Chapter Nine: Sisters

The weeks dragged on and the blood trials continued. The beast taking control, the raging, and then the plummeting to the ground became my ritual torture. Losing control was wearing me down. I was starting to loathe the human race and the power that their blood held over me. I had no idea how Edward could possibly fall in love with me when I was human, all the while battling his inner beast. Thank goodness for small miracles, I suppose.

I was tired and beaten most of the time now. Except for my moments alone with Edward, my existence had dissipated into a tedious day-by-day existence. I was fighting my way back from the bottom. It was a slow and arduous undertaking. I had never in my existence ever really understood what this took.

Life was hard, existing everyday only to fight to break your species truest nature. My fear and anger was in constant danger of overwhelming me. The fear was the worst. Being a constant threat to my family whose only crime was trying to help me was practically unbearable. I was angry with myself for being weak. I hated the vial beast within me. I desperately missed being happy.

In between our outings, we would take a break. It took a lot out of Eleazar to continually to use his powers on me so he needed to recover. These were usually the days that I hunted with Edward, but in never lasted long. We would return to the house after a quick meal. The hunt held no joy for me anymore because my heart just wasn't in it. So we would spend most of the days off at home, a day or two of quiet.

There was no peace for me, just the haunting memories and suffocating emotions. The need for distractions had come back with a vengeance. Usually I would raid Edward's music collection. I would pick something, anything, it really didn't matter. I would push up the volume to the maximum level and let it beat everything out of my mind.

Today though, I tried to bury my mind into one of my favorite books. I wanted to be near my family, so I curled up in the over sized chair in the corner of the living room while Edward, Emmett, and Jasper played the Playstation 3. I didn't care how much noise they were making. The chaotic sounds actually helped. I couldn't concentrate on my book which also meant I couldn't concentrate on anything else.

"Bella, you're coming with us." Alice's voice was filled with anger, which shocked me. Rosalie was right behind her with the same mad expression. Edward looked over at us with concern.

"Alice, I don't think…" Edward started, but a quick and decisive glace from Alice and Rosalie silenced him.

Alice and Rosalie had come downstairs. They had been talking for a while up in Rosalie's room, but I wasn't paying much attention. As of late I have been repressing most of my powers for everyone else's sake. Their thoughts I would let wash over me without focusing on them. My emotions were kept very secure deep within me.

"Why?" I asked confused.

"Because eternity isn't suppose to suck." Rosalie said firmly.

"Huh?" I was completely lost.

"We're taking you for a girls night out. You need fun, Bella. " Rosalie answered.

"Fun?"

"Yes, fun. You do remember what fun is, don't you?" Alice said sarcastically.

"Um…." I said not really understanding what was going on.

"That was a rhetorical question Bella." Alice sighed exasperated and grabbed my hand, pulling me out of my seat. We were out the door before my mind could catch up with me. The concern from Edward, Jasper, and Emmett followed me out of the house but we were out of the house before they could react.

"What are we doing, Alice?"

"Hunting." With that we jumped into the car and drove off into the night. I needed to hunt more often now because of how fast I burn through my meals battling my inner demons.

However, it wasn't the prospect of feeding that made me feel happy. It was being able to hang out with my sisters, like I was still my normal self. It almost felt like old times before I was such a threat. When the men were around I felt like I was always under watchful eyes, like they were just waiting for me to snap and attack. Now I was just me.

The car drove west as the blackness enveloped the car. The brilliant full moon hung there in the darkened sky. I couldn't pull my eyes away from its beauty. The sound of Alice and Rosalie's voices floated over me from the front seat. I was content for the first time in a long while.

We pulled off the road after a little bit. It was midnight now and the pale moonlight filled the foreign forest. There was beauty here. The shadows and moonlight cast lacy patterns over the forest floor. The life within the forest was invigorating. It had seemed like forever since I found beauty in anything. It was an amazing and welcome change.

A breeze floated through the trees, in it held the scent of the forest: the sharp smell of pine, the earthy smell of dirt, the fresh smell of dew, and the animals. The last made my mouth water with anticipation.

Alice took off on one direction, hot on the trail of a wolf pack. Rosalie took off in the other with mountain lion on her mind, while I ran down a moose. I was so sick of grizzly bear at this point I really didn't care what I ate as long as it wasn't another bear.

When I came back, Alice and Rosalie were sitting up against the trunks of two ancient pine trees. They were waiting for me. I took up a spot at the trunk of another tree across from them.

"You know, I really missed you guys when you left. It just wasn't the same without you here."

"We missed you too, Bella." Alice gave a reassuring smile.

"How are you doing with everything?" Rosalie asked. I could feel the depth of her concern. It was mimicked by Alice's own emotions.

"Honestly?" I sighed, closed my eyes, and leaned my head against the tree trunk.

"Obviously." Rosalie said, a little put out that it wasn't a given.

"Not well." I opened my eyes to look at them. "The fear is so horrible. It tares me apart inside."

"I know." Alice said with her sad eyes staring deep inside of me.

I knew she must have been getting visions of what was going on out in the woods, but visions are different than feelings. I wish she knew what I was going through. I wish someone, anyone knew but there was no way they could, and I wasn't about to share it with them. Even though I desperately wanted a kindred spirit to share every ounce of torment with, I just could not bring myself to inflict the war that was ragging within me on the people I love.

"No Alice, I really don't think you do." My face was creased with sorrow and frustration.

"Bella, you can share your pain with us. You need to let it go or it will eat you alive." Rosalie was right. It had been consuming me, dissolving me into a shadow of what I had once been. It felt like I was being hallowed out and filled with darkness. I had been extra vigilant in keeping my emotions bottled up lately. The fear, the hatred, the depression were locked inside of me; threatening to break me apart.

"We are here for you." Rosalie said like a true big sister.

"I'm sorry, Rose, but I can't do that."

"Can't or won't?" Rosalie was getting angry. She didn't understand what she was asking. Her sympathy was sincere, but she held no fear for what I could unleash upon her and Alice.

"Both." I buried my face in my knees.

"Bella, why do you always have to be so stubborn? We're your sisters..." Alice started.

"Which is exactly why I can't." I cut her off. "You wouldn't be able to take it. I can barely take it." Without warning Alice ran over and wrapped her arms around me. Rosalie joined her.

"Give us some credit. We're strong." Rosalie whispered.

"Plus you're our baby sister, Bella. If you can't open up to us, whom can you open up to?" Alice's words struck a chord. Never in my life have I ever felt like the one who needed to be taken care of.

Alice and Rosalie let their love wash over me. It felt like a series of tidal waves beating against my barriers. It broke down my walls and everything was released. I sobbed there in my sisters' arms, and they just embraced me tighter. I grabbed on to them for dear life and let everything go. My fear, my self-hatred, my depression washed out of my heart and over the forest. My sisters' love pushed me up until it finally felt like my soul broke through the surface of the darkness had been dragging me under. I took a deep breath and felt my body lighten from the lack of fear. After what seemed like forever, I felt like the darkness was finally emptied out of my heart.

The three of us released one another and sat in silence. I looked at their loving faces and was awed. They had withstood my pain, not any worse for the ware. Alice and Rosalie were simply smiling at me.

"Better?" Alice asked.

"Yes." I said simply. "Thank you so much."

"Bella, I'll give you one thing. You really know how to hold your emotions." Rosalie said laughing. "Promise me you won't let it get that bad again."

"I promise."

"Whenever you need a release come and talk to us, ok?" Alice said reassuringly.

"I will." I looked over into the eastern sky to see the dawn breaking. The dark blue was turning to light aqua and the sunlight started to wash over the forest. Life was coming back. My sisters had given me back my life and for that I would be eternally in their debt. They saw what I held deep inside me and they didn't think any less off me. The bond that our hearts shared was as strong as any. I could see it, thanks to Marcus.

"We should be getting back." Alice spoke up.

"Are you ready to go?" I asked Rosalie.

"I'm just going to grab another quick bite. Being all emotional makes me hungry." She said with a smirk. " I'll meet you and Alice by the car, ok?" She gave me a quick hug and then took off deeper into the woods hot on the trail of something tasty.

"Ok." Alice said.

She and I took off towards the car. The vibrant forest flew by in a blur. We finally broke through the edge of the forest to where the car was waiting on the side of the road. Alice and I jumped into the front seats and started the car in anticipation for Rose's return. I riffled through the CD's and put in one of my favorites. The music started to blare and the base started to pound. It made my soul come alive. I leaned my head back against the headrest and closed my eyes to let the music wash over me. I was actually enjoy the music instead of just using it to block out everything else.

The peace that I held in my heart was amazing. My soul had finally taken control of me once again. The warmth of my happiness radiated out sending ripples through me. Life! I was once again among the living and not just one of the walking damned.

I was reveling in my renewed emotions when an enormous sensation of panic rocked me to the core. It was my own panic that I was feeling. Panic caused by the horrifying images that were now burned into my mind. My eyes ripped open in a flash and Alice mimicked my every move.

"Rose!"