Rashpaw: WHAT'S UP Y'ALL! GET PUMPED FOR ANOTHER EPISODE OF WARRIOR CATS CONFESSION SHOW!
Chip: Your favorite feline talk show! I'm your favorite host Chip!
Rashpaw: Hunni...you're not...
Chip: Bet. Anyways, today will be very exciting! Drama central. Let's welcome CcccclearsKEIIII!
Clear Sky: It's me! Hey ladies. *winks at audience*
Chip: Pleasure to have you. Also here with us here again is Star flour!
Star Flower: Stop. Why'd I agree to come on again.
Clear Sky: Aw, sweetie, you look so beautiful.
Star Flower: Aw thanks, BABE!
Chip: *quickly* And let's also welcome Bright Stream and Storm! Yuhh!
Rashpaw: Hope this isn't awkward for you, Clear Sky.
Clear Sky: Haha! Not at all! Ha-ha...
Star Flower: Why would it be awkward?
Storm: Oh, no reason, honey.
Bright stream: Yeah it's no big deal.
Rashpaw: But is it really?
Star Flower: Wait...
Rashpaw: So, Bright Stream, Storm, I see you're not killing each other like you guys did last time on Episode 1 this season...
Bright Stream: Oh, we've settled our differences...we have a common enemy now.
Chip: Star Flower, meet all of Clear Sky's hoes-I mean former mates.
Star Flower: Oh...pleasure to meet you all...
Rashpaw: So, Bright Sream...that eagle...
Bright Steam: It literally ruined my life. I was supposed to go to the promised land, have cute babies, but no! That chicken thing had to SWOOP DOWN AND PICK ME UP. LIKE AN UBER OR SOMETHING.
Clear Sky: Babe, I'm sorry that happened to you, really...
Storm: You used to call me that...
Star Flower: What do you mean? He still calls me that.
Storm: Ok sweetie you need to shut up...you finessed my son...and stole my mate!
Bright stream: That's SO fucked up.
Chip: Ok, but Storm, that's kind of a you problem, since you rejected good old Gray Wing for this player over here.
Rashpaw: Nice guys finish last in this book...
Bright Stream: Yeah, Storm and he totally got rid of your kid, too.
Rashpaw: Seriously, why do you guys go for him? He's not even that hot. Plus he's kind of an ass.
Star Flower: Don't talk about my mans like that!
Clear Sky: Yeah! I'm sensitive!
Storm: Ok...but back to how you got all lovey dovey with my son, then rejected him, and went for my HUSBAND. Just because I'm DEAD doesn't mean I can't be REPULSED by your actions.
Star Flower: IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER, WE'RE CATS!
Bright Stream: We still have ages though.
Clear Sky: Look, my son is great, but I guess I'll have to be the one to say it: I still have the better genes.
Bright Stream: Clear Sky I'VE HAD ENOUGH YOU'VE HAD MORE HOES THAN TIMES DUSTPELT AND FERNCLOUD HAVE HAD CHILDREN. WHY YOU ALWAYS GOTTA GET US PREGNANT AND THEN WE DIE?
Rashpaw: Yeah every time you get them pregnant they either die or almost die...Star Flower somehow managed to survive but I think that's because StarClan was tired of you being hoeing around, Clear Sky.
Chip: ROASTED!
Rashpaw: Which reminds me, it's time for the ROAST Clear Sky LIGHTNING ROUND!
Clear Sky: WHAT?
Chip: It'll be a quick round of roasting Clear Sky from anyone on the stage. We've also asked around for video submissions, and those will be shown as well.
Clear Sky: WHAT?
Storm: I'll go first. Clear Sky's had so many mates, he's got a loyalty discount.
Audience: Ooh...roasted!
Bright Steam: The only thing clear about Clear Sky is that for mates, the sky's the limit.
Audience: Ooh...roasted!
(Screen drops down)
Thunder: Clear Sky's feelings might as well be in WindClan, since they move on so fast.
Audience: Ooh...roasted!
Clear Sky: Oh my god. My son did me so dirty.
Gray Wing: Slash's rouges may have stolen prey from us, but Clear Sky's stolen more mates.
Audience: Ooh...roasted!
Clear Sky: Gray Wing...not you too..
Wind Runner: Clearsky moves on so fast, not even I can keep up.
Audience: Ooh...roasted!
Clear Sky: That's not even that good!
Jagged Peak: Clearsky rejects his family members so much he needed new mates to make new ones so he could keep rejecting them.
Audience: Ooh...roasted!
Clear Sky: OK! I GET IT! I'M KIND OF A HOE!
(Screen goes back up)
Chip: Dang straight you are.
Bright Stream: And Star Flower, sweetie...don't think this is over...wait til it happens to you.
Storm: Yeah, and if you got a problem we can always settle it once this show's over...
Star Flower: Sorry I got to give birth and LIVE.
Bright Stream: Alright, or we can settle it now
(Bright Stream yowls and hurls onto Star Flower)
Storm: YUHH! HERE COMES THE STORM!
(Storm elbow drops onto Star Flower)
Chip: Oh my! Star Flower's sure going to see some stars!
Rashpaw: I didn't know you could get hit like that!
Clear Sky: Aren't you going to stop them? Call security!
Chip: WOW THAT'S GOING TO HURT IN THE MORNING! And no, you've all specifically signed a contract that all violence will not be mediated.
Clear Sky: Gosh, I got to start actually reading those things.
Storm: Wait.
Bright Steam: What?
Storm: Why are we fighting the hoe, when it's all HIS fault?
Bright Stream: Yeah, you're right. He's the one being the douche.
Clear Sky: Babe...babes... let's not...
Storm: GET HIM.
(Bright Steam and Storm dual elbow drop on Clear Sky)
Clear Sky: I'M SORRY.
Storm: WE DON'T CARE.
Star Flower: I don't think I can feel my sight.
Chip: Wow he's getting pounded!
Rashpaw: Maybe we shouldn't condone so much violence.
Chip: Especially not when his tail looks like cursive right now.
Rashpaw: Oh well...I guess this ends today's episode! Stay tuned for next time, viewers!