A/N: Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. Drama belongs to me.
[Chapter 10: That's Enough for Now]
"Bella Swan!" I heard Alice's shrill voice through my locked bedroom door. I rolled over and moved my head out from underneath the pillow. The clock read eight-fifteen on a Saturday morning. "I know you're in there!"
"Alice, let me kick the door in," I heard Rosalie's muffled voice.
"No, I think I can open it," she replied.
I smirked and was grateful that since returning from Florida in January, I had taken to locking my door. It wasn't until I heard the tiny scrapes of metal that I realized Alice was in the middle of picking the lock. She wouldn't dare. After a few moments, the door lock released with a click. I take that back, she would dare. I quickly moved back in to a comfortable position and feigned sleep. I heard Alice and Rosalie roam around the room. They opened the curtains and sunlight suddenly flooded the room. I groaned lightly and felt the mattress dip by my feet.
"Bella," Alice repeated sternly. When I didn't respond, she pulled the pillow off my head and hit me with it.
"Alice! What the fuck!" I yelled. I sat up and glared at her. "Do you guys have any idea what time it is?"
"Yes," she replied just as confidently. "Do you have any idea what month it is?"
"Huh?" I asked confused. "What kind of question is that? Of course I know what month it is."
"Do you really?" She continued. For someone dressed in bright ass pajama pants, that looked like they belonged on a clown, rather than a twenty-two year old woman, she meant business. Rosalie had yet to say anything and remained standing. "Bella, it's March Twentieth."
"Yeah, so?" I replied unsure of her point. I internally cringed at being reminded that my would be anniversary passed a couple of days ago without much incident except for the cry fest I partook in.
"We're done," she said in a quieter voice. "You've hidden away long enough from the world, Bel. You have to get out. We haven't seen you since you left for Florida. Hell, Emmett and Rose haven't hung out with you since before Christmas. You're drowning and we're here to throw you a life preserver."
"Excuse me?" I blurted out. I couldn't believe she was yelling at me. "You're done?" I used air quotes. "I don't know what you're talking about. I go to school, my grades are sound, and I've been steadily working. I am getting everything I need in order so I can graduate in a couple of months. What else do you want from me?"
"Fuck, Bella," Rosalie finally interjected. I snorted quietly. The woman had nothing stressful or traumatizing in her life – good looks, good job and a hot boyfriend. Yup, I envied my best friend right now. Both of them, actually. "You have nothing to worry about with school or your job. You've always excelled in that area, and now you're using it like a fucking crutch." I gaped at her. My mouth opened and shut. It was too freakin' early for this. I rubbed my face in frustration.
"Rosalie, jeez. Bella, you know what I mean," Alice emphasized. "You're taking three classes – all in one day, once a week. I'm glad work is going well, but what else are you doing? Your new car has become a show piece in the parking lot. You lock yourself in your room most of the time. You won't even hang out with me in public, let alone in our own apartment. When you do talk to me, your mind is obviously preoccupied. Even Edward's said you've avoided him."
"Really, Alice," I said, attempting to keep my anger in check. Rosalie just stared at me. "What the hell does Edward have to do with anything? I really don't fucking appreciate you or you breaking into my room and yelling at me at eight in the morning. I especially don't need you lecturing me on how I spend my fucking time or how I need to get over it. I don't want to get into this right now or ever. Now would you both kindly leave my room before I say something we'll both regret?"
"I'm not letting this go, Bella," Alice said as she stood up and walked towards the door. "No one's telling you to get over anything. It's been almost three months of you in this hole and it's time to get out. You're better than this, Isabella. You really are. No matter what, your friends are here for you, even when you tell us to get lost."
Rosalie just shook her head at me as they left the room and shut the door. In the entire time I had known Rosalie, there has never been a time where she held back her opinion. She's the first to sling insults or say something comforting. Her silence shook me more than Alice's speech. Though Alice had an energetic and overwhelming personality, she rarely raised her voice in anger. The strength she exuded was amazed me and her words pierced my numb heart. I took a shaky breath and the hot tears immediately flowed down my face. They weren't wrong. I got up, jumped in the shower and realized time doesn't stop, even though I wish it had.
When I landed in Jacksonville for New Year's, my mother picked me up from the airport. She was bouncing around like a little kid waiting to spill a secret. I just stared at her in confusion.
"Will you just tell me?" I finally asked as she pulled out on the highway. I looked around and realized that the land in Florida is flat. There were no looming mountains in the background – just sky and buildings. The contrast in weather compared to Forks was apparent. It was chilly but the sun was shining bright. Just the week before I was knee deep in snow.
"Baby, I am just so excited you're here!" My mom giggled and brushed her bangs from her face. Everyone always said we resembled each other, but even now, I still couldn't see it. Where I had a lot of my dad's features, my mannerisms were all Renee-isms. Her blue eyes sparkled with a light I hadn't seen in a long time. Her brown hair was recently highlighted and layered short to frame her face.
"Oh my God," I suddenly said. "You're dating someone."
"What?" She almost slammed on the brakes and peered sideways at me. "How would you even guess that?"
"Oh, shit," I shook my head and refused to look at her. "It's all in your eyes, Mom. You get this starry-eyed look that I can't explain. The last time I saw that look, I was thirteen and we were living in, um, Austin. You were dating that insurance agent. What was his name? Jason. Jason Jenks. Whatever happened to that guy?"
"Isabella, you remember Jason?" My mom asked all dreamy. He really was a good looking man – Texas homegrown. He was rugged, like a cowboy, but cleaned up nicely with his dark hair and tanned skin. But it was his eyes that I remember. They were a shade of blue I'd never seen before. And he was nice to me. They dated for a couple of years. "He got transferred to Illinois for some job opportunity and as much as I wanted to move – like that has stopped me before – it felt too permanent. I chickened out and it ended there."
"Oh, I didn't know that," I mused. "Spill."
My mother proceeded to tell me about her new boyfriend, Phil Dwyer. They'd been dating the last six months or so. I slapped her arm playfully and admonished her for not telling me. He was a little younger than her and had a great job as an advertising executive for Major League Baseball. Phil splits his time between St. Petersburg and Jacksonville and my mom wouldn't have it any other way. She didn't leave out any detail and I swear she didn't take a breath the entire car ride. The green-eyed monster was slowly making its appearance, but I pushed it down and pretended that I was listening to everything.
We finally turned into a small townhouse community. All the homes were lined up in very neat quadrants. My mom made a bunch of turns until we finally made a left into a cul-de-sac and parked in the last driveway. Her two-story townhouse was painted brown with windows all in the front.
When we unloaded the car, the front door opened and a tanned man with dirty blonde hair, who looked part surfer and part baseball player, ran out to help. I assumed this was Phil. I was also proven right when he grabbed my mother and kissed her passionately. My stomach flipped at this sudden exchange of love. How did I become bitter and jealous in the span of a week? Meeting Phil was not as weird as it should have been. He was fun, loud and very obviously cared for my mom.
The water ran cold and jerked me from my thoughts. I shrieked from the temperature and forced myself to stand under the spray and endured the pain until it numbed everything.
The rest of that trip spiraled downward after I unpacked and slept in the foreign guest room. Being alone was dangerous as my thoughts spiraled out of control with the loss of Jake, the cheating and the confrontation. It was all too much for me to handle. I spent the next five or six days consumed by the onset of conflicting emotions – anger, hurt, love and sadness. The final crack that shattered my weak attempt to pretend all was well occurred three days into my trip. The celebrating and romance overwhelmed me. There was no way for me to separate Phil and my mom's relationship into a parental one, so all I focused on was the romantic aspect. I decided from that point to close myself off from everything and hide in the guest room. I didn't speak to Alice or Rosalie and I ignored Edward's text messages. I cursed my stupidity when I decided to look at Leah's profile. The baby pictures were posted and I almost became catatonic. I didn't leave my room the entire day.
I thought the tears were all shed in Forks, but apparently there were still ones begging to fall. Seeing me physically manifest how I felt continued to fuel my mom's anger towards Jake. I could see it in her expressions, but she was in rare form of just being there for me. As she gently ran her fingers through my hair, more tears were shed and left me exhausted.
The day before I flew home, my dad called and told me he found a car. He gave me the web address of the car company and wanted my opinion. I actually laughed out loud when I saw the Mini Cooper website pop up. Of all of the cars in the world, he figured those little Austin Powers' cars suited me. After I played on the site for a while, I ended up building a pretty sweet ride
When I finally dried off from the shower, I looked out the window to the adjacent parking lot and saw my dark gray Mini sitting there. The car was sitting in my space the day I came home. To say I was shocked was an understatement.
Alice picked me up from the airport in her yellow M&M of a car. She smashed me in a bear hug the minute we found each other. Who knew such a small person could be so strong?
"You look like shit, Bella," she uncouthly blurted out as she helped me load all my suitcases in her trunk and stuff what we could in her non-existent backseat. I sniffed and rubbed my hands over my makeup-less face.
"Um, thanks?" I coldly replied. "Nice to see your fucking face too."
I knew exactly how I looked – my normally styled hair was a mess of limp wavy curls, haphazardly held in a messy knot by a rubber band. My hoodie was pulled up and I had absolutely no makeup on. My eyes had horrible dark circles, since my sleep pattern still hadn't returned to normal. But at least I bathed and had clean hair. Without a word, I sat in the passenger seat.
"So, look," Alice continued politely. "I am very glad you are home. I've missed you. How was your trip?"
"Oh for fuck's sake. Really, Al?" I replied, looking straight at her. "We're going to pretend nothing's wrong? Just say it."
She sighed before speaking. "Bella, I don't want to fight with you. You look like you had a tough time. I tried calling and emailing you. I spoke to your mom too. What were you doing over there?"
I groaned. "Okay, I spent the entire time in the guest room. The days ran together and I felt like crap the entire time. I don't even know what the fuck today is either. I also got this bitter, jealous feeling about how happy Phil is with my mom. I hated watching them interact. And the best part? It wasn't like Phil's this awful guy that paws at my mom the whole time. They have a very symbiotic relationship. I've never seen a man compliment my mom the way he does. Not even my dad.
"So I basically cried a lot. Looked at profiles, I shouldn't still be looking. Oh, by the way the baby was like eight pounds and they did end up naming him Matthias. But have taken to calling him Matty. Cute, huh? He looks like such a natural father," I sighed dejectedly.
"Oh shit. Bella," Alice said as we sped down the freeway. We were just passing the buildings of Downtown. I was surprised at the lack of traffic today. "You have to stop looking at those profiles."
"I know!" I cried. "It's like an addiction though. Like at first, it was thrilling to see what I could uncover. My detective skills were amazing. But now that I know that this shit was real, the game is over. It just hurts like hell."
We continued to talk some more and the awkward tension from earlier dissipated between us. When we finally pulled into our parking lot, I noticed the monster that was my truck was gone. In it was parked a brand new gun metal gray Mini Cooper with a giant pink bow on the hood.
"What the hell is this!" I exclaimed happily. Alice parked and we walked over to the pretty little car. I circled it completely before embracing Alice. She held out the key to me.
"Jasper and I helped out your dad. He was trying to come down here, but work tied him up," she explained. "We towed the truck to some place that buys vintage cars and went to dealer to be the go-between for your parents."
I was shocked to say the least. I instantly loved the car. "Oh my God, it's going to need a name! Is it a girl, a boy, an it?"
"You are so silly," Alice said, giggling.
As I dressed in some stretchy lounge pants and a long sleeved Henley, I knew Alice was right. I was just barely functioning. I purposely avoided everyone these last couple of months. My heartache hurt so much that it was an effort to paste a smile on my face in front everyone. I barely called my parents. I certainly never heard from Jake. Not that I was holding my breath. I'd also scaled back my spying on Jake and Leah. Her internet activity had slowed and no further mention of wedding plans existed. It became masochistic each time I saw new picture. Everyone but me seemed to be happily moving on with their lives.
I braided my wet hair into two braids and walked out to the living room. The TV was on and Alice was sitting on the couch with a computer on her lap while Rosalie painted her toe nails scarlet red.
"So, um, hi," I said quietly. I sat on the opposite side of the sectional. I looked at the TV and around our place. It hadn't changed. I don't know why I thought it would look different.
"Hello," Alice answered. "What do you want to watch? There's nothing on. Oh, there's some breakfast I put in the oven, to keep it warm."
Rosalie remained quiet and just nodded in my direction.
"Oh, wow. Thanks." I was starving. I got up, went to the kitchen and opened the oven. There were eggs, bacon and potatoes arranged neatly on a plate. I whipped up a glass of chocolate milk and brought it back to the coffee table.
"So, what's the latest gossip?" I asked as I took a bite of the scrambled eggs. They were delicious and covered in gooey cheddar cheese. With that one sentence, Alice told me everything that I had missed. I already knew snippets, but I hadn't listened too well the first time around.
"My brother wants to start a vintage beach tee line at the store," Alice proudly started. "He put me in charge of the project, which is awesome, because I'm going to dive into the business side more. With graduation just around the corner, I can finally put my business degree and the marketing aspect of my minor to work! I was even thinking of creating the line instead of buying from a designer, so we'll see."
"Wow, that's totally amazing, Al," I said when she finished. She went on to tell me about Jasper's plans after graduation. He had been accepted to graduate school in the fall and wanted to go into social work and help disadvantaged kids. For the past four years, Jasper worked with the Department of Children's Services and they recently hired him on as an assistant to one of the employees.
I told Alice the happenings at the Museum of the American West. We were in the middle of putting together the new exhibit for the upcoming summer. The exhibit will feature the struggles and triumphs of women in the west. I was a collections assistant, which meant I basically tracked inventory, cleaned artifacts and ensured proper storage.
"When I got back from Florida, my boss asked me to work more hours and get more training," I told her and Rosalie. "They hired project managers for the new exhibit. One of them is this guy, an East Coast import named Stefan Derevenko. He attended NYU and is on loan from the Natural History Museum. He's really smart and sarcastic."
Alice burst out laughing, "Did you tell him the mannequins at your museum don't come to life after closing?"
"Alice!" Rosalie finally showed some emotion and laughed while I rolled my eyes at Alice. "You're such a cornball."
"How old is he?" Alice continued giggling and ignored our reactions. "Is he cute? What does he look like?"
"He's about twenty-nine or so." I answered. "Um, yeah, he's handsome. He has shaggy black hair and deep blue eyes. He's pretty fair and built. He so does not look like a historian. He looks like he should star in some horror movie or play the brooding hero in a teen flick."
"Soooo?" Alice prompted.
"Soooo?" I mimicked. "Oh, Alice."
"What?" She asked innocently. "It's just a question."
"I am not getting into a 'how to seduce my co-worker' right now," I said. "Really."
"Okay, okay," she surrendered, but that damn twinkle in her eye was still there.
"Rose, how are the wedding plans coming?" I asked slowly. I didn't know where we stood, since I basically ignored her after hearing about her engagement. Her ring sparkled on her left hand. "Oh my God, your ring is beautiful."
Rosalie was leaning forward towards the coffee table as she finished painting her right pinkie toe. Her blonde mane hung like a veil over her right shoulder and hid her face. She put the brush back in the bottle and reached up to pull her hair into a low pony tail. Her ice blue eyes locked with mine.
"Is this how it's going to be then?" She asked seriously.
"Excuse me?" I asked uncertainly.
"We're going to pretend like nothing happened," she answered. "That you didn't push away your best friends and everyone who cares about you. Fuck, Bella, I thought we were closer than this. I understand the need for you to pull away and hide. We've all been there one way or another. You need to let us catch you when you're falling. That's what we're here for. You don't realize that Jake's actions affected all of us. It's certainly not in the same way as you, however, he should have realized when you mess with one, you mess with all of us. I hope one day I run into him so I can give him a piece of my mind because this shell of you sitting here is not you at all. I still have half a mind to do something."
I didn't know what to say.
"Rose," Alice quietly said.
"No, don't 'Rose' her," I said evenly. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. But all I could see was red. I knew the second I opened my mouth, my voice would start to escalate. "Look, I know this. I know exactly how I'm acting. Do you know how hard it is to wake up every morning? Hell, even going to bed offers no comfort to me. Every day and every night, I have to deal with the fact that I wasn't wanted! I wasn't loved by him!"
The girls just listened to me as I blurted out every thought that came to my head and continued. "It's been so hard since everything happened. With you getting engaged Rose, which I'm happy for you, but all I could focus on was that I had that. To hang around you both with the boys was hard enough. You're all so happy and in love. Then you throw in Edward and I try to imagine it's the six of us as a package. That's not reality though, which hurts even more. And it's not just Edward, if we had a different guy the same reaction would happen.
"I'm sorry for my behavior. I'm just trying to make it through each day. Everything reminds me of him. It's not so much the places, but little things that I miss. How many times can I vent about the same thing? 'I miss him, I hate him, we used to do this, we used to do that'."
"Bella, it's not-" Rosalie tried to interrupt but I continued. Alice had moved closer to Rosalie on the couch. I'd taken to pacing the floor.
"I know what you're going to say. That's what you're here for - to be there for me. But look, it's not like he died where we can remember him fondly and grieve together. No one can look at me and just say something comforting about the situation because you can't. I was dealt one of the worst hands ever. As much as I want to hate him and as angry as I am, I can't bring myself to be hateful. The love I held for that man for over four years is still there. In some ways I wished he had died or got hit by a car or something because to know what I know is killing me." My voice cracked and escalated as the tears escaped.
"To know she married him, to know she had his baby is too much. She took away everything I was working for and is living the life I wanted. So, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I pushed you guys away and I'm sorry for not letting you in when you just wanted to be there for me. I just can't take any more lectures today. Seriously. I'm trying. I really am. And Rose?"
My tears flowed freely and my stunned friends looked up at me. Bad ass Rosalie discreetly wiped her eyes, while Alice was a blubbering mess like me.
"I really wished you could kick his ass too," I smirked through my crying.
"Aw, hell," she replied and got up to give me a hug. "We just want to be there for you. That's it. I swear I'll keep the lovey dovey shit to a minimum. I know that Em and I can get out of hand."
"Oh thank God," Alice muttered. "Bel, I think you just did all of us a favor." We laughed and Alice launched herself at us. "I want a hug too!" She cried. Rosalie and I giggled.
"I really am sorry, guys," I finally said.
"Stop apologizing," Rosalie answered. "We just want you to keep moving forward. You'll get through this and fare better in the end. You're not stuck with an immature boyfriend with apparent mommy issues. You have a job, you have a family, you have us and you are you."
"Thanks guys," I took a deep breath and felt a little lighter now that I was done ranting. We sat back down and didn't discuss my absence or him. We slid easily back into our friendship. Rosalie shared the only wedding plan her and Emmett agreed upon, the month it would take place – February.
"What else is going on?" I asked. Then I had a sudden realization and I think my face exhibited that.
"What happened?" Alice asked me. "Are you having a vision of the future?"
"Huh?" I looked at her incredulously.
"I don't know. I thought that deer in the headlights look could mean something more interesting." She shrugged her shoulders. "I think it'd be cool to see the future."
"Alice!" I said louder. "I remembered that Edward said the store was opening in April, but did I miss it?" Rosalie and Alice laughed at my outburst.
"Bella, relax," Alice said calmly. "You didn't miss it. It's supposed to open in a couple of weeks. I wouldn't not tell you."
"Oh God," I sighed, falling against the cushions. "That would suck major."
Edward hadn't crossed my mind often since I left Forks, though occasionally my thoughts wandered to him. He would text me occasionally either asking how I am or random stories of people he'd run into. They made me laugh and though I never wrote back, he still sent them. I missed the easiness of our conversations, but I didn't have the nerve to call or write back. I just couldn't. I had a three track mind – finish school, do my job and wallow at home. It was a very simple formula that alienated my friends from me.
By the late afternoon, Rosalie left for home. Alice and I continued talking until she had to get ready for her date with Jasper. She asked if I wanted to come, but I politely declined, telling her I just need one more day. I still received a pointed look that said, 'I'll hold you to it'.
As the week passed, I made a conscientious effort to speak to my friends. I even grew a pair and texted Edward a dirty joke and I wasn't surprised that he didn't write back. Much like the first day I met him at work, Stefan continued to make it a point to cross paths. Even if it was just to say hello.
"Hey, Isabella," a smooth voice, laced with a slight New York accent greeted me. I turned away from my computer and saw the blue eyed grinning project manager looking at me. Stefan was dressed in gray slacks, a light blue button down and matching tie.
"Oh, hey there, Stefan," I answered back shyly. I tucked a strand of hair behind my left ear. I swiveled my chair to face him and crossed my legs. I was wearing my black knee high boots, a long gray and black plaid skirt with black tights underneath. I paired a frilly collared white button down blouse with a wide red belt. "What can I do for you?"
"I was just wondering if you wanted to grab some lunch today?" He casually asked as he sat in the guest chair next to my desk. He picked up the yellow stress ball and started fidgeting with it.
"Uh, sure, I guess so," I answered. "Let me finish up this page and I'll stop by your office."
"Alright, see ya, in a few," he replied. After he was out of sight of my cubicle, I texted Alice and let her know what happened. My body felt excited and weirdly okay. Logically, I knew that him asking me to lunch didn't mean anything, but I was shocked and excited that a handsome man actually paid attention to me.
I finished as quickly as I could and stopped by the restroom to fix my low side ponytail and makeup. I straightened up my outfit and walked out making sure I stood tall. I suddenly felt the confidence that I thought I had lost surge through me.
"Knock, knock," I said as stood in his doorway. His eyes caught mine when he heard me.
"Okay, let's eat," Stefan replied, rubbing his hands together.
There weren't many restaurant options near us, as the museum was hidden within lush trees and mountains of Griffith Park, so we walked over to the museum's cafeteria and grabbed the plastic food trays. We made small talk, which revolved around our lunch orders. I picked a turkey sandwich and some chips while he opted for the burger and fries.
"So, Isabella, what's new?" He asked before taking a bite of his fries.
"Well, um." I have always hated that question. I thought really hard and realized that I hadn't done anything interesting except deck my ex-fiancé. "Not much, just school and work."
"You're in your last semester of school, right?"
"Yep, thank God," I mocked wiping sweat off of my brow. I concentrated on not spilling any mayonnaise or mustard on my blouse. "Don't get me wrong, I enjoy school very much. I have great classes this semester, but I just need a break, you know?"
He nodded. "What are you taking this semester? You're on semesters or quarters?"
"Semester. I only am taking three," I started listing, "The American West, History of Women in Latin America and California History. They're all really interesting. The California one is probably my favorite. I have this professor who, seriously, is a surfing Marine. He's got this total messy beach bum hair and in each class his lectures feel more like stories he tells of his old friends, the Spanish Conquistadors and Padres of the missions. It's actually quite comical. At least I'm thoroughly entertained."
Stefan laughed at this. "That is important."
"What about you? You went to NYU, right?" I asked. "What did you major in?"
"Archives and Public History," he answered. "That's what my Masters is in. NYU has a great program. They have a huge History Department over there."
"That's amazing," I commented. "You grew up there? In New York? That's what your accent is?"
"You noticed that, eh?" he replied smiling. Our eyes caught and I quickly glanced down. I distracted myself by twirling my straw around the soda cup. "Born and bred in Long Island.
"Um, well," I sputtered out. "I love accents. I wish I had one," I rambled embarrassingly.
"You sort of have one. A TV one, anyway. Mine gets worse when I go home and spend a week with my family and friends," he laughed.
"Fantastic, I sound like every other person on nine hundred channels of cable." I giggled. "It must have been amazing to grow up in New York. I love living out here. I feel at home in bustling cities, rather than places with one stoplight."
"I thought you were from Seattle?"
"Oh, no. I've lived all over the place, but the last two years of high school were spent with my dad in a little town called Forks, Washington. That's where I met my best friends. We all moved to Los Angeles for college."
"That's great!" Stefan said as he finished up his lunch. "It must be nice to have a group surrounding you in a new place."
"It's just a bonus," I replied and took a sip of my soda. "I honestly can't see myself living in Washington. It's beautiful, yes, but the weather threw me off after living in such warm climates for so long." This was the first time I admitted out loud that I had no plans for a future in Forks. In the back of my mind, I think I always knew I'd never go back. I think I convinced myself that Jake would have moved for me. "Anyway, I should probably head back. I still have some cataloguing to do with the first arrivals we received last week."
I stood with my plastic tray as did Stefan. We walked over to the trash cans and I went to refill my cup with some soda.
"Thanks for joining me today, Iz," he said as we made our way to the elevators. "Maybe next time we can drive over to a restaurant. I know a great Italian place down in Los Feliz."
"Yeah, that sounds great," I said without hesitation, which surprised me. I knew exactly where he was talking about. His eyes widened with excitement. "So, 'Iz', huh?" I laughed. Stefan looked slightly embarrassed, like he said something I was never supposed to hear.
"Uh, yeah, is that okay?" He asked quietly. "You are definitely an Isabella, but you look like you'd have some funky nickname."
I laughed and shook my head. We walked onto our floor and stopped by his office. "I hardly think I warrant a funky name, but it's fine. I go by whatever someone decides to call me – Isabella, Bella, Bel, Hey You. You know, the usual. Iz is fine." I drummed a rim shot on the doorjamb. "I'll see you later, guy."
"Now I'm 'guy'?" He laughed. I just waved and kept walking. "See you later, Isabella."
I almost sprinted back to my desk. I couldn't believe how my afternoon turned out. I had a very pleasant conversation with a handsome, intelligent man who had a thriving career. A real job! I pushed away the faint pains that were beginning to emerge in my chest and physically rubbed my hand over my heart.
Later that afternoon, the euphoria from lunch wore off as I drove home. I thought back to Stefan's laugh from lunch and actually smiled at the new memory, but the image was quickly replaced by a similar memory of Jake's hearty, from the belly, laugh. I could easily picture the way his dark eyes sparkled and crinkled perfectly. I quickly shook off the offensive thought and angrily drove on. My thoughts continued to drift and I could clearly see Jake's emotionless expression from that fateful day. Memories of his deceit infiltrated my consciousness. By the time I pulled into the parking lot at the apartment I was livid and ready to take it out on something – anything.
"Oh, for fuck's sake!" I screamed as I pounded my brace-free fist at the steering wheel. "I hate him," I muttered. I got out and slammed the door, as the argument raged on in my head. What was wrong with me? Though I enjoyed lunch and the flirting, it left me feeling empty. I was excited in the moment, however, when he left, everything felt wrong. The image of Jake from four years ago floated in my mind and made my heart swell. That lasted mere seconds until the most recent memories of last year bombarded me. My head was a jumbled clusterfuck of conflicting wants, needs and despair.
I threw my purse on the ground and kicked one of the tires on the Mini. "You, stupid son of a bitch!" I yelled at the car, not caring if anyone heard me. Tears blurred my vision and I desperately wanted to fall to the ground, but stupidly thought it would ruin my tights.
"Bel, what'd the Coop ever do to you?" A familiar, deep voice, almost raspy voice interrupted. A voice I hadn't thought about since Christmas.
I whipped around, tucking a stray side bang behind my ear and met a pair of piercing green eyes. I couldn't decipher Edward's expression. Though he tried to mask his amusement by appearing concerned, that damn smirk showed up. I was never so happy and so embarrassed to see another person.
"What? Do you always lurk in parking lots, Cullen?" I asked as sarcastic as I could. He just laughed at me, which only further fueled my foul mood.
"Oh, Bella, relax," he calmly said. Edward, clad in jeans, Docs, and a gray Dodgers t-shirt, walked closer to me. As my head cleared a little, he handed me my discarded purse. "What's going on?"
"Um, sorry, I have a lot on my mind," I hesitantly said to the man whom I haven't spoken to in almost three months. "Can I start over?" I paused and turned my back, wiped under my eyes, then spun around to face him. "Hi! Edward! How've you been?"
Edward shut his eyes and burst out laughing. He scratched his forehead with his right hand. "What are you doing here?" I continued.
"I had to pick something up from Alice and she told me she was on her way home," he answered, following me to the front door of our place. We walked down the courtyard a bit and I let us inside.
"Okay," I answered. "Take a seat. I'm going to change real quick. Help yourself to anything in the kitchen. I'll be right back."
"Sounds good. Thanks," he replied as he plopped down on the sofa and turned on the TV.
I shut the door and made sure to lock it. I couldn't believe my luck right now. I grabbed some jeans and a blue flag shirt from Old Navy. I left my feet bare and checked my makeup in the mirror. Thank God for waterproof mascara. When I re-emerged into the living room, Edward was sitting comfortably on the couch watching something on MTV and eating out of a box of Cheez-Its. I sat cross-legged on the sectional away from the side he was on. Suddenly, I was nervous as the guilt for being a bad friend filled my conscience.
"You don't need to be nervous, Bella," Edward interrupted my thoughts. I peered to the right and he just smiled at me.
"I'm not nervous," I replied smartly, knowing full well I wasn't fooling anyone.
"I'm not mad at you," he continued, putting the cracker box down. He leaned back against the couch resting his arms on the tops of the pillows. "Or anything like that."
"You might as well be. Everyone else has taken the liberty of putting me in my place," I said as I twisted a strand of hair around my fingers. "I just couldn't deal with anything or anyone. I don't know how to be. One minute, I'm fine and the next I'm not."
"You can't blame yourself," he said looking at me. "You also can't let Alice and Rosalie bully you into anything. I know how upset they've been watching you internalize it all and not be able to make it better for you. Hell, we've all been worried. We all deal with things in our own ways. You do what you need to do to survive."
"Edward, you make things sound so much easier," I told him. "Dammit! You always have a way of making me blurt out what I'm thinking. I don't know why that is! It's so aggravating!"
He laughed and shrugged his shoulders as if to say, 'who me'? I continued and changed the subject. "So can I ask a question that has nothing to do with me?"
"Shoot," he answered in anticipation. His green eyes sparkled.
"How's the music store coming along?" I asked genuinely interested.
"It's awesome!" Edward's face lit up with pride and excitement. "We are finishing up on the last touches and the grand opening will be next Saturday night. Well pre-party launch, I guess you could say. I'll open Monday morning."
Though I was shocked and amazed, I was also sad that I missed out on the progress. "Congratulations, Edward. That is amazing. What does it look like? Did you figure out the name and look?"
"Oh yeah," he answered enthusiastically. "I don't know if I told you, but the building is solid brick. It has a lot of charm and in between some shops, over on the Westside. It has that retro feel in the front and I was able to gut the interior. I ripped through the second floor and opened up the space." My jaw dropped at the huge construction project. Edward continued describing the renovations. "So I ended up creating the second floor that stopped about a quarter of the way towards the front. It's wide open with railings. That space is a stage for open mic nights and small concerts with local bands or singers."
"Can I have some Cheez-Its," I interrupted him and giggled. He shook his head at me, while handing me the box. After placing a few in my mouth, I mumbled for him to continue.
"The first floor will be the actual store portion – CDs, records, some instruments, books, that sort of thing. The cashwrap will be off to the right side with merchandise placed throughout the store. There's lots of color used too – purples, blacks, and golds. When you look up, you can see whoever is performing. That balcony has a step down effect, so everyone standing up there can be seen from all sides of the store. The best part is the ceiling, though. There's a fiber optic design of a sky across the entire length of the building. Constellations and stars are strategically scattered and as the day goes on, the sky colors will change to reflect it, until nightfall when the full scale of the effects can be seen."
"That sounds insane!" I was in awe.
"Yeah, Tanya and I agonized over how to get the right look," he continued. The moment he mentioned Tanya, my stomach did a flip flop and I couldn't pinpoint the reason. "She had a lighting contact from Long Beach that gave me a great deal. Everything's pretty much ready to go."
"Do you have all your staff in place?" I don't know why I thought of his 'Like a Virgin' Madonna date from the Halloween party and cringed that she'd be there.
"Pretty much." Edward had a contemplative face. "I hired enough to get started and if need be, I'll enlist the help of my loving family – on a volunteer basis, of course." He looked at me when he said this and dramatically batted his dark eyelashes.
"No way!" I laughed and shook my head. I also beamed a little at being called family. "I am not volunteering my services to sell anything. My time is very valuable and I am a very busy woman who needs to get paid, thank you very much."
"Come on, Bella. Please?" His face took on a predatory glean as he leapt off the couch in front of me. His hands lunged for my sides and tickled me. That damn boy had the nerve to tickle me! I broke out in hysterics and squirmed under his touch.
"Stop! Please, Edward!" I cried. His grip was a like a vice and I couldn't escape. His laughter joined mine. "I'm," I gasped, "going to, uh, pee my pants, if you, uh, don't stop!"
"Say you're going to do it!" He bellowed in his laughter. "Busy, yeah right, Bel. How busy could you be if you never leave your room?"
I know he said that in jest, but the moment the words left his mouth, the hurt exploded and I took it personally. All I heard was an insult. I froze in his grasp. His hands gripped my sides and stilled when he realized I was staring at him. I could feel the tears forming. Edward's eyes grew wide with worry. I faintly heard the door unlock.
"I'm ho-," Alice's cheery voice filled broke the tension that had settled. "What's going on?"
"Nothing," I choked out. "Excuse me." I ripped myself out of Edward's grip. I didn't look back at the both of them as I ran to my bedroom.
After slamming the door, I felt stifled and couldn't breathe. I needed to get out of here. I threw on some flip flops, wiped my eyes and tried to breathe like a normal person. I looked in the mirror and fixed my hair into a regular ponytail. I walked out of my room without a second glance at Edward and Alice on the couch. As I made my way across the living room, they both tried to stop me.
"Bel –" Alice started it.
"I'm sor-" Edward said at the same time.
I threw my right hand up to halt them, grabbed my keys and walked out the door, slamming it behind me. I headed in no particular direction. I went down the street, made a left towards the boulevard. We lived in a neighborhood by a cute main street full of shops and little bistros. I thought about what made me snap. I knew I wasn't mad. I was madder at how I reacted. When did I become so sensitive? Oh yeah, when Jake fucking stomped on my heart. That's when.
It was the early evening. The street was busy as families were out with their kids, couples with their dogs and some joggers ran past me. I ignored them as I passed the movie theatre that only showed three movies at a time and walked into the book store. The bell rang when I opened the door. I smiled at the cashier and headed towards the back. I grabbed a book off of the shelf and stared at it. I don't remember what it was and focused more on why I freaked out. After some time, I came to the conclusion that I needed to relax. All I wanted was to feel normal, like myself, and I didn't. All I felt was the emptiness. I hated that Edward could make me feel okay and not okay at the same time. It was nerve-wracking.
I wanted to text Alice and Edward and let them know that it was all my fault, but I didn't take my phone with me. I decided to head home. It was dark when I left the bookstore and walked back up the street. As I passed the corner coffee shop, I heard my name called.
"Bella!" Alice's voice rang above the noise of the traffic. I looked up and saw her and Edward running towards me. I stopped where I was standing, but Alice didn't. She ran straight into me and hugged me frantically. "Are you alright?"
"Um, yeah, I'm fine," I told her. I looked up at Edward. "I'm really sorry. I don't know what came over me. It was totally uncalled for."
"Bella, you don't need to apologize," he replied. His eyes had a hint of sadness. "I'm sorry I upset you. I didn't mean to insinuate anything or make you feel bad."
"You didn't. I completely overreacted," I told him. "Can we never talk about this ever again please? I've gone and embarrassed myself even more than before."
We all nodded in agreement. Alice spoke first. "Hey, we're right here." She pointed to the coffee shop. "Who wants pancakes for dinner?"
"I do!" I yelled like a ten year old. Edward laughed at me. "What? I absolutely love pancakes! I think they're my most favorite food next to yellow cake and chocolate frosting. Oh shit! I don't have my wallet."
"We got you covered," he replied Alice nodded. "Pancakes, it is. Ladies first." He held the door open for us.
When I woke up the next morning, I actually felt a little rested. Dinner the night before was casual and fun after the awkwardness of my panic attack. We fell into easy conversation about nothing particular – movies, school and work. Alice tried to bring up Stefan in front of Edward but I kicked her under the table to shut her up. I don't know why, but I didn't want to share that with Edward. It might also been because if Alice brought it up, Edward might have wanted to talk about the beauty of Tanya. I was not ready to go there. At least my thoughts on Stefan were purely fantasy and harmless.
Wednesdays normally were my favorite day of the week. I don't know why, they just were. My sleep pattern was finally getting back to normal and I slept dreamlessly for the most part. After taking a nice long shower, I half air dried; half blow dried my hair into waves and weaved it into a side braid. I clipped the front of my hair up. I decided to wear a navy woven dress with orange and red flowers embroidered down the front that stopped above my knees. It featured a scoop neck with a peephole front that tied. The sleeves were loose down my arms and it cinched right under the bust line. I paired that with my strappy brown leather wooden wedges. The weather had warmed up some in the past week or so. That's what endeared me so much to Los Angeles, it always felt like a constant eighty degrees and sunny. My makeup complemented the bohemian look I had going today.
I grabbed a Pop-Tart package from the pantry and headed to work. When I pulled into the parking lot at the museum, I was humming a song and was startled when I heard my name.
"Isabella!" I looked around and finally saw Stefan waving at me from across the lot. Like the giddy school girl that I sometimes became, I smiled and waved back. He made his way towards me and a thrill shot up my spine. So many conflicting emotions came with that and I told myself to shut up and relax – my new mantra.
"Good morning, Stefan," I greeted him. He, of course, looked like he stepped out of a Macy's catalog. He was dressed impeccably in a black suit with faint pinstripes, a white collared shirt and a black silk tie. "You look fancy today."
"Why thank you," he commented. His hair was styled and his dark blue eyes sparkled in the sun. "You like?"
"I do," I replied coyly. I don't know where flirty Bella came from. It just flew out of my mouth before I had a chance to stop it.
Stefan grinned at me and I noticed he had one dimple on the left side of his face.
"I have a meeting with the curator and the other project managers today," he stated. "It's at noon, so I'm afraid we can't have lunch together later."
"Sounds important. That's okay, I'll try to occupy myself somehow," I jested. "Maybe Garrett or Demetri are free."
"Isabella, are you trying to make me jealous?" Stefan countered. I broke eye contact immediately and he laughed. I was rendered speechless without a witty comeback.
"Um, no," I managed to get out. Smooth Swan, real smooth.
"I do want to ask you something, though," his eyes gazed into mine. We weren't standing super close, but it felt like it. I nodded. "Do you think, maybe, you would let me take you out this Friday?"
My head tried to comprehend what he just said. A date? A date? As I stared blankly at him, the pause became deafening. Stefan's face looked worried and he half coughed which grabbed my attention.
"Oh. Oh! Um, yes?" I stuttered. I don't know why it came out as a question. My head screamed, 'abort! Abort!'
"Are you sure?" He asked tentatively. No, I thought. He looked hurt.
No, my head repeated."Yes, I'm sorry," I said more steadily, willing my brain to shut the hell up. "Definitely. You caught me off guard. I don't do this often." I gestured between us. Stefan's stance relaxed immensely and his radiant smile returned.
"Somehow I don't believe that for one minute," he mused. Suddenly his Blackberry chirped. "I need to run, but I'll stop by later after the meeting. Thanks, Iz."
"Sure, sure," I replied. "Good Luck!" He walked away from me and headed into the building. I took my time locking the car, and tried to grasp what just transpired in the Autry parking lot. I laughed out loud and shook my head. I texted Alice immediately.
omg. you will never guess what just happened.
Sent 3/31 9:05 a.m.
spill.
Received 3/31 9:07 a.m.
s just asked me out and i said yes. i don't know why. i'm freaking out a little bit.
Sent 3/31 9:07 a.m.
My phone rang not too much longer after that. "Hel-"
"What!" Alice's shrill made me wince. "Really! Oh my God! This is amazing! Bella! Oh my God! I'm so proud of you! Hold on."
I didn't hear anything for a second and then it sounded like she connected to another line. I almost said hello again, when a gravelly voice answered.
"This better be good Alice. I got home at four this morning and I'm not in the mood," Rosalie's sleep induced voice greeted us.
"Alice, this did not warrant a meeting of the minds," I interrupted.
"Oh shove it, Bella," Alice replied. "This is monumental!"
"Bella's here too?" Rosalie asked. "Alright, kids. I'm up. Well, I'm sitting up now. What the hell is going on? Em, babe, you need to get up. Continue, please."
I groaned. "Bella, please repeat for the class what transpired this morning," Alice's voice took command of the conversation.
I explained my surprise morning conversation and they both squealed when I was done. Then I heard Emmett's voice.
"Damn, Rosalie! My freakin' ears."
"Serves you right, hon. You should have got up the first time I told you," she replied sarcastically. I could hear him grumbling. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. We are not morning people, girls. But I won't kill you this time."
"So where's he taking you?" Alice asked.
"I don't know," I replied.
"What are you going to wear?" Rosalie interjected.
"I don't know," I repeated.
"Bella, how are we supposed to help you get ready and get you all kissable, if you don't have details?" Alice whined into the phone.
"Yeah, Bel," Rosalie added.
"Oh my God. I don't know what is going on," I laughed and shook my head as if they could both see me. "I'll see him after his meeting and hash out the details. Okay? You'll be the first to know when he tells me. Deal?"
"Deal," they answered in unison.
We chatted a little bit longer as I made my way into the museum. I spent the morning cataloguing the latest shipment with three of my co-workers. I reveled in the feeling of awe each time a crate was opened with a crowbar. As I organized the collection, questions of their histories plagued my mind – who had it belonged to, how old was it, how was it passed down or how a collector acquired it. As I told Stefan, I did end up having lunch with both Garrett and Demetri. They were assistants like myself and their antics and sarcasm made the day pass quickly. Working in the museum wasn't like an Indiana Jones movie with crazy quests or mystical interferences, so we needed people with personalities to break the monotony that sometimes settled around us.
As I packed up my desk for the day, Stefan stopped by. He had removed his suit coat and loosened his tie, but still looked flawless.
"Hello, Isabella," he greeted me.
"Hey, yourself," I smiled at him. "How was the meeting?"
Stefan went on to describe the meeting which entailed installation dates, tear down dates, upcoming meetings with the curator for the design and much more. There were more meetings scheduled which will eventually include the assistants as we update the project managers of the inventory.
"So that's pretty much it," he finished. "So about Friday."
I wanted to giggle so bad at his segues. "Yes?"
"I was thinking, how's about I pick you up, and we do dinner, but it'll be a surprise," he winked at me.
I didn't know what to say. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against surprises, but you know that little voice that says, 'stop, let's re-evaluate this'? Yeah, I told mine to shut up and decided I'm going to act completely opposite of my normal thinking process and just 'shut up and relax'.
"Sure, why not," I said evenly. "What is the attire?"
"Nice and comfortable shoes that you're not afraid to walk in," he commented. "Not tennis shoes, though.
"This sounds weirdly mysterious, sir," I quirked my head at him.
"Enjoy it, Swan," he left me. "See you later!"
Friday quickly approached and Stefan was going to pick me up around five. I didn't have to work today, so I lounged around the apartment with Alice. She decided since I got to stay home, she should as well. Before we grabbed lunch, we went through my closet, looked for something to wear, just in case I needed to hit the mall for an outfit. We settled on tight fitting jeans with an off the shoulder, sparkly cream top and my knee high brown leather boots that had a low wedge.
I nervously sat waiting for Stefan to pick me and twirled a piece of my straightened hair around my finger. Alice wished me luck before she left for the evening. Instead of staring at the clock every thirty seconds, I grabbed my laptop and ignored my conscience screaming 'Don't do it!' at me. I foolishly logged into the dreaded wedding site of Jake's. The content hadn't been updated or changed in the last couple of months, so I thought nothing of it. Boy was I wrong!
"Oh, shit," I whispered. "Oh my fuck." I took a deep breath and re-read the breaking news that greeted me on the home page.
We can't wait to you see you all! Check
out the new details! Jake, Matty and me
can't wait to c u all in a couple of weeks!
Kisses,
Leah Clearwater to be Black
Following that whore's instructions, I clicked on the details page and in bright, bold, pink letters – Saturday, March Third. That was tomorrow. I was speechless and literally cried out in frustration. I couldn't cry even if I tried. I looked at the wedding party and all the groomsmen were his friends and her son. His fuckin' friends were going to be there, which means, they knew. They had to have known. God, I felt like an idiot. Why wouldn't they know? Those are his best friends. Everyone lied to me. They covered for him. Damn that bros before hos code.
I thought back to Quil's cryptic texts from Christmas and realization dawned on me. His friends, our friends, were not mine. His pack of friends were two-faced dogs. Jake's getting married and his friends and family are going to show up and celebrate this union as if I never existed. I felt the air rush from my lungs and I gasped for oxygen. My head hurt and repeated the only thought that's been on the forefront of my brain since December – 'he didn't want you'.
Before I felt the beginnings of a full on panic attack, my cell chirped with a text message. I robotically reached for it and it was Stefan letting me know he was five minutes away. Stefan! I totally blanked that he was still coming to get me. I quickly exited the internet and closed the laptop. I ran to the bathroom and made sure my face was perfect. Thank God, I hadn't cried or I was screwed with masking the pain that coursed through my body. I physically felt ill and my stomach was in knots. I briefly contemplated calling Alice or Rosalie for a pep talk, however, just as I pulled the phone out, the intercom buzzed.
"Hello," I said after I pressed the talk button.
"Isabella? Hey, I'm here." Stefan's masculine voice invaded the speaker.
"Oh, cool. Okay. I'll be right there," I answered. My mood shifted a bit and that nervous excitement I felt from earlier returned. I took a cleansing breath, grabbed my bag and locked up the apartment. The sun was still out as I walked through the courtyard to the front gate.
There waiting on the other side was Stefan, dressed in dark jeans, a horizontally striped maroon and white polo and gray Top-siders. His dark hair looked like he styled it by running his hands through it and fell perfectly around his eyes. I internally did a happy dance at how handsome he looked. He smiled when I reached him and I gave him a quick hug.
"Hey," I said as I closed the gate.
"Hey, yourself," he replied. "You look amazing."
"Oh. Thank you," I stuttered. "You're not so bad yourself." I suddenly felt like I was in a horribly written and very awkward teen movie.
"Thanks," Stefan answered and led us down the block. "I'm parked right over here."
He led us to a beautifully kept white Dodge Challenger. The car was fitted with what looked like twenty inch, five point wheels with a black finish. The windows were tinted limo black. I actually whistled at the car. Stefan looked at me and laughed.
"See something you like?" he asked.
"I see something else I like," I blurted out and giggled at the innuendo I threw in there. I had no idea where that came from. I looked away from Stefan and focused on the lines of the car. "You have an amazing ride."
"Well," he started. "Please, m'lady, take a seat and we'll be on our way." He opened the passenger door for me and closed it when I sat down. When he sat in the driver seat, I immediately asked him where we were headed. "I can't tell you yet."
"Seriously?" I pretended to whine and bounce in the seat. "Please?" He shook his head and turned the key in the ignition. The car roared to life and loud, rock music blared throughout the cabin. He immediately lowered it. I vaguely registered that it was Pennywise chanting that damn 'Bro Hymn'. "Puh-lease?"
"Okay, how about a clue?" He offered and I nodded. "We're going to a place where a dream is a wish your heart makes."
"What?" I asked astonished. "What the hell kind of clue is that?" I then realized how obnoxious I sounded. Stefan just laughed and drove on. We drove down the 5 South Freeway and I continued to wrack my brain of where we could be headed.
"Iz, you're going to hurt yourself, if you furrow your brow even more," Stefan's voice broke my train of thought and I laughed sheepishly.
That sort of broke the ice and we began a pretty superficial conversation revolving around movies and TV shows. He adored Seinfeld and I just didn't understand it. It must be a New York thing because I don't find it funny. Never have. We continued talking and I saw how far we were driving away from L.A. As Los Angeles morphed into Downey to Buena Park, I realized we were headed towards Anaheim to Disneyland – 'a dream is a wish your heart makes' – Cinderella. My breathing hitched a little bit.
Thoughts of Jake and I there and then him and Leah plagued my mind. I had a very sore spot for that theme park and had no intentions of ever visiting it again. I began to bite my thumbnail in attempts to will the hurt I felt away. Flashes of Leah's pictures crossed my mind in rapid succession and the fact that the wedding will take place the next day killed me. A muffled buzzing infiltrated my hearing and it turned out to be Stefan's voice. He was now talking about the complexities of Lost. He literally lost me when he brought up the faux pas that was Walt.
"Darlton never should have-" Stefan continued ranting about the creators' woulda, coulda, shouldas.
"I want another clue," I uttered, attempting to keep the worry out of my voice. I smiled at him as sweetly as I could. I prayed we going to Medieval Times or the Northwoods Inn. Hell, I'd take even take an Angels game over Disneyland.
"What?" He replied. "Oh, okay. Um, let's see." He clicked the wheel on his iPod and sounds of the Electrical Parade emitted from the speakers. I wanted to burst out laughing. Who has that music on command?
"We're going to Disneyland?" I faked enthusiasm so I didn't hurt his feelings. He had no idea what he got himself into and I was not going to tell him. Hell, I don't even know what I was doing here. "And why the hell do you have that downloaded?"
"Not just Disneyland," he happily explained. "We are dining at the Blue Bayou and then see some fireworks." I smiled at him and tried to calm my rapidly beating heart as he pulled off the freeway and into the entrance to the massive parking structure. "I was trying to come up with clues for you, and downloaded this at the last minute. It's the only one I have, I swear."
After parking on the Goofy level, we descended the escalators to the awaiting trams. I noticed other people had either just arrived like us, probably headed to Downtown Disney or on their way back to the park. While we sat on the tram, I texted Alice and let her know where we ended up. She wrote back, in caps, 'no way', followed by a 'are you okay?' I told her I was fine and that I'd let her know if it changes.
He paid for the tickets and we made our way through the turnstile entrance. As we walked to Main Street I led him over to the window displays at the Emporium. I had always loved the ever changing designs of these displays. As I looked at a very sweet one of Sleeping Beauty and her prince, I got lost in sweet memories of Jake and I. I just smiled forgetting the world. I felt something brush against my hand and it was instantly embraced by soft, warm fingers. I turned and half expected to see deep, brown eyes, but dark blue ones with lush eyelashes greeted me instead. Stefan smiled at me and I gave him a half smile.
When we walked towards the looming pink castle, I desperately wanted to leave. I didn't think I had the strength to make it through dinner, let alone, watch fireworks with someone I barely knew. I thought I was fine. I thought I could handle this, but I couldn't. He wasn't what I wanted. My want was getting married tomorrow. He wasn't even mine to want anymore. I damned my memories as Stefan led me through Adventureland. I saw a restroom and quickly excused myself. I stared in the mirror and internally gave myself a pep talk. 'Bella, you cannot be rude to him. You need to play nice. He totally planned this for you. Don't think of him.'
I took a breath and decided to try and not ruin anything. When I exited the ladies room, Stefan was leaning against a rock wall.
"Shall we?" I said and smiled at him. His face visibly relaxed and we weaved our way through the massive amount of people flooding around the Jungle Cruise. "Hey, can we go to the Tiki Room after?"
"Sure," he replied. "I've never actually been in there before."
"What?" I replied in shock. "Everyone needs a little aloha, now and then. I love the Tiki Room."
We made a left after the Pirates of the Caribbean ride and Stefan proceeded to check the reservation. There were a lot of people waiting to be seated and I laughed at how nothing's changed.
"It's going to be about ten minutes," his smooth voice explained. I nodded and he led us to the little waiting area.
"This is insane," I commented as we sat a newly unoccupied bench. I shook my head and laughed that I was actually at Disneyland at seven o'clock at night.
"What is?" The New Yorker inquired.
"This," I gestured widely. "I can honestly say no one has ever surprised me the way you have with dinner at the happiest place on earth."
"I did good then?" Stefan wiggled his eyes brows at me. It completely reminded me of Edward's teasing. 'Serious Bella? First Jake and now Edward?' My brain screamed at me. I nodded my head. "Isabella, I find it hard to believe you haven't been wooed before."
"Did you just say 'woo'?" I burst out laughing. "I didn't say it I've never been surprised. I just said no one's ever pulled off what you did tonight. That's all."
The hostess called Stefan's name then and we followed out to the terrace that overlooked the Pirate's loading dock. It was very strange being on this side of the ride. I'd only seen it from sitting in those boats as we sailed past it. After perusing the menu, I chose the filet mignon, while Stefan settled on the Jambalaya. After placing our orders, I decided to be polite and continue the conversation.
"What brought you to L.A.?" I asked. Stefan sipped his soda before answering and I suddenly wished Disneyland sold alcohol.
"Well, that's a long story, but the abridged version includes a messy divorce, a need for a change of scenery and I want to be an actor," he succinctly answered.
"Seriously?" I was dumbfounded. None of that made any sense.
"The actor part, not so much," he laughed. "But everything else is true. I've been divorced for almost two years now and I've been in L.A. for almost a year."
"Do you date a lot?" I nosily asked. Then immediately clamped my hand over my mouth. I was honestly curious, how do you go from being in love with one person to another and not feel the pain of that loss? "Sorry, please don't answer that."
"No it's okay," he replied. "I don't not date. I've found the best way to mend a broken heart is to dust yourself off and find it again without looking too hard. Things always fall into place."
"That's very profound," I mused.
"So what about you?" Stefan asked as the waiter brought out our food. It all looked amazing and not like normal theme park food either. It was restaurant quality. I was impressed to say the least.
"What about me?" I hesitantly answered while I cut up my steak. I raised an eyebrow at him.
"Are you a serial dater?" He continued. "You strike me as someone who thrives in relationships."
Dammit. I had to open up a can of worms. I felt like I needed those stupid Twix moments, when those guys in the commercials shove a whole Twix bar in their mouth. "Um, well, that's true. I don't date a lot. I went out with a couple of guys in high school." I purposely left out the most important piece of why I hadn't dated – I had someone. "And well, college is a busy time for everything."
I averted my eyes and glanced at the ceiling. The conversation sort of tapered off into that awkward, what to talk about phase. Stefan was nice, but this whole date thing felt forced. Work allowed our interaction to be minimal and quick. Now, I struggled to find common ground. What I know about him – a New Yorker, a divorcee, a historian, a beautiful car and he had his own taste in music. I bit my bottom lip and took a sip of my soda. This man has lived a whole other life from me and has had experiences I couldn't even relate to.
"So, are you going to tell me about your break up?" Stefan asked suddenly.
"Excuse me?" My head whipped up and I stared at him.
"It's okay," he replied. "I can just tell. You obviously wear your heart on your sleeve. Your eyes really exude your melancholy."
"Oh my God," I placed my head on the table and began to repeatedly bang my forehead against it. I was mortified.
"It really is okay, Isabella." Stefan touched my arm and I looked up at him. I was mad now. I was mad at Jake for putting me in a situation like this. I was mad at Stefan for asking me the one question I really didn't want to answer. I felt like I was treading water with no life raft in sight. I liked Stefan, but I liked him as a colleague. Not even as a friend. This has turned into such an embarrassing disaster.
"Listen," I began. "I really don't want to get into this right now. I also really don't want to fucking cry at Disneyland. This was a really sweet gesture and I totally appreciate the effort you put into this. You're right and I don't know what I was thinking in coming out with you tonight. Just know it was bad. Like life altering bad."
"It's not you, it's me, right?" He stated sadly.
"No! It's not even like that," I countered. "I don't even know where to place a sentence like that in a conversation. I just know I don't know what the hell I'm doing. And it's not fair to you. I also realize I sound nuts. So, please when Monday comes, be kind."
"Isabella," Stefan began. "I'm not out to make you uncomfortable. I just thought we could get together and have a little fun. That's it. No expectations."
"Great," I concluded. "I don't even know where to go from here."
"Well, how about, we finish here and hit your Tiki Room, then see what happens," he signaled the waiter over. "We don't even have to stay for fireworks."
I felt terrible. I was such a jerk that didn't deserve human interaction. I hated this theme park. It once held romantic and fond memories but now it was tainted. Stefan paid the bill even though I asked him to split it, but he wouldn't let me stating that he invited me out. I didn't want to argue and let him.
I bought him a cream cheese filled pretzel as a peace offering and the tension and awkwardness lessened some. We began people watching. I pointed out every Crocs wearing tourist and he counted every time someone walked by in those Mickey Mouse ears with the wedding veils. We did go to the Tiki Room and no matter what, I still loved it. Those little singing birds made my evening. I wished I was really in Hawaii, away from everything. We didn't watch the fireworks and instead hit some rides. The distraction of being on a ride and shorter lines brought the conversation back to everything general. I relished in it.
As we headed back home, the radio provided enough background noise, to drown out the silence that descended upon us. Stefan walked me to the front gate of the apartment building and I thanked him for a lovely time. I told him I'd see him next week at work. The gate shut with a loud bang which startled me and the tears I'd been holding back since the afternoon ascended. By the time I reached the front door, I was sobbing and had a hard time catching my breath. The apartment was dark and I stumbled to my room. Without bothering to change or even remove my shoes, I collapsed on the bed and cried.
I cried for the girl whose dreams of marrying Jake and having a life with him were shattered. I cried for the girl whose trust was completely broken. I cried for the lies she endured for so long. I cried for the deceit he imposed on her. I cried for the broken pieces of her heart that had no chance of recovery. I cried for a love lost. I cried out of the fuckery of the night. I just cried until I drifted off to sleep.
I woke sometime during the night with my face stuck to the pillow and my body completely twisted on top of the blankets. When I looked at the clock it was four-thirty in the morning. Groaning, I stiffly tried to move and felt my way to the bathroom. The light blinded me and I looked like a zombie. My makeup was smeared and I had terrible raccoon eyes from the remnants of mascara and eye shadow. Trails of black eye liner trailed down my tear stained face. My eyes were red and blood shot. As I waited for the water from the faucet to reach a decent temperature, I just stared at my face. I suddenly felt old and weary. For the past six months, I'd had the burden of Jake's lies consume my every waking moment and sometimes even in my dreams causing nightmares.
"Ugh," I groaned again to my reflection. "Fuck this. I'm taking a shower." I switched off the sink and turned the shower on to the highest heat it would go and watched the bathroom quickly steam up. I undressed and tested the water. I flinched at the heat and rolled my eyes. There was no way I was even going to attempt to stand under that. I quickly turned on the cold water and it finally calmed down to a soothing temperature. As I lathered up my hair with some tropical smelling shampoo, I came up with a game plan.
For my sanity, I wrestled with rationalizing everything. I knew Jake was getting married tomorrow, in the afternoon. Tomorrow was going to be a turning point for me. I couldn't let his memory haunt me anymore and I definitely wouldn't let it hinder me. I would give him until tomorrow to apologize or make some kind of contact. At least I knew it would be of his own volition and not years from now when the guilt of being such an asshole ate at his soul. I wouldn't hold my breath waiting on him. Not that me punching him was an indication that we were no longer anything to each other. From that point on, I will take it one day at a time and embrace everything. I began to realize that life didn't work like the movies. The good guys didn't always win in the end and bad things do happen to good people.
I finished up in the shower, a little more hopeful with my little plan. A plan only for me and no one else. I will wake up in the morning ready to greet the day and attend Edward's grand opening with a lighter heart and less of this burden on my shoulders. Damn this positive thinking. Now I just need to believe it.