heeyyy guys
so yeah i'll be more updating now, because it's Christmas break (in the Netherlands XD)
i actually wanted to post this chapter yesterday and i finished it around 1:30 am so i was really tired
i thought i really needed to update this, but then...
again i had no wifi so i'm at my friends house trying to update XD hopefully you like it
it's more intense and more personal as usual. i also put some of my own intresses in this chapter XD
you'll see :)))
(i do not own twd just my occ)
10
Fear.
Have you ever experienced fear in greater states? Well it surprises me if you haven't.
At one point in our life we have to face those fears we're afraid of, otherwise it'll drag you down into the deepest, darkest place until you hit rock bottom. For some people it's already too late, it already happened. The people with the brightest eyes, have now dimmed. The people with the lightest heart, are the ones that are cold now, they're distance and/or cruel. But that's become pretty common around here. Especially knowing what kind of things people been through.
Sometimes I'm afraid, but I decided to not let it take over my life. It's okay to be afraid, but don't let that fear dictate who you are, or change what you can become,
Because there's no coming back once you hit rock bottom.
It was silent. The only sound was my shaky and uneasy breath. with my complete concentration, I watched as the shadow stopped walking. Nothing happened.
I held my gun I front of me and let my finger slide to the trigger slightly pulling it, but not enough to fire it.
Still nothing happened.
"turn around and leave." I hissed towards the shadow, sounding as calm but dangerous as planned.
Still nothing happened.
I closed one eye and with my other eye I looked through the rifle's scope and lifted my gun more.
Still the shadow wouldn't move from its position.
My finger curled more around the trigger almost pulling it. But not yet. I waited fo a reply, but none came.
"you have me at gun point haven't you?" a familiar guy voice asked.
"why won't you come see for yourself?" I replied more defiant than planned to.
I heard a light chuckle, before Carl stepped in the watch tower. A part of me was relieved, but the other part of me was still tensed.
My rifle was still pointed at his head, as I forgot to lower it.
"figured." he grinned looking from the rifle and then back at me.
I rolled my eyes and lowered my gun again.
"what 'r you doin' here?" I asked, setting the rifle back against the wall and turning back around.
He swung his orange backpack on the matrass besides mine.
"my dad asked me to take watch with you, because you had some kind of deal with Daryl." He said while dropping himself on the matrass.
"so he asked you? I thought they didn't let kids on watch?" I asked, also sitting down on my own matrass.
"well, they'd figure you could use some company of your own age. Besides you're not thinking that they'd let you do it alone, right?" he asked me part jokingly and part serious.
He was right, they would never let me do it by myself. Besides I wouldn't know if I could keep my eyes open all night.
"so we'll shift then?" I asked while grabbing my book from underneath my pillow.
"yep, I'll wake you at four. I need to help my dad out in the morning so that would be easier." He replied looking at his watch and then back at me. I nodded and opened my book 'the Da Vinci Code' from earlier on again.
I flicked it through until I was on the right page again. I moved my legs back on the matrass and leaned against the wall, with a pillow caught between it. I looked up from my book and saw Carl emptying the content of his bag on the matrass. A few boxes of ammo and a few issues of 'The new Adventures' were mixed-up on his matrass.
I turned my attention back to my book as it was more interesting then to see Carl struggle to take his shoes off.
I suppressed a laugh as I heard a small thud and a small annoyed groan afterwards.
I heard some silent shifting and after a while it was quiet. My attention was still remained at my book.
Minutes passed by as we both were reading and none of us felt the need of talking.
The only sound was the sound of flicking pages every once in a while.
Symbols of Italian art kept flowing through my mind as I was trying to solve the riddles and puzzles again, even though I'd already read it a few times.
I'd never been to Italy before. I'd seen some pictures and from the look of it, it must be very pretty. Even though I never went there, I was really intrigued by all the art works at the museums. My art teacher had a few faux paintings of the most famous artists of the world, most of them from Italy and Holland, Like: 'girl with a pearl' also referred as "the Dutch Mona Lisa." And 'the last supper' made by the man itself, Leonardo Da Vinci. And my favorite of all…. 'Night Watch' made by a Dutch artist named Rembrandt van Rijn. It was so big, they actually had to cut off a part so it would fit in the museum. It was a busy painting and you never knew where to look. Do I sound like a geek? Probably.
I guess my love for art will never vanish.
"you know, people start to wonder where you're from and stuff." Carl sudden comment caught me off guard. I looked up from my book and slightly closed it.
"why?" I asked confused. I never knew that the people around her took much notice of me.
"well, you don't talk much you just… stare. Are you a serial killer or something?" He asked the last part jokingly. I chuckled sarcastically and closed my book.
"yeah, you got me. I'll probably kill you in your sleep tonight." I teased sarcastically, while putting my book next to me.
"and while I'm on it, why not kill everyone at D?"
He shook his head amused and flicked another page from his comic.
"No I'm serious, why are you here and not with your parents or something?" he asked, raising his eyebrow and laying his comic down.
His question hit me right through my soul. I immediately felt 'that' guilt again. Deep in my gut I knew I could never suppress that guilt. I could never forget what I've done, let alone forgive myself.
"It's rather complicated." I replied coldly, looking away.
Seconds passed by as he realized what I meant and spoke again,
"oh, that's sucks" he said pretty sincere. He brushed his hair away in front of his eyes and looked at me.
"don't mention it." I said nonchalantly.
I looked back up and smiled slightly.
"Macon. Macon Georgia, that's where I'm from. That's what you wanted to know right?" I asked raising an eyebrow and smirked slightly.
"that's like five days from here right?" he asked me tilting his head a little bit and furrowing his eyebrows.
"yeah, but I feels like months away." I sighed slightly sounding a bit sad.
"why did you leave Macon?" he asked confused.
"It got overrun, just like most of the towns." I replied shrugging my shoulders.
I stretched and yawned pretty bulky and blinked my eyes a few times. My eyes felt heavy with sleep and rubbed my eyes as I yawned again.
"what time is it?" I asked through my yawn.
Carl turned his attention to his watch he got from his dad and looked back up.
"around twelve. " he responded.
It was time for me to go to sleep. It's been a pretty long day and I need to be up at four, so I better needed to be fit and fresh.
"I think I'm 'bout to go hit the sack." I remarked tiredly.
I unlaced my shoes and tried to pull them of, but instead I lost my balance and fell on my side, but I managed to pull it off. With a little victory smile I looked at him but caught him already smirking at me.
"it's not as simple as it looks, right?" he said amused. So yeah, he did heard me suppressing a laugh earlier on. I rolled my eyes and pulled the covers over my body. I laid down and muffled my hand underneath the pillow to support my head.
"wake me up at four." I muttered, while trying to keep my eyes open.
"will do." He mumbled, while turning back to his comic book and flicking it.
I closed my eyes the heaviness became too much to handle as I got more tired.
Eventually I drifted away into a deep sleep, into the darkness just as always.
It was cold. Very cold. Mary from the Waters family had put on a little fire inside an old cottage near Macon. It's been a long time since the outbreak happened. I lost track of counting the days a long time ago. Though it's hard to believe, I felt happy. I was here together with my family even my mom was here. she'd been sober now a couple of years.
She'd changed. She is nice now, I thought. she 'd stopped yelling and cursing. Maybe she loves me again.
My brother Brandon left a while ago, he went out with Doug to go find some food. It's been days since we ate. We had a small group, but our recently member Helen was heavily pregnant so she ate for two. She was only eight-teen years old. I can't imagine what happened to her. I heard some of our whisper about it a few times. If I listened closely I could hear the words: villainy, bad people and wrong place, wrong time.
That could only mean one thing.
I sat next to my childhood best friend named Sam Pendery and we leant against each other back to back. The warmth of dancing flames calmed every tensed muscle I had. The prickling sound made me relax as I felt more on ease. This was the first time in days that our group felt a little safe. We had been running for a long time, until we stumbled across this little cottage.
"I'm gonna hit the outhouse." My mom suddenly spoke up. all the attention turned towards her as she stood up from her seat and walked towards the door.
"sure you'll be safe?" Mary asked concerned as she poked the fire with an iron fire poker.
"yeah I don't mind to come with you." Helen remarked concerned.
My mom pulled her gun from her holster and threw it up in the air and caught it with ease.
"don't worry I got it covered." She smirked slightly, while putting her gun back in her holster.
" I donno mom.." I said, disapproving and concerned. I stood up and Sam smiled at me. My mother smiled warmly at me and walked towards me.
"don't worry honey, I'll be right back." She spoke softly, while kissing my forehead. She gave a tight hug before she left.
It was already dark and I didn't trusted my mom out there all alone. Even though I'm still a kid I knew the consequences that could happen.
With worried eyes I looked at the door waiting for her to get back. My gut was telling me that something was wrong.
"she'll be back, just like she said." Sam comforted me while putting an arm around my shoulder.
I gave him a feeble smile and kept looking at the door.
Still nothing.
Minutes passed by and the door didn't open.
Suddenly I noticed that my mom forgot to bring toilet paper with her. I stood up and grabbed the toilet paper from the counter and walked to the door.
"where 'r you goin'?" Sam asked me suspicious. His green eyes were locked on my blue ones and he wasn't about to break our gaze. Everyone's attention turned to me instead of the slowly dying fire.
"mom forgot this. I might as well bring it to her, check if she's alright." I responded, rolling my eyes amused.
"okay, but come back quick okay?"Sam's dad, Ron stated.
I nodded firmly and walked outside.
A light breeze hit my bare arms and I shivered a little bit, but I kept walking towards the outhouse.
I saw my mom's shadow reflected in the moonlight as she was holding something to her head.
I pushed the bushes aside and we stood at an open place in the woods, not far away from our cottage.
"mom? What 'r you doin'?" I asked confused. My mom's back was faced towards me but quickly turned around as she heard me. Wide eyes full of terror and shock looked at me. her face was tear stained and was she was holding her little gun pointed at her own head.
"mom? What 'r you doin'?!"I asked more concerned and demanding now.
Was this some kind of sick joke because it is freaking the hell out of me.
"honey, I'm sorry.." she said voice trembling. Her eyes were flooded with tears as she flicked the safety of her gun. Words could not subscribe what I was feeling right now. I was terrified and my eyes were filled with tears.
"mom, what are you talking about?!" I asked voice trembling and fumbling my sweaty palms.
My mom's sad eyes just simply stared at me at me as a single tear fell down her cheek.
"I just can't do this anymore… I-I don't want this anymore…"she cried softly.
"w-why 'r you doin' this?" I said choking on my own words as a single tear fell down my cheek.
Her finger curled tighter around the trigger as she took a step back.
She looked at me with her pleading eyes as if she was saying 'please leave me I don't want you to be here'
The something snapped.
The same rage, the same ager, the same feeling I had before all this. My mom was leaving AGAIN and this time she doesn't want to come back because she had to. She wanted it to.
"you can't do this! You can't leave me again!" I yelled throughout my tears. A fit off tears fell down my cheek as were my moms.
"I'm sorry honey, I love you."
My eyes widen at her sudden moment and wanted to run towards her.
One little click…
BAM!
A loud shot rang out throughout the forest.
That was the moment, the moment where that part of me being a kid, vanished.
I jolted awake heavy breathing as I heard a faint call, calling my name. my mind was spinning just like everything else in around me. My sight was still blurry as my eyes were trying to adjust to the bitter hard reality.
there you go hopefully you liked it ;)
this was just a little part about here life before the prison, but that's not all :)
i just don't want to say everything just yet :)
till next time (probably within a few days)
xxxxxxxikimmilove