Warning: Spoilers for Children of Earth
Bluebirds Chapter 10
"I know, I do too." Jack promised to call again soon and waited until he heard the click of the line going dead before dropping the phone from his ear.
He had been sitting on a bench near the water waiting for Gwen when a memory had surprised him, popping to the surface of his thoughts like one of the buoys on the shoreline. A sudden and perfectly clear image of his daughter Alice - or Melissa as she had been then – running in the mud of low tide, years before the sea wall kept the water at a constant level. He had closed his eyes, letting himself remember the smell of the brackish water and the cold salt mist that teased Alice's hair into ringlets as she jumped her way from puddle to puddle along the docks.
She had been born with a surprising amount of dark curly hair. He remembered how it tickled his nose when he leaned down to smell the top of her head on the day she was born. They had spent hours, he and her mother, just watching her, amazed at her newness.
She had changed them both.
Jack shook himself, feeling his thoughts heading into dangerous territory.
When thinking of his past, Jack tried to stick to the safe shallow waters of the expansive ocean of his memories, knowing how easily he could get swept up under the tide of regret and loss if he waded out too far. Swim between the flags, Jack warned himself, trying to clear his head.
Despite his effort to stop them, the memories persisted. No sooner had the image of Alice faded then it was replaced by another; Alice's mother Lucia, screaming in fury as she ran up the steps from the med bay, scan results in her hand.
Lucia had announced her pregnancy to Jack by slapping him with enough force to loosen one of his teeth. He had smiled, picking her up and kissing her, suffering bites and scratches until she kissed back.
It had been a common ending to their frequent arguments.
Lucia had interested Jack immediately upon her arrival at Torchwood. On the surface they were alike; both exuding a warm charm that disguised a particular brand of ruthlessness, but where Jack was immaculate, Lucia was wild. The first to engage in any fight, her Italian scarves and miniskirts were often stained with the blood and dirt of close combat. A fashion plate covered in battle scars, Lu was enough of a paradox to send Jack's blood pressure soaring.
Their joyfully turbulent two year affair had led to an official amendment to Torchwood's in-hub weapon storage protocols, several pornographic incident reports, and finally, Alice.
Lu had been completely transformed by the birth of their daughter. Once a woman unapologetically addicted to risk, she began to withdraw under the responsibility of motherhood. She had refused to allow Alice in the hub, despite Jack's protests that it was the safest place in Cardiff. Her maternity leave stretched past one year and into two. Trying to coax her back, Jack brought home case files, the most interesting and irresistible he could find. He would try to hand them to her to read, but Alice was always in her arms.
The day came, just as Jack had worried it would, when she told him they were leaving. Lucia had pulled him aside after briefing one morning with her approved retirement papers and new identity details in her hand. Beneath her look of determination and sadness, Jack could see fear in her eyes and knew with sudden certainty that it was him, rather than the rift she was afraid of.
He hadn't protested.
They hadn't had Retcon in 1977- both a blessing and a curse, Jack thought.
Pulling himself free from the memory, Jack dug through his pockets to find the encrypted mobile phone that he kept just for Alice.
"I miss you." He told her, his heart sinking in the silence that followed.
He heard her sigh softly.
"I wish things were different, Dad." She said.
Jack put the phone back into his pocket and drew his coat closed, letting his hand brush against the swell of his stomach. It would be different this time, he promised himself.
He shifted on the bench, his hips aching under the pressure of his heft. The baby had grown into a solid and undeniable presence, impossible to ignore.
After months of hardly any physical evidence of his condition, Jack's midsection had drawn up high and round, requiring the unfastening of Jack's collared shirts and forcing his trousers to sit low in his hips. Ianto had let them out without comment, artfully re-stitched and folded on Jack's bed for him to find.
Passers by might think he had a tumour, Jack thought, if they noticed him at all, as preoccupied as they were with their own lives. No one outside of Torchwood would ever suspect the truth.
Like all situations that persist, Jack's pregnancy had become less shocking to the team as time passed, being viewed as the kind of oddity that was typical at Torchwood, rather than as a potential crisis. As Jack grew slower with weight and internal distraction, life at the hub kept pace with him, transforming into a steady grind with less of the typical urgency than he was used to. With Gwen taking lead on any field work and Ianto in a constant administrative flurry, Torchwood appeared to be chugging along without the usual full amount of his attention. This thought would have ordinarily disturbed Jack, whose management style bordered on obsessive, but for now at least he was at peace with the idea. Ianto continued to be distant, the result of work, worry or intimidation Jack wasn't sure. They had never had an especially communicative relationship, Jack reminded himself, he couldn't reasonably expect that to change immediately or perhaps at all.
"Hiya." Gwen said, dropping on to the bench beside him.
Jack's face lit up with a smile.
"How was it? Weevils?"
"Nah,' said Gwen, brushing dirt and some kind of slime off her jacket. She was rumpled but happy. 'Some weird guy with two heads and a lot of teeth trying to take out the coast guard. Owen's doing the autopsy now, but no one got hurt, just a few Retcons, that's all."
"Oh, is that all?" Jack laughed.
"Yep, just another day."
"Thank you." He said, taking her hand.
Gwen let her head fall on to his shoulder.
"It's okay Jack, I don't mind at all.' She paused, examining a large stain on her shirt. 'Torchwood's paying for the dry cleaning though?" She added, laughing.
"The least we can do." Jack nodded as he stretched, trying to ease the pressure on his back.
Gwen smiled sympathetically. "How are you?" She asked.
"Fine.' He said 'Huge."
She laughed again, holding out her hand and Jack parted his coat and placed his hand over Gwen's. She grinned as the baby flexed and shoved against her palm. Jack grimaced.
"Ow. For someone who only weighs two pounds, this kid can really dish it out.' Jack said wryly. 'A bit like his father in that respect." He added.
"And how is Ianto?"
Jack gave her hand a squeeze "I don't really know. Okay, I think."
They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes before Jack turned to Gwen and coughed politely, a smirk on his face.
"So, I saw some interesting archived CCTV footage the other day."
He let the remark hang in the air a moment before he raised an eyebrow at Gwen. Her eyes went wide and she punched him hard in the arm, gasping.
"Jack Harkness you did not! Tell me you didn't!"
He laughed loudly, ducking her slaps.
"I did! Very much so. The Case of the Broken Lab Equipment finally solved!' Jack gasped out as he laughed. 'Owen's got more stamina than I would have guessed. Nice butt too."
Gwen groaned. "You must think I'm terrible."
Jack shook his head. "You won't get judgment from me."
"I love Rhys. I do. Is it possible to love someone and be so awful?"
Jack listened to the sound of the water, feeling the wind beginning to pick up. Winter was coming.
"There are so many ways to love, and so many ways to damage. I've never been able to separate one from the other." He said simply, gripping Gwen's hand in his.
They talked some more, Gwen relating the details of a recent domestic incident that had somehow resulted in all of Rhys' work shirts being dyed pink in the wash.
"It probably suits him, he's got the skin tone for it." Jack commented.
"You know, I think it does!" Gwen said, laughing. A moment passed before she straightened up and looked at him.
"This suits you." she said, tentatively laying her hand back on Jack's stomach.
"I think you might be right." He replied, kissing her cheek before they stood, making their way back into the hub.
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