Empty Jaded Emerald Eyes
Chapter 10
The Truth Is Out There Woe To All That Knew
Harry explored the manor, enjoying being up and about. He was getting stronger, drinking his nutrition potions and eating his meals. How could he not? They were better than food at Hogwarts. He was walking along and he saw a door appear out of no where next to his room. It took him a while to realise he could see past dissolution spells. His curiosity got the better of him as always, he slowly crept up and opened the door.
What he found was unexpected. A room with two cribs and children's toys, Walking in the place was dusty looked like it had not been used in decades. Wondering why Severus had never gotten rid of it, because the man didn't have children did he? Well he had looked after him nicely! Perhaps he did have a family at one time. Question going around his head was what happened?
He found a picture that nearly made him faint. Closing his eyes he opened them again and thought 'nope still there' he looked down again and saw himself staring at a picture of Severus Lily two boys who looked like Severus himself and another woman who was holding one of Severus children. Going into his room he opened his parent's photo album for the first time ever realised just how unhappy his mother was. He sat there comparing the two pictures unable to believe the changes in his beloved mother. The very woman who had scarified herself for him, only to be avenged by him two minutes later.
Her eyes that were sparkling just a little were dull and full of hidden longing and pain. Blinking back tears he ran his shaky fingers down his mothers face. Any dissolutions of his family being the perfectly happy family were thrown away. Whimpering low in his throat he hated the thought that his mother had been unhappy. More questions swirled around his head, questions he didn't have answers for. Why was his mother unhappy? Didn't she love his father?
"Harry...?" trailed of Severus not saying anything when he finally entered Harry's room. He saw the two pictures, one he hadn't looked at for what seemed like centuries. He had avoided looking at them - not wanting to remember the family he had given up. This was not how he had wanted Harry to find out; the only other thing he could think was 'how the hell did he get past my dissolution charms'.
Harry didn't even look up or give any indication that he had heard Severus come in. tears tracked down Harry's face as he realised all he had known was one big fat lie. No wonder they had not been able to tell him one thing about his mother! Remus and Sirius anyone they had not known her.
"Why?" was all Harry were able to get out through his mouth. His throat seemed to have clogged up, and it seemed to not want to work. He could not stop the tears that were falling down his face.
"Oh Harry this was not how I wanted you to find out" said Severus looking nearly in tears himself. He didn't like talking about how Lily had been forced into marriage he left a bitter taste in his mouth. How Lily had been snatched from him by perfect James Potter. As soon as he had seen Harry looking at the wedding pictures and crying, he knew deep down that Harry had realised that what Dumbledore, Lupin and Black had told Harry about his parents being happy and perfect together was all a lie. He realised Harry must know that his parents had not been happy together and Lily had been forced into marriage. Nothing else could make him look like that, such betrayal, green orbs so much like Lily's when she had been forced into marriage. It took him back to times he would rather forget, Harry's yell brought him out of his dire thoughts.
"Tell me" shouted Harry. Then he cowered back as if he expected to be hit. Well that was not far from the truth. He had just shouted at the man, he had not been allowed to talk to Vernon never mind shout. He deserved to be beaten for shouting! This man had done nothing but look after him and this was how he repaid him? By being disrespectful.
"Harry its ok I'm not going to hit you, come here" said Severus as he made his way over to the bed. Moving slowly as to not frighten the poor abused boy, He was used to Harry acting like that, curling up in a ball scared like a little cub. He usually just ran his hand through Harry's hair and he calmed down, just like a cat. He was so starved for affection he would accept it from the one person who had truly acted as thought he had hated him.
Harry stuffed his head into Severus chest and said "why?" in agony. Unable to believe the people who had meant to have loved him, betrayed him lie to him and that's not a small lie it was a huge lie. Was everything all those years a lie? Did any of them ever love him? Or was it all orders from Dumbledore? He wished he could trust just even one person in his life, other than Severus…but he knew the truth deep down - otherwise he would have known them much sooner.
Harry didn't know how much more of his he was going to be able to take. I mean first Voldemort got through the wards. He is told he is in the ministry of magic for killing his relatives. He spent a delightful time with the Dementors. For how long he was not sure and it was not something he spoke about. Then he finds his friends testifying against him. Gods why was it him, now he found his parents were never a happy couple and his mother had been forced into marriage.
"James Potter decided he wanted Lily as his bride, the Potter's were well liked and popular. Lily was forced into marriage, she didn't want to she wanted to refuse. She and I...well we were in love we had plans to marry, but the ministry forced her into it. But she still loved me after the marriage, Lily could not make you call me dad so you called me Uncle Severus bit it was never Severus it was sev'us. She loved you more than me or James she didn't care if you were half James'." said Severus softly and soothingly.
Harry had stilled in his arms as he listened to Severus go on. Then he remembered the discussion about the presents, he wondered what that was all about. Frowning he could not help but think 'I was a hero people surly would have sent me letters and I've never seen one I was telling the truth when I told Sev that I had never seen an owl' thought Harry. Remembering quite vividly the conversation Severus and himself had while he was in the holding cell of the Ministry of magic.
"Anyway Voldemort was getting suspicious and Dumbledore asked me to leave the two of you alone, Black was happy that was for sure. Black and James were going out he was Gay that was one of the reason's James Parents made him marry. You always came to me instead of Sirius; you were always a mum's boy always wanting your mum. I didn't see you or your mum after that day; I could not even go to my friend's funeral or see you one last time. They had taken you away to your relatives and they asked me to stay away from you so I promised to stay away but being a Slytherin I worked around it. But you didn't get them I sent you presents every year on your birthday and Christmas" said Severus his own tears running down his face. He liked to pretend the past did not happen unfortunately spilling it like this made that practically impossible.
"What about...about your children and wife?" asked Harry softly and attentively not wanting to anger or upset the man.
"I saved my wife from Death Eaters she was obviously not my wife then, I portkeyed her to my manor before the other Death Eaters came in. I don't think I could have let anyone hurt her she looked so much like Lily it was scary and no it was not a relative or anything I soon found out that she was a witch but lived in the Muggle world with her witch mum and Muggle father. I- we stayed friends always talking to each other she knew more about me than anyone apart from Lily. Lily and she had became instantly best friends, always doing everything together, Lily was there for my wife through out her pregnancy of course Samantha had two children my children we called Severus and Zach we kept them secret staying in the manor and all" said Severus.
"How? Does that mean I could have been taken into a Wizarding home? Or even your home?" asked Harry.
"Yes you could have been taken in by a Wizarding family, taken under the Fidelus charm or strong wards" said Severus quietly not wanting to upset Harry. He had already been upset as it was today.
"Just what I thought after finding out about the charm in third year" said Harry with a soft sigh. He was not going to feel sorry for himself he was going to make Severus proud of him and not let the Weasley's and the others know they had bothered him.
"What happened to your children and wife, where are they?" he asked hesitantly.
"My wife was killed in front of me for refusing Voldemort, there was no going back Lucius had entered my home and taken her. Luckily he didn't know about my children or Merlin knows what would have happened. You see Harry you need to want the mark to get it. Samantha never wanted the mark and would not have gotten in within an inch of her life. She chose death knowing if she was marked Voldemort would know through the mark that she and I had children. She asked one thing of me and that was to look after them" said Severus choking the last few words. A mother had a special bond with their children, one that Voldemort would notice through the bond. Which was how he knew just which of his Death Eaters had children.
"I'm sorry" said Harry sadly. He knew what it was like to loose someone.
But to actually see your wife killed before you was not something he wanted to see or had seen. He began seeing he had not had the worst life people had ended up with more pain and grief in their life than him.
"It happened along time ago Harry, I just try and forget about it" he said sadly. Remembering how much he had wanted to kill Voldemort right there and then. Knowing he wouldn't be able to - he continued spying getting as much satisfaction as he could out of his now empty life.
"Lily helped me look after my children she ended up pregnant herself everything was fine until the children were three and Lily had to protect you at all costs as I would have done you were only one and a half year old. You were going into hiding and I had no one help me raise my children and would trust no one ever. Dumbledore and Voldemort were both working me day and night. I could not look after my children so I gave them to a Muggle orphanage knowing they would have a good life or hoped they did, I didn't want them in a magical one because if I did they would be hated because of me" said Severus grimly. He remembered how he had taken the cowards way out and given his children a mild sleeping potions and dropped them off. He had known if they had been awake and crying and shouting for him, he would have gone back. His biggest weakness had been his children, for he had loved them above all else.
"But the war will have ended a week later! Why didn't you go back and get them?" asked Harry horrified. If living with the Dursley's was anything like living in an orphanage it would have been pretty bad.
"I tried everything, even locator spell, potions charms anything I could think of... it was as if they had just vanished from the face of the earth, I brewed potions constantly, that was how my hair got greasy looking for them all the time, not brushing my teeth made them yellow I ended up depressed and was a bastard to everyone because I had lost my own children" said Severus sadly. What hurt the worst was the fact it was his own fault, he had given them up after all.
Harry had paled at that statement. The man had spent so much time looking for his children that he didn't bath and brush his teeth? He must have been pretty desperate, must have loved them really much. And they had the gall to call the man a greasy git! I would be depressed if I lost my children too!
"I'm so sorry" said Harry hoarsely. Unable to believe he had been one of the people who had name called him all those nasty things - when he had only been searching for his children. He hated himself for doing what he did. He knew what it was like to be slagged hurt and bullied yet he had done it to his teacher? And he still saved him and kept him safe as well as sent presents? He felt sick with himself.
"It's ok they are nearly of age now, and probably out enjoying life" said Severus with a sigh. He would love nothing more than to see his two babies' although they would not be babies. He would love to see his two children grown up even if it would hurt because he would know what he missed out on. He didn't even contemplate that they might not even be alive, they had never come to Hogwarts even though they were magical this he knew.
"You know they remind me of someone, I just can't put my finger on it" said Harry after he had Severus had looked at the picture for at least five minutes in silence. Frowning wondering who it could be, it got on his nerves and he felt like throwing a fit! He of course like all other ones suppressed it not wanting to be punished for doing something wrong. Harry had never been allowed to have a temper tantrum, he wouldn't have seen the light of day for months if he had done such a thing.
"Yes, I've thought that for years. I can't seem to get my mind around whom that could be" said Severus with a smile. Glad he had one of his children with him, or someone as close as a child he was ever going to have. Harry was like a son to him and always would be. Lily had granted him custody, and James had granted Sirius custody funny thing was neither of them got him.
Leaning on the pillows Severus fell asleep, and Harry listening to Severus' breathing even out against him lulled him into a state of sleep. He soon fell into sleep curled against Severus and Severus had his arm protectively over Harry. As a tiger would look over their cub. Severus felt so much relief that he had finally spoken to someone about his life, he wasn't exactly all hearts and roses - he had always been a sever man. However, he loved like everyone else and loved cherishing someone. It seemed he had someone else to look after now - after all those lonely years. They were lonely though his choice not wanting to bring anyone into his life after what had happened to Samantha.
Thank's To Everyone For Pointing Out All My Mistakes It Forced Me To Take Action On This Story...I Hope It's A Pleasure To Read Now...Compared To What It Was...God I Had This Story So Mixed Up! No More So Enjoy! R&R Plz :) Bye