Chapter 10: we're going to lose

Mattie looked at the person. She knew him. She knew she did. But she couldn't recognise him. It was as if her hearth recognised him but her head wasn't following. She couldn't see him. Not good enough. She closed her eyes. The pain had dissapeared. She tried not to think of anything. She wanted to clear her mind. She wanted to know who the other person was. She opened her eyes and looked at the person. She knew who he was. Before she recognised him a white ligth surounded her. Everything around her became dark....

Mattie's eyes flew open. She was shaking. Baiting in her own sweat. Her hearth was racing extremely hard. She tried to catch her breath. It was as if she ran a marathon. Slowely she tried to calm himself down. Deep breaths. She needed to take deep breaths. Just deep breaths. The room turned around her. She felt her food come back up. She closed her eyes. She had to calm down. Take deep breaths. Deep breaths. Deep breaths. She kept repeating the same sentence over and over again. Just breath.

Robbie walked into the room. He saw his little sister lying there. Taking deep breaths. Shaking. She had never been that pale. The cup of tea he had in his hands dropped on the ground. He ran to her and sat down beside her. It had happened before. But never this bad. The problem was they couldn't do anything. All they could do was be there for her. Hold on to her hand and let her breath. Don't lose it. Stay calm. You have time to freak out later. She needs you strong. The words of the doctor flashed trough his head. He took Mattie's hand in his and whispered. 'Breath little sis. Just breath.'

Luke lied awake on his bed. Not sure what he wanted to do. He could get up and face the day. But he didn't want to. But he couldn't lie here anny longer either. He would go crazy. He kept repeating over and over again what had happened on the beach. That was enough to make him crazy. He didn't understand. He really didn't understand. Something wasn't right. Something was definitly wrong. He smiled. Maybe he was imagining things. Maybe he just wanted to believe it. Believe that something was wrong.

Jack sat in the living room. He was definitly sure that something was wrong. Especially since his dad had come home. He hadn't said anything. He had just walked in the house past him. As if he didn't see him. That wasn't like his dad. He had seen that something was so wrong. He didn't dare to ask. His dad looked so bad that he felt he didn't watn to know. It must be something really bad. Maybe it was better if Luke didn't know. If he didn't know.

Tony sat in his room. Staring at a picture of his sons. Mattie. Dying. And his son liked her. This wasn't good. Poor Beth. He couldn't imagine how he would feel if he was told he would lose one of his kids. Let alone two. He sighed. He knew Beth was right. It was Mattie's life. She had as much right as everybody else to make her own choices. But part of him wanted to tell his son. He guessed it was instinct. The instinct to protect his kid. No matter what.

Two hours later

Mattie felt better. She had convinced her mother she felt good enough to go for a walk. She needed fresh air. She watned to be alone. She wanted to think. Maybe she should tell Luke. Maybe he would understand. She started to think. What was she more afraid of? That he would grow attached to her? That she would hurt him by leaving? Or that he wouldn't understand? That he would hurt her? She need to be alone. To think about this. She wasn't afraid. Not of getting sick. She knew she wasn't alone. She knew Robbie was following her. He wouldn't show himself. He wouldn't bother her. But she knew he was there.

Jack walked next to his dad. They weren't really going somewhere specific. Just getting out of the house. It didn't feel right. Leaving his little brother there all alone. But he had a feeling his dad might tell him what's going on. If Luke wasn't around to hear them. He had the feeling it was something really bad. Why else would his dad be acting like this? He had never seen him like this. Maybe he had been like this when his mother died. But he couldn't really remember that.

Robbie walked behind his sister. Far enough so he wouldn't bother her. But close enough so he could react if something went wrong. He knew she knew he was following her. She didn't mind. He didn't want trouble. He didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable. He just wanted to protect her. That's all. She looked a lot better then she had this morning. He sighed. He knew that didn't mean anything. It could go wrong any second. He sighed. He would protect her for as long as he could. But his hearth broke. Because he knew that it wouldn't be long before the time came that he couldn't protect her at all.

Mattie stood on the beach. She liked Luke. And he liked her. In the end that's all she had really wanted. To fall in love. She had never thougth somebody would love her. She didn't want to hurt anyone. But a part of her wondered if it would be better to have someone by her side. Maybe she would hold on longer. It would giver her a reason to fight. Other then her family. She sighed. Tears appeared in her eyes. Was it selfish? Was it selfish to want somebody on her side to hang on to? Was it?

She felt her knees go weak. She wans't as strong as she used to be. She fell down on her knees. The ocean made her wet. It felt great. It made her feel alive. As if she was really a part of this world. She felt her brother come up next to her. She had known he would come. Maybe he thougth she was sick. Maybe he knew she needed someone. She didn't know. And she would never know. She would never ask him. It would couse to much pain. It would hurt him. And she didn't want to hurt him. Not more then he already was.

Robbie saw his little sister fall down. He walked to her inmeadiatly. He wasn't really worried. He could see she just needed someone. If she had been sick then it would have been worse. Soflty he sat down next to her. He put his arms around her and pulled her closer to him. She needed someone to hang on to. And he would be there for her untill the end. He would be strong. He didn't know how long they sat there. He didn't know how long it took for Mattie to calm down a bit. But it didn't matter how long he held her. He always knew it wasn't long enough. Not for her. And definitly not for him.

'It's not fair. I don't want to die.' Robbie tried his best to make his voice sound calm. 'I know. There are no answers. It just happens I guess.' Mattie could hear that Robbie was trying to sound calm. He didn't succeed. She could hear the pain in his voice. She wanted to make him feel better. But there was nothing she could do. 'You like Luke right?' 'Yeah. I really do.' She looked at the ocean. 'What am I supposed to do?' 'I don't know. You have to choice. Your path. Your life.' 'Not a long life. I'm not ready to die. I'm young. I want to live.' She started to cry. 'But I'm not going to. I can fight as hard as I want. I will never win will I?' Robbie pulled her close to him again. He said nothing. He didn't know what to say. 'I'm going to lose aren't I?' 'We always knew that. You're not the only one. We're going to lose.'

Mattie felst his strong arms around her. He tried to make her feel better. Tried to be strong. She didn't know how much longer he would last. She rested her head on his shoulder. Soflty she whispered a question to him. She needed to know. 'What am I supposed to do?' 'I don't know.' 'What?' 'You know what I think? You should tell him. He has the right to know. Tell him. And see what happens.' 'I don't want to hurt him.' 'It's his choice. Tell him little sis. Tell him.'