Chapter Ten: Awake

Darkness and warmth. So much dark. It was more than welcoming. Zim let himself curl up in the warmth and drift off into bliss. So warm and dark…yet so empty.

…

"Wake up, asshole," Someone said roughly from above. It was still warm, and relatively dark. Zim was tempted to just lay there and ignore whatever it was, but she pulled on his antenna, not hard, but it woke him up.

"What?" Zim growled, sitting up to see someone he never thought he'd see again. Her purple hair reflected the soft light almost violently. Her pose said she's beat the crap out of you if you misspoke. But her squinted eyes and pointed face held a mixture of boredom and concern. Memories began to surface and Zim couldn't make them stop. "G-Gaz?" Zim stuttered in shock.

"Don't look so surprised, I am your Queen, you know," Gaz said easily. Zim could tell she no longer cared about the title of Queen.

"I don't answer to Earth leaders," Zim said snidely, leaning back on his cot. Zim recognized the room as an infirmary room.

Gaz allowed herself to smirk for a moment. "I'm not just the Queen of earth anymore, Zim. The Tallest and I have teamed up. I even plan on taking over soon," Gaz said, finally letting someone in on her secret plan for domination.

"Really?" Zim asked. Gaz seemed mad that Zim wasn't more surprised. "About one Earth month…not bad," Zim said, thinking of other Invaders he knew.

"Excuse me, but I was here two days before I had the Tallests begging for my help," Gaz said angrily.

Zim shrugged and started to wonder if they were on the Massive. "Don't listen to her, Zim turned to see Kita on the other side of him.

"What?" Zim asked, wondering what Kita meant.

"What?" Gaz echoed in confusion.

"She's a betrayer, Zim. Remember how much the Tallest hurt you? She's on their side," Kita hissed frantically.

"But…she's Dib's sister…" Zim defended.

"They're both evil, both hurt you," Kita pleaded.

"Zim…who're you talking to?" Gaz asked curiously.

"To-"

"Don't Zim!" Kita yelled.

"Zim?"

"Kill her, Zim you have to!" Kita begged.

"But, Kita," Zim mumbled.

"Who's Kita?" Gaz asked suspiciously.

"She's-"

"Kill her!"

"She's…"

"Zim, tell me, who is it."

"She killed Dib! Kill her!"

"What the hell are you seeing, just tell me."

Zim pulled on his antennae and bowed his head between his legs with his eyes clenched shut. Both voices began to overlap until Zim couldn't tell them apart. He felt Gaz's hands on his shoulder, but Kita wouldn't touch him. How did either of them expect him to answer if they spoke at the same time?

Zim huddled tighter to himself and waited for them to leave. Kita left first, leaving Gaz at Zim's side. Gaz stood beside Zim for a long time, not touching him or talking. It was almost peaceful. Then Gaz left, and Zim was alone again. He laid back down and let that same warmth envelope him again.

…

For once in her life, Gaz felt like she had a real purpose, something outside her games and domination. When she left Zim, he was pretty freaked out. She guessed it was a hallucination. She would have to look up this Kita person. She dropped by her Special Ops medical team to let them know about it before heading back to her throne room. She hoped the team paid off, she'd had to scour the whole planets to find decent Irkens who were completely loyal to Gaz. If they were loyal to her and the Tallest, that wouldn't cut it.

Everyone knew Zim was pretty much considered a criminal here, so Gaz hid him. He was pretty deep within the Massive, where no one would find him. Gaz wanted him safe, her future depended on it, but it felt like there was more to it. When Zim woke up and actually gave her backtalk…it lit something inside Gaz, something besides hate and boredom…

She stopped her thoughts cold before they could get too far. There was Gir, and that was all she needed. Her hands drifted to her slightly protruding belly. Surly it hadn't been long enough that she would be showing so much. But, then again, she reminded herself, Irkens did things a lot faster than humans.

She entered her room and was surprised to see that Gir wasn't the only one in there. "Hello, sweetie," Red called innocently. Purple was on the arm of Gaz's throne, eating donuts. He waved happily. Gaz inwardly groaned. Red was in her throne again. "I still don't know why you wanted this thing," Red said, patting the throne. The he pointed at Gir, "Or that." Gaz turned to see Gir sleeping on the floor. She scooped him up then sat on Red's lap. Red didn't seem to know whether to be happy or upset about it.

"It's a human thing," Gaz sighed. Irken's seemed to be emotionally retarded, only feeling primitive things like anger and want. Those were fine, it was when they felt the extremely primal feeling of lust that bothered her.

"You do too many human things," Purple blurted out.

"Really," Gaz said, snatching one of Purple's donuts.

"Hey!" Gaz ignored him and stroked Gir who started running in his sleep. She nearly smiled, Gir acted so much like a dog sometimes, except when in his dog suit, of course.

"I don't see why you won't take one of our SIR's," Red commented.

"Yeah, that thing looks like it was made of junk," Purple added. Gaz wanted to slap him so hard for being so stupid. They had apparently forgotten that they were the ones to make Gir, specially out of trash for Zim.

Gaz got up with Gir in her arms. "Let's discuss conquest," Gaz said, starting to pace in front of them. Both sighed tiredly, but Gaz wouldn't let them off that easily. She turned to face them directly, ready to announce her next move, the one she thought of just recently before picking up Zim.

…

"N…No one's…no one's ever…done that to me before," Jack whimpered helplessly. Mau leaned up and licked Jack's ear gently, sending shivers down Jack's spine. Why were they still together? Why was Jack letting Mau do what he wanted? Why were they now strolling down the roadside with ice cream? The other questions were answerable, but no the last one. Ice cream? Seriously?

"The moon does," Mau said senselessly, rubbing up against Jack.

"Sure it does," Jack muttered. Mau made mewling noises while licking his ice cream. Jack had to admit, it was pretty cute, especially because Mau looked like a short teenager. His cloaking device showed Mau as an average brown-headed, brown eyed, average height, teenager. But Jack knew there was more to it. He could still remember the fire-red, burning eyes from last night. He shivered, no one could make him feel that way. "You're one of a kind, Mau," Jack sighed.

"So are trash cans," Mau sighed in the same way. Jack thought he would say 'so are you'. He was miffed that Mau said trash cans instead.

"Actually…no, their not, they're mass produ-AAAAHHHH!" Jack held his bleeding arm for a moment before it healed. Mau continued licking his ice cream as though nothing happened, as if there wasn't a smear of red blood on his vanilla ice cream. "Y-you bit me," Jack whined. Mau shrugged and snuggled closer to Jack.

Jack sighed and threw an arm around Mau, drawing him even closer. He'd tried to run away several times, failing each time. He supposed it was finally time to settle down…with a mentally insane Irken who destroyed his mission and brutally murdered a whole group of his close friends. Well, no one's perfect.

…

Inx snuck into the computer tech's office and crawled under a desk. The buzz of computers and equipment helped to calm her down. Dib…Dib was alive! She couldn't believe it. And he picked the best time, she thought sarcastically, come back to life right when Zim chooses to go missing. She wondered where Zim was anyway and if he was okay. She didn't know him as well as Dib and Skoodge did, but she still looked up to him, sort of. He was like a big brother who was never around. She didn't know him, but she knew he had a good heart…somewhere beneath all the anger and confused emotions. He had quite the record wherever she went. All of her caretakers had talked about him or mentioned him, except for one they all thought he was amazing. She remembered when they talked about the blackouts, and how it was a huge leap or the resistance.

Inx knew Zim hadn't done it on purpose. He was completely loyal to the Tallest in every way, but he was somehow loyal to the resistance too. It was like he was balancing on top of a fence, throwing good and bad things on both sides. That was fine with Inx, Zim was still Zim, despite the Tallest.

Inx thought about the one caretaker she'd had that disliked Zim. She was a scary Irken, she housed so much hate for Zim despite being resistant to the Empire. She remembered the way her antennae would curl and uncurl rapidly when Zim was mentioned. It scared Inx so much. Her name was…Tak…maybe. Inx didn't know why she was in the resistance, she used to be in the Empire, and seemed to be dedicated to them. But she never asked her about it, no, never. Tak didn't even stay with Inx for very long, she got fed up with Inx's quietness, so she left without warning. Inx was pretty relieved when that happened. She wondered if Skoodge knew Tak…probably not.

…

Zim looked around the room anxiously. He knew something was wrong, something had to be wrong. There was a certain feel to the room. Zim closed his eyes and tried to calm down, this was stupid. The whole thing was stupid.

"Am I stupid, Zim," Kita purred into his antenna.

"N…no," He said hesitantly.

"Good," She hissed.

"Zim…who're you talking to?" He asked. Zim gasped and searched the room for him. There he was, leaning against the wall with the door ajar. His black hair and trench coat looked as dark and emo as ever. The soft, pulsing light of the room glinted off his glasses devilishly. There were a few bloodstains on his shirt and he had a new confident look in his eyes, as though he'd done something amazing…or horrible.

"Dib…you…you're dead…" Zim whispered in disbelief.

"I told you he's evil," Kita whispered to him. Zim kept his eyes locked on Dib who was smirking at Zim.

"Well, apparently I'm still alive," Dib said snidely. Zim couldn't recognize that smug attitude Dib was wearing now…something was wrong.

"Dib…why are you here?" Zim asked quietly, trying to understand why Dib was like this.

"Isn't it obvious?" Dib asked, cocking his head and donning a small grin.

"…No…that's why I asked," Zim said, antennae flattening back, he struggled not to get mad.

"Well…see this blood?" Zim looked, some was dark green, some was dark red. "This is the blood of your leaders. Of all the crewmen on this vessel. Everyone on the Massive is now dead, Zim. Even Gaz…" Dib grinned wider and pointed to a big, brighter stain, "And this is her blood…"

"W-why?" Zim croaked out.

"Because…I had to…I had to kill them all to get to you," Dib said happily, stepping closer. One hand went behind his back as he grinned.

"Really? Well…now are we going to leave…to go home?" Zim asked. To go home with Dib now…that would be amazing…it was all he wanted.

"Sort of," Dib said, stopping himself from laughing, like there was some joke he wasn't telling.

"What, Dib?" Zim asked. Dib stepped a little closer and Zim heard Kita laugh a little.

"Well, it's just…that we aren't going home, Zim," Dib said slowly. "I'm here to kill you," He hissed, drawing a long crooked knife out from behind him. Zim saw it and pressed himself against the wall. He didn't know why he was so afraid right now. This was Dib…why would Dib do this? Zim could probably stab him with a pak leg before Dib even got close. But as he thought of it, his pak slowed and his weaponry functions wouldn't work. "For all the years I've wanted you dead…after playing around a little, I finally have my chance," Dib said giddily, growing ever closer.

The only sound that followed in the room was the shrill laughter of Kita and blood boiling screaming.

…

Drugs…lots of them. All he could remember before the sweet relief of them was fear and men dressed in red. Medical men. Irken meds wore red, like human meds wore white. It was symbolic and easily recognized. Only…Zim couldn't figure out why he'd seen them. The only thing on his mind was that it didn't seem like he was in his body anymore. Everything was floating…like clouds. It sort of felt like something was inside of his pak…little ants. That's what it felt like…ants…but he didn't freak out or worry. These ants seemed really nice. Nice little ants. Good ants.

Was that Dib he saw? Before the druggy world of happy was brought to him. Dib…and he looked so happy, and Kita was laughing so much, she was happy too. Good, they deserved to be happy for once. Both of them…after all that happened. Wait…what happened? Oh well, so he couldn't remember…whatever.

Gaz. Before the red men…there had been Gaz…she looked so different…so tired. Gaz was only sixteen and earlier she looked forty instead. Worry and fear was evident in her face, just as the malice and joyous evil was in Dib's. When did their roles switch around? Since when did Gaz care about him?

Zim felt too tired to answer these things now. He just dissolved into feeling the ants crawl around inside of him, and somewhere inside of that feeling, Zim truly fell unconscious and finally felt at peace.

…

Gaz left the room slightly disgusted. No one should be allowed to do that…ever. It was Zim's pak…it felt wrong for people so foreign to touch Zim…to be inside of him. Gaz knew that Zim's pak was essentially his mind, his whole self. The med men knew what was wrong now. She had shown them the serum that was injected into Zim when she was kidnapped, the one she had approved of after teaming up with the Tallest. And she told them what she saw Zim doing, talking to someone who wasn't there. They were Irken and knew the technology better than anyone, and they promised not to mess with Zim's personality or his mind before Gaz even had to ask. These men were trustable but seriously…not even Dib had touched Zim's pak before.

Gaz was worried. She couldn't tell if that was because Zim's fate was intertwined with hers…or if she honestly cared for him.

…

Ground Zero. They were on level one of the Massive, a place Dib had only ever dreamed of before. It definitely met expectations. Huge hallways and corridors, red metallic walls. It was also cold…very cold. Dib guessed that was because Irkens were bug-like and liked cold. Except for Zim, he always huddled near Dib for warmth in the night.

Dib shook his head and paid attention to the hallways and Skoodge, who was supposed to give the signal when it was clear to move. He waited…and waited…he tried not to think of anything, but when he saw any part of the ship, it just reminded him of Zim.

There it was, the signal. Dib headed down his designated path where he was to scout, then meet back up with the team at a certain intersection. Dib rushed and watched for Irken soldiers as he went along. The turn that led up to the intersection was ahead.

"Hi Dib!" Dib turned and spotting Gir chewing on the corner of a wall.

"Ssh, Gir," Dib said quietly. He hoped Gaz didn't have a spying device on Gir, otherwise he was toast.

"Hey, Mary, wanna see Queeny?" Gir asked obliviously.

"Y-You mean Gaz?" If Gir was willing to sneak him in to see Gaz, then Dib could do it. He could end it all. "Y-yeah!" Gir made the happiest face in the world before taking Dib's hand and leading him in the opposite direction.

This reminded Dib of the time Gir had lead him to Zim in that haunted mansion. That place had been scary on many levels. But Gir was leading him somewhere else now, to a much graver place.

It didn't take too long before Gir stopped in front of a dark red door. Dib paused before going inside. The door looked like it was pulsing slightly. Dib put his hand on it and felt warmth radiating from within. This had to be Gaz's room, she was the only human Dib knew of being aboard and Irken's despised the heat, it seemed. Dib swung the door open and pointed his gun inside.

He didn't see Gaz. It was really too dark to see anything. Dib came to the middle of the room and let his eyes adjust to the darkness. There were lights, they were just too dim to be useful. When Dib could finally see he dropped his gun out of shock. He was happy that it didn't go off on it's own from being dropped, but his focus was lost. Nothing mattered now. Not the gun, not Gaz, not his mission…nothing except the figure in front of him. Dib silently thanked Gir for saving him from doing a horrible thing.

Everything was okay again. Here he was.

He was sleeping soundly, he was a little paler than usual, but not enough to worry Dib. He wasn't wearing a shirt, but had pants on. His poor little antennae were limp against the pillow. His heart just melted at seeing him this way after such a long time. Dib finally let his emotions out…for the longest time ever, he finally smiled as he gazed at his lover.
…

Zim woke up to orders…not directed at him…a familiar voice was giving them…. Someone who'd never given orders before. "…Yes Skoodge…I swear to God if you do, I'll-…okay. Abort; mission over."

Zim heard a click and everything was quiet. He let his eyes open and saw him again. He sat up and stared as the room started to tilt.

Dib…this was Dib. No, Dib was gone, he was dead. Zim saw him dead…wait, Dib blew up, so Zim didn't see. Wait, how did Dib die? But he was dead and yet there, right in front of him with tears running down his face. "You're…you're not Dib…" Zim whispered. Dib couldn't be here.

Not-Dib smiled sat Zim sadly. "Yes, Zim, I am," He said. Not-Dib didn't move, but Zim pulled a laser gun from his pak and pointed it at the imposter. Not-Dib saw the gun and laughed softly, almost like he'd never laughed before.

"No…Dib died," Zim said shakily, getting into a fighting stance. "You're not Dib!" Zim yelled.

"Then shoot me," He said, spreading his arms and closing his eyes. A peaceful smile graced his lips.

Zim waited for the imposter to move, to inch towards the weapon on the floor. "P-prove it…" Zim commanded, "Prove you're Dib, or I'll shoot!"

"I love you," Not-Dib uttered immediately. Zim lowered his aim and shot. Dib grunted softly and fell to his knees. The wound in his leg made sizzle noises, but he still held his arms apart, like an awaiting hig, and gazed at Zim lovingly. "I love you, Zim," He said again. His face was wet with tears.

As Zim tried to decide what to do, he noticed that his own face was wet now too. "Dib…why?" Zim asked, looking away from Dib with the gun still raised.

"Why what?" Dib asked.

"Why did this happen?" Zim asked hoarsely.

"I don't know…" Dib said. Silence permeated the air for a few tense moments. "Do you believe me yet?" Zim shook his head.

"Why'd you leave me locked up?" Zim asked.

"To protect you," Dib answered.

"You sound like your father…" Zim commented coldly. Dib hung his head with sad eyes.

"I'm so sorry about that," Dib said. "I know my father hurt you…but I love you, Zim, and I couldn't think of any other way to keep you safe…I just wanted you to be okay…" Dib choked himself off with sobs as he started to shake.

"Dear Jashin, Dib…you're such a pitiful hyu-man," Zim said, more convinced now that it was truly Dib sitting in front of him. Dib started to laugh and cry at the same time. Zim had seen something like it on the TV before. Zim put the gun away and got on his knees in front of Dib.

Dib started to look up when Zim took Dib's face in his hands. He remembered the other Dib…the bad one. That Dib had looked horrible, like he'd become evil. The real Dib…he was a little different too. His eyes were still honey brown and his features were still sharp. His hair was the same black, pointed hair it was before…but something was different. Dib was different. There was something about his eyes…like he was wiser than before.

Finally Dib couldn't stand it anymore. "Oh God, Zim!" Dib yelled, collapsing into Zim, who sat promptly on the floor. As Dib sobbed, Zim stroked his head softly. They remained that way for a long time before Dib sat up again. "I missed you…" Dib whispered.

"Yeah…me too," Zim said, not wanting to talk about the hell life was while Dib was gone.

Dib suddenly remembered something and looked down at his hands in shame. "Zim…I have to admit something…"

"What?" Zim asked, holding onto Dib's hand tightly.

"I…I'm so sorry, Zim…I cheated…" Dib told him, his voice cracking.

"…What do you mean? I don't care if you cheat on something," Zim said, grinning at Dib's foolishness. Zim cheated on lots of tests and things all the time. Dib laughed nervously.

"No…it's not that kind of cheating…" Dib said slowly.

"Then…what do you mean?" Zim asked roughly. He didn't like Dib keeping this "cheat" information from him.

"I…slept with a lot of women…because I thought you were dead," Dib spewed out. Zim raised an antenna in confusion, he didn't see how sleeping with someone at night was a problem. Dib sighed and held both of Zim's hands in his own. "I had sex with other people, Zim," Dib spelled out.

"What?" Zim burst out. "Are they dead now?"

"I-I don't know…" Dib said, shocked at how much Zim really cared.

"Well, if they aren't, I'll kill them all personally!" Zim yelled.

"You know…sex requires two people…it's my fault too…" Dib said, shrinking back.

"What? …No, the Dib is not at fault," Zim said ignorantly and proudly. "Besides, I have you topped anyway."

Dib smirked, "Oh really? I killed people, I don't even know if I was supposed to kill them. I bet that tops anything you have," Dib boasted.

"Pff. So topped," Zim blurted.

"What? Well, tell me, what tops all of that?" Dib asked playfully, getting a little closer.

"Jack," Zim said solidly and seriously.

"Jack?" Dib asked.

"Jack," Zim confirmed.

"Oh God, Zim, you didn't," Dib whispered, half horrified, half fascinated.

"Yeah…" Zim whispered, the horribleness of what he did finally sinking in. Memories of that hell started pouring in again.

"…Why…?" Dib asked, reaching up to play with Zim's antennae like he used to.

"…He seduced me," Zim admitted.

Dib laughed, then looked in Zim's eyes and saw he was serious. "How'd he do that?" Dib asked.

"Bloodshed…" Zim answered, "Plus intoxication…"

"Oh…that makes more sense," Dib reasoned. Zim looked up and gazed into Dib's eyes.

"I missed you a lot, Dib…" Zim said. Dib smiled, his face full of warmth. "Everything was hell here without you….I don't think I was gonna make it…"

"Yeah…same here…" Dib said, "I was so lost…" Dib leaned forward and rested his forehead against Zim's and closed his eyes. "I've lost you so many times now, Zim. I don't think I can handle it again…"

"Don't leave again…" Zim begged, "If you leave me…even for a second, I'll hunt you down and rip your brain out and put it in a computer so you can't go anywhere…"

Dib smiled and nuzzled Zim's head. "That's comforting," He whispered. Zim smiled, Dib was so cute when he was sarcastic, something Zim finally knew how to recognize. "And you," Dib said seriously, "Don't ever die again."

Zim smiled. "I won't have to…because you'll be here," he said calmly.

"Of course," Dib said. Dib rubbed Zim's hand with his as they sat. They were right side by side, but it didn't seem close enough somehow. Zim thought of how much he loved having Dib next to him now…how much he'd missed it. Without warning Zim buried his head into Dib's chest and wrapped his arms tightly around Dib.

"You're real…you're really here," Zim whispered. He still couldn't believe it. Dib held Zim tightly.

"Yeah, Zim…I'm here," Dib said softly, rubbing Zim's back gently…making the pain inside go away.

"Good…" Zim breathed. Zim breathed in Dib's warmth, his smell, his touch. He drank it in, trying to memorize it and etch it into his mind. "Dib?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, Zim."

…

…

…

A/N

T-T AWWWW! What else can be said…?
Sorry updates have been taking so long :/
I love you all for being with me so long throughout this whole thing. And don't worry, it's not over now! There's still some fun stuff to get through :)
Please R/R, thanks ^-^