If this was an RPG game, this would be the part where you do a side quest with that really incapable NPC. Also, time to Scooby Doo this fic up, because why not. Time for the "minor problem they have to solve before they get to the big villain" thing.
Walking side by side with the Furious Five isn't that new to Po, but it never ceases to feel that way. Crowds part and bow in respect as they pass and most of the five are more than happy to greet them and give a few well placed smiles. Of course, by most, he means everyone but Tigress.
He's reminded of the days in his adolescence when he used to watch fellow children of his age play and laugh together from the sides, sure that his clumsiness would just embarrass him in front of them again. It's different now. They've only known each other for a long time, but the five stop whenever he falls behind, and they listen to his comments. As they walk past the various landmarks on their way to the barrack, they occasionally ask him about his opinion on the random subjects they're prone to talk about.
"Okay, here we are." Mantis looks more than a little bored as they approach the guard barracks.
A lone rhino stands by the gate, looking as if he's just dying to sit down and end his shift, already. A visible look of relief crosses his face as he sees them approach. "The Furious Five! Finally."
Finally? Tigress almost snorts in irritation. "Report."
"The guards in the towers reported of an owl with some kind of big stick wrapped in some cloths flying overhead a few hours ago. They thought she was a messenger. She was headed to Gaofeng Forest."
"Anything else?"
"No, Master." The rhino respectfully bows. "Um," he raises his head. "Are you really going to go there?"
Tigress doesn't understand the question. "Yes. Is there a problem?"
"No, of course not." He gives them a look that suggests he may be questioning their common sense. "It's just that... Um... Not a lot of people pass by the forest anymore."
Po shudders, but he puts on a confident smile. "Hey, I'm a hundred percent sure that these guys can handle whatever's in there."
The guard transfers his look to the panda in front of him. "Pal, it's home to poisonous plants that look like the normal stuff you put in your lunch. No one comes out of the place fine, anyway, they either run off like babies or don't come back at all."
Po obviously didn't know that. "Oh..."
"And, just letting you know..." The rhino lowers his voice a little. "Heard some of the guys who didn't come back were Masters."
"Seriously?" Po gives Viper a look, asking for confirmation. "What's in there, then?"
Viper keeps quiet.
"Place is haunted or something, that's what I've heard." He looks quite skeptical. "Yeah, but my friends who made it out looked pretty hysterical to me. They could've been exaggerating."
Crane nervously coughs. "H-Haunted?"
Po gulps. "Haunted?" He repeats after the avian.
Tigress eyes them, disgruntled at their display. "Haunted or no, we're going in tomorrow morning."
Po obviously can't check if Crane is paling under his feathers, but the horrific look on his face is enough to tell him that, yes, he probably is paling under all that white. "Of course." The Master of the Crane Style straightens his face.
Po pats him reassuringly on his back. "Hey, we have all of you, so what's the worst that could happen?" He tries to sound as convincing as possible, although he does sound like he's trying to soothe himself rather than the crane.
"Don't jinx us, Po." Monkey forebodingly quips. "That's always what they say before everything goes to hell."
"It never ends well for the meddling kids." Viper giggles.
"Maybe we'll get lucky and we end up kicking some costumed guy's ass?" Mantis shrugs.
Tigress can't help but think of how angry Master Shifu would be if he caught anyone from the five using 'that sort of language', as he puts it. "We leave first thing tomorrow morning."
"Don't remind me." Crane mutters to himself.
"Thank you for the report." Tigress nods to the guard before she turns to the rest of them. "It's time for dinner. We will eat and retire early to preserve our strength for tomorrow."
The guard makes a silent whistle at the tiger's words. "That's tough." He mouths to Po.
The one who replies is Monkey, who smirks at him the moment Tigress turns her back. "You have no idea."
Tigress' stomach grumbles hungrily as she passes by one restaurant after another.
Too much oil.
The food doesn't smell fresh.
That's a lot of salt for one dish.
She wants Po's cooking. The tiger isn't one for complaining much, or at all, really, but she really does feel like complaining about the lack of available kitchens that the panda can use.
"So..." Monkey's drawn out voice brings her out of her inner dialogue. "Are we going to eat, or what?"
"Of course we are." Tigress answers, although she isn't quite sure where. "We're just looking for place that sells suitable food."
"Great job, Po." Mantis coins in. "You just ruined any other food for her."
"It's not because of that," Tigress hotly scowls at him, cursing internally. "I just—"
"Holy crap." Monkey looks straight past her.
Viper seems to agree. "That's one big pot of porridge."
A very, very large pot of porridge steams in the middle of the plaza as a small raccoon hurriedly chops a rather long leek. It must be as tall as Po and just as wide, with a set of stairs leading up to it. As rushed as he seems to be, he doesn't seem to be very good at what he's doing. The chopped leeks are uneven and large, and he looks like he's just about to cry when he wipes his brow and realizes he still has a very large pile of vegetables and spices at his side, all of them untouched.
Of course, his expressions turns to the exact opposite when he sees them. "The Furious Five!"
"We've been hearing that a lot." Monkey grins.
"Oh, this is perfect!" The raccoon claps his hands. "Please give me an endorsement."
Tigress raises an eyebrow. "An endorsement?"
"Yeah, a publicity stunt." He eagerly explains. "I'm just filling in for the cook tonight. He's sick and I can't cook very well. It's a disaster!"
"Then why open tonight?" Tigress crosses her arms exasperatedly. "Is it not better to wait for your cook to be better so he can produce quality food?"
"Because we need the money, Master." He sheepishly shifts his feet.
"Our buddy here's the Jade Palace's cook." Monkey looks towards his panda companion. "What do you say, Po?"
"What do I say to what?"
"That's a perfect idea." The raccoon nods furiously. "Young man, if you cook for us, I'll give you a cut of our profits tonight and all of you can eat for as much as you want."
"Really?" Po can't believe what he's hearing. He must really be a bad cook. He looks at the butchered leeks on his counter. Yes, a very bad cook indeed.
"Even better, I want to host an eating contest between the Furious Five."
"What?" The five simultaneously ask. Tigress is the only one whose tone is displeased.
"Please." He bats his eyelids exaggeratedly. "It'll get attention and help me boost sales. I don't know how else to do that!"
Tigress is not amused. Viper gives her hopeful look. "Let's help him out."
The tiger sighs. Po is already scouring for the perfect combination of everything on the table, and she has five full grown adults looking up at her like children begging to play outside. Besides, she really does have a craving for the panda's food... "Fine."
Her companions whoop and high five each other. "Thank you so much!" The raccoon bows with enough enthusiasm to almost plant his face on the ground.
Without delay, Po begins chopping so fast that the raccoon's jaw drops as low as it can at the sight. Tigress admits that he has as much skill with his cooking as she does with her Kung Fu. His tongue sticks out from the corner of his mouth in focus. Tigress can tell that he knows exactly what he's doing.
"I'm sure glad we brought Po with us." Viper says, looking up at the taller woman.
Tigress makes a sound of approval, content to just watch the young man work his surprisingly agile hands. Before long, he's scooping the vegetables up in a bucket to dump them in the giant of a pot, because that's how big the whole thing is.
Also, she's staring in anticipation because she's fucking hungry and she hardly notices the small circle forming around them. She only sees the sphere of people watching them with interest when she hears her name whispered more times than she's used to.
"People are watching." Crane observes, shrinking just a little bit at all the attention.
Monkey waves at a little dog boy, flashing a charming smile at the crowd. "And you're complaining?"
Tigress huffs. "I don't see what's so interesting about watching us wait for our dinner."
"I guess you're grouchy when you're hungry, huh?" Viper teases.
"I am not." Tigress insists, but she does tap her foot in impatience when she feels heat around her back. Po must have started the fire, which means it shouldn't take much longer.
"Right..." Viper shrugs with an uncharacteristically smug look on the former dancer's face. "I think I've heard your tummy grumble five times tonight."
To emphasize the snake's point, Tigress' nose twitches as she smells the most delectable scent from over her head. She ignores her fellow master's words and instead leaves her alone to check on Po.
She didn't know how to respond. She should have initiated some good natured banter and teased her back like most people would do, but she isn't most people. She's Tigress, and she's been away from people who aren't barking orders at her for so long that she doesn't even know how to handle them anymore.
Before she disappears behind the gargantuan pot, she gives Viper one look. Thankfully for her, the snake catches it and looks back, albeit quite a bit puzzled. Tigress gives her one stiff smile that lasts for a fraction of a second, just so the reptile knows that she isn't completely pissed off.
Tigress doesn't linger long enough for Viper to return the gesture and quickly goes behind the pot, safely out of her sight. "Is it ready, Po?" She immediately feels like smacking herself for the blatant display of her impatience.
Po chuckles as he stirs the pot with what looks like a very big stick. The rise and fall of his chest suggests that he's more than ready to take a break. "Yeah, just a few minutes until it's done. Are you hungry?"
"I... Yes." Tigress says, her voice a bit too quiet to be in character. She sees him stir more vigorously at her answer and instantly chastises herself for answering so bluntly. Of course the sweet panda would do that. "Would you like my help?"
"No, that's fine." Po says, his breaths a bit too forced to be comfortable.
Tigress frowns. She's not about sit down and let the panda stir this ridiculously large pot for her and everyone else, especially if her insticts are right and he'll try to convince that buffoon raccoon not to pay him, which he will probably do. "I insist."
"I can handle it." Po grins. "Why don't you just sit down and rest for a bit?"
"We've been sitting for hours in the carriage, Po." Tigress deadpans. "Now move aside."
Po is seems a bit rattled at those last three words. "Oh, okay."
Tigress wants to slap herself again. Of course, the one time she actually decides to be nice, she ends up scaring the poor man. Po's descent to the ground is emphasized by the his usual heavy footsteps, and soon she's the one ascending to the top of the stairs. "I saw you struggling." She says, after a while of being far too quiet. "I wanted to assist you."
It's disconcerting for her to see that Po doesn't seem the least bit surprised. "I know. Thanks, Tigress."
She doesn't reply to him, but instead stands over the stupidly large pot—she'll make sure to find out why the hell anyone would be stupid enough to get this—and begins to stir, hoping that she won't end up doing what she did the last time she touched a kitchen utensil.
Spoiler alert: Tigress fucks up. Also prepare for some fluff.
Anyone want a sleepover-ish chapter after this? Of course, it will be filled with juvenile conversations and alcohol.