Chapter 10: Operation Rescue / Aftermath II
Jared flew through the open armory doors and hit the far wall with a comical 'splat' noise. The door was closed before he slid bonelessly to the ground and assumed half of a thinker's pose. "I suppose hitting on military women locked in a room full of guns probably wasn't the best idea, but at least I got this... this."
The goon held up a thick tube with several protuberances. Obviously a weapon at first glance, only the specific function and purpose remained a mystery, until one chose to read the Kanji and English lettering covering its various controls.
Jared did not, of course, read any of it before hooking it to the waistband of his slacks and making for the surface.
The glorious-if chibified-future rule of the world was not supposed to be left confused under any circumstances. Additionally, a righteous fury was building in his breast as the day had deteriorated from bad to worse over the last few hours. Now was he, the rightful King of Earth to be a sacrifice to some dark god? And speaking of dark, he couldn't see his alien abductors to smite them and take their skulls as prizes with his Great Fury. He called out to the darkness, seeking targets.
"Marco..."
Numerous high-pitched voices completely surrounded him, their answer echoing. "Polololo..."
Suddenly the seat perfectly sized for his chibi frame made sense. And that was all which made sense. Andy's Mighty Brow raised in inquisition. "Who's there? I demand you show yourselves!"
The legion answered as one. "We will obey, O Golden One."
Finally! Ones who recognized his greatness, even without seeing his awe-inspiring form! Andy grinned as the lights in the room obediently revealed a horde of chibi-cultists bowing to him. He smiled. "It's good to be the King."
The cult's leader then appeared. A group of toadies began with some literal trumpeting, and plenty of fanfare. Andy wondered if literal fanfare meant literal fans. Of course, if any cult leader was good, he'd have plenty of fans. He gave the tiny figure a good once-over. Stubby arms held a book almost as large as the midget's headdress. The headdress made him look twice as tall as any of his flock.
The leader stopped before Andy, a voice coming from behind the book. "As it was foretold in the Sacred Book of Cuteness-"
The crowd joined with, "Hail the Necronimicute!"
"You, the Golden One, have come!"
Andy could take a hint, and put them in his hint bank. He smiled; naturally he was the Golden One. The cheering was a nice touch too, cut short when the leader set the Necronimicute upon a low stand and threw his arms out.
Andy set eyes upon the book. "Necronimicute? Such... such cuteness!" A disturbingly cute glint came to his eyes. "It will be mine... oh yes, it WILL be mine!"
The leader was going on about something. "The Golden One has come to deliver us from the oppression of the Big Ugly Ones!"
Cute insane cheering answered him.
Andy nodded. "Right." Another glance at the book. "My people! I have come to save you from the iron fist of the Big Ones! Their time on this earth is over, and soon I shall rise to the throne of power, ruler of the universe! For I am the MIGHTIEST OF ALL CHIBI!"
Flaring his cute aura, Andy levitated a foot off the ground, playing up the diminutive crowd. Maybe this day wasn't a total loss.
Jared sat on a park bench holding a sandwich and contemplating the morning's events.
First, Andy was chibified and in that flying saucer across the park. He couldn't tell what it was made of, let alone the internal layout or even whether its owners would get violent if he asked for his comrade back.
Second, the trio of magical girls and his boss, Ikki Yamanaki. Several possibilities came to mind, none of them most likely to be correct. First, NERV employed magical girls. Setting aside the why, proving this true or false would be difficult, dangerous, and fun. He was into it, but what about Yamanaki? Was his boss working directly with that trio? He didn't know much about the man, and sniffing around without some intel would be very bad news. Ikki wanted an understanding; don't talk about the magical girls, don't talk about his work with them. Who and why were vague but obvious: don't talk to anyone about anything. Typical government bullshit, which told him nothing. Either Ikki was under NERV's orders, some other agency's orders, or just such a bureaucrat to the bone that a personal crusade was still treated like a state secret. That Ikki could have a personal axe to grind with...
Okay, so not knowing what the magical girls fought-besides pants-less foreigners-was the main problem.
Time to pillage the MAGI and set up a spy network around Ikki? He was planning to do that anyway, it would just have to happen sooner.
So decided, he glared at the flying saucer and took a bite from his sandwich. The saucer wobbled. Jared stopped chewing. Suddenly, the ship was moving right at him.
So much for peaceful communication.
In seconds, Jared had a weapon in one hand and its manual in the other. Reading intently, he quickly worked the controls of the destructive device he'd taken from the armory. Too quickly, as it turned out. A lever moved there, a switch here, something swinging out there, and press this button to-
With a bang, the end of the device pointing at the ship spat flames. A rocket jumped from the other side, streaked directly away from the ship and into a parked car holding two spies that had been watching Waddell. The rocket exploded in the cab of the car, consuming both in a massive ball of shrapnel and fire.
The saucer loomed over the hill next to Waddell, who gulped. He stared at the smoking weapon in his hand, snuck a glance at the smoking crater that used to be a parking spot, then considered his remaining firepower.
The smoking weapon bounced off of the saucer with a metallic clank while Jared began charging up a Kamehameha attack. He'd barely started when he realized the saucer wasn't flying anymore so much as it was just crashing slowly. Tons of earth were plowed up in seconds, then the ship came to a halt less than two meters from Waddell at end of a massive gouge in the earth.
Jared quickly dismissed the attack. "Gotta remember that trick for next time."
He dashed up the fresh hill and across the top of the saucer, skidding to a halt at the far edge. Below, a rectangle of light shone on bare earth. Then, a tiny shadow cut apart the light; a chibijin floating through an open door. Screeching tires drew Jared's attention away from the light to a set of anonymous black cars that spewed forth anonymous men in black suits and black sunglasses. With a curse, he jumped to the ground, missing the Super-chibijin Andy by less than a meter.
The little guy was cutely running his hands over something, not paying attention to his surroundings in the slightest. "They fought like warrior poets. They fought like Chibi. And they won... well, they haven't won yet."
Jared pulled out his burlap sack, and approached the ranting goon like Indiana Jones approaching a booby-trapped treasure, and in a flash, had the little guy captured.
In the next breath, he was peeking around a lamppost at the men in black swarming all over the flying saucer. His stomach rumbled. "Damn it, I left my sandwich back there."
"Then go get it." Said John's voice behind him.
Jared jumped a foot into the air, then spun in place trying to find the sound of John's voice. He was off-balance from holding the sack containing Andy and banged his head against the lamppost in the process. He sighed, refusing to move until the universe paused in attacking him. From the ground flat on his back, "Do you practice that or something?"
John shrugged and offered a hand up that went ignored. "You get Andy?"
Jared pointed at the bag while getting to his feet. "Lunchtime though. There I was, minding my own business, had a nice cheese sandwich in hand..."
"I've been gone for hours, what the hell have you been doing?"
Jared thought back over his path through NERV. "Ikki wanted to talk to me about something, and then I was in the armory." He smiled.
"Judging from the blank look on your face and the drool, I'm assuming there's Hot Military Chicks there?"
Jared was sure he'd just heard someone speak, but that delicious aroma needed investigating. "Whatever dude; this way."
John followed him with a frown. "Now what? Andy still needs to snap out of whatever put him in that form, and we have paperwork to do back at the office."
"Whatever." Jared was getting close; he could feel it in his taste buds.
"Jared," John said sternly.
The pervert stopped, looking blankly at the sign in front of him before the lettering on the front actually made the right neurons in his brain fire. "IHOP."
The Psycho was about to dish out a nice long lecture, but froze at the word. He too looked at the sign.
They stared at it together.
"I need hotcakes to get rid of this hangover." He mused.
"American breakfast... Mmm..." Jared licked his lips.
Battle Athletes? Anyone?!
They went inside.
Inside the American style restaurant, the pair grabbed a booth seat and some menus. Within minutes, they had their order in and were catching up on the day's events.
"The pilots are finishing their training right now."
"Alone?"
John nodded absently, glancing at the bag. "They're just handling some balls."
Jared demonstrated he could dip any word from several languages in innuendo. "...Oh?"
The Psycho put his head in his hands. "It's been a long morning. When did you get kicked out of Central Dogma?"
"Didn't. I got to the Armory-"
"And hit on the hot chicks in uniform?"
Jared snapped his fingers. "That's it."
"I take it you made it to the flying saucer and found Andy."
"Yeah. Found. We can use that word."
"He's still chibi, isn't he?"
The Pervert hung his head. "Yes."
"How are we going to-"
"Get your hands in the fuckin' air!"
The pair gave each other a 'it's a Monday' look while a pair of robbers went through the restaurant waving guns around and demanding anything and everything valuable from the patrons. The goons were quiet as the stickup went on, and calmly retrieved their wallets when the gun-toting thieves came to their table.
John's was a simple black affair with glowing runes carved into the leather. Jared's had an excellent rendition of a burlesque dancer that moved enticingly as he opened and closed it to retrieve the cash inside. The robber took the whole wallet, but elected to merely take the cash from John's, leaving the glowing wallet on the table and standing as far away from it as possible while still looking tough.
One of the thieves kicked the bag. "What's in here? Open it, now."
"What's in there... is not for you."
As usual, John was ignored.
"Open it!"
Jared opened the top of the bag. A golden light spilled out, playing across the man's shocked face. A single tear rolled down his cheek. "So... so cute..."
The goons exchanged a look. The robber bent to hug the sack, and John struck with a piece of lead pipe. The other robber spun at the noise, and was caught in the face by more rays of the strange light, care of Jared. John ran across tables, pipe in hand, but didn't need to hurry; the second robber didn't even register the approaching pipe and went down after one swing.
John stood over the thief, rubbing his temples. Jared closed up the bag and took the guns, joining John over the second robber.
"Dude," the Pervert prompted.
"I know. You call, I'm going to look for some pain killers."
Jared opened the bag again, directing the light at John's face. The bespectacled goon glared at Jared, then after a few seconds, smiled. "Hey, that actually feels pretty good."
"What the hell's wrong with you, dude?"
"Countless things that cannot be fixed." John gestured to the door. "Let's get out of here."
John glided out of the door Dracula-style, followed by Jared giving the entire establishment a sheepish wave and hasty bow before leaving as well.
Then ran back inside for the sack and tripped on the threshold on his way out.
"I'm going back to NERV, where I will do paperwork. Hopefully it will kill me." John sighed, then glared at Jared. "Don't show up until you've fixed Andy."
The Pervert scratched his head, watched John walk down the street, then jumped when his Mini-MAGI rang. "Hello? ...Kei? No, I haven't forgotten, I just... Oh. Well, I suppose I could spare an hour." He glanced at the bag next to him. "Hey, I have an idea..."
...Dun dun DUN!
After Ritsuko had drowned the hangover monster in caffeine, she plundered her wardrobe. The office casual remained in the closet, and the wetsuit stayed at NERV. She pulled on a comfortable pair of jeans, and fished out a tee shirt with a slogan in five languages printed across the front.
Maya would have spent a minute objecting to the slogans and her boss' behavior when wearing it, but she had left for the office an hour ago, so Ritsuko had only to wave at her cats before leaving for NERV herself.
At NERV, she launched the opening salvo of her psychological war right at the hapless guard in garage 2C. Leaving a crying, shrunken husk of a man in her wake, she stalked the lower levels, plotting a direct course for the most feared room in all of NERV: The Devil's Maw... The Place Where no Sane Being Would Tread... The True Dark Underbelly of NERV...
The goons' office.
At the door, she steeled herself for the horrors within. "Alright, it's Gloat-Time!" She punched in her secret code and strode into the room uninvited.
Within the silent-as-a-tomb office, Genoni sat behind his desk, filling out some paperwork with no more noise than a decomposing corpse. Seconds after the door opened, he casually set his pen aside and took in the visitor. For a second there, it looked like he was going to mimic Gendo's favorite pose, but decided instead to lean back in his chair with his hands resting behind his head. "Nice after-glow, Rit-chan. Get some more after I left?"
She smiled tightly. "Not even you can spoil my mood, Genoni."
The goon raised an eyebrow. "Is that a challenge?"
Changing the subject quickly, "I see you have a lot of work today."
"No more than usual. Since Jared and Andy avoid the stuff like the plague, it has taken me a while to catch up. Being kidnapped for a few days caused a bit of a backlog."
Good for him. "Well, I don't have to worry about that today! And you know why?"
"Lemme guess..." He stared at her chest a little longer than it took him to read the multilingual logo saying 'DAY OFF'. "It's your day off?"
"Damn straight!" She politely put the back of her hand to her mouth, and executed a flawless haughty bitch laugh at ear-bleed volume.
The goon didn't flinch. "I'm happy that you're happy, Rit-chan."
She felt annoyed at his lack of response. "You don't get to call me that."
"Aw, come on! Last night had to have counted for something!"
And he was being a jerk about that too. "I wouldn't bring up last night if I were you."
"If you were me... There's a thought. Do tell."
Well, time to let him have it with both barrels. "As far as I'm concerned, what happened last night happened without my consent."
"He said, she said? You're that out of practice with excuses?"
"I'm an acclaimed scientist and the daughter of a Nobel Prize winner. You are an insane psychopath with no record past three months ago. Do the math."
"That's actually sociology homework, Rit-chan."
"You need to shut up. I can't imagine your excuses are any better."
"Excuses? I woke up in bed with two hot Asian chicks, I'd be singing that to the P.A. system if I hadn't already promised not to make a big deal of it. And the depressing lack of details. You know, there's only one woman in this facility that can clarify things for us."
"Fine!" Ritsuko turned to her Mini-MAGI. "Maya, Genoni's office, now!"
"Does she actually have to show up? You're not supposed to be in today."
"Shut up, Genoni."
The two geniuses stared at each other like battling cobras until a chipper Maya arrived.
"What took you so long?" Ritsuko promptly snapped.
"Andy pushed all of the elevator buttons again... All seventy five of them."
The doctor nodded. "Make a note, voice control for all the elevators and omit Andy's voice from the database."
Maya made said note in her handheld. "Yes, ma'am."
John cleared his throat loudly.
"And as for him... Tell John exactly how he-"
"Maya, Ritsuko and I are concerned about the events the other night. And since you woke up without a memory-blurring hangover, we were hoping you could enlighten us as to what happened."
"I got you both liquored up so I could have an evil genius sandwich but by the end of the night you two were more interested in each other so I satisfied myself just watching the show. Anything else?"
Silence entered the room, stuck around for a minute, then was chased out by John. "...I feel so wronged... and yet... so turned on at the same time."
Ritsuko shot a look of disgust at the goon, then one of horror at Maya. "Maya! How could you do that to me?! What were you thinking?"
"I was thinking that you two needed to get laid and then applied Occam's Razor."
"I can't believe this." Ritsuko grabbed her head in fear it might suddenly burst.
"I have video." Maya offered, drawing her smartphone. John quickly snatched the device from her hand and flung it against the wall, shattering it into a dozen pieces. "Uploaded to a private folder..." Maya finished.
Ritsuko smiled warmly and rested a hand on each of the Lieutenant's shoulders. "Ibuki-chan..."
"Hai, Senpai?"
Ritsuko's expression sharpened and she started to vigorously shake her kohai. "IF THAT EVER SEES THE LIGHT OF DAY, YOU WON'T! DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?!"
"Crystal clear, Ma'am!" Maya bleated and dashed out of the room.
Ritsuko stood panting for a moment while John looked contemplative, then helped herself to a mug of coffee from the goons' machine to settle down.
"What?" Ritsuko finally asked.
"You're not the least bit-"
"Would you want to see two drunks awkwardly rubbing against each other?"
"I suppose not."
"Then shut up." Ritsuko took a sip and headed for the door. "Stealing your mug."
"That's fine, I think we stole it first."
Misato answered the knock on autopilot, looking up and realizing the visitor was Ritsuko mid-sentence. "Come in. Oh... Can you do the short version this time? I'm kind of busy."
Ritsuko drifted bonelessly to the only available chair and floated down to the cushion. "And I have all the time in the world..." She sipped absently from the mug held in one hand.
The Major eyed the mug and carefully set her pen down on her desk. "That's not your usual victory speech. What happened? You seemed to have such a great time last night."
"I'm a little fuzzy on last night. What happened?"
Stifling a curse, Misato searched her memories of last night before... "Let's see... Mucha tried to power sideways or something and Jared said he'd walk him home, but I doubt that happened. Didn't see them for the rest of the night."
"What about Genoni?"
"Genoni... Genoni... He was quiet for most of the evening. Kaji and I snuck away after the fifth bar so you'd know if he did anything better than I would."
"Hmmph." Ritsuko took another sip.
If she didn't know better, Misato would have guessed she slept with Genoni. But then, why be so pissed about it now? The doctor was a big girl. Misato picked her pen back up and tried to keep the smirk out of her voice. "Why? Did you and him do something naughty last night?"
"Of course not! Why would I have anything to do with that foul man?!"
So, she did sleep with him. "Of course, Rit-chan, I was just teasing you."
"Still..."
Misato's eyebrows climbed her forehead. Now what?
"I think Genoni should go with us to the Jet Alone conference."
Had Misato been drinking something, there would've been a spit-take. Unfortunately, she'd lost her mug a few days ago.
"Should he now?"
"Look, I don't want him to come!"
Misato said nothing for a moment, wondering why Ritsuko was playing to the cheap seats.
The doctor continued, "But those three assholes seem to be in on every dirty secret in the world. I have a bad feeling about this conference and I'd like to have some firepower that'll make it through security."
"You have one of those checkpoint-proof guns, I got you it for your birthday."
"I didn't necessarily mean that I'd be shooting somebody literally."
Misato pouted.
Ritsuko tried for another sip from her mug, frowned at the empty container, and set it on Misato's desk. "And John is the most likely one to behave."
Hoping she wasn't about to step into the middle of a lovers' quarrel, "Lemme guess, you want me to call Genoni on your behalf."
Ritsuko's surprise was more fake than a Fox News special report. "Oh I could never ask something like that of you! But, it being my day-off and all, I'm not really allowed to make official calls to other personnel."
"Of course, Rit-chan, I understand. I'll call them later." Ritsuko smile said thanks, but she didn't get up to go annoy the rest of NERV. Her hands didn't have the chair's armrests in a white-knuckle grip too. That meant she was relaxed. "So... was he any good?"
"I hate you."
John blocked a string of attacks with an expert's precision, parried a wild stab, and ignored the blatant opening in his opponent's guard. Then he launched his counter attack, driving back Waddell with the sting of his cordless phone's antenna.
The other goon wielded a floor lamp with considerable skill, but the flowing movements he employed were slowed by the weighty base, evening out the field of battle. As Jared batted at the attacking antenna, he spoke in loud Badly Dubbed English about someone's honor.
John ignored the words, countering with his own when a series of thrusts didn't make contact with the other goon and a swing nearly took his head off. He slid along the apartment's wall, but quickly found Jared trying to box him in. He put on a burst of speed up one of the stereo speakers and landed in the middle of the room. Now he had room to maneuver, though from the way he was panting, moving was going to become difficult soon.
Jared smirked and approached slowly, barely winded.
"So the Super Dew works then?" John asked, playing for time.
Jared shifted his weight as he considered answering, idly twirling the lamp with a few fingers. "Well, it seemed to work for us the way you intended it to."
"Of course, it did." John worked on getting his breathing under control.
"I was kind of hoping it'd work too well, like with Shinji."
That was stupid. Jared was stupid, and there was an opening in his guard an ant might sneak through. John struck with a thrust that could have speared the moron's heart.
Jared blocked the antenna and countered in the next instant. "WHIRLWIND OF ILLUMINATION!"
John set himself and moved to a two-handed grip on the cordless. "REDIAL STORM!" The two attacks cancelled each other out in a cloud of dust that parted to reveal Jared standing on one leg in some kind of offensive stance. "Shinji was a special case. He wasn't even supposed to see the stuff."
Jared shifted strategies and fighting styles in an eyeblink, attacking with movements more suited to a spear than a bo staff. Lamp locked with antenna in another flash of sparks. "That still was pretty cool."
John nodded. "Actually yeah."
"It had to have been fun for the kid too. Operating on instincts, at one with the world, a modest harem of females..."
"Yeah... About that. Whatever happened to those women that he took?"
They broke apart and began circling each other. The old Star Trek fight music began playing from somewhere in the apartment. Or in John's head; some weird things were in his brain lately.
"I found the leftovers from Shinji's game of syrup twister in a hallway in NERV."
John broke off his combo. "So you're saying you found Shinji naked buried under eleven women?"
"Well, yeah I..." The goon paused. "No... No, there was only ten women. I distinctly remember counting only twenty breasts."
John attacked as Jared glanced away, and was not surprised when the other goon blocked without looking up. "Well at least you're paying attention. I wonder where the last one went?" And he did wonder. Every single time they brushed off a little comment, a tiny observed detail in this world, it had royally fucked them over.
"That's twice now," Jared mused.
"Twice what?"
"Twice in one week that I've stumbled across naked girls covered in syrup." He grinned. "Things are looking up."
John grimaced. "Yeah, but you caused that last one yourself."
"Yeah, our boss was a little pissed about that."
"Misato?" John was puzzled.
"Yamanaki. Didn't want me going near those girls."
Gears in John's head turned, then stopped when the phone in his hand rang. Automatically, he checked his Mini-MAGI, then did a double-take when he realized the ringing was not coming from his bare wrist. "Would you mind if I got this?"
Jared let off and backed a respectable distance away. "Go ahead."
"Voice of Reason, how may I direct your blunder?"
Misato answered from the other end of the line. "Cute. Is this a secure line?"
Since he didn't have his replacement Mini-MAGI yet... "About as secure as a nun's panties."
Jared chuckled to himself. "Oh, I'll have to remember that one."
Misato's tone briefly shifted to one of complete unamusement. "Riiight. You're coming with Doctor Akagi and I, representing NERV at an international conference-"
John cut off the Major's speech. "Featuring the unveiling of the Jet Alone robot, an experimental remote control substitute to the Evas."
"...Well, I see you're on the ball."
"Actually, I'm a little concerned about this unveiling. Shouldn't they have already tried to show it off?"
"Well yes, they tried but apparently a last minute check showed that someone had sabotaged the robot so they made up some lame excuse and called it off until now."
The gears were suddenly back in motion. "I see..."
"I'm sure they blame NERV for the whole thing, so I want you there to brush aside any allegations and snow them. Pretend you work for them, basically."
"I'm wounded," John said automatically.
"That's my line!" Jared hollered.
"I do have some more stuff to take care of here, so if you have anything else you'd like to add..."
John stalled for time. "They suspect NERV in sabotage?"
"Why wouldn't they? We're an above-the-law pseudo-governmental militaristic organization and their targeted competitor. But they shouldn't have anything on us, whether we did it or not. Security's been real good about spies so far."
Spies? NERV had originally... well, canonically sabotaged the Jet-Alone robot to create an incident that embarrassed the Japanese government and pissed off SEELE. The old men planned to use the Jet-Alone to remind Ikari that he was still on a leash. Instead, Ikari's spies turned the Jet-Alone into a hazard to public safety, and NERV dashed in and demonstrated that it was run by and made up of compassionate, self-sacrificing heroes. It wouldn't work if SEELE's spies found out about the plan. In this continuity, only a handful of outcomes could match the original plot for tone and leave NERV smelling like roses afterwards. John had to ensure that one of those outcomes came to pass. Returning to the thoughts of spies, he mumbled to himself. "Yet Kaji still works for us..."
Misato's voice was half-filled with alarm, "What was that?"
"Nothing. Homework for later..." Could SEELE's kidnapping have something to do with the Jet-Alone reveal? They might have not gotten around to asking those questions. So, the original purpose of the whole plot was leverage. Leverage over Ikari. Now was it leverage over the goons? Or were they the fall guys? In either case, the entire plot would revolve around airing NERV's dirty laundry at the conference... something Yamanaki would normally head off. Now John had to deal with it. The stupid magical girl thing could wait. That left him to wonder briefly about Jared. John blinked. His brain had arrived at the conclusion before reason and logic pointed out that said conclusion made sense. "...Oh my God!"
"What?!"
John heard the exclamation in stereo, from Jared across the room and Misato through the phone. He answered both. "There's been a security leak! The eleventh babe! She's the mole! Misato! Ikki was looking for her! Jared only counted twenty breasts! That means ten naked women! Not eleven!"
With a loud click, the phone went dead.
"She hung up! Why did she hang up on me? This is important!"
"We have to have a talk about your trains of thought, dude."
"They're on time. Early even. DAMMIT!" John hurled the phone out of the open balcony door. A long silence followed, punctuated by the sound of glass breaking and a car alarm going off.
"Another phone?" Jared deadpanned. "That's like the fifteenth one!" He blinked, then grinned menacingly. "Now, my unarmed opponent... HAVE AT THEE!"
John dodged the first attack, and Force-Pulled a chair from the kitchen. He crossed 'weapons' with Jared, snarling. "You have dishonored me and the noble art of Furniture Fighting! Look upon thy death!"
They continued to fight, moving around the living room, neither giving the other an opening. After a minute, something occurred to John that sent shivers down his back. "Waitaminute! What happened to the ten women after you dropped Shinji off?!"
"Uh..."
At that point Andy made an appearance with the kitchen table. Like, attacking with it. "AN OPENING!"
That evening found Andy hunched over an ancient text bound in peach fuzz and written in finger paints and crayon. He dearly wished the description was hyperbole. He had certainly considered the possibility of spies swapping the book he'd pried out of that midget's cold stubby hands for this monstrosity. Yet he knew this to be impossible.
"Damn it! Why can't I read it now?! It made perfect sense before, and I took that course in ancient Sumerian just for this moment! For years I've wanted an ancient book of evil and when I finally get one, do I get an accidental demon summoning and a Faustian bargain for my immortal soul? Nooo. I get... THIS. An ugly book that doesn't make sense with the letters so tiny and warped out of proportion, even if it did make sense, it wouldn't! It's like you'd have to be really small with giant eyes to be begin to make heads or tails out of this accursed book!"
Thunder rattled the nearby window in its frame.
"The hell? There's not a cloud in the sky, and this is a basement!"
A small peal of thunder sounded.
"Quiet you."
The morning sun lit up the goons' living room with a soft yellow glow, all the better to witness Jared dancing above the coffee table, arms flailing as he 'played' air guitar to the riffs of 'Paradise City' by Guns n' Roses. He wasn't actually on the coffee table, but since both were nearly levitating off the floor due to the volume level in the room, or some other Force, it hardly mattered. Rei was pouring cereal in the kitchen, a pair of sound-canceling ear muffs with JSSDF serial numbers perched on her head. The earmuffs did nothing to protect the cereal, which chewed itself into a fine powder before she even reached for the milk. Speaking of the milk... make that butter...
Rei sighed and abandoned her breakfast.
The song finally ended and Jared jumped off the coffee table and reduced the volume on his modified amplifier from 'richter scale' to just 'annoy the neighbors.'
That was when Misato and Ritsuko let themselves in.
"Good morning, Ladies."
Ritsuko squinted at him. "WHAT?"
"I keep telling her, 'you spend all that time in quiet computer rooms, you'll never be able to handle loud things like firefights and rock concerts,' but does she listen? Noooo."
"Hold on a second, I'm picturing you two at a rock concert." He licked his lips, then smiled. "To what do we owe this honor and privilege?"
"We're here for Genoni."
"Lucky rotten bastard."
"He has to come with us to a conference in Old Tokyo."
"WHAT?"
Jared and Misato ignored the doctor. "But he's been good! What did he do this time? Surely something that bad would've made the news or something! Is this about the gelatin in Gendo's office? Because if it is I had no part in that!"
"WHAT DID HE SAY?"
The Major waved off Ritsuko's questioning. "Gelatin in whose office?"
The Pervert's eyes got very wide, and he promptly twiddled his thumbs together and whistled not at all innocently. "Gelatin? What gelatin? I have no idea what you are talking about."
The Major sighed. "Where is John?"
"Getting dressed in his room last I heard, since Rei's done with it for now."
"Which one is it?"
Jared smiled again, leaned casually against thin air, and winked the women from NERV. "You'll know."
Seizing a good opportunity to stop talking to Waddell, the ladies moved past him.
"Hello, Rei-chan!" Misato waved at the First Children, who didn't reply, but waved back. The pair then entered the hallway. It was a very ordinary space, with four doors. One was clearly labeled as the bathroom, but the other three had some... odd signs.
'Trespassers will be violated.'
'Abandon all Hope, ye who enter here.'
'All your base are belong to us.'
Misato froze, then glanced back at Waddell. "Uhhh..."
The doctor glanced at her. "Don't ask! This is obviously a test of some sort. They think they're so clever..." She glared at each door intently for a few minutes.
Misato stood back and looked impatient. "Ayanami! Where's Genoni?" After a second of the silence, the Major realized that Rei had wisely left the earmuffs on and couldn't hear. Then Jared yelled back to check the last door on the left.
Ritsuko was at the door in half a second. "I still say this is one more mind game."
"He's not even dressed and he's already zinged you for the day. I'm impressed, that takes skill."
"Laugh all you want, Mis-chan, but he's out to get me!"
Misato didn't laugh again. Ritsuko jerked the door open and a dart stopped inches from her eyes. Both of the women had hands on their weapons before they looked past the dart to see John holding his hand out post-throw, a look of surprise plastered across his face. Then, "KNOCK NEXT TIME! KNOCK!"
The door slammed shut, numerous locks clicking into place. Misato snickered.
"I hate you so very, very much."
Misato cleaned up the giggles and knocked on John's door.
"Yes?" John's voice said from behind them.
Ritsuko jumped half a meter into the air, but managed not to scream. Misato sighed, rolled her eyes, and faced the goon while Ritsuko set upon him with the Glare of Death.
"Thanks for knocking, anyway."
"You're coming to Jet Alone conference," said Misato.
"Now? Sure, I'm ready."
"You're hardly dressed for it." Ritsuko added.
The goon looked down at himself. "This is appropriate for business."
"John, you're coming with us to an important international conference, and thus, wearing a tie."
"I don't wanna wear a tie! WAAAHHH!"
Jared peeked around the corner at the end of the hallway. "You made him cry!"
Rei peeked around the corner as well, her head above Jared's. "you monster!"
Both immediately disappeared.
"What the..." Ritsuko muttered in confusion.
"...hell?" Misato finished.
"And they promised they'd behave." John said, as if lamenting a crime against humanity. He glanced at the other NERV employees. "You're still here? Oh yeah... that thing. That... tie." They way he said it sounded like the tie maker had killed his family.
The three returned to the living room to see Jared putting some yen into his pocket and Rei putting her spiral bound notebook away.
John went up to the Pervert. "Jared?"
"Dude?"
"I need a... tie."
Nodding in understanding. "Duuude."
"So, you have anything?"
Determined. "Dude." The Pervert lead the Psycho into his own room.
Ritsuko and Misato wisely tried not to look at what lay within Jared's dark lair, though they did note which sign was on his door. A moment later, the pair of young men appeared, with John holding The Perfect Tie as one would a rotten fish.
"Granted I've been an asshole this past week, but a tie?! This isn't about the gelatin in Ikari's office is it?"
"Gelatin?" Ritsuko asked.
"Let me guess, you had nothing to do with it."
"But it's true! Though I wish I had been involved with such a brilliant strike against the bastard Commander."
"He tries to kill you... and me, and that..." Ritsuko stopped to sneak a glance at Misato, "And all you want to do is fill his office with peach pudding?"
"The fact that you don't recognize the genius in the maneuver just shows how subtle this mastermind works. I long to see Gendo's face when he finds out this unchecked stalker has his number."
Jared elbowed John. "You realize that with our track record, it was probably Andy doing something for the hell of it and you're reading way too much into all this... Again."
The doctor was getting tired of this. "Well?"
"What?"
"Put the tie on and we can go."
"Uh... You see..."
Misato smirked. "So there is something you can't do..."
John didn't even notice Ritsuko take the tie out of his hands. "I'll have you know that ties are an outdated abomination to the working class! And furthermore I-GRK! XXXCH! GGGG-GGGGX!"
"We leave now." Ritsuko made for the door, tie still in hand, dragging John behind her.
"And to think, I'm getting used to all this nonsense. Are you all caught up with your homework, Rei-chan?"
"hai. after school, genoni-sensei was going to take me shopping for clothes."
"I'm sure we'll be back by the time you're done with school today. I know, maybe Asuka can take you shopping!"
Rei gave Misato 'The Look.'
Backing away slowly, "Er, then again, maybe we can try to leave early. Um... Gotta go!"
Jared sighed and joined the leaving party.
The elevator was not filled with music, but two large Americans and two Japanese women did their best to fill the space with uncomfortable glares, stony silences, and goofy grins.
"Why are you here?" Misato asked the grinning pervert.
"This is the only place etiquette says I can stand."
"You can't stand behind me." Misato grumbled.
Still smiling, Jared moved to the Major's side and began purring.
"Why are you in this elevator?" Misato asked.
"The doors were open, it was going down, I needed to get to the ground floor. Sheesh. You should probably remove that tie."
Ritsuko met the grin with a blank look. "What?" She glanced at John. "Oh."
"GAh! AIR!"
"Going for a walk?" Misato ventured.
"I have something I need to show you." Jared replied.
John coughed a few times. Ritsuko aimlessly glared at both of the goons.
"What did you blow up this time?" Misato asked with some worry.
"Don't be like that, baby. I have a present for you."
"You finished it?" John said, finally standing.
The worry was exchanged for suspicion with a side of annoyance. "Finished what?"
Ritsuko was wondering the same thing. She had a list of their 'projects,' but the list of missing materials didn't match what they'd built in NERV or their weird apartment laboratory.
The elevator doors opened.
Jared smirked. "I finished it."
Misato stopped thinking about asking Ritsuko what was overheating her brain to stare. "Who parked a minivan next to my car?"
The minivan in question was rather non-descript in appearance, apart from the fact it was the largest vehicle in the garage by far. Like Misato's car, it had been backed into its space, pointing a featureless chrome grill at the elevator doors.
"I did." Jared handed a key to Misato.
The Major looked at the key for a minute, then used it to unlock the door to the minivan and sat in the driver's seat. "Now what?"
"Try pressing the small button by the shifter."
"The red one or the blue one? There's two."
"Um... the red one?"
In a split-second, the headlights folded inside to reveal gun muzzles. A hail of bullets were promptly launched at the other three members of the party, who hit the deck. The elevator behind them was obliterated.
"THE BLUE ONE! THE BLUE ONE!"
Ritsuko and John hit Jared in the head.
The guns retracted, the headlights swung back into place, and lit up.
"You put the headlight switch next to the fucking minigun trigger?!" Ritsuko shouted, shaking Jared by the collar. John was right behind her, cracking his knuckles threateningly.
"Those aren't headlights, those are scanning units. It's keying its weapon systems to Misato's bio-signature so no-one else can use its offensive capabilities."
"You put the... whatever units next to the minigun trigger?!" John shouted, shaking Jared by the collar.
"It's part of a clever booby-trap setup in case someone tries to steal it and use the weapon systems!"
Ritsuko snapped her fingers and pointed at Jared. "That's where the weapons went! ...Wait a minute, what do you mean 'systems'?"
John decked Jared, and turned to Ritsuko with a puzzled look. "What weapons?"
"He took delivery of a small truck load of military hardware inside of NERV a few days ago. The Intelligence department has been looking for it ever since." She gestured to Misato's new minivan.
"But we work for Intelligence," Jared said from the ground.
Ritsuko held back a scream of pure frustration. "Don't remind me."
Misato stepped out of the Minivan and stood next to Ritsuko, holding a modest hard-backed book. "This the manual?"
Jared was instantly standing again, a smarmy smile pulling at his lips. "Yes. The basic controls are covered on the first two pages, the rest is for the... custom hardware. Feel free to read those at your leisure, but before pressing any buttons not clearly labeled and some that are. Enjoy your... no make that The Minivan... from Hell."
Misato raised an eyebrow and pointed at the vehicle that had destroyed part of her apartment building. "That's my new car?"
"I wanted the name to strike fear into the hearts of your enemies."
"That it shall, Waddell... that it shall."
Then something happened that nearly stopped the world from rotating upon its axis for a full minute.
Misato bowed to Waddell, who bowed back, slightly lower, as if by reflex.
In terms of roadway, Tokyo-3 was just under sixty miles from Old Tokyo. After getting through that scoured gem of a city, another ten miles inland left NERV's selected representatives at the doorstep of the international Jet-Alone Conference. It's a thirty-five minute VTOL ride. Misato's driving time: 34 minutes, 24 seconds.
After parking, Misato leapt out of her seat and posed, throwing up a V. "I LOVE THIS CAR!"
While the goon was used to Misato's driving and the speeds involved, Ritsuko was not and made immediate use of the emergency bags in the glove compartment.
"You're out of practice, no wonder I defeated you so easily."
Ritsuko looked up, both green and pale. "You're getting strapped to the hood for the ride home."
John smiled and began to slide Dracula-style towards the entrance.
"Should I tell him to walk?"
The doctor stood up and adjusted her clothes. "No, we brought him here to be himself. Anything that'll throw these pompous assholes off their game will work in our favor."
"I wonder though... When John was kidnapped, Andy and Jared showed noticeable improvement in intelligence."
"Before or after they started an international mob war?"
"I didn't say it stayed, I just said that they seemed to pick up the slack of their lost companion."
"You think John will adjust to fill the social void of Jared and Andy? He's more likely to try and adapt to whatever's missing between the two of us."
"But between us two, what's left?"
"I suppose we'll find out."
"You know, I can hear everything you're saying. Quit talking like I'm not here."
"At least you're not floating outright."
"I keep that for NERV-use only. 'Sides, I have a feeling I should be conserving my energy right now."
"I'm sure everything will be fine at the conference... Did you have to park so far away?!"
Misato balled her hands under her chin and gave Ritsuko puppy dog eyes. "I don't want anyone scratching the paint on the first day!"
"If the paint gets scratched, I'd be more shocked and amazed than upset, that stuff took-I mean, is supposed to be able to take a rocket and come out clean."
Misato adjusted her sunglasses. "Yes, but I want to save scratches in the paint for its first foray into battle."
Despite the long walk, they were inside within minutes. Security found no reason to harass them, prompting Misato to smirk all the way from the metal detector to the main conference room. The room was massive, with a modest stage along one wall and twenty round tables that could comfortably seat a dozen people each occupying the floor. The three NERV representatives had a whole table to themselves. John selected the seat with his back to the podium instead of joining Katsuragi and Akagi on the other side. After several drinks ranging in content from alcohol to caffeine to other, the conference finally got underway.
"Ladies and gentlemen," began the suit-wearing man at the podium. "Thank you for attending this exhibition by Nippon Heavy Industry Solidarity." John blinked and shook his head. "You will be observing the official demonstration from the control room. But first, are there any questions?"
Ritsuko raised a hand. "Yes!"
"Ah, the famous Dr. Ritsuko Akagi! I am very glad to see you here."
"Thank you. May I ask a question?"
"Absolutely, yes!"
John stood as if fired from a canon, and faced the chairman at the podium menacingly. His glasses were in full-on glare mode, making the rest of his face appear to be covered in shadow by comparison... or maybe it was just a trick of the dim lights and the huge projection screen on the stage behind the chairman. In any case, John stood there until several people began to mutter nervously, then pointed at the chairman. "I want... one billion dollars!" He let loose with a flawless Doctor Evil laugh.
"What are you doing?!" Ritsuko hissed at John.
"Let's ask the hand puppets!"
"Err... Dr. Akagi?" Asked the chairman.
Both ignored the ranting goon, who left the table to run from security while taunting them with hand puppets. No-one asked where the tiny tommy gun props for the hand puppets came from.
"Ahem. According to the documentation, the unit is equipped with an internal nuclear reactor."
"Yes. It's a major feature of this unit-continuous operation for one hundred and fifty days is assured."
"But looking at it from a safety perspective, you risk too much using a nuclear reactor in a weapon designed for urban hand-to-hand combat."
"Who are you to talk about safety?"
John swung onto the stage tarzan-style. "I am Batman!"
"Security!"
Ritsuko tried to ignore John. "There would also be problems with remote-control in an emergency situation."
"Our system is more humane. There is no pilot to risk physical or mental injury. Remote systems have been proven to be easier to pilot than manned weapons."
John was sitting at NERV's table again as if nothing happened. "But putting all your faith in computers is a mistake not easily forgivable on the battlefield. It would be far too easy for someone to alter a computer program to have your robot do anything from dance the dreaded Macarena to forcing a nuclear meltdown in a crowded location. Do you want to know just how many Angels are capable of such a feat?"
"And I assume NERV's weapons are immune to such an attack?"
"It's been proven that each Angel puts out varying degrees of EMP, some knocking out power, others severing communication channels, even a moderate amount of actual reprogramming. Without a human hand guiding your toy, what will it do?"
"Every contingency has been thought of and taken care of."
John raised an eyebrow. "Including sabotage?"
"Especially sabotage."
The security guards had finally moved down from the stage and surrounded John. He gave them a glare to keep them at bay and continued to question the chairman. "Why one hundred and fifty days?"
"I beg your pardon?"
"Pardon denied. Why would you need a battle robot to be able to be active for one hundred and fifty days straight? Evas can finish virtually any battle in under ten minutes, why would you ever need to have a Jet Alone active in an area for almost half of a year? What are you planning to send these tin cans out to do, Mr. Chairman? Long-term patrols in which nation? Search and destroy what targets? What city in the world would allow a nuclear-powered gargoyle to hold vigil within a hundred miles of its borders?"
"Just who do you think you are?!"
"Smarter than you, for one thing. I am John Genoni, Puppet Master of Kings, look upon my works, ye mighty, and tremble!"
"Mr. Genoni... You work for NERV?"
"In a manner of speaking. I prefer to say I work with NERV."
"Just what do you do there, if you don't mind my asking?"
"I handle internal and external affairs, as well as troubleshooting various areas within my expertise."
"That's quite a vague description."
"It's a vague job. But please, why the hundred and fifty days?"
"It's more useful than a weapon which lasts less than five minutes without its power cord."
John could have drilled for oil with his piercing glare. An impressive feat considering his eyes could not be seen. "Sir. NERV and its Evangelions serve at the pleasure of the United Nations to defend this fine country, they are our first, last, and only defense against the threat known as the Angels. And you, in front of a hundred people, casually aired Top Secret information across a loud speaker. No one here is going to be able to board a plane for the next DECADE without a thorough and invasive search, and you are likely on your way to prison before the day is out."
In the ensuing silence, someone dropped a salad fork.
John smiled, "Treason and espionage aside, my concern about your projected operating time is that the smallest commercial reactor capable of powering Jet Alone is considerably larger than the space available in the robot's torso. Now, your engineers could have seriously skimped on shielding and cooling hardware, but then long-term maintenance of activated units becomes extremely hazardous. Perhaps you don't intend a Jet Alone to receive any maintenance after it has been launched. Doesn't the military have a type of weapon that houses nuclear materials and receives no maintenance after launch?" John pretended to think about this for one second. "Why, yes. Yes they do. They're called intercontinental ballistic missiles." The goon assumed a Pheonix Wright pose. "Jet Alone isn't built to battle Angels! It's designed to hunt down Evangelions! You have built a self-guided atomic bomb with arms that you hope will match an Eva's strength long enough to detonate at point blank range! THAT is why they are unmanned! They're walking bombs!"
"I think this has gone on long enough. These unfounded wild completely untrue-"
"Careful, you're getting awfully close to being in denial."
"-accusations are obviously another attempt by NERV to hide the truth-"
"You want the truth?! YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! ...Sorry, you left yourself wide open for that one."
"He's got you there." Misato put in.
The chairman snapped. "Admit that you have mentally unstable adolescents at the helm of those monsters! Admit that you have virtually no control over those giants!" He pulled out a remote control, and the screen behind him should have changed from a generic company logo to a file photo of Unit-01 going berserk. Instead, a picture of the chairman engaged in perverse sexual acts with a leather-clad dominatrix appeared.
The conservative guests began murmuring, gasping, and otherwise reacting unfavorably while the chairman went into full-blown panic, madly hammering buttons on the remote control. This only caused more pictures to appear in a sort of crude animation that prompted sounds of disgust from many of the guests.
Except for Misato. "Woo! Go baby! More hip action! Come on!"
Ritsuko rubbed her temples. "Don't critique him..."
John watched the screen with idle amusement. "Whoa, that can't be comfortable."
"With enough stretching beforehand it's actually quite nice."
The chairman finally ran off to dismantle the projector with a heavy metal object and an attendant stepped in front of the microphone to usher everyone to the control room.
The children were bored out of their wits. So bored that rioting in the classroom while blasting hard core rock and roll over the P.A. wasn't even a thought. Something did come over the P.A. system, though, a simple announcement.
"This is an drill of the emergency preparedness system. Please evacuate to your shelters. This is only a drill."
The instructor looked up at the P.A. speaker. "Oh? Miss Horaki, you know what to do."
"Yes teacher." Hikari stood and faced the class. "Come on people, let's go."
"I guess we should go to NERV." Shinji said to the other Children sitting next to him.
"I don't have to go with them do I?" Toji asked.
Asuka scoffed. "Of course not, idiot! You're a pilot, we have to report to base in an emergency."
"What about me? Can I come?" Kensuke asked hopefully.
"You know you can't, man." Toji said apologetically.
HIkari poked Kensuke's shoulder. "Come along, Aida-san."
"there was not a drill planned for today." Rei said, grabbing her book bag.
"What?"
"you can find out when emergency drills are on your mini-magi."
"But yours was destroyed... You memorized the schedule?!"
Shinji looked up from checking on his own Mini-MAGI. "She's right though, it's all in here, the drill two weeks ago... there wasn't supposed to be another drill for another week or so."
"Do you think they called this in?" Toji looked nervous. He didn't dare say their names, least they appear, but all four knew who he was talking about.
Asuka finally finished wrestling with the zipper on her own bag and snapped the top flap shut. "Hmmph. Whatever the reason, we have to get to NERV promptly or we'll get into trouble."
Not far away, in a security station disguised as a restroom, Jared and Andy basked in their supreme cleverness. According to themselves anyway.
"This is perfect! Call in a drill! That way we'll have the city to ourselves! I'll defeat you yet, Waddell!"
"Bah! It'd take you a century to catch up with my superior skill! After all, this plan was mine to begin with!"
"Yeah, but I knew where we could find a place to call in a drill!"
"But I was the one that did all the talking!"
"But I was the one that knocked out the guards when they started asking questions!"
"That's not something to be proud of..."
"Oh... yeah... How long until the city clears out?"
"I'd say another ten minutes before everyone is in the shelters and the buildings fully submerge. They're pretty quick about this stuff by now."
"Ten minutes, eh? Then you have twelve minutes to live, Waddell!"
"Only twelve?"
"I'm sure they're DBZ minutes... It's been that kind of week."
"No kidding."
The attendants had guided the guests to various changing rooms in the complex so they could swap out evening wear for more sensible business wear for the demo. Once changed, they grabbed an empty room, waiting for the demonstration to begin. John and Misato sat on the room's only bench, stewing and scheming. Ritsuko choose to stand, looking smug.
She patted John on the head. "Good job on snowing them, Genoni. You may be useful yet."
"Whatever."
The Major glanced at John. "What's eating you?"
"I have a bad feeling about this." John and Ritsuko said at the same time.
"Well, my Goon Sense isn't tingling, so Jared and Andy haven't done something monumentally stupid... yet."
"Agreed. And since you're here instead of off destroying a small country or vaporizing an island or two, you aren't... directly involved."
"Your faith in me is... refreshing, doctor."
"It's so nice to see you two are back to normal! Maybe it's just an Angel."
Misato pulled a beer out of her purse, opened it, chugged it, contemplated the empty can. The room was quiet for a few seconds, then she tossed the empty at a nearby trash can. The clatter of the aluminum can hitting the plastic container was like a gunshot in the room.
"We're leaving now." said John.
"I'll get my coat." said Ritsuko.
"I'm driving." said Misato.
John and Ritsuko spoke at the exact same time. "Shotgun! ... Jinx! Dammit!" They punched each other in the arm. "OW!"
From the door, Misato shouted at them. "When you children are done!"
In the Jet Alone control room, the chairman manned another microphone. He had put his hair back in place and his eyes were a more normal size. The control room held about half of the guests from the dinner; it was a large space oddly similar in appearance to NASA's Mission Control, circa 1960. The set of huge screens at the front only showed a test pattern at the moment, and the crowd was discussing things loudly amongst themselves.
The chairman tapped the mic a few times to get the crowd's attention, then began. "We're about to start the demonstration of the Jet Alone. There's nothing to worry about. No danger at all. Please watch the screens." As promised, the screens switched from a test pattern to a distant shot of the Jet Alone launch platform. Perfect. The chairman muttered under his breath, "I don't see those freaks from NERV... perhaps things will go more smoothly now that they aren't around."
The technicians scattered about the control room began reporting things at LOUD VOLUME as the giant mecha genre demanded.
"Ready to start!"
"Starting the test!"
"Release all engine units!"
"Pressure is regular!"
"Circulation in the cooling system, no problems!"
"Control rods, full release!"
"Engine going through critical point!"
"Power, no problem!"
"Begin walking!"
"Walk. Move ahead slowly. Raise right foot ahead."
"Roger. Walk. Move ahead slowly. Raise right foot ahead."
"Balance is nominal!"
"Engine is nominal!"
"Roger. Next stage. Raise left foot ahead!"
The chairman finally cut loose with the Manly Tear of Joy. "Yes! It is a success! Those NERV fools will be shown once and for all... what's that noise?"
Everyone in the room went quiet and looked up as an acute keening from outside the building grew quickly from barely noticeable to distinctly unnerving. The sound was exactly that one would hear from a falling bomb, or plummeting interest in a certain fanfic...
To be Continued...