Yes, I am fully aware of all the knives and daggers being thrown at my head. My life has been insane, and so extremely crazy that I've had no time to write. I just got home and after a long day of performances, changed into pajama pants and a hoodie, and crawled onto my couch with my iTouch. I read the last of a fanfic I was on, and then thought long and hard about how I would start this chapter, because honestly, I haven't the slightest idea how this is all going to work out. Okay, I'm lying. I do have a slight idea, but it's very slight. But I've decided to skip most of the filler of the poker night and go straight to Klaine progress. I'd like to think of this as chapter 9 part 2.
It was 10-o-clock. There was a fairly large group of twenty or so boys hovering around a table in the study lounge. They had been playing a vigorous game of poker for hours. Kurt, Blaine, Wes, Jeff, and David were the only left in the game, with poker chips stacking high on all of their sides. Kurt looked down at his hand to realize he had quite possibly the worst group of cards ever. He had been putting poker faces on for about six hours now, and the game was honestly getting a little old.
"Okay, I think I'm done here." Kurt said, flipping his cards down on the table and standing up.
"Oh c'mon! It's too soon for you to leave!" Wes said, putting on a pouty face.
"Wes, we've been playing for six hours, leave the poor boy alone." Jeff said, placing a hand on Wes's shoulder. Kurt sent an appreciative smile at Jeff while Wes slumped down in his chair, careful to hide his cards while doing so. Kurt waved goodbye to everyone at the table and Blaine's head jumped up as he saw Kurt walk away.
"Where are you going?"
"I think I'm just going to walk around for a while."
"Alright." Blaine looked back down at his cards and Kurt sighed as he walked out of the crowded room. Kurt walked into the hallway to found himself in the same ghostly hallway from the other night. He walked towards the foyer, looking down at his feet as he walked. Blaine asking him where he was going was the first thing he had said to him in three hours. Every time he made eye contact with Blaine, Blaine looked away, as if he had a secret to keep from his best friend. Kurt felt heaviness in his chest as a wave of emotions swept over him. He kept walking towards the stairwell and tilted his head back. He stared blankly into the sky, trying to keep the tears from falling. He sat on the bottom steps, and rested his head in his hands. It must have been because of Tom. Blaine had to know how Kurt felt about him, so he just felt guilty about having stronger feelings for Tom. After all, that does explain why he couldn't look at him for more than three seconds.
"Oh god, I'm really losing him." Kurt whispered to himself. He lowered his head back into his hands, running his fingers through his hair. Kurt stared at the ground, feeling two drops fall from his eyes to the stone floor below. He sat there for about five minutes, gazing at the floor and thinking about how much he hated how he felt towards Blaine. Everything would be so much simpler if he didn't feel the need to be more than friends. He wondered if he would ever feel for someone else like the felt for Blaine. He thought back to what Burt and his mother had before she died. They were so happy. They loved each other more than anything. Why can't I be happy? Kurt's thoughts brought him back to the funeral and the look on his father's face as they lowered his mother into the ground. He looked so miserable, like the one person he would ever love was leaving forever. But that wasn't true, he found Carol, he fell in love again. Maybe I'll fall in love again. Oh. I fell in love with him… didn't I? I let myself fall in love with my best friend, of course it wouldn't work out. God, I'm such a hopeless fucking romantic. Nice hormones, are you happy with yourselves? Now I have to sit alone in a freaking dorm torturing myself while Blaine goes out on numerous dates. Kurt could hear footsteps coming from the hallway and looked up. He let out the breath he had been holding when he saw who it was, he retreated his head back to his hands, refusing to make eye contact with the boy.
"Kurt…what's wrong?" Kurt heard the other person sit down next to him, and put an arm around his shoulder. Kurt began to tense, trying to hold all of his emotions inside. But when he thought about who was sitting next to him, all he could do was shed tears out of discontentment and grief. He pulled his legs up two steps so he could hide his face in his knees. He never felt so defenseless in his life.
Blaine scooted closer to Kurt on the tile steps, hugging Kurt tight, trying to soothe him so he could talk. He rubbed Kurt's upper arm soothingly with his thumb and rested his head on his back. "It's me, Kurt, you can trust me. Tell me what's wrong."
"You have no idea." Kurt whispered in a hoarse voice. He lifted his head from out of his knees and looked at Blaine. He had so much concern in his eyes. But Kurt couldn't help but notice that he was breathing heavily, and he saw an amount of anxiety in his face. He still couldn't look at Blaine for long without beginning to sob, and he buried his face back into his hands. Blaine shifted himself so that he was closer to Kurt, holding him tighter, with Kurt pressing against his leg.
"Kurt, you know I love you. I care about you so much. Please–just tell me—you can trust—"
"Please don't say that." Kurt cut Blaine off firmly, lifting his face from his tear stained jeans. "It only makes things worse."
"But I mean it, Kurt," he lifted his hand and swept Kurt's hair out of his eyes, "from the bottom of my heart." Kurt looked away from Blaine, staring at the ground from a minute. "Kurt—"
"Do you really like him?" Kurt still didn't look at Blaine. "Do you have feelings for Tom?" he repeated.
Blaine hesitated before talking. "I used to, but it was all physical." He let out a shaky breath and looked into Kurt's eyes. "But that's not the reason I went out with him."
Oh god, here we go. Kurt closed his eyes and tried to mentally prepare himself for Blaine's love story about how he was meant for Tom. "Why then." He looked into Blaine's eyes, telling himself he could handle what he thought Blaine was about to say.
There was another pause filled with heavy breathing before Blaine spoke up again. "Last night, when you came into the dorm—"
Kurt's eyes widened at the mention of the forgotten night. Shit, what did I do?
"—you said that you didn't act out on your feelings, because you were scared. I—I'm scared too, Kurt. I was afraid that I'd—that I would screw us up. I was terrified of ruining what we have, because what we have is beautiful—and I can't imagine ever being without you." Kurt inhaled and looked at Blaine, not being able to believe what he was saying. "I realized that I had these feelings for you, feelings that I was too afraid to act on, so I pushed them to the side. And you moving in made these feelings—somehow deeper."
Kurt was barely breathing
"When I met Tom, I thought that I found a loophole. I thought he could save our friendship, because I hadn't been attracted even slightly to anyone else but you for such a long time. I thought that maybe what I felt for you were just these fucking teenage hormones, but—"
Ohmygodohmygodohmygod.
Blaine chuckled nervously, staring back at Kurt. "It's not. Going on that date was absolutely terrible. All I could think of the whole time was how much better the night would be if I was with you. I just—I'm so fucking sorry for what I've done to you—how I've played with your emotions." Blaine cupped Kurt's cheek in his hand and wiped a tear away with his thumb. A moment passed in silence as they stared at each other. "Kurt—please say something—anything."
Kurt turned towards Blaine and spoke ten seconds later. "I—I think I might be in love with you." Kurt felt himself blush and looked down at the floor. A hand reached up for his other cheek and the next thing he knew, his and Blaine's lips were pressed together. Kurt tilted his head into the kiss and felt his tension dissolve over Blaine. It felt so natural. This was all he ever wanted, and he'd never felt more at home. Blaine was his home.
Blaine thought about squinting his eyes, to test if he felt anything, but he didn't have to. He was overwhelmed with a sense of belonging and warmth. He sighed as felt the texture of Kurt's lips on his own. They continued to kiss for about three minutes, neither of them wanting to break away from the other. Kurt was the first to pull away and Blaine whimpered at the loss of contact. Kurt leaned his forehead against Blaine's and smiled.
"This is where we first met." He said, looking into Blaine's eyes.
"I know." Blaine said as he smiled even more brightly than Kurt, and leaned in for another kiss.
Blaine and Kurt were sitting on Blaine's bed, against his headboard. Kurt was leaning against Blaine chest as they talked about how they couldn't believe this was happening, stopping every now and then to kiss one another.
"Remember when you missed school that whole week?"
"You mean last week?" Kurt said chuckling at his boyfriend.
"Yeah—last week." He said smiling, then kissing Kurt chastely.
"Yes, I remember."
"Well, there was this song that I found that I was dying to play to you, but I couldn't, considering we were just pals." Blaine smiled into Kurt's lips. Kurt grinned and nodded to Blaine.
"Go ahead, serenade me." Blaine got his guitar out and sat on the desk chair, facing Kurt, who was now sitting Indian style on the bed. Blaine began to pick at the strings as he slowly started the song.
I've been wondering just how many more days
'Til I see your face
I don't quite know just how to fill this space
Where you used to lie
And I'm aching and I'm breaking inside
And it's all because of you
And it's all because of you
I fall because of you
And I'm all because of you
I don't know just how long I can wait
To see you smile again
I've been wondering just how long I can stay awake
Before my eyes start to bleed
Now I'm aching and I'm breaking inside
And it's all because of you
And it's all because of you
I fall because of you
And I'm all because of you
Blaine played the last notes on the guitar and looked up at Kurt. Kurt sprang up from the bed, leaping at Blaine and kissing him hard on the mouth. Blaine's eyebrows raised at the sudden passion in Kurt's kiss. He put his guitar down on the floor, not breaking contact with Kurt's mouth. They were both standing in the middle of the room with their arms around each other, kissing frantically. Blaine crept his tongue from the inside of his mouth, to Kurt's bottom lip. Kurt moaned at the feeling, the sound feeding Blaine's desire even more. Blaine pushed Kurt on to his bed, leaning and plunging his tongue into Kurt's mouth.
If you don't review I'll probably cry.