You know, I was kind of surprised that I was right about the Shodai and Nidaime Hokages having a silly sibling relationship, but relieved that I was wrong about which one was the stick-in-the-mud. Tobirama needs to lighten up. Some of you may remember that this actually was its own story. Unfortunately I ran out of good jokes about dead people so it's been put here.
Shinobi's Guide 2: Bein' Dead
By Kaori
There are many people who believe that when you die something comes to get you and take you off to the hereafter. Quite a number of other people say that when you die you just end up wherever the heck it is you go when you die. Then there are those who say absolutely nothing happens, you just stop existing.
That last group of people are a bunch of downers though, so we'll ignore them.
Anyway, strictly speaking when you die you stop living and/or existing. So imagine how odd it is to find yourself talking to a "dead" person when you yourself are not dead. The dark, ominous atmosphere of the underground chamber wasn't helping either.
"So, let me get this straight you are not really dead." Obito said.
"Not yet." agreed Madara.
"You are just straddling the fence between live person and corpse?" the younger Uchiha continued.
"...I wouldn't word it that way, but that's mostly the gist of it." nodded the elder Uchiha.
"And...I'm not dead, right?"
"Correct."
"But, you and I are here (wherever the Hell this is, and I hope here isn't Hell) having this conversation."
"Yes."
"HOW?"
"As I have explained the last seventeen times, I have brought you here to help me."
"That does not answer my question. How is it that I am here talking to you and not..." he made an exaggerated motion with what was left of his arm. "with my ancestors?"
"Strictly speaking I am one of your ancestors..."
"Not...helping."
"Does it really matter in the grand scheme of things? You are here now right?"
"Well...yeah..."
"And I am responsible for that so as repayment you are going to help me destroy and remake the world."
Obito stared at his predecessor for a long time and then...
"You sure I'm not dead and you aren't my punishment for peeping on Rin that one time?"
"GAH!"
Several years later...
"Sasuke, I am Uchiha Madara." Obito lied.
"The Kyuubi mentioned you, aren't you dead?" glared Sasuke.
"I am no more dead than you are."
Sasuke gave him a look that said that not only was the response unsatisfactory but also not the least bit convincing considering what he'd just been through. Seriously, getting into a genjutsu battle with his brother at the start of the battle was really screwing with his perception of reality in the present. After all, he could have sworn he heard Juugo telling Karin that raping injured people was a bad thing.
"That did happen actually." the other Uchiha in the room pointed out. "You really need to get your head back in the present, I'm fairly certain you did not intend to say that out loud."
"Whatever. So if I'm not dead and you are actually still here taking up decent people's oxygen..."
Fast cut to the Shinigami's stomach...
"Madara? Decent?" blinked Tobirama before breaking out into a laughing fit.
Back to Sasuke and "Madara".
"...then does that mean I killed Itachi?"
"Yes. Itachi is dead."
"Then it's over. My revenge is complete." Sasuke sighed.
"Well actually..." and then the other Uchiha proceeded to fuck with Sasuke's reality. Seriously, it's like a family tradition...
Wow, updating this story took a ridiculous amount of time. I really wonder if I can actually make it to the ten chapter requirement for this fic...