She kissed Finn. Finn didn't kiss her, she kissed him. She does not how to react. She feels awful. She knows that she should probably tell Brody, but she does not want to hurt him. She does not think she can handle anyone else being hurt.

She puts her fingers to her lips absentmindedly thinking of the kiss she shared with Finn while keeping her eyes trained on Brody who is paying for their coffee.

The kiss she shared with Finn was... perfect. The kisses she shares with Brody are amazing. He makes her feel so much passion, but that is all there is. Nothing real, aside from lust. The way Finn made her feel when she kissed him... no one can fake that feeling. She felt everything that he was feeling and she is starting to believe that no one will ever make her feel that way that Finn makes her feel.

I have to tell Brody. -That's a bad idea. -It would be the right thing. -Forget the right thing, Rachel. Do you honestly want to give Finn another chance to break your heart? -That is in the past. He is different now. Maybe he won't. -Are you willing to take the risk? She pushes the thought aside, but she cannot stop thinking about it now. Is she willing to take that risk? With Brody, she feels safe. Of course, no one ever knows who will break their heart and who won't, but so far, Brody is a fantastic boyfriend.

Finn used to play with her emotions. He lied to her so many times in high school, but she wasn't perfect in the relationship, either. She freaked out when she found out about him and Santana and she turned to Puck, which was wrong. Instead of giving him advice and sticking by his side, she let him go. She should have tried to understand, but she had allowed her hurt to blind her.

She snaps herself out of her thoughts when she sees Brody walking towards her. She smiles when he leans down to kiss her and she gratefully takes the coffee he hands her. She hopes it will help her headache, but she doubts that it will. She decides to ignore her thoughts and take her own mind's advice; don't tell Brody. The last thing she wants is to hurt him. She has to give him a chance because so far, he has done nothing wrong.

"Something on your mind?" Brody asks as he takes her by the hand and leads her out of the coffee shop.

Rachel doesn't answer instantly. She looks at her and Brody's intertwined fingers and forces herself to keep from sighing. Holding his hand does not feel the way it should. Quite a few small things with Brody do not feel the way they should; not the way that they did when she was with Finn.

"I..." she starts, but then she looks up at Brody and shakes her head. He is looking at her the way that Finn used to and the look in his eyes is so sincere that she cannot bring herself to be completely honest with him. The thought of hurting him hurts her. "Not exactly. School, mostly."

Brody gives her a skeptical look, but does not push her. She nearly sighs with relief, but refrains for fear of giving anything away.

Her relief doesn't last long, however, because Brody asks, "Is it Finn?"

"No," she says a little too quickly and she knows that Brody is aware that she is lying. Is she honestly that obvious?

"You know you can tell me anything, Rachel, right? I won't get upset. Tell me what is going on," Brody insists. She stops in the middle of the sidewalk, retracting her hand from Brody's. She doesn't look at him when she speaks.

"Finn kissed me." Saying the lie is harder than she wants it to be; harder for her mentally, anyway, not physically. The words leave her mouth effortlessly.

She looks up at Brody. He has gone completely stiff and his mouth is set in a hard line. His jaw twitches. "Really?" She nods. He looks livid. She feels even worse. She should have never said anything. "Did you kiss him back?"

"Of course not," she lies. "Finn and I are over. We were over the second he decided not to call me and tell me that he got discharged from the army." She has to keep telling herself that; maybe if she keeps reminding herself of what Finn did (or, rather, in this case, didn't do), she will learn to let go of him and fully be happy with Brody.

Brody smiles and kisses the tip of her nose. She giggles. "Well, that's good enough for me, but I'll kick his ass if he does it again. Let him know that for me, will you?" She nods and tries not to gulp. She hopes that Brody and Finn don't run into each other anytime soon, that's for sure. Her job is to now keep them far away from one another.

"Why, of course, good sir," she teases, kissing him gently before taking him by the hand and allowing him to once again lead her towards his car.

She tries to make herself listen to what Brody is saying, but focusing is hard when all she can seem to focus on is the guilt that has now settled its way into her chest. She has a feeling it won't be going away anytime soon.

XXX

Finn is watching television when she arrives home. Kurt is nowhere to be seen, which doesn't surprise her much because Kurt is hardly ever home these days, not since he and Blaine split.

She doesn't say anything as she walks right in front of him. She walks into the kitchen and starts to make herself a sandwich.

"Are you just going to pretend I don't exist?" Finn yells from the living room. She ignores him. She knows that her actions are childish, but if she ignores him, she can ignore that all she wants to do is kiss him again and never stop. "I'll take that as a yes," she hears him mutter as she's spreading peanut butter onto her wheat bread.

"You initiated the kiss, Rach. You can't be angry with me for kissing back." His voice sounds closer now. He feels closer now. She can feel his breath on her neck. "You know how I feel about you." She feels his hands on her waist. Her whole body tenses instinctively, but she doesn't make a move to shove his hands away. She doesn't want to even though she knows that it is wrong.

She decides not to turn around and focuses on making the rest of her sandwich. She starts to spread jelly onto the peanut butter, but before she can finish, Finn is taking the knife from her hand and spinning her around. She squeaks but quickly shuts her mouth when he places his hands back on her waist and pushes her back against the counter.

"Why are you doing this?" she manages to ask even though her heart is beating rapidly and her breathing is shallow because Finn's touch always causes her to have breathing problems. Not in the bad way, which is turning out to be a problem. It wasn't so much of a problem in the past, but they are not those people anymore and Brody is her boyfriend. Brody, not Finn.

So... why doesn't that matter to her right now?

She knows why, but she is not willing to admit it out loud. She can admit it to herself, but admitting it to anyone else would just cause her more turmoil than she wants in her life. School is bad enough.

"Because I know what you want, even though you won't admit it to yourself and especially not me," he tells her. He's smirking. She doesn't know what happened to make him such a way, but she likes this new, confident side of Finn. And yet, she hates this side just as much as she likes it. "Let yourself have what you want," he whispers in her ear. She shivers.

"I can't and you shouldn't-" Before she gets the chance to finish, Finn's lips are on hers. She doesn't fight him. She should, she knows that, but she just can't. She doesn't want to. She wants him. She has missed him.

His lips move to her neck as her legs wrap around his waist and he lifts her so that she is sitting on the counter. She throws her head back as a soft moan escapes her. He knows exactly which buttons to push and she loves it.

Her shirt is halfway over her head when she hears, "Finn? Rachel?" and Finn jumps away from her. She pulls her shirt down and is stunned to see Kurt standing in the kitchen. He looks just as stunned as she feels.

"What the hell is going on here?" he demands, placing his hands on his hips.

Rachel looks at Kurt, then at Finn, and then back at Kurt. "I-" She shuts up. She doesn't know what to say, how to explain herself. There is no explanation.

"Wow. High school all over again, huh?" Kurt says with a roll of his eyes before leaving the two alone. She spots the disappointment in his eyes before he leaves them and her heart feels like it dropped into her stomach. She does not like receiving that look from anyone, especially not Kurt.

"Rach..." Finn starts, but she cuts him off.

"Don't, Finn," she says. "Just don't. Please leave me alone for the rest of your stay here," are the last words she says before jumping off the counter and storming into her room.

She knows what happened is partly (mostly) her fault and she should probably cut Finn some slack, but she hopes he listens and leaves her alone because she cannot do this anymore. She refuses to do to Brody what Blaine did to Kurt. She refuses to be that girl.

She cannot have her cake and eat it, too.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Eh, I don't know how to feel about this. Sorry for the wait. I haven't been home much lately. I think next chapter will be in Finn's POV and then the following will be Kurt's. The story is coming to a close very soon.