Chapter 666

Now you may not have heard the news lately but apparently the Demon Apocalypse has begun. I know because Yuki told me just now.

Now I find myself back in the clubroom with a very melancholy Miss Suzumiya and a cosplaying waitress who is just up to her usual nervous, tea-making self.

But somebody's missing from our little gang of weirdos. That's right, the wonderful Esper named Koizumi seems to have fallen ill today or found himself in some sort of misadventure. But from the look on everyone else's face, I don't think the last place anybody would wanna be in the face of a possible Demon Apocalypse is in school.

But here we are, fulfilling Haruhi's duty in order to maintain some sanity in this world she created.

But seriously Haruhi why don't you try cheering up? You're acting way out of character here.

"What're you looking at Kyon?" The Goddess lifts half her head off the desk and gives me a scornful glare.

"I just thought something was troubling you." I'm not sure when I started caring about Haruhi's feelings – I mean she hasn't been given any awards for caring about others herself. But I guess Haruhi's had it a bit rough lately, what with being assaulted by a mutant tree and half digested by a demon crane.

"What do you care Kyon? Just leave me alone."

Ouch Haruhi...For some reason that actually hurt a little.

"Why do you think all those strangely dressed men are outside?" Our team mascot shakily placed our fresh cups of tea down.

"It is nothing of our concern." Our team alien computer robot loli answered from the corner, satiating herself in another piece of Earthian literature.

This would normally be the moment where Haruhi jumps up on the desk and says something like, 'maybe they're looking for aliens who've landed on earth and snatched our bodies' before rubbing up next to Miss Asahina and adding another page to the list of violations she has committed against her.

Well I'm sorry to disappoint, but Miss Suzumiya wasn't in the mood for that kind of behaviour today. Instead she rolled her head towards the window, exhaled in a long sigh before sliding out her chair and standing up, still facing the window before turning around and heading straight towards the door...that's right, she was giving herself an early mark from the clubroom today!

"You guys can go home or whatever, club's dismissed." She said in a very droll tone. I caught a glimpse of her eyes which were as dead as the Dead Sea when she brushed past, departing the clubroom with nothing else left to say.

With the real agent of potential worldwide destruction gone, Yuki proceeded to remind me to, "Make sure you watch it." for the DVD she gave me just last night.

Poor Miss Asahina. The adorable little time traveller doesn't seem any closer to knowledge about these demons than Yuki or myself. She looks at us with an expression of teary eyed confusion. Yeah, perhaps its best if our innocent cosplaying time-traveller is spared from the harsh realities of demons and Devilkyons.

"You should also speak to Miss Suzumiya." Yuki added another suggestion to her growing list of demands (it's already risen by 100 percent!). "She may become aware of her powers."

But surely that's a good thing. Maybe she'll learn to control her behaviour if she knows she can bring about all our deaths with one stupid dream or wish.

"If Haruhi realises that she is responsible for causing the arrival of these Demons, then it would cause a universal anomaly in the space-time continuum." Hmm that doesn't sound very good either. Well I guess I better go talk to the blue Goddess then.

…

As I reach into my shoe locker I hear somebody's footsteps approaching. "'Sup Kyon?"

Guess it was about time he made his appearance...

"Oh hey Taniguchi," I crane my neck around the corner of the shoe lockers. "Where's Kunikida?"

Throwing his jacket over his shoulder, Taniguchi lets out a huge sigh. "Oh he's been hanging around this girl lately. I think they might be serious for each other..." He shakes his head as though regretting something. "Seriously Kyon, who'd of thought out of our trio, he'd be the first one to get hooked up like that huh?"

Yeah...Well the trick is that he actually treats girls as human beings Taniguchi. "Yeah well good for him I guess."

The self-claimed class playboy nudges his elbow into my ribs. "You better try and get yourself in with Haruhi or Miss Asahina sooner or later, otherwise you'll be left behind dude."

I will date Miss Asahina when I feel the the time is right thank you very much! "Meh...They're just guys I hang out with in the clubroom."

Taniguchi's gaze suddenly hardens as he lowers his brow. "By the way, did those guys check over you too this morning?"

"Oh well uh, yeah I think so...I mean it was just a brief pat down and I was alright."

Taniguchi crossed his arms and lowered one eyebrow down even further. "Apparently a virus which makes people go all crazy and violent has been running rampant around the city since last night. There's already talks that schools and businesses will have to shut until the epidemic clears."

Could the number of demons have risen that quickly!-? "Taniguchi, have you seen Koizumi around lately?"

"Huh?" Taniguchi gives me a puzzled glare. "Oh him? Nah, has he been playin' hooky lately or something?"

"Yeah he has..." I say with a lower tone.

"Perhaps Miss Suzumiya is going out after the truant, I just saw her leaving the school gates a few minutes ago."

"Really? Thanks for letting me know Taniguchi." I quickly slip on my outdoor shoes whilst holding my indoor shoes between my neck and chest. "Oh and one more thing..." I quickly turn back to him for a moment. "You weren't diagnosed with the virus right?"

With a brief shake of his head I was free to go, at least I wouldn't have to worry about messing my claws to kill another – well let's just say comfortable acquaintance of mine...

…

As I ran towards the school gates, the gateway was quickly closed off by a dozen white-coated men, they were giving me hand signals and holding their palms out for me to stop. Some of them even gripped their rifles in case they needed to use them on a rebellious student like me.

"Hang on there kid, we just need to give you another check up before you leave school." One of the masked men said with a muffled voice.

But if they were to find out I was a Devilkyon, would they be able to tell the difference? Or would they just throw me in the same basket and treat me as the other demons?

"It's alright young man." Another one steps forward, hardly giving me any comfort either with that assault rifle strapped around his shoulders. "If you were all clear coming in here we don't have any need to worry about you contracting anything in school, we just have to be extra cautious at the moment okay?"

Guns.

Masks.

Soldiers.

Demons.

I haven't even seen the stupid movie yet, but I'm guessing this must be the part where everyone goes ballistic, accusing their neighbours and colleagues of being demons and then 'KRRRRKKKCCCKKK' they're ain't no trial for where those guys are heading.

The guy grabs my wrist and holds down quite violently. "Now this'll only take a minute so please stay calm."

How can I stay calm when you're about to blow my whole cover as a half-demon? One guy snaps on a white rubber glove and flexes his fingers a little.

That does it for it me...With or without my identity revealed or hidden I am not getting that sort of thing done to me again!

I swat the man away from me as my arm mutates into its beastly form. As the spike break through my skin and my jaw widens with sharper teeth the other soldiers immediately tremble, aiming their rifles, contemplating whether to kill a young man or not?

But I don't have time for these moral minefields. I've gotta find Haruhi. And watch this DVD Miss Nagato gave me. So I'll help you guys down there with your decision, by flying the heck outta here!

"STOP HIM!" They all begin spraying their bullets into the sky. I curl in my right wing for a shield but the bullets are soon breaking through making Swiss cheese of my bat wings.

"AGH!" I growl in pain as a rogue bullet strikes through my right shoulder. I bite my lower lip as I push off the air with my left wing, awkwardly flying away from the demon inquisition forces.

Now where is that moody Goddess ran off too? As I scour the urban labyrinth from the sky like an infinite vantage point, I spot a girl wearing a yellow hairband walking towards a railway crossing. She still seems to have a glum expression masking over her.

"Haruhi." I try and parachute my demon form down towards her position. But when she takes her gaze upwards I shriek as I quickly revert back to my human form, dropping at least ten metres until my right elbow crashes onto the concrete.

And yes...It really-really...really hurt.

"AGGHHH!" I suck my teeth as I clutch my possibly broken right arm.

"What're you doing Kyon." The crunching footsteps and rather annoyed sounding tone of Haruhi is heard behind my back.

"Oh hehe..." I rise to my feet pretending to shrug off the pain. "Agh-uh um, well I thought I might just have a quick chat."

Haruhi's eyes seem to darken under the veil of shadow, she averts her gaze from me as she brushes past. But just as she reaches for the boomgate I grab her wrist. She pauses and turns, with the sun descending behind her giving the melancholy teenage girl an orange glow. Her mouth lowers as though she wants to express shock or disgust or confusion or maybe some other form of emotion that hasn't been invented yet.

Now things become somewhat clearer as teeth gnaw together, revealing a scowl. Her hair virtually stands up as she swings back her other arm, her hand on a homing course for my cheek.

But without diverting my gaze I hold out my free arm. Blocking her slap as her expression turns back into shock. Her eyes widen and I sense her trembling as she manipulates her lips into one word. "Kyon?"

"Haruhi...we need to talk and...OWCH!" Now realising the foolishness of using my right arm to block her strike I show my mortal weakness again.

I loosen my grip on her wrist as she slips away, turning her back from me. After a long drawn out pause, she finally opens out with something. "Recently, strange things have been happening around here..."

"Yeah I know..." I sigh finding no way of getting around these odd events.

She half turns her head towards me, revealing a very blue looking eye. "I think...I might have done something to spark all these weird things happening."

Does this mean Haruhi is becoming aware of her powers? "Now that's not really true. I mean bad things happen to everyone, we can't control-"

"DON'T LIE TO ME KYON!" And just to make that outburst even more telling, the boomgates fell down as the alarm kept ringing out, adding more tension to this sudden awkwardness I was experiencing. What was I meant to say or do now? Did Haruhi manage to piece together that crappy movie and the sudden occurrence of demons in the city? Or did Haruhi know this would result from her terrible home cinematic experience? What if...she used that DVD as an experiment, to confirm her own powers?

My thoughts are drowned out by the passing of a heavy passenger train, screeching and rolling it's way towards another node of metropolis. Shadow and light keep wiping over Haruhi's tear stricken body. And when the train finally passes and the boomgates rise again, Haruhi's tears are aggressively crushed as she shuts her eyes and turns away from me once again, storming across the railway crossing shrinking away from my vision the further away she walks down the road.

Okay. I'm all out of ideas. Was this the part in the movie where the demon and human couple have relationship problems or something? Was I suppose to just let her walk away and cool off for a while or was I meant chase after her and bring her in for a- well I don't know which option I'm supposed to take, it's like being through one of those corny choose-your-own-adventure novels which usually sell for about 200 yen outside a crusty old bookstore or those corny visual novels which end up being adapted into an insane Norwegian-boat Anime

I think I need to refer to the instructional DVD now...

…

"Hey Kyon's back home!" My little sister runs down the stairs holding Shamisen in one arm. "Mum's been waiting for you to come back home so we can start dinner Kyon, I'm hungry 'cos of you!" My little sister tries to attack me with her windmill fist but I manage to keep her out of attack range by holding onto her tiny forehead. "Oh! You big meanie!"

"Yeah-yeah, just tell Mum to leave mine in the fridge for later." I start heading upstairs as I hold onto the DVD. "I've got to do a test on this movie tomorrow."

"'Kay~!"

…

When I reach my den I throw off my backback and crack open the DVD case revealing a shoddy looking pirated disc with a green looking demon holding out his elbow in some dodgy defensive pose. He looks a lot like me when I'm Devilkyon.

"So this is the crappy movie which started it all huh?" I say to myself as I rest the DVD onto the disc tray, pressing the button to close the tray and start the movie. "Two hours was it?" I try and recall from Haruhi's film review on this. "Well even if it's crap, it's a break from study at least..."

Now I could go through the various emotions and physical process I was undergoing the two hours of this 'cult-hit classic' but there was probably just a few thought bubbles worth quoting here:

'This...really is awful...'

'Why is there a fat black guy reading the news in Japan?'

'Oh that was just like when I fought Tsuruya as Sirenyoron.'

'That guy's a total douche.'

And then...

'Whoah hang on! That's messed up! She wasn't even a demon and that mob just...'

Oh and of course:

'The final battle scene's really corny...Worst CGI ever.'

'I didn't even watch the damn OVA series and I can tell this they crapped all over it with this remake!'

'Well, that's a pretty sad ending then...'

If I were Haruhi, I can understand why I would want to go all World War III on my DVD player too. That was the most dreadful piece of piss that could ever call itself a movie ever. At least Twilight had an excuse for being a piece of rectal examination but Devilman is inexcusable! Now the way things are going, a Demon hunting lynch mob is probably going to start spreading around the city.

"We have trouble."

"GAH!" Yuki suddenly appears outside my window. "How the crap did you get up to my window? And for that matter, how do you know where I live?"

"Miss Suzumiya is in grave danger." Yuki's words, even without the slightest fluctuation in urgency were enough to spark my Devilkyon senses. I jumped to my feet and very nearly ripped off my window. "It can't all be happening this fast! Right?"

Yuki answers with the faintest of a lowering of her head into a nod. "The consequential events arising from Miss Suzumiya's viewing of that film have increased in pace since she has become aware of her power to influence the world."

"But then that would mean-"

"IT'S THE DEMONS! KILL THE DEMONS!" Fire and pitchforks rise over the cityscape as buildings are set alight and houses ransacked for citizens deemed to be carrying the demon gene. Hordes of screaming citizens carry their sounds across the city as a cacophony of anarchy and chaos ensues. I should have realised this was going to happen a lot sooner. If I had just watched the stupid movie a lot sooner I could have foreseen this coming – it's so damn predictable that I wish I could just eat my own hand cursing my fallacy in this phenomenon.

"Kyon! I'm scared!" My little sister's crying voice arrives behind the door. "All these angry people are walking down the street! What should we do?"

"Stay inside the house!" I urge my little sister. "Don't let anybody inside whatever you do!"

"Miss Suzumiya-"

"I know Yuki I know dammit but why didn't you tell me this was what happens in the movie?"

With a few thought data processing blinks she briefly answers. "Telling you about a speculated event would not have convinced you enough to save Miss Suzumiya. Therefore it was necessary to provide you with sufficient data so you could confirm corresponding events for yourself."

"But now Haruhi's probably in real trouble! If I had known earlier I still would have-"

"You're disposition towards Miss Suzumiya would not have driven you to express concern for her unless you were confident she was in actual danger."

"Dammit Miss Nagato then I've just gotta fly over ands rescue her right?"

"That would be the highly recommended response." The little robot girl answers.

"Right! I'm coming Miss Suzumiya!" I summon my wings as I soar over the night sky, looking down at a city in flames. Scorched earth and blood sweeps across the landscape, painting the city in hues of orange and red. But somewhere in this shoddy movie turned reality is Haruhi's place. I zero in on her location, diving down like a kamikaze pilot.

"Miss Suzumiya are you alr-" When I finally land outside the burning wreckage that was her house I'm immediately confronted with a wall of fierce eyes. They are not demons, but humans driven to insanity by the demon threat. With their tongues lashing out for blood and their kitchen utensils and garden tools brandished like swords and spears I freeze up, losing all feeling in my body when I'm confronted with my true nightmare. God I knew the S.O.S brigade had been responsible for some crazy shit in the past...but I never knew it would come to this devastating point.

I could see Haruhi now, she was clearly visible waving above the angry crowd, that is at least, her head impaled on the end of a long stick...

I was too late...And judging by Haruhi's blank white eyes and gaping mouth, permanently locked in an expression of sudden shock...My lateness had presented me with the ultimate penalty...Miss Suzumiya would never be able to forgive me now...

Kyon: Why? Just why?

TM: What do you mean why? Haven't you watched Amon: Apocalyspe of Devilman?

Kyon: I don't care! This is just...it's too damn far you know!

TM: I thought you'd appreciate seeing Haruhi offed for good.

Kyon: Hey! She might be an annoying self-absorbed nutcase, but she's still...

TM: Eeh? You can't admit it can you, go on what is Haruhi to you then?

Kyon: Well what's the point now that she's dead you bastard!-?

TM: That's good yeah save up that anger for the next chapter when Debirukyon's sure to get real pissed off by now. There will proabably only be two more chappys left, so please don't miss the next one - it's sure to be a bloodbath of gore and emotion!

Kyon: Thank God this crap's nearly over!