Poke'Scenes
Hey Wall Street, suck our debt!
Tracy sits on a chair at a table surrounded by the writing staff(Neo Namco and…um…I guess that's it). He skims through the upcoming Poke'Scenes script and mentally reads his lines.
Sitting next to him is Samuel Oak reading the newspaper. "I can't believe these people." he says out loud.
Tracy's attention is drawn to Sam. "That's not the script. What is that?" he asks dumbfounded.
"It's a newspaper." Sam simply replies, revealing the title of the paper: 'The World is Doomed Daily'
"What's a newspaper?" Tracy asks, confused.
"It's like the internet but on paper and relatively out-dated on the day's news." Sam explains.
"Ohhh…" Tracy raises an eyebrow. "Anything interesting?"
"Yeah all these commie protesters are forming mobs all over the world, complaining about income inequality and financial institutions influencing policy and supposedly collecting an unfair distribution of wealth. What a bunch of lazy pot smoking hippie commie scum sucking homeless loving whiners." Sam rants.
"Will you two shut the (bleep) up?" Neo Namco yells "You're supposed to be preparing for tonight's show and here you are criticizing the 99 percent."
"They may be claim to be the 99 percent but it says here only 53 percent of the population supports them." Sam holds the paper out in front of him.
"Well 46 percent of the populations is stupid." Neo Namco "Who do you think is keeping rodeos legal? It's the 21st century and there are still Cowboys."
"Ah-ha you must be one of those stupid people because it would be 47 percent, not 46!" Sam stands up and yells.
"I didn't count the 1 percent because why would they want the media to portray the occupy movement positively at the risk of being forced into being moral?" Namco counters.
"Excuse me?" a fourth voice penetrates the room. The three guys turn their heads to the doorway where George Lopez stands "I was wondering since my show has been canned by TBS that maybe I could make a guest appearance on Poke'Scenes…?"
"Ah hell no!" Tracy marches over to George and pokes him in the chest with his finger "Who are you to get a guest appearance on our show after you stole our Stage 29...right next to Ellen Degeneres. I liked being able to just walk over and watch her show."
"You guys were on hiatus for two years! Tu loco puta!" George shouts.
"Who is this?" Sam asks, unsure of what to do in the situation.
"It's George Lopez…the guy who took our old stage." Tracy refreshes Sam's memory.
"He took are lot?" Sam asks.
"George I'd be happy to discuss a potential cameo with you." Namco approaches George and gives him a handshake, followed by the two walking out the door with arms around shoulders.
"Damn it. Screw this. I'm gonna go out and replace Lopez…tonight!" Tracy storms out the door.
Sam sighs and shrugs his shoulders…and then without warning proceeds to dance, using the choreography from Beyonce's 'Single Ladies' music video.
All the single ladies
All the single ladies
All the single ladies
All the single ladies
Now put your hands up
Up in the club
Just broke up
Doing my own little thing
You decided to dip
And now you wanna trip
Cuz another brother noticed me
I'm up on him, he up on me
Don't pay him any attention
Done cried my tears , for three good years
Ya can't be mad at me
Cuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don't be mad once you see that he want it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Wanted: Wed or Tied
It's another day in the life of our three favorite poke'mon trainers and favorite yellow creature(except for Tweety Bird, Spongebob Square Pants, and Homer Simpson). And as usual at least one of them has something to complain about. Ugh, what a bunch of 99-percenters. Hey Professor Oak stop editing the story, jerk!
"Thirsty…need water." Ash says in a whiney voice as he and his friends sluggishly walk through a desert slumped over.
"We're all thirsty, Ash. Whining doesn't help." Misty responds, agitated.
"Whining!" Charlie Sheen can be heard saying in the background.
"Yes it does. Now call out your water poke'mon!" Ash yells.
"I don't have any remember? We started a new journey and I left all my poke'mon except Togetic back at the gym." she reminds him.
"Damn it Misty this is why you shouldn't do things that Ash does." Brock slams her…verbally I mean.
"There's nothing wrong with repetition, Brock." Ash says. "I don't care how low the ratings are." he crosses his arms.
"Hey look." Misty says "A town." she and the guys…and Pikachu look on as the dust clears, revealing a town up ahead.
"Let's stumble into it." Brock suggests, and so he and his friends…and Pikachu walk towards the town in search of water and shelter.
Within the next 20 minutes the group enters the town, each of their heads and eyes wandering, looking for a place for resources to hydrate, but most of the shops were boarded up in this town of 'Winslow.'
"This place looks deserted." Misty says, desperately searching for a sign of life.
"Really? I was about to comment on how vibrant and busy this place was." Brock says sarcastically.
"Shut-up. Someone has to say it." Misty glares at him.
"That is true." Ash backs her up.
"Pika pikachu." Pikachu points to their right at a building.
"Huh?" the humans turn their heads and come to a stop at the sight of an old timey worn out wanted poster on the wall of the police station.
It read: WANTED for not committing their love.
A picture of Ash and Misty was below the text.
Below them the text continues: Ash Ketchum/Misty Waterflower. $9,500,000 REWARD.
Puzzled looks were the results of the expressions on our heroe's faces…and Pikachu.
"Are we on a hidden camera show?" Brock asks.
"Commit our love?" Misty exclaims furiously "What the hell is this? Are we being stalked?"
"Misty please. One obvious question at a time." Brock says calmly.
"I don't get it." Ash says, starring at the poster in confusion.
"Chu." Pikachu smacks his forehead. Not HIS though.
"Ow. What was that for?" Ash asks his buddy.
"It's Ash and Misty!" a loud shrieking female voice tears through the town. Ash and the others turn to see a woman with a look of shock on her face "Everybody get out here!"
Suddenly people from left and right(and center too..) pour out of all the buildings and exclaim in various different ways about their joy of Ash and Misty being present.
"Kiss-kiss-kiss-kiss-kiss-kiss-kiss-kiss." the people chant.
"No way! I don't know what's wrong with you people but I don't like Ash." Misty claims with a blush.
"And I don't know what committing love means." Ash says with his hand in the air.
"Chu." Pikachu smacks Ash's forehead again.
"Well if these two lovers wont commit their love, I'll make them for that reward." A random guy in the crowd of people says, stepping forward with a baseball bat. A St. Louis Cardinals hat displayed on his head.
"Uhh…later!" Ash pushes Misty forward, towards the guy with the bat and takes off running. Brock and Pikachu follow.
"Ash you asshole!" Misty runs after him, being chased by the whole town.
"Get them!" the bat wielding man shouts "Don't hesitate to use violence unlike those sissy protesters on Wall Street!"
Half of the mob bursts into the various weapon shops that drive their town's economy to load up on artillery, while the other half continues chasing Ash and Misty while pulling out pocket knives, watches, silver dollars, baseballs, bricks, and other treasured personal belongings.
"What do we do?" Ash asks his friends as they run as fast as they can.
"Just keep running!" Brock shouts.
"You should have had Pikachu shock that guy, but you had to push me." Misty says angrily "Didn't your mom ever teach you manners?"
"She never mentioned men with bats." Ash responds while pressing his hat against the top of his head with his hand to keep it from flying off. "Brock throw a jelly filld donut to slow them down."
"We ate them all!" Brock yells in a panic. "and plus that isn't a realistic way to stop a motivated mob. They aren't normal people in this state. You gotta freeze them, decapitate them, or blow them up."
"Over here!" a woman wearing a blue Texas Rangers hat shouts, poking out from the side of a building.
Ash, Misty, Pikachu, and Brock run over and take shelter behind the building with the strange woman while the mob stampedes by. When the vibrations stop, the group takes sighs of relief as they fall down to their knees.
"Whew. That was a close one." Ash says, relieved. The next thing he knew, Misty's hand delivers a hard smack across the face. "Ow! What was that for?"
"For pushing me toward that mob!" Misty screams.
"Well I…I-I-I…uh…" Ash watches Brock move behind Misty and hold up cards with words for help. "I…just thought that because you're so beautiful…your pure beauty would stop them in their tracks long enough for me to get away."
"And what was gonna happen to me?" Misty asks with her arms crossed.
"Uh…I planned to stock up on weaponry and then come back for you in a beautiful scene of bloody gore caused by my relentless courage and superb killing ability all in the name of your safety." Ash reads.
"Oh Ash…really? You're so sweet." Misty takes his hand in hers.
Ash smiles back and says "Let's have sex."
"What?" Misty yanks her hand out of his and smacks him again across the face.
"It wasn't me it was the card." Ash points behind her where now the woman who saved them holds that very card.
"Hey I think it would make you two feel a lot better if you guys made love." the woman suggests.
"Not gonna happen." Misty responds.
"Ash, don't you want to (bleep) Misty?" the woman asks.
"Well…I…" Ash blushes and puts a hand on the back of his neck.
"Ash come on even if you don't love her the obvious answer is yes." Brock says, shaking his head in disappointment.
"Wait a second, you're just trying to make us (bleep) so you can get that reward." Misty realizes.
"Well…KISS!" the woman puts a hand behind the backs of Ash and Misty's heads and tries as hard as she can to push their faces together.
"Ahhhh!" the two scream
"Pikachu, help!" Ash yells, trying his hardest to push his head back away from Misty.
Pikachu sits next to the wall of the building eating jelly filled donuts.
"I knew I had some left. Pikachu you bitch!" Brock shouts and then he picks up a baseball sized rock and knocks the woman over the head with it, causing her to fall to the ground unconscious.
"Thanks, Brock. I could smell Ash's peanut butter breath." Misty says, wiping the sweat from her brow.
"Well at least my breath doesn't smell like mint!" Ash says angrily, causing Misty to shake her head.
"Come on let's go find a deserted building to hide in." Brock pulls his friends on to their feet and they carefully go in search of a hiding spot.
Meanwhile our favorite villains had made their way into Winslow and in front of the Wanted poster which they examined with a sense of confusion and opportunity.
"This is perfect. We can get those twerps together and use the money to pay the boss." Jessie says.
"Just imagine what da boss will say." Meowth starts to fantasize when he receives a fist in the head from Jessie. "Ow!"
"Yeah yeah we know. He'll be happy. Now let's get to work." Jessie says.
"I don't know. 9.5 million dollars isn't nearly enough to cover our billion dollar debt." James realizes "And how many other opportunities like this are we gonna have? How many towns out there actually give out a reward of any kind for getting a couple together? Maybe we should just give up."
"Maybe you're right. Okay. Let's do it. We'll quit and go into hiding." Jessie.
"Couldn't we try and get da money anyways since we're gonna be out of a job?" Meowth asks.
"Good point. Let's get to work." Jessie says with a glint in her eye.
Meanwhile our heroes have found an abandoned building to crash in. "We should be safe here." Brock says, setting up a few lanterns to light up the room.
"We can't stay here for the rest of our lives." Misty points out.
"We could always give our selves in." Ash suggests.
"No! I'm not gonna do it with you. We'll just have to live here." Misty says, turning her back.
"But Misty, we could just fake it." Ash says.
"You mean like a fake orgasm?" Misty asks, turning back around.
"No. We can just go to the police station hand in hand and act all coupley. It's not like we're wanted crooks. They just want us to be a couple." Ash explains.
"Yeah…" Brock nods "Except I wont allow it."
"What why?" Misty asks.
"Because I'm getting that money." Brock pulls out a bowie knife. "Now strip."
"Brock-" Misty tries to talk but is interrupted.
"I said strip!" Brock tosses Pikachu a camera "Pikachu film this!"
Tears well up in Misty's eyes as she slowly removes her suspenders.
"Brock…" Ash removes his hat and vest "Are we splitting the money?"
"No! I'm taking it all. After all these years shelling out my savings to support you guys and sleeping in the woods every night without so much as an offer to pay for something from any of you, I'm taking the wealth and getting the babes. It's my turn. It's mine!" Brock yells.
"Okay okay geez…" Ash unties his shoes and whispers to Misty "This kind of reminds me of that scene in One Hour Photo when Robin Williams-"
"Ash just shut up and take off your clothes." Brock warns him.
"Fine but I don't see what this has to do with me and Misty committing our love." Ash says, not understanding that Brock wants them to consummate their relationship.
"Isn't this rape?" Misty asks, taking off her shoes.
"Isn't this the part where you shut the (bleep) up!" Brock yells.
"Brock can I tell you something first?" Ash asks.
"What?" Brock answers.
"Look behind you!" Ash yells while pointing.
Brock turns around to see Pikachu holding a card that says 'Brock can I tell you something first? (wait for response) Look behind you!'
"What the?" Brock turns back around to see Ash and Misty run out the door bare foot. "Damn it!"
"Pikachu!" Pikachu shocks Brock and catches up with Ash and Misty.
"Quick we have to hide." Misty says as they run down the street.
"Maybe they wont recognize us without our shoes." Ash says.
"That's it! Ash you're…still not a genius but you've given me an idea." Misty leads them into a costume shop to look for disguises.
The man behind the counter holds a newspaper in front of his face so he can't see them(thankfully). "Welcome to 'Disguises' let me know if you need help with something." he says in a bored flat tone.
"We sure will." Misty says in a low disguised voice for some reason.
Ash walks through the shop without his hat, vest, and shoes, and Misty walks around without her suspenders and shoes with Pikachu close behind.
"Ooh a King outfit. I call this one!" Ash grabs the robe off the hook.
"No Ash we have to look normal." Misty tells him "We can't draw attention to ourselves…Ooh a Snooki costume!" Misty picks it up with a smile.
"Misty…what did you just say?" Ash asks with his hands on his hips while tapping his foot.
"Damn." Misty puts it back.
After paying for their disguises in disguise, they make their way through the town, hopefully blending in.
(song? nah you guys don't need a song. just imagine them trying to walk by all the people searching for them)
Pikachu's fur was now an orange-brown color with yellow electric sacks on his cheeks, hopefully passing off as a Raichu.
Ash wore an orange jump suit with a blue ninja belt tied around his waist and matching blue sweat bands on his wrists. His hair has also been changed to appear spikier with some gel.
Misty was still barefoot, wearing a white garb and white pearls around her neck. Her hair is back in a bun style.
They walk through the town whistling past all the people looking for them. One of those people is Brock, trying to sniff them out. Literally sniffing the air for their scent.
"You brushed your teeth right, Ash? I mean Tom. Brock can smell peanut butter." Misty whispers.
"Yeah, Misty I mean Ann. Did you chew all that sugar fruit gum to get rid of the mint?" Ash asks.
"Yeah I'm still chewing." Misty answers while chewing the gum.
As they walk away with their heads turned behind them, they bump into some familiar figures.
"Hey watch it!" Jessie yells.
"Sorry…miss." Misty sweat drops.
"You better be sorry, Wilma." Jessie says back.
"My name is Ann." Misty replies, upset.
"Jessie don't worry about it we gotta find dose twoips so we can get da money." Meowth tells her.
Ash and Misty gulp.
"Let's go to the costume shop and disguise as special agents to trick them into thinking we're on their side." James suggests.
"Good idea. Let's go." Jessie and the others walk away.
"Let's get out of here." Misty says, and they continue on to the exit.
Back at their old short lived hiding spot, some of the mob was looking around inside. "They've been here." the Cardinals fan with the baseball bat uses it to lift Ash's vest up. "A pair of suspenders, a hat, shoes, socks…they're doing it somewhere."
"Let's find them so we can bash their skulls in!" another guy says holding that weapon used in those 'The Descent' movies. I don't know the name of it.
"No we're trying to get them to commit their love." the bat wielder explains.
"Oh that's what this is? That's not fun." the guy pouts. "I was really looking forward to driving this into their skulls."
"Why again did that jury find you not guilty of murder?" the bat wielder asks.
Back outside Ash, Misty, and Pikachu get to Winslow's exterior but now find that a big barbed wire fence surrounds the whole town.
"Oh no. Now how are we gonna escape greed and persecution?" Misty asks, disappointed.
"That's impossible, Misty. We live on planet Earth." Ash reminds her.
"Pika…" Pikachu lowers his head.
"Come on, Mist. Let's go find a place to crash for the night and think of a plan." Ash extends his arm toward the disappointed girl on her knees.
Misty looks up and stares at his hand. She smiles and takes it, being pulled back on to her feet.
Several hours later that night, the three are back in the abandoned building, and back in their original clothes, watching an old television left behind. The news was on, and they happened to be the hot topic.
"The demand for Ash and Misty to finally get together is escalating around the world." the news anchor says on KNN(Kanto News Network). "As shown here in these live images."
Thousands of people were gathered together in Tokyo, Japan holding signs and chanting things. Signs like 'AAML forever' and 'Ash + Misty'
"Thousands have gathered to protest until the couple gets together, which is becoming a world wide movement. These people have been occupying Tokyo for a month, in hopes that their demands will be met."
"I can't believe it. This is huge." Misty says in awe.
"Pika pika pi chu." Pikachu says (translation: that's what she said)
"Don't worry, Misty." Ash puts an arm around her shoulder.
"I'm scared, Ash. I don't wanna live the rest of my life like this." Misty begins to cry.
"We'll find a way out, Misty. We'll figure something out. I promise." Ash pulls Misty to his body and hugs her tight.
Misty looks up and into Ash's eyes. "There is one way." she smiles.
"Huh?" Ash raises an eyebrow.
Misty puts her hands on his shoulders and rubs them gently.
"Oh…" Ash extends one of his arms and points and snaps his fingers, motioning for Pikachu to move. Once Pikachu had cleared the area, Ash leans in and kisses Misty on the lips. She kisses back and the two get down on the floor, making out and removing each other's clothes.
The next morning…
"Breaking news!" the KNN anchor exclaims "After all these years, Ash and Misty have finally consummated their love. This was learned after a video tape of the two doing it was sent to our studio early this morning. Let's take a look. Be warned, some of it is graphic."
The footage depicts Ash and Misty making out on the ground, taking their clothes off, and making love underneath a bed sheet. Moaning and all. Only their heads and arms can be seen, but there's still evidence of passionate thrusting.
"And the person who secretly taped these two get it on…is a guy by the name of Tom Chovy. Congratulations, you're filthy rich now. We will update you as this story progresses." the anchor says.
A door with a sign reading 'Press Conference Room' opens followed by the departure of Ash and Misty making their way out and back outside. "We can go now. The wall has been torn down." Ash says.
"I know. I'm so happy." Misty gives Ash a big hug and the two walk back to the abandoned house they've been squatting in.
"Let's see if we got some mail." Ash opens the mailbox and takes out an envelope. He and Misty look around to make sure the coast is clear, and then enter the house where Ash immediately tears open the envelope and pulls out a check for 9 and a half million dollars. "Yes! We're rich!" he exclaims.
"Oh my god I can't believe it worked." Misty gives Ash a big hug while they jump up and down with excitement.
"Allow me to explain." Pikachu steps into view and speaks in the voice of James Earl Jones. "Last night when Ash motioned for me to leave, he was actually motioning for me to grab the camera and film them as they pretended to have sexual intercourse and used a fake name and the address of an abandoned building for the purpose of conning this town out of nearly ten million dollars. Pretty clever huh? Or so it may seem…pika pika pikachu." Pikachu's voice returns to normal and walks away.
"And to think all those idiots actually think we like each other. Okay we each get $4,750,000. Now you don't have an excuse to not get me a new bike." Misty says.
"I know. Don't worry I'm gonna buy you a motorcycle. Batman's motorcycle." Ash says with a grin. "And I'm buying myself a corvette and dumping my poke'mon journey."
"Let's go cash it!" Misty yoinks the check from Ash's hand and rushes to the door but as she's turning the door knob she pauses.
"Misty what's wrong?" Ash asks.
"This check is addressed to Tom Chovy…" Misty realizes.
"Yeah so?" Ash shrugs.
"Tom Chovy doesn't exist!" Misty screams.
D'oh!
In the lab, Professor Oak is hanging decorations on a Christmas tree in the corner…Halloween decorations. He turns around to face you. "Oh hey there, I'm just decorating since this apparently is our Halloween special for 2011. We had some scary story ideas but this is what we decided to throw at you. But what's scarier than greed? Ooooh." Sam moans like a ghost. He coughs "Our next story is about poke'mon. If you've been paying attention, you know this will be the very first poke'mon centered story. Enjoy. Mwahahahahahaha." he laughs evilly, as if poke'mon is something evil. And if you're a Christian, it is. Not because of fighting, Christians love to fight. I'm talking about evolution.
If you're Christian and you're offended and you'd like us to insult atheists, please press one on your keyboard.
You have pressed 1. Hey atheists your life is meaningless.
If you're an atheist and are offended and you'd like us to re-insult Christians, too bad. We have a show to do. Besides they insult themselves. Zing!
NPL Lockout
A man in a nice suit stands in a spacious room with the letters PC on everything as a badass guitar solo plays similar but not the same due to copyright reasons as a certain sports news program.
"Things are heating up in the midst of the Poke'mon league lockout as the owners, the trainers, and the poke'mon continue to lash out at each other during the meetings. We have the highlights ahead. Plus you wont want to miss the best KO's ever in our top 10." he says.
The guitar solo kicks into high gear and blows minds with it's badass-ness and then the following is said in a deep man's voice: "This is Poke'Center!"
"Yeah I'm ready!" the man in the suit says "Damn that pumps me up. Welcome to Poke'Center, I'm Neil Morfitt. Here's what's happening now."
Cut to footage of several different poke'mon getting out of limos in suits and walking past photographers and journalists towards a big building. Some of those poke'mon include Charizard, Zapdos, Electabuzz, Torterra, Jumpluff, Smeargle, Pikachu, Hitmonchan, Hypno, Azumarill, Arbok, Blastoise, Dragonite, Wailord, and Pikachu.
"Today representatives of the poke'union met with trainers and owners at the league office in Viridian City to negotiate a deal for the next contract. Things did not go smoothly. Take a look." Neil informs us.
"I'm afraid we don't see eye to eye on this matter. It just can't be done." the league owner Roger Badwill says at a big table with owners and trainers on one side and the poke'mon seated at the other side.
The poke'mon are silent initially and then suddenly Arbok leaps out at Badwill, constricting around his hands and legs. Electabuzz grabs him and pushes him against the body of Wailord, followed by Hitmonchan walking over and repeatedly punching Badwill in the face and chest.
A security team of Officer Jennys tasers Hitmonchan and arrests the violent poke'mon involved in the incident.
"Among those arrested, super star Hitmonchan who's recently turned to a Hollywood career on the side in the past few years, becoming a big action movie star. He's famous for doing his own stunts. He also has been known to release some rap albums. Here's what Chan had to say when he arrived at the office this morning." Neil reports.
Hitmonchan talks into a reporter's microphone, wearing an expensive suit "Chan chan chan-"
In order to understand him, a voice is dubbed over in English: "I'm retiring after this upcoming season to pursue a full time acting career but I want to make sure that my fellow poke'mon are taken care of and get the rights they deserve. They've been undermined long enough by the greedy league owners and it's time to put an end to it."
"Well what are those rights?" Neil asks "The poke'union is demanding an 8 percent incentive increase and a 42 percent recognition increase. They also want to expand the current 6 party rule to ten, but maintain the maximum number poke'mon allowed in a battle at 6. For more on that we go to Ray Quaza inside Poke'mon Stadium. Ray why do they want to increase the party limit to ten?"
A Hispanic male in a suit with a microphone stands in the middle of an empty poke'mon stadium "Neil the poke'mon want the limit raised to 10 because they feel that the overall stress and injuries they receive as a result of their battles will be minimized. They also believe that it will give more of their comrades a chance to gain experience and ease the bumps and bruises they get. It also gives the trainers more options to choose from. They argue it's a beneficial change for everyone."
"How do the owners feel about it?" Neil asks.
"The owners have not commented on this particular demand as of yet. Their main concentration is on the incentive proposition at this point. But most of the trainers are in favor of it." Ray replies.
"Thanks, Ray. Ray Quaza at Poke'mon Stadium. For more on the poke'union's motivation we turn to none other than the poke'union president, Pikachu who had this to say earlier today." Neil says.
Pikachu wears a blue nice blue vest and speaks into a reporter's microphone. (Translated-) "We just want fair treatment. My colleagues and I are underappreciated and underpaid. We do all the work and the trainers get all the praise and all the cash."
"So if this is true, why are the owners having such a tough time buying into this?" Neil wonders "According to Commissioner Roger Badwill, the league has been losing money due to the fractured economy and can not afford to improve the poke'mon earnings right now. He says it's a matter of math and warns that if the lockout continues that the chances of successfully negotiating these demands favoring the poke'mon in the future won't be possible if the league loses money during this lockout."
"Now let's get to the top 10." Neil says and a flash of numbers from 1-10 count down quickly in descending order on a screen. "These are the top 10 KO's of all time. At number 10 it's Ash versus Drake. Pikachu and Dragonite."
Pikachu has himself latched on to Dragonite's head, who tries shaking him off. Ash commands Pikachu to use a thunder attack and severely electrocutes the dragon. Afterwards Dragonite shakes Pikachu off to the ground. The two creatures stare each other down fiercely while panting heavily. After a few moments Dragonite falls down defeated.
"Ash defeated Drake for the orange league trophy, his only championship to date. Number 9-" Neil says but disappears in pitch black.
A chubby hairy shirtless man throws his arms in the air and turns his recliner around in anger. A woman stands behind him with a remote in hand. "Hey I was watching that!" he yells.
"I asked you to do one thing today. The yard is still covered in leaves. The rake is covered in spinorak web." his wife tells him with a hint of frustration in her tone.
"I was gonna do it after Poke'Center." he claims.
"You've had all day. Why do I have to go to work while you sit on your ass and watch T.V? Oh yeah it's because you got yourself fired for being lazy." she says angrily.
"I filled out several applications today. I've been looking for work. It's not that easy." he argues.
"Just try and be productive." she says and walks away before tossing the remote at him.
"After the show." he says and turns back around, turning the television back on.
"Wow. That was incredible." Poke'Center anchor Neil Morfitt says with a smile "But legally we can never show it again because of how violently graphic it was."
"Damn it!" the guy watching slams the remote down at the floor, furious. He then turns to his 8 year old son on the couch. "Don't ever get married, son. Besides when you're older they'll have sex robots anyways."
…back to Poke'Center…
"Thanks to our illusive spy team here at Poke'Center we managed to install hidden cameras in a previous private poke'mon only meeting. Check this out completely translated." Neil says with a face of joy.
Footage of a private meeting depicts the representatives of the poke'union mentioned earlier:
"Should we just back down at the risk of not getting any of our demands at any point in the future?" Pikachu asks.
"I think we should just kill all the owners and run this league ourselves." Blastoise says, slamming his fist on the table.
"Blastoise please. Be serious. Doe anyone have any non-violent ideas?" Pikachu asks. Hypno raises its hand. "Yes Hypno?"
"What if I hypnotize all the owners and we stole all their extra cash lying around. These guys are billionaires after all." Hypno suggests.
"No damn it we…hmm. Well…" Pikachu rubs his chin, actually considering it.
"Or we could just all lock them together like a chain gang and I zap the (bleep) out of those mother (bleep)-ers!" Electabuzz exclaims.
"I'll burn their houses down!" Charizard shoots flames out its mouth.
"I can eat them." Wailord offers.
"I painted a picture." Smeargle holds up a painting of him kissing Azumarill. Azumarill rolls her eyes and crosses her arms.
"No-no-no!" Pikachu shouts "We need logical ideas."
"I wanna hear from Jumpluff." Dragonite says.
"I don't know…I kind of like the killing plans." Jumpluff admits.
"Okay let's take a break." Pikachu gets out of his seat and leaves. The poke'mon disperse.
Neil stares with a blank expression "Just an inside glimpse into what the poke'mon are thinking. Interesting. Now I'm being told that there are protests in different areas around Kanto and Johto occupying league stadiums in support of the poke'mon. Recent polls show that 54 percent of people are in favor of the poke'mon demands. 31 percent aren't, 7 percent aren't sure, 6 percent don't get it, and 2 percent say poke'mon sucks. For more on this we go to live images of protesters gathered outside the league office in Viridian City."
Hundreds of people are outside the building, many with signs echoing their support of the poke'mon as they chant "Gotta pay em all!"
"Why do you support the poke'mon?" a reporter asks a random protestor.
"Because, the poke'mon like do all the work and they don't get what they deserve. I totally agree with them and that's why I'm here, standing up for equality and you know having fun while I'm doing it." the protester answers.
"What about you ma'am why are you here?" the reporter asks another random protestor.
"I'm here because the poke'mon are so cute. Oh my god. And I want to meet Pikachu. The poke'mon deserve more you know? I love them." she explains.
"Neil back to you." the reporter says, turning around to the camera.
"Thanks, Don. That was Don Phan reporting from Viridian City. The other side of this story is the prevention of the poke'mon and their trainers from training and catching more poke'mon for the upcoming season. For an inside scoop we welcome esteemed poke'mon trainer Ash Ketchum. How are you, Ash?" Neil turns to Ash, sitting next to him behind a desk.
"I'm going crazy, Neil." Ash says, his hands shake. "Crazy." he whispers.
"How hard is it not being able to-" Neil can't even finish the question before Ash answers.
"Crazy!" Ash yells. "Catching poke'mon is everything to me. I've been playing Poke'mon 2K12 every day but it's not the same. I've actually won a league championship in 2K11. It's too easy. Why isn't it that easy in real life?" Ash falls to the floor in a fetal position, crying. "Why don't I have a Mewtwo in real life? I dare challenge any of you to battle me on Live. My game tag is ashyboy98."
"Uhh that will conclude this interview." Neil says, uncomfortable. "Now let's get to the MVP, most valuable poke'mon considerations. Right now Diglett leads…wait a second I'm being told there's breaking news from the league office. We go there now live."
Commissioner Roger Badwill steps up to a podium inside the league building and speaks into a microphone. "The lockout is over. A compromise has been made. The party limit will be raised to 10. But no more than six stage two poke'mon in a party. The poke'mon recognition percentage will go up by 35 but there will not be an incentive increase. However it was agreed to that trainers can no longer legally spay or neuter their poke'mon. The matter is now closed, so get out there and catch them all." Roger steps away from the microphone. After a few seconds he rushes back "One more thing. Hitmonchan's request to make poke'ality legal has been declined. Thank you." he once again walks away.
"Poke'ality of course meaning the poke'mon version of bestiality." Professor Oak explains in the lab. "What did you think of that skit, Tracy?" Sam looks around and realizes Tracy isn't there. "Where's Tracy?"
Neo Namco dances his way in front of Professor Oak wearing a red Arizona Cardinals hat, black and red Diamondbacks wrist bands, and an orange Steve Nash Phoenix Sun's jersey. He proceeds to rap:
"Yo Tracy's gone, didn't you hear? He got fed up, thought this show was queer. Walked out on his own without shedding a tear. Hey after work you wanna grab a beer?"
Sam stares at Neo Namco with an unpleased expression "Stick to writing crappy fan fics okay? At least those are readable." Sam walks away.
Neo Namco shrugs with a grin.
Disgracy Tracy
Ted Turner, the founder of CNN, TBS, TNT, Cartoon Network, and former Atlanta Braves owner sits in a large office at the Time Warner building, thinking of a new idea to make him richer. "There's something out there, something on the tip of my brain that would re-revolutionize television. Something funny, something touching, something smart. Something for the whole family…wait. That's it. I'll-" but before he can finish the doors to his office fly open and Tracy Sketchit walks in.
"Mr. Turner I would like the opportunity to replace George Lopez and do my own late night show." Tracy says.
"Yes yes tell my secretary I approved it. Just get the hell out of here!" Ted yells, prompting Tracy to retreat with cheering. "Now where was I? I'll…oh my god I lost it! Nooooooo!" Ted spins with his hands on his head.
Somewhere Rupert Murdoch is laughing evilly in delight.
After being approved as a replacement for George Lopez and taking the old time slot for Lopez Tonight, the big night has arrived. Tonight. As the crowd files in, Tracy is back stage getting prepared. He's nervous.
"Don't worry, Tracy." the director puts a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "You'll do fine."
"You really think so?" Tracy asks.
"Yeah. But if you don't I'll toss you this hilarious sign." the director pulls up a grave stone that says 'RIP Tracy'.
"That's not encouraging. I really need this to go well so I can finally get my own action figure." Tracy says, concerned.
"Yeah that'll be the day. You don't have enough action to become a figurine." the director holds up a Max figurine.
"There's a Max toy?" Tracy sighs sadly.
Welcome to Sketchit Tonight!
With special guests:
Lee Corso!
Mike Perry!
And musical guest the Eric Stuart band.
Now here's your host, Tracy Sketchit!
The audience semi-cheers as the curtains open and Tracy comes out waving to the crowd and walks over to his spot in front of the camera. "Hi there everyone welcome to Sketchit Tonight. This is our first show so we know that without even trying the ratings are gonna be good." he jokes.
Immediately half the audience gets up and leaves.
"But we are gonna try." Tracy says in panic. A couple of the audience members sit back down. "Our guests tonight are ESPN analyst and a pencil company business man, Lee Corso." Tracy pauses for a crowd reaction that does not come. "Okay…Mike Perry is here. The president of the Crayola crayon company."
One person in the audience claps.
"And the Eric Stuart band will be playing a little later but first let's get to the news." Tracy wipes the sweat off his brow "There's been a lot of tragedy lately in the world. Natural disasters, mass murders, the crumbling economy, and the return of Beavis and Butthead."
The crowd is mostly quiet with some sprinkles of groans and boos. "I love Beavis and Butthead! Mike Judge can kick your ass!" a random guy in the crowd yells.
Tracy clears his throat. "So they say that if you're nervous about speaking in front of a big crowd that you should picture everyone in the audience without their clothes. But that wont be a problem for me tonight because thankfully I don't have a big crowd. And for some reason they're all naked."
Some audience members actually cheer this time and some scream in delight.
"No but they say this is what you should do but I've found that picturing everyone naked only makes things worse. I get more nervous." Tracy says "What's more frightening than speaking to a bunch of naked people? And plus it's kind of a turn on. So the blood in my body is going back and fourth between filling up my face and filling up my penis."
"Ha!" a woman shouts.
"My trick is to pretend that everyone in the audience is intellectually challenged. Because stupid people will pretend to laugh at jokes that they don't get and that boosts my confidence. Now I'm not saying that you guys are stupid. There's nothing stupid about standing in a line outside in the rain for 5 hours so you can watch a guy attempt to make jokes and insult you. There's nothing stupid about that." Tracy grins.
"Booo." some of the crowd boos him, unimpressed.
"So I saw George Lopez the other day…" Tracy pauses to allow the crowd to half-heartedly cheer "Yeah I saw him in a line as I was driving past the welfare office."
The crowd once again boos "Booooooo!"
"No no it's okay. He was approved." Tracy reassures them with a laugh but once again is met with a harsh negative reaction. "Okay okay. Let's move on to our first sketch piece called SKETCH."
Curtains open to reveal a large television screen that displays the following sketch. Tracy sits behind a desk in an office wearing a nice white lab coat over his signature clothes. There are numerous drawings of poke'mon and women on the walls.
"Mr. Sketchthis there's an applicant here to see you for an interview." a lady says over the intercom.
"Send him in." Tracy says, while holding the button.
The doors open and Syther walks in wearing a nice interview appropriate suit. "Syther syther." this gets the biggest laugh from the audience so far.
"You must be Syther. Good morning." Tracy reaches to shake Syther's hand, but thinks better of it when Syther's sharp blade inches toward him. The crowd laughs. "Uh how's it going?" Tracy fist bumps the top of Syther's blade to avoid injury.
"Syther syther."
"Please take a seat." Tracy says. Syther takes a seat across from Tracy. "So we're looking for a new artist for our paper's daily cartoon. What can you bring to the paper?"
"Syther…well for starters I have an abstract creative imaginative ability that I'm eager to explore in a cartoonist field that would allow me to extract a barrage of ideas from the factory in my head that's constantly churning out new and original material that would be perfect for your satirical cartoon." Syther says(in the voice of guest voice Samuel L. Jackson).
"Okay sounds good." Tracy says, followed by audience laughter. "Now I have to give everyone interviewing for this position a performance test. I need you to draw the star of our cartoon, Diglett." Tracy places a sheet of blank paper in front of Syther and holds a pencil out to him…but he realizes that Syther doesn't have any hands. "Um…" the crowd laughs "Can you draw?"
"You don't think I can draw?" Syther asks "Is it cause I'm green?"
"What? No." Tracy shakes his head.
"Is it cause I'm a bug?" Syther asks.
"No no. it's just that…your…" Tracy points at Syther's blades.
"I don't need a pencil fool!" Syther slices the pencil in half, leaving Tracy holding just the eraser end. Syther uses his blades to slice through the paper and carves out an abstract drawing of Diglett smoking a cigarette in Hell with Joe the Camel and Satin. "I'm a bad mother (bleep)-er!" Syther shouts "Do I get the job?"
"Yes yes. You start Monday." Tracy says, curled back in his chair in fear.
"You'll know I'm the lord of satire when I lay my drawings upon thee." Syther turns around and walks out the door.
Tracy grabs the paper off and sees that the drawing has been carved into his desk. He sighs. The crowd laughs as the sketch comes to a close.
"See that wasn't a bad piece was it?" Tracy asks the crowd to which they applaud.
"I can explain that." Conan O'brien randomly appears out of no where, walking beside Tracy. The crowd goes wild.
"Conan O'brien…what are you doing here?" Tracy asks.
"What are you talking about, Tracy? I wrote that sketch for you. You told me you needed some good material and I wrote that up for you. Remember?" Conan clenches his fists together and shakes them over both of his shoulders, celebrating himself.
"Conan…" Tracy zips his lips, motioning to be quiet.
"I still get 70% of your next paycheck right?" Conan asks.
"Why do you need it? You got 30 million dollars from NBC to go away." Tracy tells him.
The crowd cheers as Conan performs his signature dance "I'm sorry I didn't hear you. I was too busy dancing in my two million dollar suit. I've also got these truffles in my pocket." he pulls three out of his pocket and juggles them.
"We'll talk after the show. Conan O'brien everyone." Tracy says as the crowd cheers to Conan juggling truffles off the stage. "I really need that money." he whispers "Anyways. Our first scheduled guest of the night is the director of business development for Dixon Ticonderoga. Please welcome Lee Corso to the program."
Lee Corso walks out from behind the curtain as nobody cheers and takes a seat on the couch next to Tracy's desk. "You know I'm only the director of business development for Dixon Ticonderoga in the off season. I'm also a sports broadcaster and college football analyst for ESPN."
"Yeah but I don't care about that. I want to talk to you about pencils. I'm a big fan. I own a lot of Ticonderoga pencils." Tracy says. "Number 2 being my favorite."
"That is our most well known pencil." Lee nods.
"How many grades are there?" Tracy asks, curiously.
"There's number 1 extra soft. Number 2 soft. Number 2 and a half medium. Number 3 hard. And number 4 extra hard."
"This conversation about your products is making me number 4." Tracy laughs and nudges Lee in the shoulder.
Lee smiles with a sense of nervousness. "Oh…wonderful."
"So how many variety of pencils do you make?" Tracy asks.
"We make the Classic, Black, Noir, Tri-Conderoga, Microban, Lassie, SenseMatic, and colored pencils." Lee answers. One guy in the crowd claps while the others get anxious and softly boo.
"Don't worry, people. Because tonight you're all getting number 2 pencils!" Tracy exclaims happily. "Look under your chairs!"
The people in the audience pull their pencils out from under their chairs and throw them at Tracy while booing.
The next day Tracy has been called to a meeting with the network executives to discuss the future of the show and the major flop it was.
"Tracy we want to talk to you about the show." executive #1 says(that's what it says on his name tag btw, executive #1)
"It was pretty good huh?" Tracy smiles "Especially the live footage of me being rushed to the hospital to have that number 2 pencil removed from my eye socket."
"That was a violation of the network's censorship laws." executive #2 says.
"Look Tracy you just aren't interesting enough to maintain viewer's interest. You wouldn't last a week as a supporting character on a show." executive #1 tells him.
"I happen to now that I would last at least a year with a reoccurring role to follow." Tracy argues.
"Tracy the show has been cancelled. Sorry. Pencils just aren't interesting." executive #2 reveals.
"Oh…so…how many millions am I getting?" Tracy asks.
"None. You didn't make it past the mandatory 90 day probation period." executive #1 answers.
"I see…" Tracy gets up and sadly walks out the door with his hands in his pockets, down the hallway, through the lobby, and out into the lot past Conan O'brien who juggles five truffles while dancing as hundred dollar bills fall out of his money stuffed pockets.
That night Tracy decided to watch some late night comedy to take his mind off things:
Jay Leno: "Did anyone here watch Sketchit Tonight last night? Yeah nobody else did either." he laughs "The good news is you wont have a chance of accidentally seeing it cause it's been cancelled. But the bad news is we don't have anything else to bomb our enemies with."
Tracy flips the channel.
Jimmy Fallon: "It's time for my weekly thank you notes." he pulls out a stack of blank cards and a pen "Thank you, Tracy Sketchit, for showing us that some things are worse than being terminally ill."
Tracy angrily changes the channel to The Daily Show.
"So what else pierced the television airwaves last night?" Jon Stewart asks, and then cuts to a clip of Tracy being pelted by pencils, including one that pierces his eye. Cut back to a disturbed and shocked Stewart as his audience is grossed out. "Well I can't say that wasn't a fair response considering Tracy's terrorist-like hijacking and dismantling of the network." an image flashes on the screen of bloodied Osama Bin Laden with a pencil sticking out of his eye. The crowd laughs and cheers "I mean he certainly bombed." Jon says with a big smile.
"(bleep) you Stewart!" Tracy changes the channel to an apparent magical second Comedy Central channel showing The Colbert Report. "Ah Stephen wont let me down." Tracy says.
Some bad clips of Sketchit Tonight and critics bad mouthing Tracy are shown. "I don't know why there's so much backlash against this guy." Stephen says as a photo of Tracy appears beside him "The greatest president of all time also took over a foreign place and brought destruction even though he had no reason to be there." Tracy's picture is replaced with one of George W. Bush. The audience cheers. "The American people realized that it took big balls to do that and as a result he got to keep his job for 4 more years. Who cares if the Iraq war cost a trillion dollars. The inspiration used for the Call of Duty games was worth it."
"That's it screw this crap." Tracy changes the channel to TBS to watch Conan.
Conan sits at his desk with Andy Richter sitting on a chair next to him "I'd like to take a moment and mention my good friend Tracy Sketchit who after just one show of Sketchit Tonight, has been cancelled. He had potential to do great things and he will be missed. But not by pencils." the audience laughs.
"Those people had dead on accuracy." Andy says, referring to the people who threw the pencils at Tracy.
"Tremendous accuracy. I hope there were Chicago Cubs scouts in the crowd that night. But anyways this incident has inspired us to make a game out of this. Do you guys wanna play?" Conan asks the crowd, which cheers loudly. He and Andy get up "So we've planted pencils beneath all your seats, and we're gonna give you all one minute to throw as many pencils at us as you can. Just for fun. Just for a little entertainment, and a little exorcise for Andy." Conan says.
"Hey! I exorcise every time I walk from my car to my dressing room." Andy says.
"Okay so let's play." Conan and Andy take some protective goggles out of their pockets and put them on. "Oh one more thing." Conan takes out 7 truffles and juggles them as the crowd throws pencils at them.
Tracy turns off the television and goes to bed angry.
In the morning Tracy wakes up and grabs a granola bar to eat for breakfast and turns on the news. But before he can get comfortable, there's a knock on his apartment door. He gets off his chair and walks to the door and opens it. None other than Charlie Sheen is standing there. "What the? Charlie Sheen? You guys are coming to my house to make fun of me now?"
"No no, to the contrary. I'm here to instruct you. I'm gonna be your personal ego coach." Charlie explains, stepping inside.
"What are you talking about, Charlie?" Tracy asks, shutting the door.
"I'm here to boost your ego, make you arrogant. Make you narcissistic. You'll be rolling in the money and the honeys in no time with a little rhyme. I'm gonna make you shine." Charlie says. "But I'm gonna get a cut of your next gig." he whispers.
"You think I need a big ego to be successful in the entertainment business?" Tracy asks.
"Absolutely. In Hollywood no one gives a shit if you think you're the shit. It only enhances your income. It'll re-define your character and make you interesting and appealing." Charlie explains.
"Well okay if you think you can help." Tracy takes a bite of his granola bar.
"We're gonna start with eating a meal fit for a pimp." Charlie grabs the granola bar out of Tracy's hand and throws it aside. "Come with me. Get on your hoodie. The training starts now." Charlie walks to the door and opens it.
Tracy pulls on a gray hoodie and begins his training with Charlie Sheen. He goes to his mansion and eats bacon and eggs off the bare stomachs of super models in bikinis with Charlie.
Risin up
back on the street
did my time took my chances
went the distance now I'm back on my feet
just a man and his will to survive
"What now, Charlie?" Tracy asks.
"Now you're gonna learn what types of things you should say in public." Charlie steps aside, revealing Donald Trump.
"Tracy I'm gonna help give you the biggest ego in the whole world. And it starts with saying completely false ignorant statements in a cocky sure of your self way." Donald clears his throat "For example. I happen to know that Michael J. Fox is exaggerating his whole disease. I have a research team gathering information as we speak that will be coming in out in the next couple days. Now you try."
"Okay um…" Tracy thinks about what he should say "Avatar's box office gross has been fabricated. It barely made half a billion dollars world wide."
"Excellent excellent." Donald shakes his hand.
so many times
it happens too fast
you trade your passion for glory
don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past
you must fight just to keep them alive
"Next on your make over, is modifying your appearance. And here to help is Kanye West." Charlie steps aside to reveal West standing there.
"Okay Tracy I want you to wear some tight dark clothing up top and some baggy shit down low. Put this here bling on over your self." Kanye hands Tracy some gold chains. "You gotta have an earing, and I'm taking you to my dentist. We gonna get you some gold grills too. Come with me." Kanye takes Tracy's hand and leads him to his personal dentist.
It's the eye of the tiger
its the cream of the fight
risin up to the challenge of our rivals
and the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night
and he's watching us all with the eye of the tiger
(Eye of the Tiger by Survivor)
Charlie Sheen, Donald Trump, Kanye West, Rush Limbaugh, and Chad Ochocinco sit around in chairs talking when Tracy steps out of a dressing room wearing a black leather jacket with no shirt on underneath, gold chains, piercing, sunglasses, a couple tattoos, and gold grills. "Let's do this, MAN." Tracy takes off his shades.
All those narcissists gather around Tracy and congratulate him on his transformation and give him some lasting arrogant words.
"Thanks for everything guys, especially you Chad. Who convinced me to change my name to Viva Tracy. But there's one more thing. There's a traitor amongst us." Tracy says. Tension and mumbling ripples through the group. "I saw Kanye West at the occupy wall street protests in support of all those people who are anti-greed."
Gasps echo from the group. "Give me those!" Charlie yanks the chains off of Kanye's neck. "Get out of here and don't come back until you only care about yourself."
Kanye hangs his head in shame as he walks away.
Tracy decided to go back to his old job and co host Poke'Scenes with Professor Oak, hoping that his new persona would help him climb the ladder to stardom and become the face of Poke'mon. He enters the studio and marches into the writing room where Professor Oak is reading his lines for the next show.
"Hey Tracy, how ya been?" Oak asks, looking up from the script.
"I've been shit-tastic. I just snorted the bone dust of Charlie Chaplin off J-Lo's ass. Now I'm ready to host this ill shit." Tracy says with his bling hanging on him…
"I'm sorry Tracy but you've been replaced." Sam says.
"What? By who?" Tracy asks, stunned.
"Hey, Tracy." George Lopez walks in with a script in hand.
The End?
"Well we spent the season budget on all those guest stars for that last skit so don't expect anything from us for awhile." Professor Oak says back in the lab. "Now let's get to the fan mail."
Who has the most strike outs in baseball history?- capsnum
"That would be Nolan Ryan with 5,714. He's also the all time leader in no hitters with seven." Sam answers.
"Hey Professor Oak can I answer the next question?" George Lopez asks, walking up beside him.
"Sure, George. Take it away." Sam steps aside.
"Okay." George reads off the prompter "EnterShift asks 'why do I feel like killing everyone I know?' And the answer is simple. Because they deserve it. Good night everyone."
Thanks for reading and hopefully reviewing everyone. And don't forget I'm still waiting for some idea or short story submissions for a future Poke'Scenes chapter that I will give credit for. I pwomise. Love ya all. Mwaaa!