30 Day OTP Challenge for the Fluff Impaired Prompt #10: Apologies

13 year old Nara Shikamaru was very unhappy at the moment. He'd screwed up and made Hyūga Neji mad at him. Granted, Neji wasn't a friend but for some reason it really hurt to have Neji mad at him. He sat on his favorite cloud watching hill, thinking about the whole messed up situation until a heavy hand fell on his shoulder. Shikamaru jumped, badly startled.

"Thinking hard I see," a deep voice said.

"Asuma-sensei! Don't do that!"

Asuma laughed, "You're fine kid. Anyway, you want to tell me what's got you all messed up? Ino saw you earlier and told me that you completely ignored her when she tried to speak to you."

Shikamaru grimaced, "She did? Ah...darn it. She's never gonna let it go now. I'm sorry sensei but I wasn't really paying attention to anything, much less people trying to talk to me."

"I kind of figured that out on my own. So what's bothering you?"

"Have you...have you ever made someone mad at you? So mad that they pretty much don't ever want to see you again? Someone you aren't friends with but want to be friends with? But now you don't have the chance?"

Asuma blinked at the questions. "Huh... Odd set of questions. Then again, maybe not since they came from you."

"Oi, what's that mean?" Shikamaru gave Asuma a flat, narrow eyed look.

Asuma laughed at the suspicious look. "You're not too good with the whole emotional thing, Shikamaru. Ah! Just hear me out, okay? Okay. That genius brain of yours is good for lots of things. Makes it easy for you to calculated the odds and make strategies that will end favorably, either for you or for Konoha. That's a good thing, mind you, but at the same time it makes it more difficult for you to understand emotions and everything that comes about from them. It makes it harder for you to connect with people on an emotional level. Now, most people won't notice it, will pass it off as you just not caring. But that's not the truth. No. Truth is, kid, you care too much, you just don't show it often because you don't know how to. You're team in the hospital, for instance. I heard about how upset you were after the mission went sour. They don't know about that breakdown, do they?"

Shikamaru shook his head hard, "They don't. They've got enough on their minds without me adding to their worries."

"My point exactly. You're worried about them but you haven't shown them that. Now, you might be able to get away with it when in comes to Choji, Kiba, and Naruto because they know you, but that Hyūga kid is a different story. And he's the one you're so bent out of shape over, isn't he?"

Shikamaru looked up wide eyed, "How..."

"You thought I wouldn't notice how often you've been going to the hospital to visit all of them? Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that the other three are friends of yours, they went to the Academy with you and grew up you. So they know you pretty well. Neji, however, is not your friend, he didn't grow up with you and he doesn't really know you. But, he is someone you worked with recently, someone who got hurt while under your leadership. I'm not saying you're the one at fault for this – there was absolutely nothing that you could have done for any of them once they chose to stay behind - but to you it feels that way. It feels like they were under your care and you failed them. You feel like you let them down."

"Sensei..." Shikamaru stared up at the older man with wounded, haunted eyes. His father hadn't really explained it to him like this, had just basically told him to suck it up in longer terms.

Asuma smiled sadly at him, "Not finished, Shikamaru. It's a really sucky feeling, leading a team only to let them down. Finding out that they're in critical condition. Having to sit outside those emergency room doors and hoping, praying, that when the medics walk out those doors the news they bear will be good news. That a new name won't be added to the memorial stone. That you won't be the one left behind to explain to their loved ones that they aren't coming home. That wait, it's a hell all of its own. The Academy doesn't teach you about that, doesn't teach you how to deal with it. No one can really. Everyone has to find their own way of dealing with that grief, with that guilt. Best thing I can tell you is that if all of this is stemming from what happen to them then maybe you should apologize. Your friends will accept it with no problems, though they might try to aggravate the hell out of you to make you stop. I highly doubt they blame you though. The Hyūga kid, he's a prideful little guy -it's kind of painful to watch him actually - but if you're honest with him when you apologize he might accept it."

Shikamaru frowned, "That's it?"

"Ball's in your court right now, Shikamaru. You make your apology and then it'll be in his. If he accepts it then that's great, you can start building a friendship from there, or, at the very least, a solid work based partnership. If he doesn't accept it then he's not someone you want as a friend. Think on it, okay?"

"Okay. Asuma-sensei?"

"Hm?"

"Thanks. For talking to me."

"You're one of my kids now, Shikamaru. When they gave you, Ino, and Choji to me as a genin team you became my kids. You might be a Chūnin now but you're still my kid. Always will be, even when you three are determined to drive me completely nuts with your antics. That means that I'll always be here for you when you need me, no matter what." Asuma grinned suddenly, "I gotta save you kids from yourselves after all."

"Oi!"

Asuma laughed and Shikamaru started to smile at the sound before beginning to laugh as well.

Neji looked up when his hospital room door opened to show his cousin. "Hinata-sama, hello. How are you today?"

"I-I'm g-good. A-and you?"

"As well as can be expected all things considered. Did you received a letter on your way here?"

"N-no. It's f-for y-you. The n-nurses said t-that I could b-bring it u-up t-to you."

"For me? Does it say whom it is from?"

"N-no. Do y-you want to r-read it?"

"Yes, please."

"H-here," Hinata handed him the letter. "I-I'll j-just go a-and let y-you r-read it."

"Very well. Thank you for bringing it to me, Hinata-sama," Neji said.

Hinata smiled softly at him as she left, "Y-you're welcome, Neji-n-nii-san."

Neji stared at his letter for a moment, looking at his name spelled out in an unfamiliar but exceptionally neat and precise handwriting. He opened the letter to find more of the same writing, only smaller but still easily legible and evenly spaced. To him it seemed as if the writer was a bit of a perfectionist. He settled down to read the letter comfortably.

Dear Hyūga Neji,

I know you probably don't want to talk to me or even hear from me in any form after what happen but I figured that I had to try and apologize to you. I really didn't mean to lie to you(didn't even realize that I had at the time) or make you angry at me. I know this might just sound like me whining but...someone told me some things that made a lot of sense and I thought I should explain myself at the very least.

I really did visit you and all the others because you guys deserved it. Especially after what happened. You, all of you, got hurt because of me, because I wasn't a good enough leader. I'm sorry for that too. By the time I found out how bad things were there was nothing I could do to help. And there's not really anything that can prepare you for that sort of thing, that sort of sick knowing that your team is in behind those doors, that they could be dying and there's nothing you can do.

I didn't know that being the mission team leader would mean that I'd be the person waiting outside those emergency room doors. That I'd be the one hoping and praying that everything would turn out all right. That none of you would take a turn for the worse. That...none of you would be added to the memorial stone. The waiting was the worst of it. It was described to me as a hell all of its own and, to be honest, it really is.

When Tsunade-sama and Shizune-san came out and told me that everyone would be okay I was so relieved but I still felt so much guilt. I was ready to quit being a shinobi then and there. I got a hard truth knocked in to me that day. But it didn't change how I felt, even if I had decided to stick around. The nightmares I had after that were the worst I've ever had. Nightmares about where the whole thing had gone even more horribly wrong than it really did. Nightmares where none of you survived long enough for help to arrive. They haven't really stopped either. And it's terrifying because that really could have happened and it would have been my fault.

It's why I visited so often. I needed to see for myself that all of you were going to be all right. That my team was alive and on the mend. That isn't something others can reassure me of and think that I'll just take their word for it. They can't just tell me that it isn't my fault, that I did the best I could, that you all made the choice to to stay behind and fight on your own because I already know these things. But it doesn't make it easier, doesn't make it better. Knowing doesn't help. I can know the facts, can know the options, I can go over the scenarios, and the strategies again and again, but it doesn't change the fact that I can't change anything that happened. It doesn't change the fact that I still feel responsible as the team leader. Knowing doesn't change a damned thing.

You accused me of pitying you and I can understand why you would have thought that, all things considered. But that isn't true. I never pitied you, if anything I admired you and the strength you had to stay behind and fight alone. Strength I definitely don't have. Coward that I am, I couldn't even find the courage to say all of these things to you face to face like you deserve. Despite that, I still had let you know that even though I'm a complete idiot about some things I never meant to hurt, anger, or belittle you. I'll understand if you rip this letter up and burn it but I still had to try.

Sincerely Sorry,

Nara Shikamaru

Neji laid the letter down on his lap as he turned the words contained in it over in his mind. Yes, he had been angry that the Nara had not been entirely truthful about his intentions during his many visits, but he hadn't thought he'd been seen as so angry to the shadow-nin that he'd come off as completely unapproachable after all was said and done. He sighed. Clearly there had been some sort of miscommunication between them if the Nara thought he was meant to stay away from him entirely. Really, all he'd had wanted was an acknowledgement of the Nara's wrongdoing and an apology.

This was far more than he had expected though. And far more concerning. From what he'd seen of Nara Shikamaru, the lazy male was not exactly the type to bare all. Much less bare all to someone he hardly knew.. He was quiet and a bit secretive but still approachable enough and not exactly bad company. That he'd felt strongly enough about the, well not argument persay. More like he'd chastised severely and the Nara had ducked his head down between his shoulders in shame. Neji closed his eyes as that thought hit him full force.

He'd inadvertently come across as someone that would not listen by never letting the Nara say a word to defend himself. When he'd told the Nara to leave it had been taken as a permanent 'Do not come back' and not as the 'Come back once you're finished being stupid' he'd meant it as. This would have to be rectified immediately. Neji reached for the writing tools that had been left for him by his uncle and began to write.

"Shikamaru! You have a letter!" Nara Yoshino yelled.

"A letter" Shikamaru asked confused. He never got any letters unless they were invitations, but his mother would have specified that when she was yelling for him. "From who?"

"I don't know. It doesn't say. It just has your name on it. In very pretty handwriting too," her eyes lit up suddenly as she handed the letter to him. "Oh! Maybe it's from a secret admirer!"

Shikamaru shook his head. "No way, kaa-san. I really, really doubt that," he said looking away with a slight blush. "I'm just a plain old, average guy and guys like me don't have secret admirers. Ino says it all the time and she's right. No one wants an average guy and people certainly don't even look once at me, much less twice. I'm the guy that gets overlooked. Doesn't really bother me though. Relationships are troublesome."

Yoshino's eyes widened and then went liquid soft. "Oh hunny... Ino doesn't know what she's talking about," she soothed gently. "You're still growing into yourself, Shikamaru. Give it some time and things will change, I promise. Besides, I never expected to end up with your father but here I am. And I don't regret it, not at all. When you find the right person you'll know it and, more importantly, so will they. And they won't care one bit as to how you look. Love is about more than looks."

Shikamaru eyed her sceptically, "If you say so."

"So suspicious, just like your lazy father," Yoshino said with a roll of her eyes. "You still have that letter to read, Shika-chan."

Shikamaru puffed up indignantly, as he always did when confronted by that kami forsaken nickname, "Don't call me that! I'm not a girl!"

Yoshino laughed teasingly, "You didn't mind when you were little, Shika-chan."

"I'm not little anymore," Shikamaru yelled over his shoulder as he escaped up the stairs. "And stop calling me that!"

Yoshino smiled sadly and said too softly for her son to hear, "You'll always be my little boy."

"Yoshino?"

"Oh!" Startled, Yoshino turned to see her husband eying her, concern flickering in his dark brown irises. "Shikaku, you're home early."

He looked at her for several long moments before asking, "What's wrong, Yoshi-chan?"

She smiled sadly, "I never could hide anything from you, could I?"

Shikamaru sat down at his desk and carefully opened the letter. His mother had been right about the handwriting at least. The letter was written in traditional calligraphy. Very well written calligraphy, so obviously whoever wrote this practiced a lot. He sighed nervously and began to read.

Dear Nara Shikamaru,

First and foremost, I accept your apology and have carefully considered the words of the letter you wrote to me. Secondly, I must offer an apology of my own. I overreacted, something I should not have done no matter how upset I was. By doing so I made myself seem cruel and unapproachable during your last visit and I promise you that was never my intention. Yes, I was upset when I thought your visits were out of pity but, now that I've had time to properly think about the situation, calling you a liar was a bit over the top. As was telling you to leave without properly explaining myself.

When I said those things I only meant them as a way of making you see that I did not need pity visits and to make you, I believe the phrase is 'get your head out of your ass'. It did not occur to me that there may have been more to your visits. That you were actually deeply worried over the team's hospitalization. Nor did it occur to me that you felt such immense guilt over what happened that it would cause you issues both during the day and night. You should most definitely listen to the people telling you it's not your fault. They are right after all. It may not feel that way but it is the truth.

You're nightmares are something I have no answer to because it seems that you have done all you can to reassure yourself that we are indeed alive and on the mend. All I can say is that perhaps, with time, they will fade into nothing more than bad memories. If it does not come across as prying to you and should you wish to speak about these nightmares, I offer, more than gladly, to lend you a listening and sympathetic ear. Also, I wish to express my thanks for you having the courage to try to rectify a situation that really shouldn't have even been one at all. You may think of yourself as a coward but a true coward would have never even tried to make things right. Nor would they have put to paper their deepest, most heartfelt emotions for anyone to see, as you did. That does take some measure of bravery. Perhaps not the kind of bravery that you think you should have, but bravery none the less.

And, while you may not believe me, I think you did admirably well for a first time Chūnin leader. I highly doubt I would have followed another new Chūnin and I am certain the others would agree.

Also, I most certainly will not be ripping up your letter and burning it. That would be a horrible, impolite, and an exceeding inconsiderate thing to do considering how much effort you put into both your letter and your need to make things right.

Sincerely,

Hyūga Neji

P.S. You may start visiting me again if you are so inclined. I enjoyed our shogi matches and the challenge you represented in them.

Shikamaru stared at the letter for long moment before he started laughing in relief. The whole thing may have been a huge misunderstanding caused by bad communication but writing had obviously been the right thing to do. He smiled as he reached for a pen and pepper.

Dear Neji,...

AUTHOR'S NOTE

So here you get to see the beginning of what will become a very good friendship and later a relationship. This also goes into the shinobi mind set just like A Not So Ideal Vacation does.

You get a peek into the mind of a new Chūnin who failed his mission and failed his team, at least that's what he thinks. It also shows that no matter what people say or think team leaders are definitely set apart. Shikamaru is certainly feeling that.

Also, foreshadowing! Why Asuma?*cries*

This story also dips a little into their more personal lives. How they think and feel about things. And we also get to see the sweeter, more playful side of mama Yoshino right along with the concerned. Just because she yells doesn't mean she isn't loving in her own way towards her family. By the way, concerned Shikaku for the win! I always got the impression that he was more open in private situations.

Also, the letter Shikamaru wrote took him forever. He wrote and rewrote it at least two dozen times before he had a semi coherent mess of a letter that he was able to use as a draft for the letter he finally sent. A lot of paper wasted but for a good cause.

I hoped you enjoyed this. I certainly enjoyed writing it! :)