Chapter 10
Its been a month since the rape and everything's starting to get back to normal apart from Quil he burly comes near mw any more he hugs and kisses me but its not like it was he seems so distant like he was discussed by me like im damaged goods I know he loves be because of the imprinting but I don't see that love that he had for me before everything happened
"Claire… Claire. Earth to Claire" I looked up and seen Ness standing there holding her belly
"Sorry. Did you need something?"
"No I just wanted to let you know that we leave in an soon" I looked at her confused "To go down to La push" I raised my eyebrows "For the wolf girls lunch"
"Oh yeah that's right sorry I was in my own world I totally forgot" she smiled at me
"You've been doing that a lot lately are you okay?" she asked concerned
"Yeah just been think about school and stuff we have 2 months left well I have 2 months left and I don't know what im doing yet"
"Why don't you sing I know your good at that and you write amazing songs and you're a grate dancer you can dance sing write Claire your amazing it shouldn't be hard to think of something you can do"
"I know ive been thinking about singing but im not sure if its what I wont to do forever" she grabbed my hands and asked me to help her up of the couch
"Listen Claire ive hurd you sing and dance so many times and I love seeing you do that and im sure that people out there would love to hear you do that I cant tell you what to do but I think you should do that" I smiled and nodded
She was right she's always right singing is my passion I love it and it has always been something im good at
"Okay thank you ill defiantly think about it and I promise you will be the first person I tell"
"Yay" she screamed and hugged me even though it was a little hard with her 5 month belly in the way "Come on lets go the Emily's and eat some of her amazing food" we got in the car and headed to Emily's as we got there we seen the girls pushing the boys out of the door the food must be ready if they don't wont to leave ness and I where laughing when we got out of the car
"No get out the foods not for you guys its for your wife's and girl friends are you going to make them starve"
"But that's to much food for them"
"No its not Ness is eating like a pig now that she's pregnant im eating like a pig as well I am pregnant to and Claire here she can eat a horse and still be a skinny runt" I laughed
"No come on Emily please just a cup cake" I hurd Seth complain"
"Don't make me have to get Claire on to you guys you have always been a sucker for her"
"She not even here yet" he said She pointed over they all turned and looked at me
"Hi guys… Can you do me a favor and leave the food alone im really hungry I haven't eaten in like 2 days and I have to get my energy up I have and addition tonight pwease" I said with me best puppy dog eyes they all smiled and left
"Thank you Claire ive been fighting them of for an hour and Sam's not here to help" I smiled and laughed "When's your addition?"
"Ahh" I looked at my watch it said 1:00 "In about 4 hours its my first dance and singing addition so im a little nerves"
"Okay first how come I never knew about this? And YAY, YAY, YAY" both Emily and Ness said
"Ahh because I never told anyone I wasn't going to tell anyone just incase they said they didn't wont me that way I wouldn't get your guys pity which I hate pity" she smiled and nodded
"Okay well get inside and will talk and you can show us what your going to be doing for them" I nodded and went inside
********3 and a half hours later********
"Come on Claire we are waiting here" WE?
"Who's 'We'?" I ran down stairs with my bag and seen the whole pack and all the girls there "Oh hell no guys come on you cant all come they will defiantly say no if you come"
"Come on Claire please" Jake said
"NO. You cant come ill be even more nerves with you guys there watching me"
"Okay fine what if we have Ness in there and 1 person form the pack there?"
"Why?"
"So Ness can show the girls and the one person from the pack can show us when they phase"
"Okay fine but who's gonna be in there with Ness?"
"Me" I looked around and seen Quil step through the front door
"Okay" I smiled and we all got in our car's Ness Jake, Quil and I went in my car while everyone else where in there's. It was a quite ride over it was scaring me but it also helped I got to think about the lyrics and the dance I wasn't panicking until we pulled up to the studio and everyone got out "Oh my god im freaking out here guys Help" I said my voice squeaking
"Don't worry you will be fine. Your amazing and they will love you" Quil said I smiled and nodded and walked into the studio.
Quil grabbed my hand and pulled me to him and gave me a quick kiss it still felt distant but I was just glad that he wasn't something so crappy I smiled at him and walked up to the judges and gave them my name and they told me that they didn't need a dancer anymore but they wanted a singer I told them I could sing and that I would sing for them they nodded and told me to get up on stage and sing my heart out I don't know why but at the last minute I choose to sing Don't Let Me Stop You by Kelly Clarkson I grabbed a guitar and started to sing
"I use to be a little bit shy
I kept my deepest feelings inside
Speaking you to you about my
Emotions has always been hard
But this just can't wait
Tonight I feel a little brave
So I wont let another night pass without you explaining what's going on
This is going to sound kind of silly
But I couldn't help but notice
The last time you kissed me
You keep both eyes open
Baby can you tell me what does that mean
If you're looking over your shoulder
Then you don't need to be with me
And I don't need to hold on
Don't let me stop you
From doing what you won't to do
You don't wont to stick, Trust me its cool I love you and I wont you to be happy
If you wont to leave me then leave
Just don't pretend you're into me
If im not what you wont
Then there's the door
I can't keep going on
Even if I end up broken hearted
I wont lie I don't wont to hear goodbye
But either way ill be alright…." I looked around and seen Quil sitting on the seats
"I love you but I can do this any more" I sang out to him and just him
I got up and put the guitar down I walked over to the judges and grabbed my bag
"Im so sorry for wasting your time but I cant do this" I started to cry I wont be here much longer I thought I would be but I wont" they nodded but one stood up
"Hi im Makayla Rosen im always looking for people to sing for me in my clubs around the country so if your ever interested call me I would love to hire you sing again" she handed me her card
"Thank you so much I defiantly will call" I smiled and turned to leave I looked around and seen Quil and Ness standing there I as soon as I seen Quil the tears started to stream down as he stepped forward I stepped back "Please don't"
"Claire-" I shock my head and ran out of there I ran to my car and seen everyone standing there I hugged everyone as I finished Ness and Quil came out
"I love you guys so much and I promise to keep in touch Especially with Ness and Aunt Emily and of course the pack without a doubt you Seth I cant go a few days with out talking to you and I promise I will come back to be with you guys for the birth" I said to Emily and Nessie
"What do you mean you will be back?"
"What do you mean your going to keep in touch?" people started to ask questions all at once before I couldn't answer them and leave
"Claire?" Ness said
"Im going to go live with my dad he just moved to Seattle to be closer to mum and us kids and he offered me a place at his if I ever wanted to come and stay I didn't think I would ever take him up on it because I couldn't imagine leaving you all but I cant stay im so sorry" I started to run to the car but Nessie grabbed my arm
"Claire you can't leave what about me? And the baby? You promised you would be here to hold my hand when I give birth?"
"I will be here for the birth just like I promised and I will be back for Emily's birth as well im not going to miss those I promise" I looked over at Quil and his face just looked blank there was no expression on it "I.i have tttt to go…go" I ran to my car and jumped in and drove as fast as I could home once I got there I got out of the car and left my bag in there I went inside and started to pack everything I could I would pick the rest up next time I was in town I stuffed everything in the car and went back inside to write Quil a letter I sat down at my desk and started to write
********Quil's point of view********
The pain that was running through my body was killing me
"Quil what the hell is going on what's wrong with Claire what did you do?" Emily screamed at me she started to hit me but I didn't feel it I didn't feel anything my Claire was gone she was leaving and it was all my fault ive been so distant from her giving her the space that I thought she needed I lost her because I was distant I need her I cant live without her I would die without her I ran into the forest and stripped my cloths of and phased I ran as fast as I could towards Claire's I could here people behind me then I could hear people in my head
'Where are you going Quil?' Embry said
'To get her back' I hurd a bunch of cheers
'Okay will meet you back at Jakes good luck'
"Thanks man'
'Oh and Quil. Tell her that we love her and we don't wont her to leave'
'Trust me im going to use everything I have to make sure she stays' I got to the house and phased back I went through the back door I ran upstairs and looked in her room it looked empty there was nothing there but a letter with my name on it I sat down on te bed and read it
Dear QuilWhen you get this letter, I'm probably already be gone. If I'm honest, I don't know what to say but here goes
First I want you to know that I'm sorry. I am so deeply sorry for what I did how I told you that I was leaving. I don't know if you can ever forgive me but I want you to try.
There's so many thing I want to tell you. There's so many thing I still want to do with you but I can't put all of that on this paper. I'm sad. I am so scared.
I love you. I love you more than you can imagine. I'm so happy that I got to be with an amazing person like you. I feel blessed. It saddens me that I never said these things to you in person but all I need is you to know that I love you and nothing will ever change that no matter what no one will ever take your place there will never be anyone that can make me as happy as you can im sorry Quil please live your life be as happy as you can be and awesome uncle when ness gives birth and Aunt Emily. Meet someone get married have a family live a long and happy life without me don't me sad be happy for me please I wont be able to live with myself if I know that your in pain because me live be happy I love you
Claire
"No, No, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO this cant be happening" I through the paper on the floor and started to run down stairs when I smelt her close by I walked out the front door and seen her car still in the drive way I went and looked around the house when I seen her sitting on the swings in the back I ran out back she was laughing so hard "Claire?" I was shocked and confused why was she laughing?
"Hi" she giggled
"Are you okay?" she looked me up and down and laughed harder "Claire you're freaking me out"
"Sorry but you where full on naked and it was HOT" I laughed
"Wait how long have you been sitting here?"
"I think I had just sat down when you came out from over there," She pointed to the bush where my shirt was still sitting
"I thought you had gone"
"I was going to leave I was just going to sit here for a minute then go but you walked out and ran inside and I was shocked frozen for 2 reasons first you where naked and second you came for me I didn't think you would come"
"Claire how could you think that. I love you ive always loved you I cant live without you I cant meet someone else they would never be you so I wouldn't be happy I cant be happy without you you're my everything you're the reason im still alive to this day"
"How do you mean im the reason your still alive?"
"When you where about 4 years" I sat down on the ground in front of her "Old a bunch of vampires came to la push doing what they normally do kill people so of course we went after them and I got hurt badly and when the pack take me back to Sam and Emily's you where there and you started to cry when you seen me so hurt and you kept say Qwily owkway Qwily owkway and I wasn't okay I was dieing but you wouldn't leave my side you cried for so long. And at that moment I couldn't leave you I knew you needed me to stay that you needed me it was funny you would scream at anyone who would try and touch me and when I tried to move you wouldn't let me even when I needed to eat you would feed me you where slow at getting the food to my mouth and when you weren't looking I would sneak a peace and shove it into my mouth and you would sing songs to me your voice was so sweet then to" I remembered that time like it was yesterday
"I remember that well not remember its more a dream that keeps coming back"
"Look Claire" I grabbed her hands "I love you and I am so sorry with the way I have been treating you over the last month but that's what I thought you wanted space time that's why I never kissed you or grabbed you and held you the way I did because I didn't wont you to think that I was him" I said his name angrily "And I didn't wont you to feel trapped or anything" she laughed
"That's funny I was leaving because I didn't wont you to feel like you where trapped in this relationship I thought you thought of me as damaged that's why you wouldn't kiss me or hold me or wouldn't have… Sex with me" She blushed
"I do wont to but I wanted to give you time"
"I don't need time im happy with my life yeah the rape screwed me up a bit and im not like I was but my feelings or attraction to you will never change"
"We are both idiots"
"Yes we are"
"Im so sorry Claire" I grabbed her and pulled her closer to me "im sorry that I wasn't there that day to help you that I just left you there that you got hurt like that I wasn't there to protect you like I-"
"Quil stop I said this to so many people over the last month its not your fault you couldn't help that he was there it wasn't your fault that he decided to come on that day at that time. And it made me a stronger person because of it and it made me realize that I need you" She jumped in to my arms and started planting kisses all over my face I felt relaxed and at home right here with her
"So does this mean your staying?"
"Of course I cant leave without you" I hurd people in the house laughing
"Well looks like we don't have to tell the others they can hear us"
"Oh really" she smiled "Well then if they can hear us what are they saying when they hear this. Quil I have loved you for as long as I can remember and ive always wanted to marry you and I don't wont to wait for you to ask so Quil Ateara will you marry me?" What
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