"Pardon my rather crude language: but you have gotta be shitting me mugiwara…" Trafalgar Law deadpanned, shooting his rival for the title of pirate king an incredulous look.

"Nope. By unanimous decision, I am not allowed to do any shopping. And it's not because I spent our entire treasure hoard on meat (which I thought was a great idea, but my nakama disagreed)… " the slightly inebriated captain smirked as he told his tale.

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Deep into the new world, the Straw Hat pirates landed at an unusual Fall island by the name of frijol arma island. It was wholly unremarkable except for a festival that was held once a year, celebrating a pirate crew being driven away a century earlier.

"Sugoi! This plant really drove away a big armada of pirates?" Luffy gasped as he looked at the Venus flytrap like plant in front of him with stars in his eyes.

"Indeed Luffy sama. This is the legendary bean gun plant. The history books say that even Gol D. Roger was unable to invade while these plants were in bloom." The store owner in front of him answered.

"WOW! That's so cool! Why are you trying to sell it?" the rubber man goggled.

"I'll tell you why…" the bearded, peg legged, eye patch wearing man snarled.

POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW!

The seemingly innocent plant opened its maw and spat out beans like a machine gun. The shop owner scrambled backwards in a desperate attempt to get away from the maniacal flora.

"Every time….Ow! Ow! Ow... the festival comes….ACK! OOK! EEK… the damn plant…OH MAMMA THAT HURTS… does this to me!" he snarled.

"Maybe it does that because of your pirate costume?" Luffy snickered.

"I'm not going to dignify that with a response…" the desperate man hissed as he dug himself out from under the mountain of projectiles.

Luffy grinned, completely ignorant of the havoc his immanent purchase was about to wreak.

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"Damn it curly swirly, did you have to shove me into the harbor?" Zoro snarled as he stumbled back to the ship later that night.

"That's what you get for cock-blocking me. That was the first unattached female (that hasn't tried to kill me) I've seen in months. Like I told you before, if I don't get laid soon I'm taking it out of your hide…" the cook snapped.

"Whatever ero cook. Konatsu here I come…" Zoro smiled as he stepped into the galley and plunked himself down under the heated table Franky had installed a few weeks earlier.

"Move it Marimo! I'm cold too…" the blond snorted as he wrestled for a good spot.

POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW!

"ACK!"

"What the hell?"

Both the first mate and cook were bowled over as they were assaulted by a hailstorm of beans hard enough to punch holes in the walls.

"What the fuck was that?" the santoryu user sputtered as he gapped at the innocent looking green plant.

"That's what I want to know!" Franky bellowed as he surveyed the damage.

"It's our new Nakama! His name is Beany!" Luffy smirked.

"That thing not Nakama! That's a salad waiting to happen!" Sanji hissed angrily as he looked at his tattered suit.

"What set it off?" Nami asked as she eyed the green menace.

"Hey! Look what I won!" Chopper giggled as he walked in wearing a Whitebeard costume…

POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! PO'W! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW!

And got blown back out onto the grass deck.

"I thought it only shot real pirates?" Luffy blinked.

"Please tell me that I didn't hear what I thought I heard? You bought a plant that shoots pirates onto a pirate ship?" the navigator screeched.

"Luffy the super knucklehead strikes again…" Franky groaned.

"I wonder…" Zoro mused as he snuck up behind the blond and grabbed him by the cheeks, stretching them out.

"OW!"

CLANK!

The green haired swordsman casually blocked the kick with the flat edge of Shuusui.

"What the hell was that for Mari…" Sanji trailed off

POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW!

The cook toppled over as his mouth was suddenly filled with beans, causing his cheeks to stretch at least a foot past his shoulders.

"I thought so. The thing reacts to anger. Most pirates already have a screw loose. Once someone looses their temper around this thing its fire at will." The first mate mused.

"How much did you pay for this damn thing?" Nami scowled as she poked the plant.

"Most of the stuff in our treasure hold." Luffy answered.

"YOU DID WHAT?"

POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW!

"Duck and cover!" Brook yelped as the plant went wild.

"That is it! This thing is going over the side!" Franky bellowed as he lunged for the plant.

The Bean shooting menace flapped it's leaves and fluttered into the air.

"Wow! It's a mystery plant!" Luffy gasped.

"Idiot! You brought a mobile turret with unlimited ammo that only targets pirates!" Usopp snarled as he put captain in a sleeper hold.

The plant hovered menacingly.

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

The two toppled to the ground with a matching pair of bulging mouths.

"COUNTER ATTTTTAAAACCCKKKK!" The sniper and captain proclaimed, spitting the beans back at the plant.

The crew stood with baited breath as they waited for the plant to deal retribution upon its foes.

But it never happened.

"What the hell?" Chopper sputtered.

The sniper was the first to realize the solution.

"Usopp HAMMER!" he bellowed, smacking the plant out of the air with a sledge hammer, a mocking grin on his face the entire time.

"I get it! As long as we keep smiling, this thing can't attack!" Franky realized as the Straw hats grinned evilly.

"Get it!"

"Break left!"

"Yours or mine?"

"Ack! It's getting away!"

"Yohohoho! What a spirited chase! My heart's all a flutter, even though I don't have one. SKULL JOKE!"

"HORN POINT!"

CRASH!

"Damn it, you emergency food supply! No going into horn point inside the ship!"

"Sorry!"

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

The men went down under a hailstorm of beans.

"Good help is so hard to find. Mayhaps a simply solution is needed?" Nami nodded thoughtfully, pulling a box out of the storage closet

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"I've faced assassins, giants, a sand man, and admirals that weren't as tough as this thing…" Luffy moaned.

"I'd rather build another ship than have to face that monster!" Franky muttered.

"Ditto!" Zoro and Sanji spat from their prospective corners.

"Agreed." Chopper huffed as he struggled to get his antlers out from under the table.

"I'm too tired to make a skull joke…" Brook grimaced.

"Pirate balloon attack!" Nami shrieked as she tossed dozens of balloons into the room, each one printed with the snarling and scowling faces of each of the crew members.

POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP!

The plant straffed the balloons, which sprinkled a cloud of fine black powder around the plant.

"What's that? Some kind of poison?" the dark skinned sniper blinked.

"Nope! This cute genius did one step better, I put pepper into the balloons!"

"ACHOOOOOOOOOO!" the plant squawked, spewing twice as many beans as before.

"Help! I'm being buried by beans!"

"OW! OW! OW! CUTE GENIUS MY RUBBERY BEHIND!"

"GACK! Dear father, I'll never cook a legume again if you get this thing away from me!"

"My armor is useless against this onslaught!"

"Help! I've got a case of I-don't-want-to-be-beaned-to-death-disease!"

"Tō Rō Nagas…AGH!"

Suddenly it stopped.

The room looked like a warzone. There were bean bullet holes in the wall. All of the men were battered and bruised, Even that battles against Moria, Lucci, Kuma, or Kizaru had left them this drained.

"We're dead. There's no one left to…take care of this menace…" Nami whimpered.

Seconds later she was proved wrong.

Robin stepped into the wreckage of what was once the kitchen, She gazed dispassionately at the battered forms of her Nakama.

She stood on her tip toes and snatched the plant out of the air.

Then, with perfect grace and poise, she placed the plant in a box and sealed the container with heavy duty packing tape.

"I'm not cleaning this up." The last Oharan native deadpanned as she walked back out the doore, th boxed plant under her arm.

Pained groans were the only response.

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"So your archeologist boxed the plant and that was the end of it?" the dark doctor said disbelievingly.

"Nope. I found out later that Robin mailed the damned thing and got the facts later about where it ended up from admiral Coby…"

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"A package for me?" Admiral Akainu uttered as he opened the box and peered at the innocent flytrap like plant inside…

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