So Chandler returned to New York alone, feeling lonely yet relieved. It seemed as though a huge burden had been lifted off his shoulders with his confession, and at least Joey had not totally rejected him. They were still friends, and Joey cared enough about him to worry about his health and happiness.

Chandler wondered how he could survive, knowing that he'd never see Joey face to face again. Knowing that the most he'd get would be a daily phone call to make sure that he wasn't smoking. Maybe an occasional update on whether Joey had found somebody new to love.

In London, Chandler had slept with Monica to try to move on from Joey (who was seducing a bridesmaid at that time). But there was no use in that. He loved Joey, and always would. So Chandler just did his best to make Monica happy in their relationship, and to learn how to commit to her. He'd even married her and agreed to give her a baby.

But having Joey around helped Chandler withstand Monica's bossiness and other unpleasant qualities. (Such as her tendency to forget that she had a husband, when he was away in Tulsa, or even at a damn play.) Joey was the sweet and pleasant buffer that made his life bearable, and he'd always hoped that when he and Monica moved to a house in the suburbs that Joey would come with them, either as a bachelor living in an apartment over their garage, or as a married man living in a neighboring house with his own family.

Sadly, that dream seemed unlikely now, and Chandler had to learn to live on phone calls, and the memory of one wonderful night in his arms.

Back in New York, Chandler informed the gang at his apartment that Joey was okay, but not coming home. "He says he's sorry for leaving us so suddenly, but he didn't want to get phased out slowly like Kip."

"Oh, Kip!" Rachel nodded knowingly. She too had feared getting phased out once, during the aftermath of Ross's marriage to Emily.

Chandler still hated Rachel, and wished that she was indeed getting phased out. But he bit his lip and shrugged. "Anyway, Joey said he's gonna stay in L.A. to get over the breakup and find someone else to fall in love with."

"Well that's good," Ross said. "At least he's not pining away. Did you tell him how terrible we still feel about hurting him? And how much we miss him?"

Rachel nodded. "Yeah, and Emma sure misses her Uncle Joey, doesn't she? Doesn't she?" She played with Emma on her lap and spoke in that annoying baby talk voice.

Chandler was disgusted with her, and wondered if she'd ever really loved Joey or if it was only lust combined with her fear of having to raise Emma alone, since she and Ross weren't going anywhere at the time. Chandler could never actually say this theory out loud, of course.

"Chandler?" Ross prompted, since he hadn't spoken for a bit. With a glance at Monica, he asked Chandler, "Are you okay with Joey staying in L.A.? You're not, um, upset or anything?"

Chandler shrugged. "No. It's what he wants. I was worried, and missing him, and..." He cleared his throat and changed the subject. "If, uh, if any of you guys have noticed my trembling a little bit, it's because I'm trying to quit smoking now."

"Oh really?" Phoebe asked.

Chandler said, "Yeah, um, Joey told me that I should quit, and I haven't had a cigarette since I checked into the hotel. So, um, if you guys could help me out for how ever long it takes to kick the habit again, I'd appreciate it."

"Oh, of course!"

"Finally!"

"We were getting worried about you and those cancer sticks."

They quickly offered him the latest nicotine patches and gum, as if they'd been carrying them about for weeks, not sure how to get Chandler to listen to them. Rachel also pulled out a hypnosis tape, saying, "Now this time, I checked and made sure that it said, "man" not "woman".

Chandler thanked them all, then got up and went to put his bags into the master bedroom. Monica followed him and shut the door. "Does this mean you're not staying in the guest room anymore?"

"Oh, um, I'm sorry about that, Mon. It's just, you know, you're pregnant and shouldn't be breathing in the smoke."

Was that the only reason? Monica still had her doubts. "So Joey convinced you to quit, huh?"

Chandler nodded and began unpacking. "Yeah, and he's gonna call to check on me too. He's--he's still my friend," he said, more to himself than to her.

"Of course he is."

"Anyway, you still want to turn the guest room into a nursery, right? Because I guess I could help out with that and get some distraction from this nicotine withdrawal."

"That would be good," Monica said. She came forward slowly and hugged him tenderly. He didn't pull away, like he had been doing a lot lately, and she felt relieved. Maybe she'd been worried for nothing. Maybe their sex life would go back to normal.

Chandler just closed his eyes and sighed. He pretended that Joey was touching him and comforting him again. If he focused enough, he could pretend that Monica was Joey when they had sex, and that would bring him some small comfort. It wasn't perfect, but it was the best he could do.

Later, Chandler visited the birds at the zoo and told them the news as well. "I found Joey."

The rooster crowed as if to say, "Hooray!"

The duck quacked, "Why do you look so sad?"

"He's not gonna come home."

They expressed their disappointment and asked why.

"Well, he wants to get over Rachel and find some other woman to settle down with."

"Rachel, Schmachel! It's you he loves."

"No, he doesn't. Not like that."

The duck waddled around skeptically. "Come on! Rachel is just another name for Chandler. All it's missing is the N and the D."

"No, no! That's just dumb word games. Tricks my mind plays on me. Like me talking to you guys."

They indignantly quacked and clucked some more, but Chandler got up and left in a hurry. Maybe he was going crazy from heartbreak and lack of nicotine. Maybe he should delegate these weekly visits to Phoebe, at least until he was cured of the smoking.

If only there was a cure for unrequited love as well.