Part 9

We were sat in the car park of a fast food take out – I had a shake, she had fries and a soda. I had my head rested on her shoulder, her arm slung around me. "You know I like this?"

"What? The Shake?" Sofia asked me.

"No" I smile, "You and me…"

"Well good, cause I like us to"

Turning I just gazed up at her, no words were spoken between the two of us – no words however my lips hovered softly over hers – "So how long was you're break?" I asked her as I felt my eyes close and my free hand move to her waist.

"Bout half hour left" She explained, "just not enough time for this" she says. However she moved into my kiss and it soon rages into a passion filled make out session. For the first time tonight I felt alive, felt loved, and felt safe and secure. She had no idea how much I loved her, had no idea how much I needed her.

The time went on, the minuets passed and Sofia – against my will pulled back. There was a smirk on her face – "wow" was all she said. I smiled – "Sidle – you drive me crazy"

"Is that so?" I asked with a smirk "Well Ditto Curtis"

"You think they'll miss us if we don't go back to work!" She asks me.

"I know they will" I tell her – not that I wanted to go back at all. I wanted to be here with my girl, were it was so simple. She loved me and I loved her when we were alone – how ever when we were outside in the real world there was so much that got in between us.

She growled lightly – "Suppose we better head back then" she smiled.

"Yeah I suppose…"

"How's your head?"

"Spinning" I tell her as I lean on her shoulder. It's not very often I admit I'm sick so she knows that I must be bad.

"Are you sure you should be working?"

"It'll be fine…I got a pretty easy case that Cath is taking point on so… I'll end up doing paper work within the hour if it goes as planned."

She seemed okay with that, "Just look after yourself" she tell me.

"You now Curtis…the guys would never believe that Detective Bitch could be this sweet" I joked.

"Is that right…?"

"yeah, that's right"

"So you think I'm sweet?"

I shrugged my shoulders, "Sometimes" my mind screamed 'always'

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"Hey Sar… here take a look at the results"

I'd only just made it through the door when Catherine threw the results my way, "All work Cath" I joke. I run through the results – my mind telling me he had indeed committed suicide. I felt slight sadness for the stranger. After a few silent moments I placed it on the table – "case closed huh?" I asked.

"Case closed" Catherine echoed. I sighed, I'm not sure what for –but I did. "You okay?"

"I'd take a murder over a suicide any day" I explained, and I would, "I hate the idea that someone was so low that…the end was the only way to deal"

Catherine looked at me, "In the end, you can only help yourself"

"You believe that?" I asked.

"What?"

"That only you can save you?" I clarified.

"Yeah I do…"

I turned me back, the silence comfortable though I knew she wanted to say something – "What?" I asked softly.

"Huh?"

"You want to ask me something" I explained.

"It's just… I think that… you should talk this out"

"What out?" I turn now and step forward.

"What ever it is that makes officer Richards have a hold on you…" I look to the floor, she continues, "She was asking a lot of questions about you"

"What did she say…"

"Honestly not a hell of a lot…just asked a lot… what is she to you?"

"To me? She's a god damn pain in my ass" I growled, "Do you … know… about…" I couldn't even say it. It had always been a problem for me – though I'm not entirely sure why, I mean it's who I am.

"I know that you were … with her intimately, romantically if that's what you mean"

I look to the floor, "She tell you that"

"No… I saw that…back at the scene…" She explains, I should have known – she's CSI, and one of the best. "I don't judge you Sara, or respect you any less… and you shouldn't do this to yourself. It doesn't change who you are…"

"You think I'm wrong…not been open"

"No… I mean… it's you… you're not a person who throws everything on the table" She's right, I'm not…there is so much more to me than even Sofia knows, the woman I love still has so much more to find out. If I'll ever let her know everything. "What does she had over you Sara…to keep you this distant. It's something because I know for sure if anyone treated you how she is you waist no time in taking them down!"

Catherine was right, I would – there was just something about Jess – maybe it's true – I was scared of her. She could cause a lot of shit for me and she knew it. I just looked to Catherine – she made me realize something in that moment. "Thank-you" I managed.

She smiled softly, "Look, no matter what it is your hiding, what you've done or who you are you'll still be the same old pain in my ass sidle" She smirked, "And you'd always been the kid sister to the guys. You don't have to worry about anyone…if they care for you – really care for you - everything will be fine"

"You believe that?"

"I know it" She explains, she stands up taking the file, "I'll talk to Richards about the case…close it up for you"

I nod, actually thankful that Catherine offered – "Thanks"

She stops then in the doorway and turns back – "Sar…you want me to sort her out?"

I shake my head with a smile, "Thanks but… I think it's something I have to do"

She nods, she understands -

I go back to my coffee.