A/n: so I bought myself a laptop for Christmas because mine broke hence the not updating sooo that's why I'm updating now. Thanks so much for the reviews and the new follow… hope you enjoy… r & r also final chapters are coming… this was a short story.

From all the places he's seen, all the distances he's walked he feels like this is the longest trip he ever made. Getting back to Rin. Its mind bending, all the muscles in his brain trying to piece together a reasonable explanation as to why- how is it that she's here with him yet she's a million years away?

Sesshomaru was worried, she was fine a few hours ago and then all too suddenly she had fallen apart. Maybe she was in a state of shock. That could explain much of what was happening to her. Loss of sleep. Nightmares. Insomnia. Isolation. He didn't pride that much and gave her space to breathe, to take in account her thoughts and feeling. Maybe that way she could get herself together. He wondered if he did good by that. Humans are so fragile it's hard to distinguish what's a good decision from a bad one.

Days turned into weeks. Sesshomaru saw some- if any- improvements. She started tasting her food, woke late and even directed a few words to him and Jaken in instances before she was whisked away be unseen forces.

One particular afternoon she had entered his study. Her eyes wondered around the space as if lost and he had half to mind to shook her by the shoulders and see if she'd return to him.

"My Lord, do you have some paper and ink lying around for me to use?" she asked as her eyes darted everywhere but his face.

He had to force himself from narrowing his eyes in suspicion. He remembered himself that she isn't a demon, no less of his kind to recall thoughts more quickly, worse in her state. As he supplied her with what she needed he told himself that he could withhold asking her why she wanted these things, for what use could she require such instruments if she hardly knew how to write. He must leave her space, let her breath, find her thoughts and come to.

Paper, a bottle of ink and a sturdy brush in hand and Rin looked at the contents lost and confused. He tried not to squint at her, trying to analyze what was running around in her head.

Finally, though, her eyes locked with his, such intensity that he was starting to get a head ache from focusing so intently.

"Can I ask another favor, My Lord?"

"You may."
"Could you write me a letter?"

Sesshomaru might as well had hit his head on a wall for this. He tried to remember the reasons as to why and how she had convince him when she arrived not to take her writing lessons even though she had promised she would once she got there. Instead she spent her time in the gardens and he didn't have the heart to tell her to stop. If that happen he might not be here doing this.

On the other hand now he understood why she was so distant. Well, he understood better. She had experience some awful, traumatic things but he didn't understood profoundly what it meant to her. Now he did and he couldn't help feel slightly guilty that he had not bare his strength to help her carry these weights, this burden.

It was a letter to his brother, it discussed the details of his wife death. As Sesshomaru wrote he couldn't help sense a feeling forming at the pit of his stomach. He had to shook his head trying to shake the thought that he actually felt guilt, sad even, for the tragedies that had befallen his brother- to have to raise three children alone. If his brother's wife took the position of his former lover, who would step up to take hers now? Would he fault the universe for everything that's happened to him? Would he be able to overcome? Would he be strong enough? Would someone help him with his weights? He can only imagine what's going to happen.

All too suddenly realizes that the vile rising in his throat is his on disgust for his compassion. He is a Lord Demon the only thing he feels-should feel is remoteness, hostile formality. Not sympathy for his brother.

And he knows who to blame.

When he turned to look at Rin, he was stricken by the image of her- eyes red and teary, holding in her sobs.

Sesshomaru felt like he took steps in all the wrong direction. He should have known this was a bad idea.

"Rin," he said slowly, "maybe we should take a small pause."

"No." she said, swallowing as she wiped furiously at her tears. She touched her stomach and Sesshomaru's eyes couldn't help linger to the spot, feeling like he been punched in the face.

She said "Lets continue."

He gave her a look that told her 'Are you sure?'

She nodded vigorously, starting to dictate her next paragraph. "'I would appreciate if you inform Kohaku that I'm canceling the weeding.'" She took a breath, eyes close head shaking. Sesshomaru felt something in him soar and crash. " 'After all I've experience I realize that I can't commit to things right now. And I apologize and hope that one day he can't forgive me. He's too good to waste his time and effort on someone like me.'"

Sesshomaru didn't really wanted to be so far away from his lands but after he received words of distress on an ally's terrains he had to leave. A few days of battle and he was all but ready to return. Though he knew that a few days away couldn't be too fatal for Rin, that being his biggest concern. She had recovered quite drastically when his brother had responded to her correspondent telling her that his wife- Kagome- was alive and well. Apparently she was rescued by some seamstress from the village they were into the day of the attack. Instead they were worried that it had been her who was injured or worse, dead. Yet Rin eyes clouded as she tried to search some sort of reply from the boy Kohaku even though his brother stated in the scroll-letter that Kohaku was a little unhappy with her decision, leaving nothing more but her mind to conjure and interpret his words.

Three days later, enemies killed, battle won, Sesshomaru returned to his place with a huge sigh. Finally he returned, finally he could lay down and rest. Finally he could see Rin-

Sesshomaru heard a pant echoing on the halls and he had to suppressed the urge to roll her eyes.

"My Lord-My Lord!" Jaken shrieked. "I'm glad you have returned."

He rolled his eyes.

"Not know Jaken, let be."

"But My Lord… Rin fiancé… he's here…"

Sesshomaru paced for a full minute before he decided to wait somewhere outside for her. Then he force himself not to listen. Though it was very difficult not to. He tried to distracted himself with numbers, his fingers, his thoughts. Then-

"He won't treat you like I do." He told her. Then he pleaded. "I will love your children- our children. He's- he's a demon. He doesn't love- he- he doesn't love you. I love you."

Rin didn't answer right away. The seconds felt eternal. She sighed. "I think you should return to your village-"

"Our village-"

"You're making me feel uncomfortable. Please leave-"

There was a heavy silence that even Sesshomaru felt uncomfortable with even if he was only waiting outside. Which reminded him that he should stop listening- told himself to stop listening. But he-this Kohaku, a boy he known since he was a child- began speaking to her.

"When did you became this stranger?"

It was a question. A simple one yet he couldn't understand what he felt. This uneasiness…

"I don't know…" it was above a whisper.

"I guess the real question is when did I became so blind." He said before he came out the door to face Sesshomaru.

He stopped, looking at the Demon Lord with a sense of shook from finding him so suddenly then disgust. He glare him once last time before he kept walking.

Sesshomaru watched him leave before he realized that Rin hadn't followed suit. He wasn't sure if he should enter this room- it was a room that he used for his gathering with either allies, leaders or visitors. He wondered briefly if she had orchestrated this whole ordeal or if the boy had come on his own accord. Then he remembered that it was his lands and in his palace he could do whatever he see fit.

Yet he doesn't understand why he took a deep breath before he step inside.

There he found Rin drying her tears. When she hadn't noticed his presence he called her name. She jumped, grabbing at a near chair and almost clutching her stomach. She made eye contact with him and started to deny with her head something- he did know what. He would have ask if she hand walked out on him.

He dared ask her a few days later, though, as they were sitting under a tree- she tending to some flowers and him just relaxing under the breeze.

She shook her head as the shadow of the trees and the light of the sun played patterns on her face. "I just…" she took deep breath before she confessed. "When you left I asked one of the maids to compose a letter to me then I told Jaken to go to the village and deliver it to Kohaku… I just-I couldn't- I didn't understand why he hadn't said anything. Was he mad? Or sad? I just couldn't left things be so unclear."

Sesshomaru felt his face drain and he felt like a fool for asking but he knew he would regret it if he didn't. " This Sesshomaru thought you weren't getting married…"

"I'm not," she said too quickly. "I just don't want things to be uncertain."

"About what?"

"About the verdict that I chose- that I didn't want to get married."

"That's your final decision?"

Rin gave a sarcastic laugh. " I thought it was very clear that I chose you."
Sesshomaru closed his eyes, trying to control his imagination.

The branches were dancing with the wind, birds chippering, grass moving. Suddenly-

"Sesshomaru?"

"Hn."

"Would you love this child as much as you love me?"

Sesshomaru's eyes flied open. He looked at her but he couldn't answer. He was only capable of loving her- she was the only human he could ever love. But that child- that half breed… He closed his eyes. Maybe he truly was a hypocrite.

Rin turned away. "I'm sorry. This Rin shouldn't have ask… " then muttered, "maybe Kohaku was right."

Sesshomaru bit his tongue ordering himself to stay quite- but still he couldn't help say "What… what did he say…"

Rin look as if unsure she should say anything. She sighed reluctantly "He… he said that you would never accept me because you will never accept this child."

She started up, taking her time with her stomach. Then she started to leave.

He doesn't understand how and he's sure that if he tried to think back he won't have any explanation but he stood too and then he almost pinned her to the tree. He was careful as not to touch- to touch her body. He wasn't interested in her body, he was only interested in her lips.

It was an interesting little thing how a few months ago he was pressured by others opinions and now his heart is wrenching thinking of only one. The others seem worthless, stupid even. Why should be bother with others? He doesn't care about them, he cares about her. He doesn't love them… he

only

loves

her.

Now, in this moment as it breaks into tiny pieces and scatters- shatters around everyone he only feels relief because finally after so long, after too many hours, too many days, too many months he is kissing her and she is kissing him back. He didn't realize how much he miss this even though it was the second time they share an instance such as this.

He wonders briefly if he will regret it later?
Rin grabbed his hand and located on top of her stomach. And then he felt it. A kick of live, a move of defiance as if the baby in its own womb was rejecting his father, knowing already that he had rejected him first.

Rin parted their lips only to press her forehead to his. He wasn't sure if she was sighing or laughing.

Is he going to regret this….

Sesshomaru was so tired, after that time under the tree he felt strangely sick. He was only waiting for night so he could rest. It was all knew too him, he never felt so exhausted and detached in his life.

What had he done?

Knock, knock.

If someone ask he would have lied but in truth he hoped it wasn't Rin knocking on the other side.

It wasn't.

It was Jaken.

Sesshomaru doesn't understand the impulse he gets when Jaken is around of rolling his eyes.

He didn't have the chance anyways.

Through gasp he said. "Rin, My Lord-!" Gasp. "She-" Gasp. "Her Water broke."

Now wasn't time for regret.

WHAT? Another cliff hanger? Oh well! Stick around for next week's episode ( might not be next week) were we will find out what happens~! *cue commercial*
Soo review! Tell me if you hate me for this XD