Title: Friend and Foe
Chapter 10: Secrets Revealed
Previously: Legolas stabs himself repeatedly, tells Aragorn that this is the only way to cure Haldir, Aragorn heals Legolas, aided by Galadriel (Arwen's granny), Aragorn walks in on Arwen and Legolas having a conversation, thinks they love each other, finds out otherwise.
…
"If anyone ever loved Arwen, it was Haldir."
…
"What!" Aragorn said hoarsely, eyes widening in shock.
"Here, sit down," Legolas said, making room for him on the pallet.
"You can't be serious," Aragorn said, dropping onto the pallet with a look of complete disbelief etched on his face
"I couldn't be more serious if I tried my level best." Legolas muttered.
Aragorn shook his head, shocked beyond imagination. Haldir? With Arwen? Could it be possible? He glanced at Legolas, and was at once assured that the Elf was not lying, not this time; his eyes had a sincerity that Aragorn could not doubt. He opened his mouth and shut it again, unsure of what to say.
Legolas looked at him with some amount of indecision. The last thing he wanted to do was to relive this painful story again, but in his heart of hearts he knew it was time for Aragorn to know the truth. "Do you want to know?" he said at last.
"Tell me," Aragorn said in a hollow voice.
Legolas opened his mouth and began to speak.
…
Year 2246, Lothlorien…
Arwen jumped off her horse gleefully. She had not been back in her mothers land five centuries. Five centuries! She had almost forgotten the beauty of the land, but she could tell that it was almost unchanged since she had seen it last."Haldir," she called, running to the familiar wooden cottage in the heart of the forest. She knocked on the door.
The Elf who opened it was her childhood friend Haldir. He gave an exclamation of joy and embraced her joyfully, "Arwen, you're back! Why didn't you write?"
"I wanted to surprise you," Arwen said laughingly, embracing her friend again.
"You certainly did!" Haldir exclaimed, laughing.
They were silent for a moment, then Haldir invited her into his home saying, "I'd better introduce you to my friend. He's staying here for a while. Legolas!" he called.
A few moments later a handsome Elf with blue eyes and blonde hair glided into the room. He looked questioningly at Haldir.
"Legolas, meet my friend Arwen. She was born here, but has lived a good part of her life in Rivendell, with her father. Arwen, this is Legolas, the Crown Prince of Mirkwood."
Legolas bowed to her, eyes twinkling as he said, "My lady, Haldir has told me so much about your legendary beauty that it would have been very hard for it to meet my expectations, but yet, extraordinarily, it does."
Arwen looked at Haldir, surprised. The latter blushed scarlet and rushed out of the room muttering something about tea. She grinned at Legolas and said, smiling, "Thank you, and it is a pleasure to meet you, my lord."
"Please call me Legolas, my lady."
"And please call me Legolas, Arwen."
"Of course, Arwen."
Arwen nodded and smiled at him again, and seated herself in a chair. A moment later, Haldir bustled in with some tea. "How long are you staying this time, Arwen?" he asked, handing her a cup.
"As long as I can- at least a few centuries, if I can manage it." she said. "It is hard to convince ada, though."
"Oh good. That gives us plenty of time to catch up," Haldir said happily.
"What about Legolas? How long are you staying?" Arwen asked.
"I'm staying indefinitely," Legolas replied.
"Which means he's staying until his ada makes him go back," Haldir said.
"Yeah, well…" Legolas said, justifying himself, "Home is always home, but I can't help loving it here. This place is so much sunnier than my homeland."
"Well that's probably why your homeland is aptly called 'Mirkwood' by some, no?" Arwen said, grinning mischievously.
Legolas felt slightly foolish. "Where are you staying while you're here?" he asked to change the subject.
"As soon as I've spent some time with my grandmother I'll come and stay here with Haldir. The Valar knows he needs the company."
"Company? This old grouch? Are you sure?" Legolas laughed and cuffed Haldir playfully around the ears.
"Yes, Legolas, I'm sure. He needs as much of my company as you do."
Both Legolas and Haldir spluttered at this. "Me? I'm a lone wolf; don't need company. Especially not a woman's company." Legolas exclaimed. He realized too late that he had been rather rude.
"Well you've met me now," Arwen said lightly, deciding not to take offence, "In a decade or two, you'll realize just how much of my company you need."
"We'll see," he replied, an incredulous smile playing about his lips.
"I daresay we shall," Arwen replied, arching an eyebrow.
…
"And she was right," Legolas said softly, looking at Aragorn, "I did need her company. I hadn't realized until then how lonely I was. I stopped being a 'lone wolf' after a year of her company. She was one of my first friends, and I always had a high regard for her."
"But you never loved her?" Aragorn asked, more than a little incredulous.
"Aragorn," Legolas said earnestly, "I never loved Arwen in that way. I loved her like a friend and a sister, but never in the way you are thinking. Ever."
Aragorn gazed at him for a moment, and then nodded, accepting this. "So…what happened between you two?" he asked, still curious. "And where does Haldir come into all this?"
"Well, Haldir and Arwen already had such a good rapport that in the next couple of centuries, their friendship deepened so much that they mistook it for love."
"Mistook?" Aragorn asked, raising his eyebrows.
"Yes, mistook. They mistook their friendship for love and ruined their lives because of it."
"Why? What happened between them?"
"What happened?" Legolas repeated fiercely, scowling at the very memory, "What happened was ridiculous, and if Arwen hadn't been so wise, I don't know what their positions would have been today."
Aragorn gave him a questioning look, and he continued the story.
…
Year 2446, Lothlorien
…
"Do you really love her, Haldir?" Legolas asked, doubtfully. "You two have been friends for so long, do you really want to ruin it by proposing to her?"
"Ruin it!" Haldir said loudly, "What do you mean- ruin it?"
"I just thought-"
"How can you even think I'd ruin it!" Haldir's voice was escalating.
"But I-"
Haldir rounded on Legolas, "You love her don't you? You don't want to see her with me. That's it, right?"
Legolas looked as though he'd been slapped in the face, "I do not love her." He said slowly and clearly, trying to emphasize each word. "And it hurts me that you should even think it. If you love her so much, then go ahead and marry her. It is nothing to me. All I'm saying is, don't hurt yourself and her because of it."
"I'm sorry," Haldir said after a moment, looking ashamed. "I shouldn't have-"
"It's alright. Don't worry about it." He paused. "Go right now and fulfill your pleasure. She's there, under the tree. She might even be waiting for you."
Haldir hesitated a moment, and then made up his mind and strode forward.
"I still think you're making a mistake," Legolas said softly when his friend was out of earshot.
…
"I wish to be your wife." Haldir said, getting down on his knees and talking very fast, "I love you very much and I want to-"
"Haldir," Arwen interrupted, "I have no objection to marrying you, but I'm not particularly crazy for you to be my wife."
Haldir flushed deep red. "Slip of tongue," he muttered, laughing nervously.
"I figured," said the other, laughing too.
There was a pause and then Haldir asked again a little anxiously, "So, you'll marry me?"
"Yes, I'll marry you, but not immediately. There's no need to rush it, is there? Leave here for five centuries and then if you still love me, I'll marry you."
"But you do love me?" Haldir said again.
"I do love you, but let's put our love to a test, okay? Do you love me enough to wait for five hundred years?"
"Of course." Haldir said.
"Then go. Now. Before I change my mind about waiting."
Haldir gave her an overjoyed look at being accepted, but walked out of the clearing a little sad at the prospect of not seeing her for the next five centuries.
He explained the situation to Legolas. "Take care of her for me," he said. "Keep her safe until I return."
Legolas shook his head, "You don't have to ask. Keep safe on your journey."
"Farewell," Haldir said, embracing Legolas. With a fleeting look at Arwen, he left the clearing.
"I still think you're making a huge mistake," Legolas whispered when he was gone.
…
"So? What went wrong?" Aragorn asked, leaning forward.
"It was just as I said," Legolas replied. "In the five centuries away from her, he experienced more of the world and realized that he did not love her. Not because he fell in love with someone else, only because he fell out of love with her."
"Just like that?" Aragorn asked incredulously.
"No, not just like that. It happened over a period of five hundred years. He must have realized that she was a friend, a sister, but never a life partner, so to speak. But Arwen was a different matter all together. My 'keeping her safe' ended up harming her in the end. She did not realize she did not love Haldir. As the two of us waited for his return together, we grew to be closer and better friends, but she never had the time to stop and think whether she really loved him. I blame myself for what happened."
"What did happen?"
"When Haldir came back, Arwen realized by the look on his face that he did not love her anymore. I was watching from the corner of the room. They gazed at each other for a full minute without speaking, and then Arwen ran out of the room. I still remember the look on her face- she was completely shattered and broken. She was gone from the house faster than you could say 'Eru.' Haldir was too shocked to do anything but stand there for some minutes.
"'You were right,' he told me finally. 'I ruined everything.' He began to weep then, so hard that I had not the heart to yell at him. I comforted him and then he went to seek her and explain. I don't know where he found her but he returned with her still, lifeless body." Legolas's voice broke, and he turned his face away. Reliving these memories was harder than he had anticipated.
"The Deathless Sleep," Aragorn said softly, not needing Legolas's affirmative nod to deduce this. He did not ask Legolas to tell more of the story, fearing that the emotional strain would take its toll on his already weak body. But the Elf continued of his own accord, suddenly feeling a driving need to finish telling the story now that he was already halfway through it.
"We knew of the disease then," he said. "We even knew of its cause. Most Elves do know, actually. But it was thought to have no cure. Haldir's guilt tore him to pieces when he realized what he had done. We tried every possible method of healing known to the Elven kind and even to mankind, but there was no cure. One of the things we tried was making a cut in her arm to let some of the 'bad blood' out. Haldir-"
"That's a myth," Aragorn interrupted, his healer's self unable to contain itself, "There's no such thing as bad blood-"
"I know, Aragorn," Legolas said wearily, "But we tried it then, because we were desperate. And of course it did not work. Haldir was so frustrated and guilty by then that he took the knife and slammed it into his finger. And then of course we noticed that she was glowing again.
"When Haldir put two and two together and realized that this was the cure, he took the knife and repeatedly stabbed himself. It was much the same as what happened yesterday. I did everything to stop him, because like you, I could not bring myself to make a choice between two friends," Aragorn's head snapped up at this unwitting admission that Legolas considered himself a friend of Aragorn's, but the Elf pretended not to notice.
"Haldir, of course, did not stop till Arwen's eyes were open," he said, "Despite the fact that I fought him tooth and nail to stop him hurting himself. They were both very weak at the end of the whole thing. Weaker than I am now," he added quickly, seeing the concerned expression on Aragorn's face.
Aragorn snorted in disbelief.
"I'm fine," Legolas insisted, prepared to do anything to get the man off his back, "As I was saying, they were very weak. I helped nurse them to health, and then had them moved to Rivendell to be healed properly. Lord Elrond was very curious and concerned about what had happened to them, but none of us told him. I think he suspected a lot, but he never found out the actual truth.
"Their healing took the better part of two years, and Arwen improved remarkably quickly, but Haldir was healing very slowly. He was still guilty about what had happened. My frustration mounted in proportion to the slowness of his healing until one day, I lost my patience."
…
Year 2947, Rivendell
…
"He is not healing as quickly as he should," Lord Elrond told Legolas worriedly, "I am beginning to wonder if he was ever making any progress at all!"
Legolas ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "I don't know what to do with him," he said, sighing deeply.
"You can try and give him back the will to live," Elrond said, giving him a shrewd look, "I understand something has happened between you three, even if you refuse to tell me what. Why don't you put the past behind you, and urge him to do the same? It seems to me that is the only way you can save him, for without the will to live, he cannot be healed, not by my hand nor anyone else's."
"I will talk to him then," Legolas said, sighing again. He hated this situation, where he was the one expected to display strength, he was the one looked to for reason. He did not have the strength everyone asked of him, for in his heart of hearts, he was frustrated, angry and hurt by some of the things Haldir had said to him in the past two years. He could not have the reason they expected him to have, because he, underneath his façade of being unaffected, was actually on the verge of breaking apart. But nevertheless, his position demanded both strength and reason of him, so he turned walked down the long corridor to the healing ward.
Haldir lay on a sheet spread on one of the white beds in the room. Though it had been newly changed that very morning, it was already beginning to stain with his blood.
Legolas's heart clenched as he saw his friends pallid, ghostly cheeks. "Haldir," he said, getting to the point at once, "Please, try to get better. Put all this nonsense behind you. Arwen has. She forgave you, or she would not have opened her eyes when you stabbed yourself like that. You know this, and I can promise you that she is ready to be friends with you again. Please, please just stop brooding and get better."
"Legolas," Haldir said, speaking with difficulty, "I still cannot love her anymore, even after all this. I…she's my dearest friend, but I cannot force myself to love her in that manner," Haldir breathed deeply, "I can't…give her what she wants…"
"She doesn't want that anymore!" Legolas's voice was escalating, tinged with frustration, "She has realized that friendship is the nature of your relationship, why can't you see that! I thought that was what you wanted."
"But Legolas, I know she still loves me-"
"She does not. She does not. How many times do I have to say it- SHE DOES NOT!" Legolas was feeling more angry and helpless by the minute. Why wouldn't Haldir listen to him?
"She does. And even if she didn't, it would never change the fact that I hurt her."
"No it wouldn't. And it never will," Legolas said harshly. He no longer had the strength to control his emotions. The words that he had wanted to say for two years spilled out of him now, blinding his reason. "If you had listened to me, we wouldn't be in this mess. If you would stop being so selfish, you would realize that you should be the one trying to heal yourself, instead I'm the one who is having to heal you! You almost ruined one life by your folly, I beg you not to ruin three!"
"If you think that, then I have nothing more to say to you, Legolas," Haldir stared at the ceiling with a characteristic deadpan expression which meant he had been hurt by Legolas's words and was refusing to show it. " I can only request you to leave, and immediately."
Legolas knew by his friend's expression that he had made a huge mistake. Instead of giving Haldir the will to live, he had taken away the last shreds of it. Knowing that one more word from him would only worsen the situation, he swung around and walked out of the room, swearing under his breath. Arwen was waiting just outside, looking pale and angry.
"You fool!" she said angrily, "You've only made it worse by blaming him!"
"I know," he said, sighing, "I'm sorry, Arwen. I am so sorry."
He was sorry, but her worry for Haldir blinded her reason, making her unable to forgive him. "You should be sorry!" she snapped, "Think what you have done! Now we must both leave, immediately. I fear that if he sees me, he'll be reminded of what you said to him just now. Besides, leaving him when he is ill will convince him that I really don't love him any longer. Maybe it will give him back the will to live."
"I think if you leave him now, he will be convinced that you hate him. And that would shatter him further." Legolas argued, unable to believe that she of all people had just suggested leaving a friend to be the best course of action.
"You don't know anything about it! I know what's best for him Legolas. I've known him far longer than you. For Valar's sake, listen to me for once and leave!"
He gave her a hurt look but because she was so worried about Haldir it was completely lost on her. He turned and walked away from her. He had made his decision and was gone from Rivendell within the hour. Arwen stayed a bit longer, but before dusk she was gone too.
…
"And that's what happened. Apparently, you arrived on the scene a few days later and healed Haldir. If it hadn't been for you, he'd have been dead now. I don't know what you did but it certainly worked." He paused for a moment and then made an admission that he had never made to anyone before, "I wandered around Middle Earth aimlessly for the next two years, growing more bitter and lonely by the day. I nearly went mad with guilt, knowing that I had probably caused Haldir's death.
"Later I returned to Rivendell's border to find out whether Haldir was well or not, and to my relief found out that he had recovered and was gone. But I was still sad at the way our friendship had seemingly ended. When I finally returned home, ada noticed how down I was. My mother died about that time, so my spirits went on a huge low, which was why he bundled me off to Rivendell in 2951 under the pretext of 'delivering a message.' And that, as you doubtless remember, was when I met you."
There was a long silence.
"So that's what your nightmares were about," Aragorn said, finally understanding, "The time when Arwen was ill and Haldir stabbed himself to save her."
Legolas nodded. He didn't say anything for a long moment, his features darkening at the very memory of those terrible nightmares. But the moment passed, and he smiled.
"I don't think I ever got to thank you for that broth, or apologize for my behavior when I first ate it," he said, "I will admit now that it actually was delicious."
"Thank you," Aragorn replied, returning the smile. "Why did you get so angry when I sang that song?"
Legolas looked a little sheepish, "It was Haldir's favorite. I couldn't bear to be reminded of him at that point, so I jumped down your throat. I'm truly sorry."
"It's alright, don't worry," There was another silence. Then Aragorn asked something he'd been puzzled about for a long time, "What the hell was going on with the apple in Arwen's room?"
"Arwen has an unhealthy habit of blaming herself for things that are not her fault," Legolas said with a small sigh, "I'm sure you just heard from our conversation. When she saw Haldir, she at once assumed that it was she who hurt him, so she offered us apples so that she could 'accidentally' cut herself with the knife and see if she really was the one who hurt him. I realized what she was going to do. It made me feel terrible, that someone so completely blameless could possibly think that they were the one at fault. I guess I kind of…lost it."
"You can say that again!" Aragorn exclaimed, very surprised by this revelation. He shook his head in amazement as he realized that most of Legolas's eccentricities that entire year had been justified by the crazy story he had just told. "I'm sorry for all the things I have done amiss this year, and I want to-" he said.
"It's alright," Legolas interrupted him with a smile, "Don't worry about it."
"No, I want to be certain that when I walk away from this clearing, you will not be whispering something I cannot hear. Do you seriously forgive me everything, Legolas?"
"I forgive you everything, Estel. I only hope you can forgive me all the things I've said and done amiss. And I have a lot to ask forgiveness for."
"You don't have to ask forgiveness, for it seems that you had reasons for being bone-headed after all, unlike me."
"I can't believe it. That is the first time anyone has ever called me a bone-head," Legolas said in mock-outrage.
"It won't be the last either."
"We'll see about that," Legolas answered, pursing his lips.
"Oh, we will!" Aragorn promised, laughing at the expression on Legolas's face. They lapsed into silence. For the first time in their memory it was not uncomfortable, but bordering on being companionable. It was because of this that Aragorn found the nerve to ask a question he had wanted to ask for a very long time, "Now that it is clear that neither you nor Haldir actually love Arwen," he said, trying not to blush, "Is there any hope left for me?"
"I will be honest with you, Aragorn," Legolas said softly. "I do not like the idea of Arwen getting swept into another relationship. And I do not like the idea of her being hurt again, because if she does end up with you, that is what will happen, because you are mortality. Even if you do absolutely nothing to hurt her, the fact that you're a Man eventually will.
"But, to be fair, I must also say that I noticed that when Arwen spoke about you in our conversation, her eyes lit up with a life I have not seen since she succumbed to the Deathless Sleep years ago. If you are the only thing that will ever give that light to her eyes again, then suffice it to say that I prefer Arwen to spend one happy lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone. Just…promise me something."
"What?"
"Don't even think of proposing for a few decades, okay?"
"Okay," Aragorn said, his face breaking into a joyful smile. He could not help being happy that Legolas was not going to hold his love for Arwen against him. "Thank you," he said.
"For what?"
"For not blowing up like you usually do."
"You're most welcome," Legolas smiled, his lips quirking, "But I have another favor to ask of you. I'm afraid that you must leave here."
"What!" Aragorn yelped in surprise, "Why!"
" Because Haldir will not like the fact that I told you our secret. It has been a closely kept one for a long time and it must remain so. I know, and I'm sure he knows that your discretion can be trusted, but he needs a friend he can go to with whom he does not share this dark past, and he will lose that if he finds out that you know.
"There is something else, too. When Haldir wakes, we well never speak about this subject again. We will both let bygones be bygones, and make a fresh start without saying so in words. It's the nature of our friendship. Your being here will complicate matters immensely. You know you needn't worry for our health. There are competent enough healers in Lorien to care for both of us. You can leave in good conscience if you leave now."
"Leave in good conscience?" Aragorn said loudly, "Lie to my friend and leave in good conscience?"
"You won't be lying!" Legolas said sharply, "You'll be doing him a far greater service by leaving than by staying!"
"Fine," Aragorn said, suddenly feeling tired. He could not muster the energy to argue with Legolas anymore. "You win," he said, "I leave."
Legolas looked hurt. "It has nothing to do with me winning. I'm not trying to drive you away, Estel. After all I've just found a good friend in you, why would I want to lose you? I'm only trying to do what's best for Haldir."
"I'm sorry," Aragorn apologized after a moment, "I know you are right, I just hate admitting it."
"I know you do," Legolas sighed, "I would be too, if I was in your position."
They sat in silence for a while. Legolas yawned suddenly, tired by the ordeal of telling the story.
Aragorn noticed this and rose saying, "I'd better be off now, before Haldir sees me. Farewell, mellonamin." He walked towards the entrance of the clearing, and turned suddenly as he remembered something. "Legolas," he said softly, "Write to your father. Explain why you cannot come. And offer him whatever comfort you can. He will need it."
The Elf looked at him, surprised and touched by this. His brother's death had never been far from his own thoughts, but he had thought that after all this, Aragorn would have quite forgotten about it. He is a friend worth dying for, he thought fondly, but aloud he said, "I will write to him, Estel. Thank you for your concern."
"Goodbye then, Legolas. I hope we'll see each other sometime."
A smile played about the Elf's lips. "I'm sure we will," he said.
…
THE END
Important dates for this story:
Year 2246- they meet
Year 2446- Haldir propses
Year 2946- Haldir returns, Arwen ill, Arwen cured.
Year 2946-2947- Legolas argues.
Year 2947- Haldir ill.
Year 2947-2948- Haldir heals in Rivendell
Year 2948- Aragorn leaves with Elladan and Elrohir.
Year 2951- Aragorn returns (beginning of the story) and meets Legolas.
Year 2953- searching for Legolas
2955- Haldir ill, finding Legolas.
2955-56- searching for cure
Hey guys! Happy Valentines Day. I hope those of you with girlfriends and boyfriends had loads of fun. Which is more than you can say for me, sitting here and studying history.
I'm sorry I took so long, but this chapter turned out a lot longer than expected, and it took a long time for me to be satisfied with it completely. It was actually done a week ago.
Sequel pans:
I was thinking of two sequels actually. Since my exams start on March first (I just realized, that's Aragorn's birthday. Yay!) I can't promise you quick updates so I think I'll do this:
A story about how Aragorn and Legolas get to know each other really well after they meet in Rivendell for the Council of Elrond. It'll be a set of incidents (kind of) with very few cliffhangers. The bad news is that it won't have Haldir except in the Lothlorien and Helm's Deep parts. So, what do you say.
The second option is a really angsty fic (which will be set after the War of the Ring) which I'm still working on. And which will have loads of cliffies. I could do both simultaneously after my exams, because the first fic will be really long. What d'you say, guys? Will you read?
Thank you to all my lovely reviews, especially the new ones who were all very complimentary. Hope to see you again! And thanks to Lindahoyland and Haldir's Heart and Soul, too! Haldir's Heart and Soul- Are you going to be there next fic. I mean, Haldir won't be there for a lot of the fic, so will you be there?