying to keep me grounded but I will hijack a plane if I have to."
Delly looks over at Johanna with wonder.
"You do see what I have already done," Johanna points out, "You best believe I was trying to many ways to get out of things back there, but the first time I popped a thumb and got out of a wrist thing they changed my shackles..." she shakes her head, "but we're not here to talk about me. We're here to help Blondie. So, tell us, what was he like as a kid? What sort of trouble did he get into?"
"Peeta, wasn't really a get in trouble type of kid..." Delly says.
"Why am I not surprised?" Johanna replies, "Nothing at all? Never ever?"
"Not really..." Delly turns her lip around, "I mean, him and his brothers would rough house, obviously. There'd be bumps and bruises here and there, you know?"
"Useless. Can't leave you to watch anything! Why do I ever ask you to do anything?" I know where to turn so the rolling pin will still hit but not hurt quite so much.
"Did you remember something?" Johanna asks.
"No."
"This doesn't work if you don't keep it real, Blondie."
I sigh, "It wasn't anything good."
"Ah," she says, "Moving on," she turns back to Delly, "So, no climbing roofs or sneaking off into the woods or anything?"
"Oh, no!" Delly shakes her head, fervently, "The woods are so dangerous! None of us would dare go out there, that's why Kat—that's why..." she trails off toying with her fingers and looks at me warily.
"Poachers?" Johanna offers.
"Uh, yes," Delly agrees, quickly, "Are so amazing, because they were willing to go out into all that, and they could manage and come back alive. I could never imagine how sh—they did it. There's so many things out there..."
"Uh-huh," Johanna apparently doesn't believe these things that Delly is saying. I'm not sure why. If she brought her in here to help me why would she...why would she want someone to come in here who would tell lies? This doesn't make sense. Johanna shakes her head, "Woods aren't all that dangerous. You were just told that to keep you...never mind now's not the time for that. Let's talk about something else. Sorry, Blondie. I didn't...intend to..." She leans her head onto her knees.
"No, it's fine. We'll just talk about lies. That's super helpful."
"Yes, and get pissy with the people who are trying to help you. That's super helpful too," she counters.
Delly smiles, "I like you," she says to Johanna.
Johanna laughs, "Okay, more...if there's nothing exciting from childhood that might jar something loose; what about teen years? Did you guys sneak out after hours to...I don't know—what do you guys do for fun in Twelve?"
"Well, we would hang out with Guwar. He's—he was," she corrects, "the blacksmith's middle son. You and he were really good friends, Peeta. You were together at school a lot," her words are running together, but then she stops, "I don't..." she looks at Johanna.
"What did he look like?" Johanna prompts.
"He wasn't as tall as Peeta, but not by much," she says, leaning in to point to the top of my ear, "and his hair was dark, growing up there was teasing about Seam blood," she chews on her lip.
"Seam blood?" Johanna asks.
"People from the other side of the District—the miners, they're mostly darker. I mean, you've seen Kah—um...but anyway, people are just mean."
"You're so polite," Johanna says, "It's cute."
Why would you make him walk up all those steps, Delly Cartwright? I thought I taught you better manners.
"Anyway, Peeta would get on them if they started it and I guess that's how they got to be friends?" Delly falters, "They had all sorts of weird jokes."
"Like what?" Johanna asks.
"Why was she mad about stairs?" I ask.
"What?" Delly and Johanna ask.
I feel embarrassed for a moment, "I just—something came to me. A woman...it was a..." hold on to it, please brain, "cold morning and wooden railing, and a white door, and you...you were opening it and she was behind you, far back in—in another room and she said "Why would you make him walk up all those steps, Delly Cartwright? I thought I taught you better manners than that. Be polite next time. Meet somewhere on the ground!"" I wind up wagging my finger in a weird way.
Delly looks both really happy and as though she's about to cry. What did I do?
"That's...that was my mother, Peeta," she says, putting a hand to her mouth.
Johanna claps.
"That...that was the winter before you guys...before the tour. You'd come over because we were going to meet Guwar, and you were supposed to wait downstairs; but well what you told Mom was, you did need to practice outside stairs, with the new leg and everything and because you're you and you're utterly charming, everything got smoothed over and she practically offered for you to come use our stairs as a personal training area..." Delly looks so excited you'd think we'd discovered a secret stash of medicine and food supplies.
"Awesome!" Johanna says and pats my ankle.
Is it going to be like this every time? I remembered one tiny thing and it wasn't even that great. The rest of everything is still a tangled mess. It was walking up a stair case. Go me.
"Don't look so sour, Blondie," Johanna goes on, "This is just the first step. It's going to take a while, but this is good, okay?"
"If you say so."
"I do say so," she persists, "So stop looking so grumpy," She pats Delly on the leg, and gets up to go to the door, "Go on. Go on. What else happened that day?"
"Well, Peeta was going to be leaving for a few weeks and it was the only day that Guwar and I both weren't working before then so we were all spending time together..."
Johanna opens the door and I hear her murmuring back and forth to someone.
"Peeta," Delly says, knocking on the floor next to me.
I turn to her, "Sorry. I'm a bit paranoid still, I guess."
"It's okay."
"We met Guwar in the square. There's—there was this park type area near the mayor's house and it had little areas we would sit and eat, you know? There were a few people who would get together and play instruments for coin sometimes. Josin is still here he played his violin during the raid to keep the children calm."
"Really?" Johanna comes back over and sits down by us, "Most excellent."
"Do I even like violin music?" I hate this. I lean my head back against the wall.
"You enjoyed it," Delly says, "I mean, if you didn't actually like it you never said. Guwar picked up things from the bakery, and the butcher and you had brought things from home and so we had food."
"Wait, Guwar picked up things from the bakery?" Johanna says, "Not Peeta?"
"No..." Delly looks a little embarrassed at that.
"Keep it real," I point out.
"You'd had a pretty big argument with your Mom a day or so before so it was better if he went there and you didn't."
"Argument?" Johanna asks.
"About what?" I add.
Now Delly hesitates. She looks to Johanna and makes a weird face. It's sideways so I'm not sure what it means. There's a beep at the door just then and Johanna goes to answer it. I'm trying to think the few things I've remembered and whether or not they would actually be true. The rolling pin attack. Her being angry with me about my being useless, but is that real? Who would know? They would; but they're dead. Delly said my brothers and I rough-housed but there's no guarantee that would have been talked about, is there?
Prim follows Johanna into the room. She's pushing a cart which she leaves by the door, "Really?" she's saying.
"Yes," Johanna answers, "but we're talking about something more serious right now."
"Not really," I point out, "Delly's too scared."
"It's not as though you haven't given me reason!" Delly snaps.
She does have a point, doesn't she? Keep hold, "So the argument was about her?"
I hear Prim tense. Johanna puts a hand on Prim's arm for a moment and then closes the distance to Delly and I.
Delly nods, "Mostly, yes," she says, "I think there was other stuff too, but that was all you would say."
Useless.
"Would bleeding to death on top of the Cornucopia have been an embarrassing death or not, out of curiosity?" She wants to hit me. She does. Right in the middle of the shop.
I feel my fists clenching.
Someone sits next to me, "You still with us, Blondie?"
"I'm sorry," Delly says.
"No," Johanna says, "We can't pussyfoot around this. She has to be talked about otherwise things are just going to keep exploding and we've already proved some of their theories wrong. He didn't just flip out immediately upon seeing Prim, did you?" she nudges me.
I manage not to attack her.
"No..." I say through gritted teeth.
"Still," Johanna says, "How about you guys go for now?"
"Are you-?" Prim starts.
Delly has already scrambled up and is going towards the door, "Good night, Peeta," she says.
But then the door is shut and Johanna and I are alone.