Chapter10

Same day 9 hours later, Sahira's parents and two sons have been to visit which has cheered her up. Elliot Hope has popped in and out through-out the day as have most of the staff of Darwin either for a chat or with her drugs but still no Henrik.

5.15PM

Sahira had all but given up on seeing Hanssen at any point for the foreseeable future as she lay reading in her bed. She knew from some of the nurses on Darwin that he was accounted for for the first 4 and ½ hours of today because he had indeed been embroiled in surgery but no one had seen or heard from him since much for coming back to talk she thought as she shut her eyes to stop the tears from welling up and the frustration finally erupting, she was already struggling to hide her desperation too see him from the staff. Every so often she would bring his name up to whoever happened to be in the room with her just to try and get a handle on where he was or what kind of mood he was in. But no one had seen him since 1oclock.

Sahira's eyes sprung open as a cough filled the silence of the room.

"Nice balloons did the boys bring them to cheer their mum up?"

Sahira stared at the man standing in the place he had been this morning, the only difference being this time he was holding two cups of coffee, one chocolate cupcake and one with what looked like vanilla icing on it.

"And here was me thinking some coffee and cupcakes would cheer you up, looks like the boys beat me too it"

Hanssen tried to smile but he was quite frankly terrified of what was coming. He had spent all morning in theatre listening to his favourite Wagner CD in the hope of helping but had failed miserably. He had berated himself that he felt he wasn't giving his all to his patient lying on the table and that was something he abhorred in someone in any chosen career, but for him it completely repelled everything he had every done and had striven to achieve in his life and the reason was currently staring back at him from a hospital bed.

"I thought you'd gone home or had decided to hide away in your office and brood, to be honest l had just accepted that you weren't going to come back too see me today, tomorrow or at any time Not that l blame you if l were you, and l'd done all l could too help someone throughout their career, nurtured them,pushed them to do better and achieve all they possibly could...to have loved them and to have had to stand back and watch that person meet someone and then get married"...

Sahira watched Henrik's face flicker and twitch as she said that speech that she had been rehearsing in her head for months. He just stood there like a lost boy staring at the coffees in one hand and the cupcakes in the other.

"Henrik please look at me?"

Hanssen just held his head bowed unsure what to do now, how to react how too proceed. He knew she could now see right through him and his days of hiding behind his aloof exterior or his sometimes barbed comments weren't going to work any more.

Finally he drew his eyes up level with Sahira's staring back at him and held her gaze.

"Normally when you would pitch a fight with me l would say my office Ms Shah and l would feel on more secure ground in my own territory.

"You can't control feelings Henrik, they are either there or they are not...You can't dictate and remotely control every situation although l have too say you've done a damn good job of it so far, but we have to talk or whatever we have between us will..."

Hanssen's stare intensified...

"Will what?" he said

"Will become poisonous&destructive to the point we'd end up hating each other. I thought l could leave Holby and start again with Rafi without any interference or without Rafi feeling like there was 3 people in our marriage. He could see what our relationship was but l honestly l had no idea until we parted in the car park. I actually did believe you loathed me for leaving after everything that you had done for me. But you didn't did you Henrik?...You were hurting so badly and in so much pain because you were in love with me weren't you?

Hanssen stood rooted to the spot staring back at the woman that had held his heart, his mind and his soul for so many years.

"Henrik please come and sit down, this isn't how l planned on having this conversation with you, but circumstances mean we can't have it anywhere else at the moment. She just seemed to cause this man nothing but pain but she had hoped that she might be able to fix that and repair their relationship and move on if not together in a relationship then certainly as friends or at the very least as colleagues. Quite frankly she would accept any crumbs from his table. She missed him. She was desperately in love with this 6 foot 4 Swedish giant.

Hanssen just stared at her, then jumped as a staff nurse walked into the room with Sahira's pain killers. He sat the cupcakes and coffee down the table.

"Staff Nurse Jackson would you be so kind once you have finished with Ms Shah's drugs to get me a wheelchair. The good doctor here seems in need of a change of scenery and air so if you

could acquire one for me then l'll play at driver and Ms Shah here can navigate where she wants to go too"

"Certainly Mr Hanssen l think that would do Sahira the world of good" Nurse Jackson smiled at Sahira

Once the staff nurse was out of the room Henrik seemed to have gained his self control...

"Do you feel up to getting out of bed for a short while because l think this conversation would be better had in more private surroundings and out of earshot of the walls in this place don't you?" Henrik half joked

Sahira was ready for him though...

"Only if by more private surroundings you don't mean wheeling me along to your office in order that you can control the situation?"

How in Gods name did she know him that well and know his tells...Hanssen shook his head and walked over to side of the bed and sat down.

"Yes l think we should have this conversation in my office out of earshot of every nurse and domestic on this ward. Yes l am sorry but l need to feel like l have some control of my life so yes that is also part of the reason l want us to go to my office but mostly if l am to lay my soul bare then l would prefer we were alone when l did it. Would that be okay with you or do you still think l plan on manipulating the situation to my own advantage because if that is what you think Sahira then we may as well stop this...whatever this is right here and now. Hanssen held his breath

Sahira smiled at him...this was more the Henrik she knew...fighting talk from him

"Okay it would be nice to get out of this bed for a little while and if your office is best you can offer then your office it is!"

At that moment her transport arrived and the staff nurse helped her out of bed and into the chair while Hanssen just stood there looking like an unsure of himself goofy teenager. Once Sahira was comfortable and the nurse had left Hanssen clicked the break off and bowed his head down to Sahira's ear.

"In all my years as a doctor this is a first for me...l have never pushed a wheelchair in my life"

Sahira laughed out loud and replied

"If you're not careful Henrik people will say l have you wrapped around my little finger"

"Indeed Ms Shah"...

And with that they headed off down the corridor to the lift