*Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended.
Chapter 9: Steps
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"Cock-a-doodle-doo!"
I'm awoken by Emmett crowing in my ear. Since it's been awhile, I'll allow it. Tomorrow he may not be so lucky. I'm just relieved I got cold last night and slipped my shirt back on.
I throw the blankets over my head as Emmett plops down next to me, making the bed bounce.
"We have so much to plan, Bella. Wake up." He pulls the blanket off my head. As the blanket slides off, it pulls my hair with it until strands are clinging to my face.
"What's the plan, Em?" I stretch, yawning, and try to rub the sleep out of my eyes.
"Everyone's coming over Friday. It's all about private opportunity. Edward says Angela will open up better one on one—it's just a matter of getting her and Ben alone." He is so proud of himself. I wonder how long he has been planning this all out. "First, we're going to subtly leave them alone in the house. I hope you're not still scared of the dark."
I roll my eyes. I've never been scared of the dark; I just get scared of what could be in the dark.
My real alarm starts going off, so I reach over and turn it off.
"Have Alice come too, so we can pair off evenly. Edward doesn't have too much faith in Angela moving things along, so if they don't make any headway, you and Rose need to do one of those girly truth or dare games."
Any relief I felt at the fact that Angela is into Ben and not Edward is replaced by a different kind of jealousy. I don't like that they have any kind of closeness at all. It's not that he shouldn't have friends, but he used to be my friend. I feel knots form in my stomach and tighten up. Does she call him? Do they hang out? How many times could it have been me and not her? I dwell so much on my own missed opportunities with Edward. Apparently, I didn't realize there could have been opportunities that I wasn't present for.
Emmett is back to going to Rose's for a while before school, so I get a ride with Jasper. Luckily, Jasper and I are still the same. No regrets, no hurt feelings, just easy friendship. Someday, I hope I have the same comfort with Edward where I'd be able to ask him when I need a ride to school, or maybe he would just know and offer.
School is always a game of will-I-see-Edward-or-not? If so, will his attention be mine or someone else's? Today, I don't have to wait long. As we pull into the school Edward is waiting, leaning against his car in the same spot he always parks.
He smiles as we approach. I hope that our same closeness from yesterday can continue into today. We didn't leave things in a disagreement like we have been lately.
"Here, trade me." He hands me a violet travel mug and takes my books. I already choked down coffee at home not too long ago; this extra caffeine may have adverse effects.
Edward doesn't stand too close; he doesn't make any move to touch me. On the surface, nothing between us has changed, but I know this is different. I know that I am different now. Even with the ups and downs of crushed dreams, I know I can handle Edward. He can play his games and I can play mine too because that's how this works with us. We aren't straight and up front with our words. I don't know how he feels about me, but he doesn't know how I feel either.
Even though things with Edward feel more intense than ever, I know that just laying my heart out there could end this before it starts. Edward Cullen doesn't have girlfriends; he has girls that throw themselves at him everywhere he turns. I'm not one of those girls.
I leave Edward and Jasper in the courtyard and head to where I know Rose will be reapplying her make-up in the bathroom.
"Aw, your hair is so pretty," I say to Rose as she leans over the sink penciling black liner under her eyes. Her hair is in a low ponytail over her left shoulder and curled.
"Thanks. Come here." She reaches out and applies her pink-tinted gloss to my lips.
"So I met this girl, Alice, at that class in Port Angeles, and I was talking to Emmett about having her over Friday." I have to introduce new people carefully with Rose; she doesn't exactly like most people.
"Okay. Emmett told me already," she says as if she doesn't really care about it.
"Do you want to go to the diner with me and Alice on Wednesday? I think you'll like her." Her mascara wand pauses before it meets her lashes, and she gives me a "yeah right" look in the mirror.
"Trust me. She's nice and really boy-crazy. She even asked me if you could give her advice from your experience."
She's grinning, and I don't even want to think about what could possibly be running through her mind.
"It's a good thing I trust your judgment." Rose puts away her make-up and we head out the door.
Hopefully, Rose will play nice when she meets Alice.
"Hey, I have to find Edward. He still has my books," I say as I lead Rose to the picnic table I know Edward and Jasper were headed to in the courtyard.
"Okay, but don't think you're getting out of telling me who marked you up the other night," she says as she grabs my arm, slowing me down and making me face her.
"Fine. We'll talk if you can promise not to push me to do anything I don't want to do. I mix up my own feelings enough as it is." Rose is way more straightforward than I could ever dream of being. This is why I steer clear of telling her anything. I need time to digest and analyze things. She would push me into the deep end before I had time to hold my breath.
She does that awful mimicking my words thing without actually speaking out loud. She is with Emmett way too much.
"Don't worry so much, Bella. You can tell me anything." That's doubtful.
We approach the table where Emmett and Edward are sitting. They are seated side by side on the table with their feet on the bench.
"Where's Jasper?" Rose asks.
"He's scoping out all the chicks in honor society," Emmett informs her, and they are off into their own little world. They say goodbye and head out hand in hand.
"What did she do to you?" Edward reaches forward, swiping his thumb across my lower lip.
"It's just lip gloss. I wear it all the time." I reach up and try to feel if the gloss is now smeared.
"This is lip-goo." He's grossed out by the texture as he rubs it between his thumb and forefinger.
"It is not. Is it all over my face now?" I lift my face up for him to inspect.
Despite the fact he thinks it's gross, Edward brushes a finger under my lip to clean up any mess he made.
"Come on, I'll walk you to class." With my books in his arms and the gloss from my lips on his fingertips, Edward walks with me down the hall.
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Our lunch group ends up being larger than normal. Rose, Emmett, and Jasper sit on the opposite end of the bench-style table while Ben, Angela and her lovely friends, Lauren and Jessica, take up the other half. Edward isn't here yet, and my only choice is to sit by Ben or Jessica. I choose to sit by Ben and hope Edward pulls up a chair rather than sliding in next to Jessica.
I'm not surprised that Jessica has other ideas. When Edward approaches, she flips her hair off her shoulder and attempts a flirtatious smile. "Hi, Edward, I saved you a seat."
"Thanks," he says as he squeezes in sideways beside me, the same way he did on the beach, with one leg behind and one alongside mine.
"Uh." Jessica doesn't hide her disappointment.
Edward pulls out a zip-locked bag full of popcorn. Such a simple gesture, but the ease of his thoughtfulness makes it feel like we've never had a problem in the first place.
He reaches in and pinches a piece between his fingers.
"Do you still want this?" he asks while holding the piece near my mouth.
I nod as I open my mouth. He sets it inside as his fingertips slightly touch my lips. It's his fingertips against my bare lips this time as the gloss has been worn off for a while. Gloss doesn't last long on lips that are reminiscently rubbed several times over the course of a few hours.
If no one was around, I could provocatively return the gesture and feed him too. Instead, I grab a piece out and toss it up in the air for him to catch with his mouth. He keeps missing, but we just keep trying.
"So, Edward, I know you're not old enough to date yet or whatever, but you'll be seventeen by winter formal, right? We could go to that." Jessica shrugs her shoulders.
I wonder if he has a book of excuses, or if the "not being allowed to date yet" works on anyone.
I'm beginning to despise stupid school dances and desperate people who think someone that doesn't want to date them will feel different when it comes to these events.
"Shoot me," Edward says laying his head on my shoulder. I'm not entirely sure Jessica didn't hear him, but she is still looking hopeful.
It's the same game, different day. This is a different girl, but still, the same game. History repeats, but maybe this time it can repeat and fall into a different outcome. I could be falling into the same heart trap, but we've played this before, and I won't follow the same path.
Edward is hiding his face, so I have to nudge him up.
"We were already planning to go, but you know it's whatever you want," I say, looking back and forth from him to her.
Jessica is staring at him like it's an obvious choice.
"Yeah, we're still going. It's all planned. I wouldn't go back on that," he says to me and then addresses Jessica. "Sorry, thanks for asking though."
"Well, that's gross. You're kind of like siblings." Disgust is written all over her face.
Edward is no help as he goes back to hiding; this time in the crook of my neck. His mouth is against my skin as he tries to muffle his laughter. I don't know what to say to Jessica. Everyone else has their head turned away as laughter shakes through their bodies.
I don't think this is funny. Is that what all these girls think of me? I'm someone Edward thinks of as a sister. This clearly shows I wouldn't even be able to deter them if we were together.
"Well, Bella, you could always have Tyler back, I'm done with him. Been there done that, and I have no interest in going back for more." Lauren bites into her apple.
"No thanks. But, Jessica, Tyler's available." I can feel Edward's teeth against my neck now. His movements are making me squirm.
Not a moment too soon, the lunch bell rings and Jessica and Lauren scurry on their way. Everyone else leaves too, but Edward wraps his arms around my waist, holding me back. I turn toward him, not that I'm complaining about the hold up, but I suspect he has a reason.
Edward is just looking at me as he seems to be contemplating something. I'm not sure what's about to happen, but my nerves start to reach record peaks.
"That dance, the winter formal, do you want to really go?" he asks.
That is not a clear enough question.
"I don't know what you're asking."
His mouth opens then shuts. He's still close, but with the bench empty now, there's more distance between us.
"Will you go to the winter formal with me?" His face is expressionless.
"Yeah." I try really hard to keep my face as expressionless as his, while still looking into his eyes.
"Yeah?" He asks like he didn't expect the word. My smile falls out of hiding. I nod to confirm that I did in fact agree.
"Okay. Cool." He smiles, sort of. At least I think I see a glimpse of his smile. We get up and head toward our separate classes.
"You know it's girls choice, so they are going to be hounding you for the next two months." I mischievously warn before we part.
"Good thing I won't be lying when I tell them why I have to say no." His back is already turned as he enters his class.
I have to run down the hall to mine and barely make it in time as the bell rings just as the door is closing behind me.
We have assigned seats that were of our own choosing at the beginning of the year. I slide into my seat next to Emmett and there's no containing my smile anymore. Emmett's trying to get me to tell him what's going on, but class is starting, so I've got some time to come up with an answer.
I pull my phone out under my desk and only look at it long enough to start a text for Alice. I push buttons without looking.
-dylkgakq
She'll know that means something happened.
The only reason Emmett is in this math class is because he cheats off of me. Although, I've got to give it to him, he seems to learn well through cheating. The last pop quiz I wasn't in class, he still managed to get a C.
Mr. Williams takes the straight lines of linear equations very seriously. He will likely have his back turned to us most of class as he perfects the equations on the board.
A waded up paper ball lands on my desk.
I glare over to Emmett because he can't just leave me alone. After I pull the paper under my desk, I open it slowly, so it doesn't make noise. Emmett couldn't have just folded it.
LOOK AT ME NOW!
I peek over as soon as I get the opportunity without getting caught.
He puts his hands out like he's saying, "What happened?"
I mouth, "Later."
He either doesn't understand or doesn't like my answer because he starts motioning toward where Eric Yorkie is sitting and making gross kissy fish lips and batting his eyelashes.
I jot down the assignment that's written on the upper corner of the white board before I glance back at Emmett. He's obviously been waiting for me to look back as he has a lineup of crude gestures making implications about Eric and me. I can't even help it when I laugh and reach over to push his arm. And because he's a dramatic ass, he grunts out loud as if I've hurt him.
"Swan. McCarty. Get out." Mr. Williams looks at us from over the top of his reading glasses. We don't have to be told twice—we grab our things and leave.
"He didn't say go to the office, so let's just hide out until our next class," I tell Emmett because we don't have very much longer to go anyway.
"Let's just leave. I'll come back for practice." Emmett leads us toward the truck. I only have gym and Spanish left, so leaving won't be that big of a deal.
"Can you drive? I have to make sure everyone knows we left." Emmett's already got his phone out.
On the drive home, Emmett's phone is constantly chiming and then mine starts buzzing and doesn't stop.
"Who did you text, and what did you tell them?" I glimpse over at Emmett who is vigorously trying to keep up with the demand on his phone.
"I told them you got us kicked out of school." He says it like that is what actually happened.
"You got us kicked out of school. Who did you tell?"
"All my people," he says. I wonder if Ben and Angela are included in that statement.
"Great."
When I pull into the driveway, Emmett doesn't get out of the truck, so I turn toward him and lay my head back on the seat.
"So, Edward, huh?" He says this as more of an observation than a question.
"What do you mean?" I don't know which instance of Edward I'm supposed to acknowledge.
"That show at lunch and then you coming to class all smiley."
"Oh, that." I pull the key out of the ignition and stare out the windshield.
"How long have you been into Edward?" Emmett opens his door and starts gathering his things.
"Years," I admit, and he thinks on that for a moment.
"Okay." He nods like he gets it now. "This might get weird."
"Why? It's not like we're dating." I get out of the truck and we walk together toward the house.
"Yeah, right. With the way you're acting, I give it a week." Emmett unlocks the front door and lets me walk in first.
"What do you mean? How am I acting?" I drop my books on the table with more force than necessary.
"Nevermind. You're too stubborn for a week. Make it two." We've been in the house two seconds and he's already rifling through the fridge.
"Fine, but can you please not tell anyone about this conversation?" His face is hidden by the refrigerator door, so I can't properly read him through his expressions.
"Sure, Bella. You need to be careful, though. Don't go leading him on and breaking his heart."
"Why would you say that to me? Shouldn't you be worried about my heart?" I thought he was protective of me.
"I've already talked to him."
"What? When? What did you say to him?" I go straight over and close the fridge just as he steps away from it.
"And this is me proving to you I can keep my mouth shut." He extends his pinky. I hook it with mine and narrowly escape him trying to poke me in the eye. The pinky promise of secrecy doesn't stop me from asking him a few more times what he talked about with Edward.
When I'm alone up in my room, after Emmett has left for practice, I reassure our friends that Emmett and I did not get in a brawl, and we left school on our own accord.
Since I am bound to get in trouble for ditching class, I call my dad to cover my tracks.
"Hey, Bella. Emmett already told me about school. Just don't make a habit of it." He doesn't sound mad, just concerned I could be starting bad habits.
"I won't. I'm sorry. I'll see you tonight."
I'll call Alice and tell her everything in a while. Right now, I want to indulge in this warm-feeling bubble and not analyze anything.
Life events happen in steps, and today was a new step I didn't plan for, but it happened. I want to continue up this winding staircase and not step back down. I took a risk and didn't tumble. I'm more confident that I can take more risks and open up new opportunities.
I want to dive in, heart-first, but I still have a sense of self-preservation. If I didn't, I would just let Rose get on with the pushing.
There are some things we still need to talk about, but I think we can move forward even if what I learn of the past hurts. My hopes are up so high, yet I'm not so scared this time.
After sitting down at my desk, I turn up the volume on happy love songs I'm not often in the mood for.
I open up my email to draft out new thoughts to Edward. This is the first time I've done this with a true sense of possibility.
Edward,
I want to push forward, always. I want us to stay on the same page and not veer off into different stories. I want to get to the point where I can feel your heartbeat under the palm of my hand and know that it's mine. I want to dream of a forever that's not overshadowed by dread.
Always,
Bella
Saved to Drafts.
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A/N:
Thanks for reading.
Many thanks to dazzled eyes22 and MissCherrie for pre-reading. Thanks so much EdwardsMate4ever and TDS88 for Betaing.
I posted my Taste of the Forbidden one-shot Not a Little Girl. It will be continued in the next week or two.
Thoughts on this chapter?