Chapter 10

Rachel forgot about the sock completely until the next morning. Mitchell often had that effect, particularly after he'd been away. She got the kids off to school, Mitchell off to work and then had to go grocery shopping. It wasn't until she got back from all that and was putting away the laundry from the night before that she remembered it. After getting the other clothes put away, she called Patsy.

"Hey, Patsy. It's Rachel."

"Hey, Rach. What's up?"

"Are you missing any of Lane's socks?"

"His socks? Nope. All present and accounted for. For once. Why?"

"I found an extra sock when I was doing Mitch's laundry. It's a gray one and I know he doesn't have any gray pairs."

"Couldn't be Lane's then. He claims that gray isn't even a real color and therefore, he will not wear it."

Rachel laughed but felt confused. "Where would this have come from, then?"

"Who knows? Maybe Mitch decided to secretly go sock shopping all by himself...and then promptly lost one of his socks."

"Well, if he's actually willing to shop for himself, I wish he'd tell me. I'll gladly cede control of his wardrobe."

"Not likely..." Patsy's voice became mischievous. "...maybe he has a male lover."

"Right, Patsy. Thanks."

"Come on, Rach. Lighten up. You know I'm kidding. If Mitch was going to have a male lover, it would probably be Lane...and since we both know that's not happening..."

Rachel laughed again and ended the call. Still, even with Patsy's reassurance and lack of concern, she couldn't help feeling that something wasn't quite right. She set the sock on the dryer, figuring that she could ask Mitch about it later.

The only problem was that, in the chaos of picking kids up from school, getting dinner ready, preparing for the upcoming science fair...and a number of other minor crises, she completely forgot about it again.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

It was a frightening scene...but not for any obvious reason. Ziva and Abby could only stare at first...and then were horribly embarrassed for staring and looked away.

"Tim?" Abby asked. "What's going on?"

Well might she ask. Tim was laying, spreadeagled, on his bed, the covers on the floor...and he was stark naked, staring up at the ceiling, limbs carefully arranged so that he wasn't touching himself at all.

"I heard you at the door," Tim said softly. "I'm sorry I didn't open it. I was busy having a meltdown. I suppose I should try to schedule these things better."

The bandages on his wrists were gone. There were bloodstains on the sheets, although there wasn't much of it...just enough that it looked as though the fragile scabs had broken and oozed. For Abby, it was like seeing the photos she had examined that morning...only real...and so much worse.

"McGee..." Ziva faltered. "Why are you not...wearing any clothes?"

"I felt like they were choking me."

"You did not go to your appointment with Dr. Warren."

"I know."

"She was worried about you. Why not, Tim?"

"I was busy."

"Doing what?"

"Trying not to go crazy." He let out a horrible laugh...which was followed by a tear running down his cheek. "It's not working, is it?"

"Tim...why don't you put on some clothes?" Abby suggested and began to walk to his dresser. "You've got some that will feel okay, don't you?"

"Don't know. Didn't try."

Abby looked back at Ziva for a moment and then forced herself to focus only on Tim and getting him out of this state.

"Aren't you cold? Laying there like that?"

"A little."

"Let's try, then. Okay? Come on, Tim."

Tim didn't protest; so she pulled open Tim's dresser, found a pair of boxers and pulled them out. Then, she grabbed a pair of sweatpants and one of his MIT t-shirts.

"Why don't you try these, Tim?" she suggested. "They're loose."

"No, thanks. I'll just stay here." Tim's voice was almost conversational...but with an edge of hysteria that was threatening to overwhelm the thin shell of sanity.

Ziva took a breath and approached the bed as well. "McGee, you must talk to Dr. Warren...and we need to get more bandages for your wrists."

"They're okay. They barely even hurt." Tim's eyes closed suddenly and his body tensed. "It...it hurt a lot worse b-before. I can't feel them there now. I can't feel them...not on my wrists. They're gone from my wrists." A few more tears fell and he started rubbing at his arm. "I can't feel them there...but I can everywhere else. They're all over me."

Ziva nearly lunged at him, to stop the damage Tim was inflicting upon himself, but remembered at the last minute Gibbs' injunction about touching Tim without permission. Although she wanted nothing less than to get away from this horrible sight, she sat down on the bed.

"McGee, you must stop this. I am going to touch your arm, all right?"

"I just want them to go away." The shell was cracking.

"I know."

Abby sat down on the other side of the bed, momentarily setting the clothes aside.

"Tim, can I give you a hug?"

Tim kept rubbing at his arm...until Ziva gently wrapped her fingers around his forearm and pulled his hand away. Tim didn't resist but he started to shake as Abby carefully pulled him into a sitting position and then put her arms around him, avoiding the places she knew they had touched to restrain him.

His wrists were a livid red, crusted infection and dried blood making an already horrible sight even worse. As Abby hugged him, Ziva kept hold of his arm, ready to release it if he required it.

"Why won't they leave me alone?" he whispered.

"They're gone, Tim. They're long gone."

"No...No...I can still feel them all over me. They don't go away."

"It is just what you are remembering, McGee. It is not them. It is a memory."

"It doesn't matter...Ziva... It doesn't matter. Even if I'm just crazy...I can still feel them." Tim closed his eyes tightly again. "They...th-they wouldn't stop touching me. It lasted...for...for hours. They just wouldn't stop." He began to sob silently, not having enough breath to make sound.

Tim's nakedness had been forgotten. To be sure, both Abby and Ziva were still aware that Tim wasn't wearing any clothes, but it was less of an awkward facet of this moment than it was simply an indication of Tim's state of mind...which was a black place to be...and only now were they getting a glimpse of just how black it was.

"You're not crazy, Tim," Abby said and held him tighter.

"Let go! Let go!" Tim pushed her away and pulled his arm from Ziva's grasp.

Ziva let go immediately. Abby held on for a little longer until she realized just what she was doing.

"Let me go!"

Abby released him and backed away.

"I'm sorry, Tim," she said, tearing up. "I'm so sorry."

Shaking, Tim stared blankly ahead. For a while he did nothing more than shake. Neither Abby nor Ziva could bring themselves to move. They just stood in silence, not knowing what to do. It seemed like forever but in reality was only about ten minutes before Tim seemed...almost to awaken from a dream. He kept his eyes focused somewhere in the middle distance but he finally began to speak.

"I need help," he said softly. "I can't do this. I can't help you. I can't do what I have to do. I can't...not with them shouting in my head...not with..." The tears fell again. "...not with their hands burning me every minute."

"We'll help you, Tim," Abby said, taking a small step forward.

Tim shook his head. "No...I want...I want your help...but it's not enough. It'll never be enough. I'm...I'm too messed up." His eyes closed again. "I broke the lamp. I almost got away...but they were so...too strong. ...and...and I...I was..." He shook his head again. "No. No...it wasn't...I couldn't... Over and over... I don't remember them stopping. Switch. Switch. Switch. Switch. They just wouldn't stop...and I couldn't do anything to stop them."

"I'm sorry, Tim," Abby said again.

"I feel so dirty...like I can never be clean again." He began to sob again, hiding his face in his arms. "Make them go away. Make them stop!"

Ziva sat down on the bed again.

"Tim...listen to me. If we cannot help you, then you must let us take you to someone who can help. Please. Let us do that much."

"Please, Tim. We want to help...however we can."

Tim looked up, first at Abby and then at Ziva.

"Please, Tim. We can do something...even if it's not enough right now."

Tim swallowed hard and then looked at himself.

"I'm...naked," he whispered.

"Yeah."

"I sh-should probably get dressed."

"Yeah."

Tim looked at Abby again. "You got clothes?"

Abby nodded and held them out.

"I'll wear them."

Ziva stood up. "I will wait out in the other room while you dress."

Tim managed a brief smile. "Not much you haven't seen now..."

"That is not why I am going. You deserve the respect of privacy."

"Thanks...Ziva."

Abby smiled and kissed him on the cheek. "We'll be just out there. I'll take Jethro for a quick trip outside."

"He probably needs it. I haven't done anything for him at all today."

"It's okay. He probably liked being lazy."

"Thanks, Abby."

True to their word, Abby and Ziva waited for Tim to come out. Abby took Jethro out, but she was afraid that something would happen in her absence and so she hurried him up and ran back to Tim's apartment.

She got back just as Tim was slowly walking out of his bedroom. He was carefully not looking at them, clearly a little embarrassed at what they'd seen.

"You said I missed my appointment?"

"Yes, but Dr. Warren told us that she would be around for some time."

"Okay."

He knelt down carefully and gestured to Jethro.

"Hey, Jethro. I'm sorry I ignored you today. I'll do better. Promise." He looked up at Ziva. "You guys can...can go. I'll...make it on my own."

"No, let us take you, McGee. It will make us feel a little better." She smiled gently.

"Okay. Let me feed Jethro first." He walked slowly around them to the kitchen. It took a few moments, but Jethro was happily gorging himself as the three of them left, Tim carefully standing separate from the other two.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

"Hi, we're here to see Dr. Warren. Is she still here?" Abby asked with a couple of worried glances over her shoulder. Tim had withdrawn into a silent shell on the ride over and it was impossible for her to know what exactly he was thinking.

"Let me check. Just take a seat over there and I'll tell her you're here."

Abby smiled and nodded, leading Tim to one of the benches. There were a few other people waiting as well. Tim sat down in between Abby and Ziva, not looking at or touching either one of them. His eyes kept darting nervously over to a man sitting across from them.

"It is all right, McGee," Ziva said softly, but she made no movement to touch him.

Tim didn't respond, even as his hands slowly clenched into fists.

"Timothy McGee?"

"What!" Tim shouted, the sound exploding out of him and startling all the other people in the waiting area.

"It's all right, Tim. It's okay," Abby said.

"Dr. Warren will see you now," the nurse said, her expression more understanding than frightened.

Tim stood up with an abrupt jolt.

"Okay." He took a step to follow but then stopped and looked back. "I've changed my mind. I want to go home. Please, let me go home."

Ziva walked over. "McGee, you know that you need to be here right now. They will help you. You said you needed help."

Tim shook his head and was obviously trying to stay calm. "No. No. I want to go home."

"You trust Dr. Warren, do you not?"

Tim nodded.

"Then, trust her now. You will be safe, McGee."

"You two can come back with him if you want."

"Do you want us to come, Tim?" Abby asked.

Tim nodded again.

"Okay. We'll come with you."

They walked back to Dr. Warren's office together. Her door was open and she smiled briefly at them.

"Tim. You missed your appointment today."

Tim just nodded.

"Let me see your wrists."

He held them out with no hesitation. She sighed.

"Okay. Let's fix that first. Then, we'll talk."

"Okay."

It took very little time to treat Tim's wrists and cover them once more with clean white bandages. When they returned to Dr. Warren's office, she stopped Ziva and Abby.

"This is going to be a confidential conversation. You can wait out here."

"Will you be all right, Tim?"

Tim only nodded again, having once more lapsed into near silence.

"Okay. We will remain right outside until you are ready to leave."

"Thanks," he whispered and then stepped inside. Dr. Warren gestured to the chairs and then closed the door.

"What are we going to do, Ziva? Tim's really messed up."

"What we have been doing already."

"What do you mean?"

Ziva sighed and picked up a magazine. "We will wait until McGee needs us...and then we will help as much as we can."

Abby nodded and then hugged Ziva tightly.

"I'm glad I don't have to do this on my own, Ziva."

Ziva stiffened and then quickly returned the hug...if only so that Abby would let her go.

"I am glad McGee does not have to do this on his own."

Abby sat up and nodded.

"...but I think he is doing it on his own right now."