Lum Sum Purple
By Jim Robert Bader
(Based on the works of Rumiko Takahashi & Others)
Chapter Ten.
Eating Crow
Qing Hi Province, China Nyanchiczu Territories
The tree was dead and slowly rotting, a victim of quick-frost that had killed it several seasons back. Its bark was dry and brittle, certainly of no practical use to anyone as either lumber or tinder. Even small insects shunned its hardened resin bark and even its roots were long since turned to stony tendrils.
Perfume regarded it with silent resolve, then raised her axes as though to salute a fallen warrior spirit, holding her pose for but a moment before leaping into action and becoming a literal blur, her axes chopping through bark and timber with uncanny precision, careful as she was to avoid sending stray splinters flying in all direction (a single one of which would prove excruciating to her sensitive nervous system).
At length she halted and stepped back to survey her handiwork, and then Perfume of the Joketsuzoku grimly nodded in satisfaction. What she had created was difficult and challenging even to one of her skill level, but her keen eyes measured the details to a fine degree and they conformed to her memories with uncanny accuracy. The resulting sculpture was a twelve-foot high statue that perfectly mimicked the image of the Princess Oyuki, right down to the curve of her chin and the seeming lilt in her pale eyes. A satisfying rendering, to say nothing of being her best work ever.
She glanced to the side and compared her new work with her previous efforts, wooden images of her former friend Lotion, her training partner Shampoo, and the Princess Lum, her second most recent creation, that one carved out of a tree that had been killed by lightning...an appropriate enough fact given the alien Oni's propensity to hurl out electrical discharges whenever she felt provoked, which was much too often...
Perfume sighed and let her chin fall to her chest. What mattered that her skills in wood sculpture were increasing with the practice? All she had to show for it were dead wood images of people whom she felt close to, and not the real parties depicted. Even Oyuki-who had seemed quite interested in claiming Perfume for a lover-was millions of miles away from the Earth, so barring rare circumstances she was out of Perfume's reach and so remained an unreachable companion.
Not so the Princess Lum...but she had eyes only for Shampoo (who was, admittedly, reluctant to return the Oni's affections), to say nothing of being her legal Airen, and Perfume felt excluded from their company on the grounds that her cousin and wife were searching for a man to become their Airen...and Perfume was far too much of a woman to pretend otherwise. Nor did she think it likely to be included in their union even if her cousin managed to overcome her curious shyness and embrace her Airen as a proper wife in marriage.
So what did the future hold for Perfume, who desperately yearned for female companionship...the kind that would warm her evenings and fill her nights with infinite joy and fulfillment? Where would she find the love of her life who would welcome her with open arms and make her body sing with the delights of total union...?
All at once Perfume jumped and assumed a fighting crouch, but she belatedly realized that the sounds that had just startled her came from somewhere off in the distance and did not herald an attack on her directly. Perfume stretched out her hyper-active senses and made out the tell-tale signs of a battle taking place roughly a thousand or so meters away from her position, so without more than a moment's thought she took off running in the direction of the explosions, intent to see what was causing them and to determine whether or not whatever was making them constituted a threat to the Joketsuzoku.
She did not have long to run, however, before she came upon the scene of carnage, and then her senses screamed out in warning not to approach too closely, for what she sensed ahead was the gathering of potent energies, both dark and light working in harsh contrast to one another. On the one hand there was the unmistakable presence of something fell and evil...
And on the other side...a force of great intensity that felt somehow familiar to Perfume's awareness. The wielder of these energies was unmistakably good, but backed by a fury and a will that put to shame the fierceness of its adversary, and so she approached with great caution, keeping her axes at the ready while heeding her instinctive reaction not to rush headlong into this battle...at least until she knew more about the principle players.
As it turned out she did not have long to wait before arriving at the scene of the duel arcana itself, and as the Enforcer looked on in stunned disbelief she saw a terrible creature of dark malevolence batting its wings and slashing with claws at a humanoid opponent who fended off its attacks with a weapon of her own that Perfume automatically classified as a Ch'i-Chi, a type of spear-like pole arm that required a great deal of skill to handle effectively. The owner of that blazing Ch'i-Chi was indeed supremely skilled, and without mistaking the point she was an Amazon born, garbed in the traditional ceremonial robes of a Devil Hunter, with long brown hair that flew wildly about her head as she stabbed and hacked and slashed at her monstrous opponent. Though tall and as slender as a wand she was dwarfed in size by the massive beast-thing, yet so merciless was her offensive that it was the creature itself who was held at bay, and almost the thing looked as if it were to be pitied for it was clearly overmatched by the warrior woman who fought as if she were the one possessed by a demon.
As Perfume studied the battle she could sense, feel and even see the swirling energies that each side was marshalling for their end of the battle, with rosy-
red flames of righteous force hammering away at the dark eldrich energies surrounding the massive creature. The Devil Hunter chanted a sing-song spell as she gathered her forces and focused them into a single attack at the creature's weakest point, and all at once the flames of her fury poured into the hapless monster, shredding its unearthly hide and rending it from within so that it fell to the ground in a smoldering ball of fire...to burn itself out to mere ashes a few instants later, leaving behind a black ring in the dirt to mark its passage.
The Devil Hunter remained where she was panting for breath and staring at the mark left behind by her defeated opponent, only for the ground immediately behind her to suddenly lurch up as yet another monster sought to attack at her unprotected backside. Perfume started to cry out a warning, only to see the Devil Hunter react from instinct, reversing her Ch'i-Chi and stabbing backwards through the heart of her would-be assailant, then taking a step forward as she ripped the pole arm out of its chest and swung it around in a decapitating stroke that cleaved its head clean from its shoulders.
Then the warrior known to many as Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken rested the butt-end of her weapon upon the ground and raised her other hand to utter a prayer-chant of blessing before waving that hand in a wide arc and scattering some sort of misty powder over both the decapitated corpse and the darkened ring where the larger fallen demon had vanished, and all at once Perfume felt a cleansing wind pour through a space between worlds to purifying the soil and banish away all traces of evil from the clearing.
Only then did the warrior turn and regard the astonished Perfume, taking a moment to confirm that she was not yet another demonic attacker, yet even then not resting easy as she acknowledged her presence, "Enforcer?"
"Demon Hunter," Perfume saluted then said, "This one is sorry...this one heard a battle...ah...what was that?"
"A type Four class demon whom I have been pursuing for some weeks now," Kachu replied, "He was terrifying the villagers in a nearby province and they asked me for my assistance. You need have no fear now, the creature is vanquished, and so it poses no further threat to the Nyanchiczu."
"Oh," Perfume said simply, glancing at where the creature had been and murmuring a very soft, "Aiyaa..."
Kachu turned and approached the Enforcer, seeming at ease yet maintaining her guard as she seemed incapable of fully relaxing, "It has been many months since I have been back in these forests...at times it has seemed almost like years, but do the Nyanchiczu of Joketsuzoku yet flourish?"
"We do, Kachu," Perfume replied, adding softly, "As is your mother when last I saw her...just yesterday, as a matter of fact."
"I see," Kachu acknowledged, then with less than casual regard she murmured aloud, "Which is only to be expected."
Perfume studied the features of the fierce Devil Hunter and said, "Silk has often remarked that she worries about you and how you are faring..."
"My mother worries overmuch on my regard," Kachu replied with a brooding expression, "But though she is a Lore Master she cannot be expected to know of my imposing responsibilities, seeking out the fell things of the night and facing down the powers of night whose terrifying visage mortal mind should never have to know."
"Er...whatever," Perfume replied, deciding very much that she needed no further elaboration...
Nerima, Japan: Tendo Dojo-The Present:
"Kachu?" Kasumi said aloud as she paused in the act of putting away the tea set, turning towards the others were a very peculiar expression.
"Gesundheit," Nabiki facetiously responded, "So this Silk had a daughter, huh? And she hunts devils for a living?"
"Not just devils," Lum grumbled with a particularly sour expression, "But anyone who-in her mind-is guilty of consorting with or being related to various non-Terran or humanoid species."
"Now Lum-chan," Ranma chided, "You know that was all a big mistake, and things worked out all right in the end..."
"You say that now, Airen," Shampoo replied, "But you no be there when things really start to happen to Lum-Airen..."
"My coming here is not entirely serendipity, Enforcer," Kachu said with a grave expression, "I have had vague misgivings of late, as if some ill shadow had fallen over these parts and required my presence. Has anything significant transpired while I was away? I have been hearing...rumors about demons in these woods, and one in particular that has been especially troublesome to your cousin, Shampoo."
"A demon?" Perfume blinked, "Where have you heard that?"
"From a passing acquaintance," Kachu replied, "He seemed rather insistent on getting back here and protecting her from whatever mischief the demon might offer. I thought, as Shampoo's cousin by adoption, that you would know best if she has been plagued by any unnatural symptoms that might signify demonic influences in her life..."
"Oh no," Perfume replied, wincing a bit as she sensed Mousse's handiwork in spreading this particular rumor, "My cousin isn't being afflicted by a demon...at least, that is not how I would describe her. You see..."
"Hold!" Kachu declared, glaring angrily into the darkened wood, "We are not alone..." and with that she reached into her pouch and drew out some sort of corn-like granules that she cast into a tree, which-moments later-produced results in the form of several small falling bodies that were black in appearance yet had miniature robes and were dressed oddly like people."
"As I thought," Kachu snarled, holding her Ch'i-Chi at the ready, "Tengu!"
"Teng-what?" Perfume asked, belatedly recognizing the tiny forms as being crows for all their weird manner of dress.
"Hold!" one of the fallen crows declared in a surprisingly human voice, holding up a wing and pleading, "Stay your hand! We are the Kurasutengu and mean you no harm, honest!"
"Tengu lies!" Kachu snarled, preparing to annihilate the creatures, but Perfume raised an ax and said, "Hold on a moment...let us hear this one out, please."
"What?" Kachu stared at the Enforcer, "Are you mad? You cannot trust the words of demons!"
"But we're not demons, honest we're not!" another of the talking crows insisted, "We're servants of her majesty, Queen Kurama, and we are here looking to find her a mate..."
"A mate?" Perfume blinked, deciding that the concept of a crow mating was considerably less improbable than talking or wearing clothing.
"Our Queen is partially human...her father came from your world," another of the talking Crows related, "And since there are no human males on our world we had to come here to find our Queen a mate..."
"How distasteful," Kachu sneered, "You seek to seduce some unfortunate male into mating with one of your kind?"
"Um...excuse me," Perfume asked, "You say your Princess is partly human...but how did this come to be?"
"'S'long story-HIC!" yet another of the Tengu replied, this one's speech and mannerisms suggesting that he was three sheets to the wind and not the least bit sober, "Just required a bit of...molecular...whatever..."
"Molecular transference," the lead of the Tengu gave a reproachful glare towards his inebriated companion, "It has to do with the needs of our people to find a strong and capable leader, and over the centuries of successive in-breeding we found our loyal line was badly attenuated...so we needed a fresh infusion of alien DNA to jump-start our nobility...and over the centuries of searching through other worlds we have only found a few species who are flexible enough to suit our requirements...Earth being one such example..."
"That still does not excuse you for the crime of seeking to join your seed with that of a hapless male," Kachu snarled, "And as a protector of these regions it is my duty to thwart your evil aims."
"Hold on a moment," Perfume urged, "This is an important matter that we should bring before the Elders. We already have a precedent, you see...and if we could find a male who is acceptable..." she blinked then smiled, "In fact...this one believes she knows the perfect candidate for such a mating..."
"S'great," the one drunk crow in the bunch replied, taking a moment to pour the contents of a miniature jug down its beak before producing an equally tiny communications device, "Less call th'ship'n have 'em extract us so she can 'splain things..."
"No-wait!" the leader cried, but much too late as a tiny button was pushed and the drunk crow began relating instructions in their own curious language.
The next moment a wind picked up from out of no where, causing Perfume and Kachu to react with dismay as the crows were swept up and carried aloft by the mysterious enchantment. Kachu immediately dug her Ch'i-Chi blade first into the ground to provide her with a much needed anchor, but Perfume had no such means of grounding herself and was instead swept aloft on the breeze, helpless to do more than yelp as she found herself quite suddenly airborne...
"Let me guess," Nabiki said, "She was going to match that Mousse guy up with the crow woman...only things didn't go the way she planned it, huh?"
"How you know this?" Shampoo blinked.
"I've always been a good guesser," Nabiki smirked, "And the clues were there for anyone to read 'em."
"It's true," Akane glared at her older sister, "Nabiki's always spoiling things by giving away the ending to plots before we can read them. That's why we never go to the movies together...she finds them too predictable, and she's so un-
romantic."
"Can I help it if the writers of popular junk can't avoid using cliches to tell their stories?" Nabiki snorted.
Shampoo and Lum exchanged meaningful looks with each other, then with Ranma, who just shrugged and said, "Maybe...the old woman would know if she met her."
"What was that, Ranma-kun?" Kasumi asked politely as she noted the silent exchange that was taking place between their three interesting houseguests.
"Ah, nothing to worry about...I think," Ranma remarked as he tried (and rather crudely) to brush off the question, "Anyway...the thing is, Perfume-san found herself being whisked away as if my a giant vacuum cleaner, or something like that, and before she knew it she found herself in an alien space ship being greeted by yet more crows who seemed pretty eager to know who it was that she had in mind as a candidate for mating with their Queen..."
"You need a handsome man who can mate with your Queen?" Perfume asked as she gleefully nodded, "This one knows of such a one, and he be perfect for your needs. This one will even tell you where to find him, and then you can bring him back here with the same machines you used upon this one."
"Splendid," said the head Kurasutengu, a wizened old crow with a long white beard and a stick that he leaned on like a staff (which made it easier for Perfume to consider him an Elder), "You have no idea how grateful we are and how indebted we shall be if this man meets with the approval of our Mistress. Queen Kurama has traveled a long, long ways to find a suitable mate who can help her to carry on her noble line with an heir worthy of the Tengu."
"Just tell Mousse that Perfume says hello and good fortune," Perfume smiled, thinking to herself that it was almost too perfect a means for removing that nuisance from their lives before he could do any more mischief to Lum and Shampoo's marriage. Already he had attempted three times to engineer a second challenge, and though Perfume's grandmother had promised to do something to curb his persistence there had so far been no tangible results to her efforts, which was what had prompted Perfume to hatch this scheme of convenience. After all, whoever this Queen Kurama was she was probably half-crow and would look quite unsavory to a human eye...which made a pairing with the half-blind Mousse seem to Perfume's mind like a match made in the very heavens.
"You hear this?" one of the Kurasutengu remarked to his companions, "Our prayers may be answered, which means we'll get paid on time and her Ladyship can stop threatening to dock our wages."
"Too bad we can't wake her up and inform her of our decision," another crow remarked, "But tradition has it that the one whom she will mate with must be the one who kisses her and restores her to a wakeful state."
"Let us check upon the condition of our Mistress to see that she has fared well over the journey," a third of the Tengu urged, and so it was that a forth touched a device on one of the wall panels that caused something to slide out from a concealed compartment along that wall, and to Perfume's considerable surprise it appeared to be some manner of coffin, like what some government officials were said to use in burials instead of being properly incinerated with their ashes scattered on the winds to permit them to fly up towards the heavens.
The crows all gathered around this box, and Perfume-drawn more by curiosity than need-decided to join them, looking down through the transparent lid of the curious coffin-like box at a resting figure who lay within...and no sooner did she set eyes upon this Kurama person but that her heart suddenly skipped a beat, for-to her complete astonishment-her features were young and beautiful, nearly ageless.
Her hair was the most curious and striking feature in that it seemed to flow to both sides as if forming a pair of wings just above her ears...yet those ears were round and-like the rest of her-entirely human. She had curves in all the right places and much of her body was plain to view since the only garment that she wore was some manner of leather halter and a pair of matching black boots. There were no shoulder straps to support the halter as it came just over the swelling bulge of her perfectly formed breasts, and in all other ways she was well shaped to specifications. If anything her features were a bit too perfect, almost inhumanly beautiful, and though she was motionless and not even breathing she seemed as though in a light sleep, as if the slightest sound might chance to wake her.
"Queen Kurama," the eldest of the crows indicated the sleeping beauty, "She but awaits the taste of the lips of her future consort and she will awaken to rule us all once more. Just as soon as we can summon this man whom you were describing..."
"Aiyaa?" Perfume replied, having temporarily forgotten what these talking crows were after.
"Oh heck," the drunk crow hicked as he stood atop a nearby control panel, "Why wait until then? Here, I'll wake up her highness..."
"What are you doing you idiot?" one of the other crows snapped, but too late as it turned out since the glass casing hissed back at that moment with the sound of escaping air pressure, and then the cover slid away, revealing Queen Kurama in all her glorious beauty to Perfume's eager eyes and other senses, which prompted the enamored Enforcer to lean forward in order that she might study this woman better.
Unfortunately for Perfume her foot happened to encounter one of the Kurasutengu, who gave a squawk as she stepped on his tail feathers, startling Perfume and causing her to stumble forward onto the casing, and without half meaning to her face made contact with that of Kurama with their lips briefly touching in a spontaneous kiss that startled Perfume every bit as much as it did the Tengu.
"What are you doing?" the eldest crow snapped.
"Ah..." Perfume straightened out, feeling her cheeks flush crimson, "This one is sorry...she did not mean to...ah...well...that is..."
Just then Kurama's eyelids fluttered, and then she glanced up towards the flustered Perfume, and then her eyebrows climbed closer to her hairline as those lovely blue eyes went round, and all at once she sat up and snarled, "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? I TOLD YOU CLOWNS TO FIND ME A HANDSOME MAN...AND WHO TOLD YOU TO BRING BACK A WOMAN...?"
"Oboy," Nabiki winced, "I sure saw that one coming..."
"Serves her right, the pervert," Akane sniffed, "Lusting after another girl like that, and taking advantage of her while she was sleeping..."
"What did Queen Kurama do, Ranma-kun?" Kasumi asked.
"What could she do?" Ranma shrugged, "The laws of her people were very specific that the one who kissed and awoke Kurama would have to mate with her. Of course nobody who wrote those rules down ever thought of a thing like this, which shows you how much those rule makers were thinking."
"Aiyaa, but Crow-girl no want be mated to Perfume-cousin," Shampoo added, "How can she make baby with other woman? It no seem practical, so she insist that kiss no count as legitimate for making Perfume her Airen."
"That hurt Perfume's feelings quite a lot, of course," Lum noted, "But being the nice sort that she is, Perfume agreed to help Kurama find the man whom she was after, which was her original intention after all, even if Perfume did come to regret it."
"Yeah, but while that was happening you guys were having problems of your own," Ranma scowled, "When that Herb guy showed up...and Kachu came looking for trouble."
"As if this one forget?" Shampoo rolled her eyes.
"The way I remember it, Darling," Lum began, "I was minding my own business, helping Darling our as we were out in the woods hunting for wild game to provide the village with some fresh meat...when all of a sudden that Tengu ship flew by and I lost control over my flying..."
"DARLING!"
Shampoo paused in what she was doing, reflexively tensing up at the familiar voice of her green haired Airen and not bothering at first to look immediately upward since she knew Lum was heading towards her, and no doubt was about to either glomp onto Shampoo or zap her with her lightning...
"DARLING-HELP ME!"
That did cause Shampoo to shoot a look skywards, and then the Amazon discovered that her Airen was not so much flying as falling straight towards her in an uncontrolled tumble, and even as Shampoo made this startling realization she found that Lum's pert rump was growing in size to cover her entire field of vision...just one instant before said vision exploded into a field of colliding stars and planets.
POW!
"Ooof!" Lum exclaimed as the breath rushed out from her lungs, but then as she got her wind back she cried in delight, "Oh, Darling, you saved me! You caught me when I was certain that I was about to be hurt...and all because something interfered with my ability to concentrate on levitation..."
"mmmmphhhmmmphhhh..."
"What was that, Darling?" Lum glanced down, finding a delightfully warm breeze was blowing up from beneath the cheeks of her fanny.
"Mmmm-mmmmMMMMMMppph!" Shampoo declared more emphatically than the first time.
"Oh," Lum belatedly got off and immediately crouched down in concern, "Are you all right, Darling? Darling?"
Shampoo lay very still and thought to herself that she might do well to play dead and see if the gods might take pity. Instead she opened her eyes and saw Lum's face filling her vision, the concern upon the lovely features of the green haired girl quelling the tart words that were on the lips of the exasperated Amazon...words that Shampoo suddenly lacked the heart to say as her protests died down like a sputtering candle.
"What happened, Airen?" Shampoo finally asked when no other words came to mind and she lacked the will to open other unvoiced issues with her alien girlfriend-
slash-wife.
"Oh...like I said," Lum replied, "I was going along minding my own business when something flew right past me and knocked me for a loop! I suddenly found my levitation ability gave out on me, and it's a good thing you were right underneath me when this happened or I might have taken a bad landing..."
"Oh," Shampoo thought another moment, then sighed in resignation as she sat upright.
"Strangest thing," Lum continued, "I think that was a space ship that flew past me...but I didn't recognize the markings. It's not an Oni ship or any other type with which I'm familiar, but the rudeness of those people for scaring me like that! I ought to file a protest with the Interplanetary Traffic Board at Galaxy Police headquarters..."
"Airen?" Shampoo asked.
"Yes, Darling?" Lum replied.
Shampoo opened her mouth once again, only to find the words would not come out of her as she found herself staring into the eyes of the other girl, so she just sighed and said, "Which way did the sky ship head to?"
"Um...that way, I think," Lum pointed off into the distance, "I'm pretty sure it came down only a few of your earth miles from here...maybe five or six kilometers, which is pretty close on a Terrestrial level..."
"Then maybe we go see who is behind this sky ship's near-miss of you, Airen," Shampoo suggested, setting out in the direction that her wife had indicated, only to halt in her tracks with a suddenly concerned expression.
"What is it, Darling?" Lum asked as she caught the frown that her companion was wearing, "What is the matter?"
"We are not alone," Shampoo said very softly, then started forward once again, "Someone is tracking us...this one can feel it."
"Oh, that's probably Perfume looking after us, like always," Lum said airily, "You know she takes her duties very seriously, and since the Elders have charged her with protecting our marriage..."
"It is not this one's cousin," Shampoo said softly, "Perfume never makes a sound when she moves, and this person's footsteps are heavy. Also he does not walk like a woman, and this one thinks she hears faint sound of something...metal."
"Metal?" Lum asked as she matched steps with her companion.
"Like scales on a fish... or armor," Shampoo elaborated, then suddenly she quickened her pace and added, "In fact, this one is very sure she knows who is following us, and it is very important he not catch us, Airen, or he is sure to make trouble."
"You mean...him?" Lum scowled, "What does he want? I'll blast him with my lightning if he doesn't leave us alone..."
"This one does not think he will go down easy this time," Shampoo cautioned, "He moves with too much confidence, and there is no way that he could have forgotten what you did to him the last time. We must find better ground before we can turn to face him, and only then will we risk him challenging us for the right to be our Airen."
"He said he would try, didn't he?" Lum scowled, "Darling...I know your laws say that we need to take a man for a husband, but you know that I am content with you and won't have anyone else trying to force his way into our marriage?"
Shampoo raised an eyebrow to this and glanced sidelong at her Airen but otherwise said nothing.
"It's true," Lum declared, "I know you still have your doubts about me, but my love for you is not to be questioned. I will prove myself worthy to be your wife in all ways, Darling, and that includes fending off fools and pretenders like Seryo and Rei when they seek to challenge our right to be together."
Shampoo was only just starting to make sense of this declaration when she heard another sound once again and drew up short, signaling for Lum to do likewise. At first she thought the one making so much nose had to be one of Prince Herb's two henchmen seeking to cut them off and prevent their escaping his master, only the tread sounded different form that made by a man, and all at once she became aware that it was a woman who was moving with such great haste.
Another moment after this realization she found out who it was as Kachu burst out into the open with her Ch'i-Chi in hand, large as life and wearing the ceremonial robes of a Devil Hunter, which meant that she was after...
"Ka-Chu?" Shampoo exclaimed.
"Who?" Lum asked.
"Shampoo?" Kachu exclaimed as she paused in mid-charge to glance sidelong at the Amazon and her alien partner, "I've no time to talk...I must find the Enforcer before those Tengu devils...ONI!"
"What?" Lum whirled around, "Where?"
"Airen!" Shampoo cried out in warning, even as Lum moved instinctively to one side and dodged a wicked thrust of the Ch'i-Chi that missed her body by mere inches...or centimeters.
"Hey!" Lum protested.
"Die Demon!" Kachu declared as she spun her weapon around then lashed out once again, only Lum was not standing still for this and took to the sky as fast as she could levitate.
"Kachu!" Shampoo cried out, "What are you...?"
"Stay back and let me handle this!" Kachu snarled as she held her weapon up as if intending to hurl it in Lum's direction, "I know how to deal with this otherworldly vermin!"
"Vermin am I?" Lum declared in round-eyed outrage, "I'll teach you to disrupt my day out with Darling!" And with that declaration she summoned her lightning and fired off a powerful bolt, even as Shampoo sensed it coming and at once took a flying leap for cover.
Kachu immediately changed tactics and brought her Ch'i-Chi down in guard position while murmuring a hasty chant as she deflected the lightning bolt and seemingly absorbed its awesome energies upon the shaft of her weapon. To Shampoo's considerable amazement the Devil Hunter remained standing amid a smoldering pool of fused glass and burning grasses, then Kachu retaliated with a second spell that conjured up weird energies out of the very air itself as she whirled her Ch'i-Chi around, gathering momentum before hurling her attack back in the astonished Lum's direction.
"Yikes!" Lum cried as she narrowly avoided being hit by a wave of force that singed the tips of her long mane of greenish hair, and then all at once the Oni princess took hasty evasive action, darting back into the trees to provide her with needed cover lest the enraged Amazon strike again with an even more lethal attack spell.
"Come back here you fiend from the pits!" Kachu cried as she leaped forward into the branches of that tree and sliced right through the upper trunk with her deadly weapon. Once again Lum was forced to seek refuge, drawing Kachu out behind her as the two of them began a game of cat-and-mouse, Lum firing off lightning strikes that Kachu deflected as the both of them vanished shortly into the bushes.
"Airen?" Shampoo said as she belatedly picked herself up off the ground, looking on with dismay at the path Kachu had carved in hot pursuit of the Oni. A sense of dread began to overtake the purple haired Amazon as Shampoo belatedly realized that her alien wife was in serious trouble. Shampoo knew Kachu primarily by reputation, but all accounts pegged the Devil Hunter as a relentless foe who never gave up the fight so long as the demon she was pursuing still held breath, and-as she had already demonstrated-Lum was at a serious disadvantage since Kachu knew a way of countering her lightning.
"Aiyaa," Shampoo declared as she began to take a step forward, only to halt in mid-stride as she heard another set of footsteps approaching and turned around to see Prince Herb emerge into the full light of the clearing, as confident and swaggering as he had been when first she met him.
"Ignore them," the Musk Prince urged, "Either the woman will die or she'll triumph over her pursuer, and then you can be free from your worries of marital entrapment."
"What mean you this?" Shampoo frowned, uncertain of the words but quite certain that she did not like the tone he used or the likely implications.
"Surely you are intelligent enough to see what I am getting at," Herb said with a knowing expression, "I have been watching you from a distance for some days now and I believe that I have gotten a rather good grasp of your mindset where it concerns the Oni woman. You dread being attached to her because her lightning powers are so freely employed against you, but more you are uncertain about the obligations that commit you to be married to her, an alien and a woman, to say nothing of the effect she has upon your status among the Nyanchiczu."
"What about this one's status?" Shampoo asked warily.
"Oh, I think you already know what I am getting at," Herb smiled, "Being married to her means that you are bound by Amazon laws the require you both to produce offspring. This can only be done with a man in the equation, and so you must find a husband to cement your union, only he must be strong enough to face and defeat you in battle, as well as defeat the Princess Lum, so that he may jointly become husband to you both. This well suits the needs of your people since it would further elevate their status to have you bind your union to the Oni, and so your Elders endorse the basic concept...even if it means risking having me become your husband."
"You are very confident of this?" Shampoo softly sneered, only to blink her eyes and say, "Elevate their status?"
"Surely you are aware of what an asset you have been for your people through your marriage to the princess," Herb helpfully pointed out, "The men of Beijing are paying great respect to you Amazons because they fear the wrath of the Oni but even more covet having an alliance with them, and through that alliance they hope to boost their standing worldwide. That gives your Elders considerable leverage with the current regime...but how much would that leverage be transferred to the Musk were I to be the one who defeated you and Lum and so became your husband?"
"Over this one's dead body!" Shampoo snapped as she automatically assumed a fighting crouch.
"Whatever," Herb sneered, raising a fist and charging it up with Chi, "What say we test your resolve to see how much you truly mean it...but I think that you already know the outcome of this battle since you fled from me before, having tasted my Dragon Power but briefly."
Shampoo had to reluctantly concede that this arrogant male was right in that she feared him. He was literally brimming with Chi-energy and she could feel his power even at a distance, but she was a proud member of the Nyanchiczu race and would not bend the knee without a fight...especially since the thought of marrying this obnoxious prince was only slightly less disturbing than eating one of the cooking attempts of her green-haired Airen.
And so she took evasive action as she felt the initial wave of Herb's Chi powers unleashed in her direction, but though she knew that she was overmatched in this affair, still she had no intention at all of losing her freedom and would employ ever skill she had ever mastered to see to it that this would-be suitor was sent packing...
"So, you were being challenged by this Herb guy," Akane said as she and the others got ready to bed down for the night in the dojo, camping out-as it were-since it was getting very late but no one wanted to miss out on hearing the rest of this story, "Lum was being chased by this Kachu person, and meanwhile Perfume was making time with this Tengu lady, Kurama?"
"Aiyaa," Shampoo nodded as she helped Lum spread out the futon that Kasumi was loaning them for a bed-roll, "Was very busy day, and for time there this one feared she might wind up calling Dragon Boy her Airen."
"It wasn't any fun for me either, Darling," Lum assured her wife, "That Kachu was a formidable opponent, and it was a lucky thing that I survived my own encounter."
"Um..." Kasumi paused in the act of smoothing out her own bed-sheets, having already changed into a nightgown and robe as she and the others would be spending the night together, "This...Kachu...what was she like? Can you describe her?"
"Well," Lum paused to think the matter over, then said, "She was taller than me with long brown hair and a pretty good build...um...now that I think about it...she looked a little bit like you, Kasumi-chan."
"Like me?" Kasumi blinked.
"Aiyaa..." Shampoo's eyes got very round as she turned and stared at Kasumi, "This one no think of it before...but Airen right, you do look something like Kachu..."
"Now that you mention it," Ranma (who had changed to female form after Akane had protested about having a "guy" in their joint "sleepover," even one who was technically married to at least two of the women present) remarked as she studied Kasumi carefully, "The features are the same, but the aura's all different. That's what threw me before...you just don't feel at all like Kachu-
san, and-no offense-but it is kinda hard to imagine somebody like you waving a spear around fighting demons."
"Are you saying that there's somebody out there in China who's the exact opposite of my big sister?" Nabiki marveled.
"Hai," Shampoo nodded, "Is very different...exactly opposite in every way but one. Both is basically good people, but Kachu very angry, never smile, have will of steel that come from constantly battling with Demons. Nice girl Kasumi...she smile often, and she very kind to other people."
"Just the same it's disturbing to think that there might be some kind of connection between her and that crazy woman," Lum replied, "No offense to you, Tendo-san."
"Er...none taken," Kasumi adopted a curiously thoughtful expression then said, "You know...it's very odd that you should say this...because I had a dream once that I seemed to be someone else, someone who wasn't very happy about her life but who felt bound by obligations and duty to the path her life was taking. I've always wondered if possibly I had another sister out there...I know it's silly, but the idea that maybe I had a twin somewhere..."
"Oh come on, Kasumi," Akane protested, "These Amazons live a couple thousand kilometers away from here on the other side of China. What are the odds that you could have a twin sister over there that the rest of us have never heard anything about?"
"Yeah," Nabiki agreed, "It's probably just some weird coincidence, like...they say everybody's got a double somewhere, so it's just a matter of random genetics."
"What is that again?" asked their father, who was just then entering the dojo bearing an armload of extra blankets.
"Oh, nothing much, Tendo-san," Ranma shrugged, "We're just discussing somebody we knew back in the Amazon village named Kachu, the daughter of Lore Master Silk..."
"Oh," Soun nodded in understanding, only to blink his eyes and say, "What...what was that name again?"
"Kachu?" Akane answered.
"Gesundheit," Nabiki facetiously teased.
"Is short for Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken," Shampoo explained, "Which-come to think of it-means 'Chestnuts Roasting on Open Fire' in you language, yes?"
"Yup," Ranma-chan agreed, "Only the Chinese version is even harder to pronounce, believe me..."
"No...uh..." Soun swallowed, "That...other name you mentioned?"
"You mean Silk?" Nabiki asked, only to blink her eyes and add, "Daddy...you're looking kind of pale all of a sudden."
"Er...yes, must be coming down with something," Soun dropped the blankets he was carrying and hastily turned around, "Good night everyone...see you in the morning!"
"Tendo-kun?" Genma reacted in surprise as his best friend came perilously close to running him down in his haste to leave the dojo.
"Ohhh...um...sorry about that, Saotome-kun," Soun darted around the heavyset man and kept on going in the direction of the house, pausing only to add, "Kasumi...do you know where that special flask of sake was being stored at?"
"In the usual cabinet, Father," Kasumi replied, only to pause for a moment before turning to Genma and asking, "Do you have any idea what is bothering him, Uncle Genma?"
"Not a clue," Genma shrugged, "What were you kids talking about just now?"
"Oh, nothin' much, Old Man," Ranma-chan said with patently false nonchalance, "Just mentioned Silk's name and Mister Tendo suddenly acted funny. You remember Silk, don't you...?"
"Ah..." Genma backed away with his eyes suddenly wider than his glasses, "Um...no, now that you mention it, never heard that name until now...um...you'll excuse me? Tendo-kun, about that sake...!"
Silence reigned in the dojo for several more moments before Nabiki said, "Okay, now I'm worried. What's this Silk woman like, and did our daddy ever have anything to do with her?"
"Can't say since it's never come up until now," Ranma-chan frowned, "But...now that you mention it, she always did seem to act like she knew Pop from somewhere...and her Japanese was pretty good...and she did mention that she once paid a visit to our country..."
"Maybe we find out later, Airen," Shampoo mused in soft resolution, "But first we tell what happen next so that Airen family no feel left out of story?"
"Yes indeed," Lum agreed, "For, you see, while I was fighting for my life and Darling was fighting to fend off having Herb for a husband, Perfume was busy trying to explain to Crow-Queen Kurama about the boy named Mousse who was available for claiming, but even as she laid things out she knew that her heart was not truly in it..."
"You are saying that he is chasing after another woman who rejects him?" Kurama scowled, "That doesn't sound too promising. Is he repulsive to look at?"
"Oh no," Perfume assured the Tengu queen, "Mousse is very handsome, and he's the strongest male warrior of his age group in our entire village."
"But not as strong as this cousin of yours whom he wants to marry," Kurama duly noted.
"Obviously not or Shampoo-cousin would have long ago been compelled to marry him," Perfume explained, "Our laws insist that we must submit to the man who can defeat us in honorable battle. This is so we can have strong babies and improve our bloodline..."
"That much I can understand," Kurama remarked with a suspicious glare, "But I am wondering, if he is as fabulous as you keep insisting, then why do you not seek him for yourself?"
"Ah..." Perfume winced, "This one...is not interested in what qualities Mousse possesses. He is...not what this one seeks in an Airen."
"But still you think him good enough for me, is that it?" Kurama scowled.
"Well...you did ask this one for a handsome male who could suit your needs," Perfume pointed out, "And he is the one that is most available. Seek him out yourself if you have any doubts over what this one is saying."
"That does make sense," Kurama nodded, "And if so, then perhaps this trip isn't wasted after all..."
"But Mistress," one of the talking Crows insisted, "Tradition says..."
"Hang with tradition!" Kurama spat, then pointed at the inebriated crow, "Or hang with him...your choice either way."
The elder Crow studied his dangling colleague who was trussed up with ropes and suspended from the floor in an upside-down position, then he came to the conclusion, "Um...on the other hand, perhaps there is a need here to adjust tradition to suit...necessary circumstances."
"I still say she's better off with the ax-chick-HIC!" the one crow being punished blandly insisted.
"Good," Kurama nodded, ignoring the comment (as well as Perfume's slightly pained expression), "Then we'll ignore the technical issue over who was responsible for waking me up and concentrate upon this terran male named Mousse to see if he is suitable for mating purposes. That way I can maintain my royal line and head on back to our home planet with a fresh new heir as is required by ancient laws governing succession."
"Er...very good, your Highness," the lead crow replied, but cautiously minced his words by adding, "But still...since this warrior was good enough to help in your revival, perhaps she ought to be involved in helping you find your mate since...she is not capable of fulfilling the duties that tradition would otherwise assign to her..."
Kurama grimaced in distaste but said, "Oh, very well, if I must bend that far to accommodate tradition," she turned to Perfume and said, "Tell us something about yourself. You say that you are named for body lotion?"
"Ah...no, this one's name is Perfume," Perfume answered, "And she is the Enforcer of the Joketsuzoku...she fulfills the will of the Elders of the council..."
"You mean you represent the law around here?" Kurama asked.
"Ah...in so far as it exists, yes," Perfume answered.
Kurama studied the other girl then said, "And what special abilities do you possess that qualifies you for your position?"
"This one..." Perfume hesitated then said, "Great-grandmother trained Perfume since she was very little, and this one possesses special talents that her grandmother says marks her as a Sentinel for her people..."
"A Sentinel?" Kurama arched an eyebrow as if to urge clarification.
"Perfume...this one...has very sensitive hearing," Perfume answered, "Very strong sense of smell and good vision. Can sense things others no can see as well...but also this one very sensitive to pain...is something of a problem that she overcomes through training."
"You are pain sensitive and have hypersensitive perceptions?" Kurama seemed interested, "Interesting...and what else can you do?"
In reply to this Perfume bowed slightly then made a quick motion with her hands and instantly summoned her broad-bladed double-axes, which caused a gasp of alarm among the crows, though Kurama only arched her eyebrow by a fraction.
"Assassin-Protect the Mistress!" the lead crow cried out in distress.
"Hold," Kurama urged without batting an eyelash as she seemed to urge Perfume to continue with her demonstration.
Perfume obliged the other woman by performing a quick kata with her axes, a few quick slicing maneuvers executed against the empty air, then she tossed them away from herself and caused them to arc sharply within the narrow confines of the spaceship, spinning once around the room before homing back towards their mistress, who caught them easily out of the air and made a formal salute towards Kurama before banishing these weapons and concluding with a double-fisted Amazon gesture.
"Very impressive," Kurama remarked as she got up from her throne-like chair and reached behind herself to pull out a leaf-like fan from concealment, "Now witness what I can do..." and with a quick motion with her fan she suddenly caused a wind to spring up, a powerful breeze that turned into a virtual whirlwind.
Perfume yelped as she found herself being picked up by the breeze, yet it felt as though gentle hands were lifting her from the floor, and Kurama rose with them, aiming a hand towards the roof, which opened up to permit them an access route for leaving the capsule. Within seconds they were airborne, and Perfume marveled at the power of flight that seemed to bear them both aloft high over the spaceship and adjoining nearby treetops, even as she fought against a mild case of panic at the thought of how high it was that they rose and the certain knowledge that she was fully at the mercy of her companion.
Then above the sounds of the wind filling her ears she heard Kurama say, "Which direction is your village, and where can we find my future mate?"
Perfume wordlessly pointed towards Joketsuzoku, and then they both drifted off towards that direction with Kurama being attended by her servant crows, seeming very much at home in the air even as Perfume silently wished that she had her feet well and properly grounded...
"And so they were off, huh?" Nabiki smirked, "So, did the plan work out and did this Kurama wind up taking one pest off your hands?"
"If only it so easy as that," Shampoo rolled her eyes in dismay.
"It sounds to me as if this Perfume regretted making her suggestion," Kasumi quietly observed.
"Aw, the pervert just wanted to make out with another girl," Akane huffed, glancing sourly out into the night as she and the others were reclined upon their makeshift bedding, "Bunch of sex crazed maniacs...Master Happy woulda loved 'em..."
"Maybe so," Ranma-chan replied, "But he ain't in this story yet...though, come to think of it, gramps does sound a bit like Cologne's old boyfriend. Looks old enough to be him...though that's probably just another coincidence."
"We is getting ahead of story, Airen," Shampoo gently chided, "First we tell how Airen Lum and Shampoo escape problems we have dealing with pesky Dragon Boy and Kachu, then we tell what happen when Perfume show Mousse to Crow girl."
"Darling is right," Lum agreed, "And I don't mind telling you it was touch and go for me since that Kachu person was a mean and determined fighter..."
Continued.
Comments/Criticisms/Oni Hunting Tips: shadowmane
How do Shampoo and Lum get out of their predicaments, and what happens when Perfume introduces Kurama to Mousse, the half-blind obsessive and village pest? Find out in Round Two of these engagements: "Seven Ways To Fry," or, "Far Enough from the Maddening Clouds," be there!
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