Authors Note: Thanks for the reviews, I know that some of you felt that Scarlett forgave Rhett to easily but please keep in mind that she only agreed to go to the ball with him, she didn't exactly say that she forgave him ;) Scarlett has more to say in this chapter.

Chapter 9 – Let Nothing You Dismay

After Rhett left her alone that night Scarlett found that she couldn't sleep. She felt as though she had given Rhett the wrong impression. She was still angry and hurt but she had kept those feelings to herself. She hated that she was so afraid of ruining the children's holiday that she held back from telling him how she really felt. It nagged at her until finally she climbed out of her bed and allowed her feet to carry her to Rhett's room.

She hesitated at the door but finally convinced herself to open it and slip inside. She walked slowly through the dark room until she came to his bed. She knelt down next to it so that her face was even with his.

"Rhett," she whispered as she lightly touched his face causing him to stir.

"Scarlett? What's wrong?" he asked as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

"I need to talk to you, Rhett," she answered her voice shaking with nerves.

"Come up here off the floor before you get cold," he told her as he moved over allowing her to sit on the edge of his bed.

"Now what is it you want to talk about?"

She took a deep breath and twisted her hands before speaking."I'm still angry with you Rhett."

He locked his gaze on hers, "For this morning?"

She nodded, "Yes, I don't want you to think that you can buy my forgiveness with a new dress and a night out."

Rhett sat up and faced her. "I didn't mean for it to seem as though I were trying to buy you off Scarlett. I only meant it as a peace offering. I know better than to expect instant forgiveness from you my dear. I just thought a gift might make it easier."

"A long time ago those gestures would've been enough to make me forgive you."

"But you're not that person anymore are you Scarlett?"

"No, I'm not. I can't ignore things that hurt me anymore. I just want you to know that it takes more than gifts to prove to me that you're sorry. I can't give you something that you can't give me."

"I don't recall you ever asking my forgiveness, Scarlett."

"Maybe if you had read my letters you'd know that I have."

"I wasn't ready to deal with it then."

"Will you ever be ready Rhett?"

He thought for a moment, "I hope so."

"I find myself afraid to tell you things because of that."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because when it's something you don't want to hear you leave and I can't risk that right now. I made a promise to my children and I can't allow my feelings to get in the way of that."

"I don't want you to live that way," Rhett told her. "I don't want you to feel like you have to hide your feelings and thoughts from me because of the deal we made."

"But part of that deal is that I don't reveal certain thoughts and feelings to you Rhett."

"That's true but we're not talking about declarations of love my pet, we're talking about anger and being hurt and any other emotions that you need to express. You don't need to hide those things from me."

"I don't know how to act around you anymore," she told him. "I'm afraid of stepping over my boundaries or afraid of doing something to offend you."

"Stop worrying so much, Scarlett, you don't need to act any certain way with me. I want you to be yourself. I liked the way we were last night, the way we talked freely and enjoyed each other's company. You don't have to be afraid to show me your anger. You wouldn't be the woman I've always known if you kept that fiery temper of yours buried inside you my pet."

"I'm just so tired of fighting, Rhett. I've been fighting everything and everybody for so long that I just can't do it anymore."

"That's a feeling that I'm well acquainted with. I don't want to fight with you either. I want the same thing you want, a peaceful holiday with my family."

"Do you think it's still possible?"

He smiled, "Of course it is but there is something I need to ask you."

"What?"

"I know that you are still angry with me and you have every right to be but I need to know if you accept my apology."

"Yes, Rhett I accept your apology, but it will take time to gain my forgiveness."

She waited hoping to hear him say how long it would take for her to gain his forgiveness but he gave her no hint of an answer on that topic.

"I understand. Are you still going to the ball with me?"

"Yes, I'd still like to go if you want to," she answered.

"I want to take you, Scarlett; it's been too long since you had fun."

"That's true," she replied.

"Is there anything else troubling you tonight?"

"Yes there is something else I wanted to talk about," she said hurriedly.

He saw her shiver slightly and he raised the covers inviting her to share their warmth.

"I'm fine," she stammered as she edged away.

"I won't bite you, Scarlett, get under the covers and tell me what else is on your mind."

She hesitated but then gave in crawling into the warmth of his bed. He took her by surprise as he hooked his arm around her waist and brought her with him as he laid down. Finding herself lying on her side facing him she had suddenly lost her train of thought and her breath caught in her throat. It felt so right to be here like this and yet she knew that it wouldn't last although that persistent word 'believe' lingered in the back of her mind.

"Scarlett, what else did you want to tell me?" he asked snapping her thoughts back into focus.

"I want to tell you about Ella's nightmares."

He shook his head, "You don't have to do that."

"Yes I do. I want you to know whats been going on here for the last fourteen months."

"Go on," he told her ready to hear about the devastation he had left behind him.

"After you left I had the children brought home for Melly's funeral. I had to tell them that she was gone. Then the day after the funeral I couldn't put off their questions about you any longer. I had to explain to them that you had left and I didn't know when or if you were coming back."

He gestured for her to continue.

"It wasn't long after that when Ella's nightmare's started. I couldn't sleep one night and I went to check on them. When I went to her room I found her crying and thrashing about in her sleep. When I woke her she wrapped her arms around my neck so tightly that I could barely breathe. I had never seen her cry so hard, not even when she had colic as a baby. Finally I got her calmed down enough to tell me what she had dreamed. She told me that she had dreamed that I had left her and that she was running after me begging me to stay but that I couldn't hear her and finally she lost sight of me and she was left all alone."

Sorrow filled Rhett's face, "That poor little girl. She's lost to many people in such a short span of time."

"She was so shaken by that dream that I held her as if she were a baby until she finally went back to sleep and then I slept in her bed with her for the rest of the night. That dream plagues her as badly as my own does and so I've told her that whenever she dreams it she's more than welcome to come and sleep with me so that she knows I'm still here."

"I'm so sorry, Scarlett. I had no idea the troubles she was having. I feel even worse for the way I acted."

"I would've told you sooner if I had known it was going to upset you. She hasn't had that dream in a few weeks and I thought that maybe it had finally gone away. She's so afraid that I'm going to leave her like everyone else seems to do. I do my best to reassure her that I'm not going anywhere but that fear lingers no matter what I do."

"How often does she have this dream?

"Now that we've grown closer she doesn't have it as much but when it first started it was several times a week."

"That's good; perhaps it is running its course and will be gone soon."

"I hope so," she replied.

"What about you?" he asked

"What about me?"

"Have your nightmares returned?"

She looked away as though she were embarrassed. He touched her chin gently and brought her gaze back to his.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of."

She swallowed the lump in her throat, "It has returned, not every night but often enough."

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

She shrugged, "I'm used to it."

"Is it the same one?"

"In most ways, only now I know what I'm running towards."

"And what is that?"

"You," she answered her voice a soft whisper.

He said nothing but pulled her against him holding her tightly in his arms.

"I hate knowing you and Ella are so troubled when you sleep."

Scarlett nodded, "There have been times when she's crawled into my bed after suffering her own nightmare and then has to wake me from mine. It's strange to say but in a large way that's how we bonded."

"At least you have each other to scare away the things that menace the two of you at night."

She smiled at him sadly as she moved away from him slightly thinking how much they all needed him to perform those tasks.

"Did Wade's troubles start at the same time Ella's nightmares began?" he questioned.

"In some ways. At first it was just his grades that began to decline and he seemed a little more withdrawn but that seemed reasonable with everything that had happened and I tried to give him time to deal with it in his own way. He was even talking to me a little but then…" she trailed off.

"But then what?" he asked wondering why she had stopped.

She chose her words carefully before continuing, "Then Beau moved away," she answered leaving Ashley's name out of the conversation.

He noticed her avoidance of Ashley's name and figured it was best if he did the same.

"Do you think that was the last straw for him and caused to him to lash out the way he has?"

"I don't know Rhett. I mean it wasn't immediately after he left that it started but it wasn't long after. Then the fights and the school conferences and the troublemaking began and that's when he started to turn against me. He's told me he hates me so many times," she told him feeling despair sweep over her once more.

"He lashes out at you because you're the only solid thing he has left, Scarlett"

She shook her head, "I think it's deeper than that."

"It might be, and if it is it'll all come out in due time."

"That's what I'm afraid of."

"How have you been, Scarlett?" he asked for the first time since he came home.

"I haven't been living a dream," she replied.

"I'm aware of that."

"You really want to know how I've been Rhett?" she asked a bit harshly.

"Yes."

"Let's see I guess we could start with how I'm a social outcast and the laughing stock of Atlanta. I've drank and cried myself to sleep more times than I can count. Every letter that I wrote to you that came back unopened was like a knife in my heart The day I opened up divorce papers I wanted to die. Every day you didn't come home and Ella cried and Wade drifted further from me I felt more and more defeated until I could hardly stand to look at myself in the mirror. I've been mad, sad, afraid, ashamed, depressed, confused, and lonely and a million other emotions I don't have names for. That's how I've been Rhett. Does it make you feel good to know it?"

"No, Scarlett, I take no pleasure in knowing your pain," he told her as he watched her struggle to maintain her composure.

"There was a time when you would have," she reminded him.

He nodded, "But like you I am also no longer that person."

Silence fell between them and she breathed deeply taking in the scent of cigars and cologne. His smell always brought her comfort and she suddenly felt very tired. Without thinking she allowed her body to relax and her eyes to flutter closed. A part of her brain reminded her of where she was and that she should go back to her own room but she ignored it feeling as though it wasn't worth the effort of getting out of the bed she was in.

Rhett saw her inner battle waging across her tired face and decided to make the decision for her as he carefully pushed her head onto his shoulder and wrapped his arm around her securely. He heard her breathing even out and knew she was asleep. He lowered his head and pressed a kiss to her hair. It seemed like he had more apologizing to do than he realized.