Step THREE: "Bargaining is an agreement between parties fixing obligations that each promises to carry out."

Song of the step: "Jesus Christ" by: Brand New.

Song of the chapter: "Electric Feel" by: MGMT. (Check this band out, they've got a nice sound.)

Quick note: It seems y'all liked the argument with Bella & Edward last chappie. Good to hear, because I really enjoyed writing it. ;) Oh yeah, and I recieved the freaky news that Betty Paige died a few days back. How's that for creepy coincidences?

-x-x-x-

Chapter Ten: Wanna Know Something Funny?.

"So, where do you want to go tonight?" Jasper had asked Rosalie when he had gone to pick her up that evening. To his chagrin she had ultimately decided upon going bowling. Bowling of all things that they could be doing! As if he needed another thing to make the night harder for him.

The truth was, Jasper knew that Rosalie had certain...shall we say expectations. All girls did in some measure, but hers were especially unforgiving for going slow. She just wasn't a slow sort of girl. And knowing that, he had been debating with himself just how far he was willing to go with this. He didn't want to upset her, she was nice enough when they weren't on a date, but he knew himself, and he obviously wasn't interested in her that way.

So far they had held hands. In that instance, he had been trying to live up to her expectations in the smallest way possible, and besides, holding hands was nothing. So he didn't have to feel guilty about it, which was a plus. Still, it had been uncomfortable, and so the gesture had been shortlived. But what now?

It's quite possible that he might have to cut the cord with her soon, but that just created the problem of letting her down easy. He definitely did not want to sour her relations with him or any of his friends, whom she might be cold to if he broke up with her. This was a dilemma, plain and simple.

Jasper supposed that there was one good thing about bowling. You had to take turns, and so whether it was her up to bat or him, he'd always have time to think over what he was going to say or do. This was perhaps the only good thing about the sport. Overall, he hated it because it was so pointless. You stand up, and throw a ball down a lane. How interactive was that? Not at all, he thought. There's no excitement like in baseball where you're trying to make it around the bases before you're struck out, or football where you're trying to get a touchdown before you're tackled or forced out of bounds. Bowing was lame, and you had to wear the most god-awful shoes to play it.

So he was not looking forward to tonight's date, not one bit.

About an hour in the going was slow, and Rosalie had gone into the restaurant to get some drinks. There was a waitress hanging about the counters, surveying the people out on the lanes with an amused look on her face. Her gaze turned to Rosalie as she approached, and she looked as if she had been waiting for a chance to see her.

"Ha...you wanna know something funny?" the waitress asked, a wry grin on her face. Rosalie was confused. What was she talking about?

"Excuse me?"

"Look, um have you gotten very far with that guy? Are you having any luck?"

"I'm afraid that I'm gonna have to ask what in the hell you mean, Lynn," Rosalie stated primly, glancing at the waitress' nametag.

"I went out with him in high school, and so did a couple of my friends. None of us ever lasted very long, and as far as I know, no relationship he's ever had has. So naturally it causes me to wonder if he's reformed since then. That's all I'm saying," Lynn answered matter-of-factly.

"We haven't been dating for long, and well no, we haven't gotten all that far. So, is there anything I ought to know?" Rosalie asked, intrigued now. Well this was new, she mused. Maybe this girl has some info I don't, like why he always has to go so slow...grr.

"He's like a brick wall as far as intimacy goes, but I'm sure you must've figured that one out by now. Takes him forever to get around to holding hands or kissing you on the cheek even. I'm not even sure I'd want to know how long it takes him to get around to sex. I wouldn't be much surprised if that boy was a virgin all throughout high school. I'm guessing he had to have gotten some since then, but who could've inspired him to get it up, I have no idea," Lynn ranted somewhat sourly as she went through old memories.

"He said he got a drunk lay in college, and that was his first. He didn't sound too chuffed about it though, which was weird because what guy doesn't like to brag about sex, never mind liking it. I mean it's essential somewhere for them to like getting laid because otherwise how can they get an erection?" Rosalie added.

"I know!" Lynn said enthusiastically. "You're a girl after my own heart, that's exactly what I always thought."

"I'm just stating the obvious, sister."

"Anyhow, he's a coward when it comes to breaking up. Generally back in school he did it over the phone, and kept a low profile for a day or so afterwards. I don't think he lasted more than a month or two with anyone... frankly by the time graduation rolled around, me and my girlfriends thought he had to be gay. I still think so, but why go through the charade even now? I can understand him wanting not to lose face in high school, but now that he's an adult, why not just be honest about it instead of wasting girls' time?"

"I don't know. But do you really think he's gay? I mean sure he's unresponsive in a relationship, but other than that, he seems like any normal straight guy. He's fun to hang around when it's us and other people, and personally I just have a hard time seeing him as homosexual," Rosalie said thoughtfully.

"Yeah yeah, but you know what they say about serial killers and such: it's always the one you'd least expect, right? So maybe he seems on the up-and-up but is too self-conscious to be honest. 'Cause to put it bluntly, why wouldn't he shag a perfectly fine woman like yourself by now?" Lynn chimed in, raising an eyebrow for emphasis.

"Trust me, I ask myself that all the time. He even got a nice peek down my shirt on our first date, and ended the night with a freaking kiss on the cheek!"

"Sacrilegious," Lynn muttered.

"Lynn, order up!" the chef squawked. Lynn turned around, gave him a curt nod, and then turned back to Rosalie.

"Duty calls," she said, rolling her eyes. "Have fun with him. Tell me if he comes out of the closet anytime."

"I'll be sure to, thanks for the info."

"Well fancy seeing you two lovebirds here!"

"Fancy seeing you here too, Emmett," Jasper said. This could be a good thing, he mused. Now he wasn't all on his own with this girl.

"I thought you hated bowling, Jazz-man," Emmett pointed out, giving him a look that clearly said 'Jig's up.' From how Emmett was acting, Jasper figured he thought he was whipped or something, trying to impress his date by doing something he wasn't all that fond of. The truth? That's not what was going on clearly, but let Emmett think what he wants to.

"I don't hate it, it's just not my favourite thing to do."

"That's funny, Alice said you loved it," Rosalie chimed in as she came back to the table after bowling a collective '6' on that turn. Jasper looked at her, confused.

"When did she say that?" he asked.

"The other day when us girls went shopping. What's it to you?"

"Nothing, I just wondered," he muttered.

"What are you bowling so far?" Emmett asked Rosalie, who started pointing out her numbers on the screen. They weren't bad, but they weren't excellent either, just sort of average to tell the truth.

"Aww, I know you can do better than that. Here, on your next turn, I'll help you out. I'm an expert," he said confidently, grinning like a fool.

"Really? Thanks!" Rosalie remarked.

Jasper was pretty sure that he ought to be concerned about Emmett "teaching" Rosalie how to "improve her aim" as far as bowling went, but frankly, Jasper couldn't care less. He was sitting back in one of those swivelly chairs, looking blankly at the scorekeeping screen.

He was upset, and more than a little confused. Why did Alice tell Rosalie that he liked to bowl? Alice knew he didn't like to, so why did she go and lie about it? Did she purposely want to torture him or something? What had he ever done to her? Ha, he thought sarcastically. That's my problem right there. I haven't done anything to her, no matter how much I think about it or want to. It's because I'm pathetic.

Now that he looked at it, Emmett was getting quite close to her, and if Jasper didn't know any better, he would think Emmett was putting the moves on his date. Hmm, he pondered, this could possibly get me off the hook. Lovely. But first he decided that he'd let it play out on its own. So he made up a game plan: get those two drunk, and let them fall all over each other. Then I can be all gracious and say "Why don't you guys just go out?" and I'm homefree!

Jasper congratulated himself on such a brilliant scheme. Pity Emmett hadn't gotten friendly with her earlier, say maybe before Jasper was roped into asking her out? It would have saved him a lot of trouble.

Another game and a half later with Emmett as third player, the two of them had drunk a sufficient amount while Jasper played designated driver. He noticed that the two were very flirty with each other, keeping up some competitive bantering as each had their turn bowling. This made him very pleased, though he just couldn't keep his mind off the fact that it had been Alice who had lied to Rosalie. She knew him, she knew he didn't like to bowl, so why the little white lie?

Frankly it bugged him, mostly because she was usually looking after him, not trying to make his life miserable. Wasn't it she who had made him go out on all these days anyway, in the hopes that one girl would stick? This didn't make sense, he thought. And I don't like it....

He had to get to the bottom of this.

"Hey ermh, you guys, I'm gonna step outside to make a phone call, so I'll be right back, okay?" he told Emmett and Rosalie, who nodded and waved him off, clearly too engrossed in the little game they were playing to care.

He went outside, pulling his phone out of his pocket as he went. There was really only one person he could trust to ask about this, and who wouldn't question why he asked about it. His fingers skimmed over the buttons, dialing a familiar number.

"You really have outdone yourself with this lasagna, Bella dear," Edward commented, spearing a bite on his fork.

"Compliment me all you want, Edward, you're not out of the doghouse yet...sweetheart," Bella replied, taking another long draw from her wineglass, savoring the aged flavour. It was so typical of him, she thought. He thinks that laying on flattery will just magically solve everything. How wrong he is....

The phone began to ring from where she'd left it next to her on the dinner table. Puzzled, she checked the caller ID, and saw it was Jasper. Who was supposed to be on a date, she added in her mind. Oh, what now? she thought distractedly, setting down her wine. She picked up the phone and pressed 'talk'. "Hey, what's up?"

"I just have one minor question for you," Jasper said on the other line, sounding strange.

"And what would that be?" Bella inquired.

"Why did Alice lie to Rosalie? I mean I know she knows I hate bowling! Why did she have to go and do that? Is she trying to make me miserable? I mean Jesus, I thought she was supposed to be looking out for my best interests. We're friends, and friends don't send friends on bad dates, intentionally at least!" he ranted, his voice growing more and more ticked-off as he went.

Bella stood up to take the call into another room. Edward decided it would be best not to ask what the call was about until she got back, so he turned his attention back to his own dinner, starting on the green salad finally.

"Jasper, okay just calm down, for starters. Are you still on the date?" Bella asked, sitting down on the chair in the living room.

"Yes, and Emmett showed up here. He's bowling with us."

"And how's that going?" Bella pressed.

"Really well for the two of them, and in a roundabout way, it's good for me too, you know? I was thinking that...well I'm almost sure that Emmett likes her, and maybe he could...take her off my hands. That's my plan anyway. They're very tipsy right now, so we'll see what happens," he finished, sighing.

"You're devious," Bella told him. "But are you sure Emmett likes her? Like really sure?"

"Yeah, I mean he was practically all up on her when he offered to show her how to quote 'improve her aim' end quote. And she was just oh-so willing, it would have made any real date jealous. Jealous enough to start a fight, I think. But you still haven't answered my question, Bella."

"Oh, sorry. I hope that little plan goes well for you. But in all honesty, I don't know why she told Rosalie that. Maybe she thought it might be a fun date. Maybe she forgot you hate it. Maybe it's her idea of a joke?" Bella suggested mildly. She didn't think it would be a good idea to tell Jasper the truth. This was a precarious situation, and the two of them couldn't be forced together. Let Jasper and Rosalie break up on their own, and then Bella would slowly put her two friends together. It was the best plan she could come up with at the moment.

"I...maybe. It's just that Alice doesn't forget things, Bella. You know it's true," Jasper replied miserably.

"She's only human Jasper, like we all are," Bella reminded him. "I'm sure that even she forgets things once in a while."

Author's Note:

I've got two quaint little stories (quaint? yeah right) going right now called "The Adventures of Alice In Smutland" and "Naughty And Blessed Be The Family That Shares".

(PS: I GOT MY FIRST FLAME FOR THE SECOND STORY TODAY! -smirks- It said: "you are a dirty minded creep" and it was an anon. review from someone called "becca." Well Becca, I won't deny I have a deliciously dirty mind, but it's not nice to call me a creep, honey.)

She really ought to stick to the "Don't Like, Don't Read" policy, don't you think?

-laughs-

Anyway, that sort of amused me to see.

So if you like the smut + a little humour, check them out!

Make sure to review, cause I am a review ho, and well.. you know you want to speak your mind!