I can't believe her. She told me she loved me and that she'd do anything to be with me. What about that stupid promise to break up with Costia? I was so stupid. How could I think that she actually has feeling for me and that we could be together? But it felt so amazing. So real.
Clarke lays in her bed with her head buried in the pillows. She hasn't talked to Lexa in two days but she knows that the brunette will have to leave for Cambridge soon and wonders if they'll even see each other again before she's gone.
Yesterday Anya sent her a text inviting her to a party she's throwing for Lexa. She wants everyone to be together for the last night Lexa and Luna have before they leave. Clarke hasn't replied yet. The last time she saw Lexa she slapped her and told her to fuck herself. Maybe she should have just listened to what she had to say. She felt so angry at the moment and now she just misses her best friend. Her best friend. Clarke grabs her phone from the bedside table and quickly replies to Anya's text saying she'll be there. Lexa is still her best friend and if she missed the opportunity to see her again before she's gone for months she will regret it the second Lexa gets onto the plane.
Luna looks over to Lexa who just got out of bed. She looks terrible, like she hasn't slept properly in days.
"Morning." Lexa whispers before walking over to the coffee machine and pouring herself a cup of the burning hot liquid.
"What's up with you?" Luna was always a very direct person.
"What do you mean?" Lexa finally looks over to her.
"Something is bothering you." Luna states.
"No, I'm fine, just a bit tired."
"Tired because you couldn't sleep because something has been on your mind all night." Lexa rolls her eyes at her very annoying friend.
"Can we just not walk about it." Great now she knows something's wrong.
"So you're not going to tell me? Okay then I'll guess. I've seen you and Costia arguing at the party and Clarke was crying. So my guess, Clarke is totally into you but you are with Costia, so nothing can happen between you two." Luna pauses for a second to see Lexa's reaction. "Except something did happen."
At that Lexa stops what she's doing to look suspiciously at her friend. How the fuck does she know?
"No, you are so wrong." Lexa tries to laugh the whole situation off.
"Lexa." Luna sounds like a mother scowling her child for lying at her face. "I know you." Better than you think.
"You don't know anything about me, Luna!" Lexa raises her voice in defense.
"I know that you always get loud when you're uncomfortable." Lexa shuts up after that determined to run from this conversation.
"You have feelings for her." Luna follows Lexa out of the room.
"What? No way!" Lexa turns around to face the slightly taller brunette.
"Yes you do! You're just too stubborn to see that." Luna sees Lexa's expression soften a bit.
"Luna, I have a girlfriend." Luna grabs Lexa's shoulders and sits her down on the couch.
"You know when I first saw Clarke at the airport I thought she was Costia. She looked so happy and you… your whole face lit up."
"She's my best friend." Lexa justifies.
"There's more to it. I've never looked at my best friend that way… unless I've been hooking up with them and was horny at the moment." Lexa chuckles. Luna always used her humor in the most inappropriate situations. "But Lexa seriously… whatever occurred between the two of you, you need to sort it out. Can't you see that it's eating away at you?" Luna has a point and Lexa knows it. She decides to talk to her at the party. If she's going to show up. Lexa knows that she messed up but she really had no control over her actions. She still doesn't remember anything that happened.
A few hours later Lexa sits on the couch surrounded by all her friends… well Clarke hasn't arrived yet but Anya told her that she would come. Someone brought alcohol but Lexa want to be completely sober when she sees the blonde.
"Babe, what's wrong you seem so nervous?" Costia pulls her out of her thoughts. She has to think of something really quick.
"I'm just really going to miss you guys. Cambridge is beautiful I just wish you all could come with me." Costia smiles sweetly at her girlfriend and kisses her lips tenderly. Nothing.
As Costia gets up to get herself something to drink Lexa sighs. She hasn't felt anything when being close to Costia. She suddenly feels something inside of her. She feels happy all of the sudden. All of the frustration about her problem with Costia gone. Just happine-. In that moment someone rings the doorbell and Lexa gets up to open the door. As she opens it she sees Clarke standing in front of her.
"Clarke…" Lexa breathes out.
"Hey Lexa, I can go if you don't want me here." Clarke looks down at her feet but Lexa pulls her into a tight hug.
"Are you crazy! You are the person I was most excited about." She whispers into blonde hair. Did I say that out loud? "I really need to talk to you."
Clarke takes a step back and nods at the brunette. Lexa closes the door and steps outside into the house's garden. She sits down next to Clarke on a bench. After a moment of silence Lexa finally starts the conversation.
"I'm really sorry about what happened. The truth is I still don't remember anything. I know I hurt you and I feel so ashamed of myself. Clarke, I promise I didn't do it on purpose."
"You just showed up at my house and told me all those things I've always wanted to hear. The next morning, I wake up to see that you weren't you when it happened." Lexa feels even worse than before after hearing that.
"So you do have feelings for me?"
"Wasn't that obvious, Lexa? And I'm sorry too. For flirting with you at the party, I know that was a stupid idea. I mean Costia was right there." Clarke snickers at the memory but turns serious immediately after realizing that Lexa wasn't laughing. "I'm also sorry for slapping you."
Clarke puts her hand softly on Lexa's cheek right where she hit the girl in their last encounter. Lexa feels her skin tingle at the girl's touch and she takes a deep breath. Her hand is so soft.
"Hey, Lexa!" A loud voice interrupts their "moment". Anya stumbles into the garden with a drink in her hand. Lexa is pretty sure it's alcoholic.
"Come back inside guys! The party can't go on without you!" Anya then turns around and disappears inside the house. Lexa gets off the bench and reaches for Clarke's hand.
"Let's go inside." She smiles as her friend takes her hand and follows her inside. They've held hands before, they actually did that quite often but something felt different this time.
Back inside they celebrate with their closest friends for several hours. At the end of an intense round of beer pong -which Lexa was winning, as always- the brunette spots Clarke sitting on the floor with Luna. Normally she wouldn't mind it at all but Luna was sitting a little bit too close to Clarke for her liking. Their sides are touching completely and her face it constantly turned towards Clarke. If Clarke were to turn her hear to look at Luna, their faces would be millimeters apart.
An unpleasant feeling rises in Lexa. Something she hasn't felt very often before. She might feel a little bit jealous. But just a little bit. As she sees Luna put her hand on Clarke's leg she realizes what she was to stubborn to see sooner. She was very jealous.
She quickly wins the beer pong game and goes to stand in one of the corners of the living room where she can see directly at Luna's face. She tries to throw her friend glares but Luna is too occupied with Clarke to notice her.
Little does she know Luna has felt Lexa glare at her even before she moved into the corner. She is trying to prove something so glares won't be enough. Lexa has to make a move. Luna starts to tell a story of how Lexa tried to cook something and put sugar into the sauce instead of salt. Of course Clarke starts laughing. Of course because it's about Lexa. Luna thinks to herself and smirks to herself as she sees Lexa slowly coming closer.
What are they talking about? Why is Clarke laughing? Lexa walks closer to them trying to be as subtle as possible. She lover Luna, but she hates her right now. Wasn't she the one trying to get Lexa to talk about her feelings for Clarke? Feelings for Clarke? Damn, I just admitted it. Kind of.
Lexa feels her mouth drop as Luna puts an arm around Clarke. What the hell! No way! She can't just stand there and do nothing so she walks over to them with the speed of light and squeezes herself between Luna and Clarke. In any other situation that would have been very weird for her but right now she couldn't care less.
"So how's the party?" She blabbers. Clarke looks surprised at first but smiles at the realization that it's Lexa who's sitting extremely close to her and Luna smirks at her victory.
"I think I'll try beer pong now. Have fun." Lexa sees a spark in Luna's eyes. It's like she's communicating with her without words. Do it! That's what she reads in Luna's expression.
"Eh Lexa I wanted to give you something before you leave for Cambridge." She is surprised to hear Clarke's shy voice so close to her. "It's in my car."
she gets up with her and they head outside towards her car. She unlocks it, grabs her jacket and pulls something shinny out of one of the pockets.
"Close your eyes."
"Seriously? What are we five?"
"Close your eyes or I won't give it to you." She jokes but Lexa does as she says. She can feel the blonde take her hand and put something in it. The feeling of their hands touching fills them with excitement
"You can look now." Lexa opens her eyes to see a beautiful necklace with an infinity symbol attached to it. She looks up and into those breathtaking blue eyes.
"Do you like it?" Clarke looks nervous. Lexa suddenly feels a strong need to be close to her. She doesn't like it, she loves it. A burst of courage and desire causes her to take a step towards Clarke. She puts one hand on the back of her neck and pulls her to meet her lips. Lexa kisses the blonde softly. She feels insecure but when Clarke starts kissing back all of her insecurities seem gone. She wraps her arms around Clarke's waist to bring her even closer.
They pull apart to breathe. Clarke searches Lexa's eyes for a sign of what just happened.
"I love it, Clarke. Thank you." The brunette whispers to her. Clarke smiles back at her and closes the distance between them once again. This feels so right. When Lexa showed up at her doorstep in the middle of the doorstep it felt amazing but this feels like something that's been waiting to happen for a very long time.
"You fucking liar!" The girls jump apart at the loud disturbance to see Costia standing at the door with tears in her eyes.
"Costia…" Lexa is too out of breath to for a sentence.
"I love you, Costia! I'm not going to leave you!" She mocks Lexa's voice. "Fuck this."
Her voice sounds so defeated and it brings Lexa absolutely no joy seeing her girlfriend -or well I guess ex-girlfriend or whatever they were now- suffering like this.
Her eyes are so beautiful but for once I wished she didn't have eyes to see what she just saw.