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Chapter 10: Life On Earth

Stephen King once wrote: Time takes it all. Whether you want it to or not. Time takes it all, time bears it away… and in the end there is only darkness.

Haley sat on the steps that lead to her backyard and she listened to her mom and Karen talk in the kitchen. They were setting up for the party for Nathan. The summer had passed so much faster than she would have liked. Sure, most people hated when Summer came to an end. It meant the start of school again, for some people it meant that the nice warm weather was coming to an end. Maybe it meant a new school. But for Haley, it meant that Nathan was leaving. Haley could feel her heart sink every time she thought about that. She hated that he was leaving her. And she hated feeling so selfish about it. But she really didn't get enough time with him. She hadn't even realized that she liked him at all until this Summer started. And now that she realized she wanted to be around him, he was leaving.

She hoped that school would keep her preoccupied enough while he was gone. Maybe then she wouldn't have to think about the fact that he wasn't there so much. The fact that it would be months before she even got to talk to him at all. It would be forever until she actually saw him again… in person. She hoped that he would at least write to her. That way it would help time go by, at least a little bit. But the truth was, the only thing that had been helping her make it through the months of loneliness and boredom, was Nathan.

Things had been so busy for everyone, just like Brooke had said they would be. She was getting ready for New York. Her mom had already started moving all of their things out there. She had found an apartment that would suit them just fine. So that meant it was time to start getting all of their things in that apartment. Brooke had gone out a few times to help her mom. Lucas had been getting ready for his writing program and Haley barely saw him at all. Peyton was always busy with doctors appointments it seemed. Haley and her mom went with her a few times, because Haley had promised that she would be there. Nathan even went a couple times. Haley knew that it was because it's what Jake would have done, and so Nathan took it upon himself to fill in for him now. Nathan was the only person Haley had seen everyday that Summer.

He would come by the café while she was working and stay there awhile. He talked to his mom and dad a lot and Haley too when she had the time. Which, luckily, she seemed to have time for him a lot. Haley was glad that she got to see him a lot though. She was going to miss that. After work they'd walk around town, she'd make him stop and window shop with her, even though he claimed he hated it. She made it up to him by letting him take her to whatever store or restaurant he wanted later on. She loved the nights they walked around and seemed to do nothing. She would give anything to have every night be like that for them.

She sighed and rested her head in her hands. She felt tired and overwhelmed. She wanted to go up to her room and just sleep. Maybe when she woke up things would be different. Maybe he wouldn't be leaving and maybe Jake would still be there. But she knew that things would never be the way they used to be. She stood up and walked through the door again and past her mom and Karen who had been joined by Keith. They smiled and said hello as she walked by them. She smiled back while she made her way upstairs to her room. Right now she couldn't be around the party planning. It was just too hard. It made it all too real.

She walked into her room and sat down on her bed. She reached over to her night stand and picked up the photo album that laid on top of it. She flipped through the pages and smiled as she looked at the pictures of her and Nathan. The beginning of the book was pictures from their trip. She remembered every night like it had just happened. The night they kissed outside their motel room. The night they danced under the stars while he told her about why he enlisted. The nights they stayed at his uncle Cooper's house. She remembered one night vividly. It was the night she'd really gotten to know Cooper.

Cooper and Nathan sat in Cooper's living room watching a baseball game that was playing on ESPN. Haley was in the kitchen because she had offered to make dinner for them that night. She could hear their voices as they cheered while they watched the game in front of them. She had been listening to them for awhile now and she could see why they were so close. They were close in age and they had the same opinions on a lot of things. They had the same sense of humor and from what she could tell, they were both stubborn.

Cooper looked up at Haley and saw her cooking in the kitchen and he smiled before leaning towards Nathan, "she seems like an awesome girl."

Nathan turned and looked at her. He watched as she pushed her hair out of her face while reading the directions she'd printed off earlier on how to make the perfect Chicken Picatta. He smiled before turning to look back at his uncle. "She really is," Nathan said. Cooper shot him a knowing look and Nathan laughed a little before saying, "what? Why are you giving me that look?"

"Well maybe I'm wrong," Cooper said, "but I know that look. The look you just got when you looked at her. I've had that exact look on my face before."

"What look? What are you talking about?"

"The look of a love sick dumbass. The last time I had that look was when me and Carrie were dating. I knew I was in love with her. And I married her because I loved her."

"Yeah," Nathan said and laughed, "and you got a divorce."

"Ok smart ass, so yeah we got a divorce. But I still do love her. And I always will. But just because things didn't end up the way I wanted them didn't mean they weren't good while they lasted. Me and Carrie, we were in love and we used to look at each other the way you look at Haley."

"Ok," Nathan said, "let's say that you're right. Maybe I do feel the way you think I feel about her. But what makes you think that there is an possibility that she feels the same way about me?"

Cooper smiled at his young nephew and said, "because I've seen the way she looks at you." He smiled again before standing up and walking towards the kitchen where he could smell what Haley was making. He knew that he wasn't imagining things when it came to his nephew and the girl he'd brought with him. But he was just wondering what it would take to get them both to realize it.

Nathan stood up quickly and followed after him. "Wait," Nathan said, "wait… you need to explain that last part to me."

Cooper turned and laughed at him before leaning against the counter across from Haley while he watched her finish cooking dinner. "What are you two talking about?" Haley asked. She could tell they had been talking quietly in the living room, but she couldn't tell what they were saying. She had been straining her ears to try and hear, she knew she was being nosey, but she couldn't help but want to know what they were talking about so secretly.

"Oh nothing," Cooper said, "I was just wondering if maybe after dinner you two might want to come down to the track and see it before you leave tomorrow."

"Yeah," Haley said, "that would be awesome!"

Nathan nodded. He hadn't been to the track since he was about 10 or 11 when Cooper just started racing and Karen had brought Nathan and Lucas to see his first race. He remembered being so excited to watch his uncle drive a race car, like a real pro. It had been one of the most fun times of his life and he wouldn't mind going down there again.

After they ate Cooper drove them down to the track where he spent pretty much everyday of his life. To him, it really felt like being home when he could be there. It was the one place where he could be himself. He didn't need to try and impress anyone, he didn't have to try and make anyone like him. He could be who he was and just drive. Being on the road was something that he would cherish for as long as he possibly could. After his divorce from his wife, he spent a lot of his time out on the track. It helped take his mind off all the sadness he was feeling.

Haley and Nathan walked around the garage with Cooper looking at all the cars that were there. Cooper had probably driven all of them. But there was only one that was his favorite. He took them over to the bright red car that had his number painted on the side as well as the logos of the companies that sponsored him. "Cooper!" they heard a voice yell and they turned to look at who it was. Cooper smiled as he made his way over to a tall man with shaggy brown hair. He smiled at them all and Cooper turned to face Nathan and Haley again.

"Guys, this is Ray Green. I race against him sometimes but mostly he just helps out with my car. Ray this is my nephew Nathan and his friend Haley. They're only in town until tomorrow and I thought I'd show them around."

"Nice to meet you," Ray said shaking Haley's hand. "But I met you before," he said looking at Nathan, "you weren't very old so you probably don't remember me. But I met you when you and your brother came to see Coop in his first race."

"Oh yeah," Nathan said, "I do remember actually. Nice to see you again."

Ray showed them around the garage and took them on the tour of what went down behind the scenes. They were soon joined by Ray's kids. He had a daughter named Daytona who was probably just a year older than they were and a son, Garrett who was 16 years old. Haley listened to them all talk about memories of the track and she liked listening to what they had to say, but she couldn't help but feel like she didn't really feel like she belonged there.

Cooper saw the far off look on Haley's face while she sat with Nathan listening to what Ray and his kids were saying. They talked about being there a lot as kids and practically growing up at the track. He could tell that while she was smiling on the outside, inside was another story. "Hey Haley," Cooper said, "wanna come take a walk with me?"

"Um," she said and looked up at him, "yeah sure." She stood up and walked towards where he was standing. Nathan looked up at them and watched them walk toward the asphalt of the track. He couldn't really understand why they were leaving, but maybe Cooper saw that Haley needed a little time away from all the stories they were sharing. Now that he really thought about it, he could see why that would upset her. Having to listen while Daytona and Garrett talked about their memories as brother and sister, it couldn't be easy on Haley.

"So how are you?" Cooper asked once they were far enough away from everyone else, "I heard about your brother. I'm really sorry. I only met him a few times, but he was really nice kid."

"Oh thanks," she said, "I'm doing ok. I mean I don't think I'll ever really be ok… 100 percent. But I'm better than I was. It helps that I got out of Tree Hill for awhile."

"I know what you mean, about not being 100 percent ok, that is. But I also agree with the needing to get out of Tree Hill part. That's why I'm here," he said motioning to the track around them. They walked in silence for a little while until he said, "did Nathan tell you that I just finalized my divorce?"

Haley looked up at him and shook her head, "no he didn't. I'm so sorry."

"Eh, it's alright. I guess things just weren't supposed to work out the way I wanted them too. I mean me and Carrie, we were in love for awhile. But then something just stopped working with us. We grew apart. And to be honest, I know that a lot of why we didn't work out was my fault."

"No," Haley said, "I don't think that's true. I don't think you can blame a relationship ending on one person."

"I mean I know that things didn't work out for a lot of different reasons, but I do know that one of the reasons was me spending so much time here. I let it become more important than her. I let it become more important than us and us being happy together."

"Do you think you guys might ever work things out? Maybe you might get back together some day?"

"I don't know," he said, "I would like to say that yeah we will, but to be honest, I don't think we ever will. Maybe we can be the friends we used to be, but I don't think that we'll ever get back to the love we had."

"But you still love her don't you?"

"I do. And I think she still loves me."

"Then why couldn't you just work things out? I mean I'm not naïve, I know that it's hard to get things the way they used to be. Sometimes they never go back to the way they were. But if you love her and she loves you, why can't you work from there? Why can't you start over?"

"Sometimes it takes more than that."

Haley nodded and put her hands in the pockets of the sweatshirt she had on. Part of her was wondering why Cooper had told her all of this. Maybe he was trying to just get her mind off all the things she'd been thinking about lately. Mostly Jake. And if that was the case she was glad he was doing it. "I bet you're wondering why I told you all of that, huh?"

Haley laughed a little, "yeah actually I was."

"The point of all that is that even the worst situation can lead you to something new and unexpected. It sucks that the way you get there is through sadness and maybe loss, but the point is… you get to that something new. That something great and special. For me, maybe it's that I can finally learn that I don't always need someone to make me feel whole. But for you," he said and took a step closer, "maybe for you, it's Nathan." He nodded towards where Nathan was still sitting with Ray and his kids. Haley turned and looked towards him. Nathan was looking right at her. He smiled before looking back at Ray and listening to whatever he was saying.

Haley had never really thought about it like that. She hated that Jake was gone and she missed him more and more everyday and there were times when she felt like she would gladly trade her life for his. When he died, she knew that nothing was ever going to be the same. But at the same time, Jake had such a big hand in the way things were turning out right now. He brought her and Nathan together, he brought her to the one person she trusted with her whole heart and right now, all she wanted was to thank him.

"Looks like a fun trip."

Haley jumped and dropped the photo album on the floor as she suddenly stood up. She turned and saw Jake standing at the foot of her bed. She gasped and moved closer to the door and farther from him. She knew that there was no way what she was seeing was real. This was something her mind had made up. This wasn't real. She shut her eyes and shook her head. "This isn't real!" she said to herself, "this isn't real… this isn't real."

"It's pretty real Hales," Jake said, "I'm standing right here."

"No," Haley said, "no you're not. You… oh God. I'm going crazy or something. This isn't real."

Jake rolled his eyes and walked closer to her until he was standing right in front of her. "Can you please just look at me?" he asked and waited for her to open her eyes. She shook her head while keeping her eyes closed. "God you're so damn stubborn," he said and sat on the edge of her bed. He knew that she was finding it really hard to accept the fact that she was looking at him, but he really did want her to stop acting like he wasn't real.

"Why are you here?" Haley said a moment later and she finally opened her eyes and looked at him sitting on her bed. "You… you shouldn't be here."

He stood up, "do you want me to go?" he asked quietly.

"No!" she said and she could feel the tears coming to her eyes, "that's really the last thing I want. I want… I want you to be here for real. I want you to still be alive. I want you to be here for Peyton while she's going through everything. I want you to be here for me! I can't even believe that you're gone. After everything I still can't believe that you're gone!"

"You think I don't want all of that too?" Jake said and stood up again, "that I don't want to be here for Peyton? That I don't to be here on the last night that my best friend's gonna be here? That I don't want to be here for you? I want all of that too Hales."

"I never said you didn't!"

She could feel the tears in her eyes and she struggled to keep them from falling. She couldn't believe that Jake was standing there in front of her and she couldn't believe they were arguing. That wasn't how things were supposed to be if she saw him again. They weren't supposed to be fighting for no reason. She hated this. She hated that they were fighting, she hated that he wasn't really there. She hated more than anything that there was no way that he would ever really be there with her.

"I know," Jake said quietly, "I know you didn't."

"Jake you don't know how much I wish things were different. I would give anything for you to be able to live your life. It's not fair what happened to you. I would give up anything for you to live again. I miss you so much. You don't know how hard it is for me to be here without you."

"I'm sorry Haley. Believe me, I wish things were different too. But that's why I'm here now. So I can talk to you. So you can see me again, so you can know that I miss you too. Because I really do. I miss so much now that I'm gone. I'm not ready to give it all up yet."

"How long are you gonna stay? How long do I get to see you?"

"I don't know. I guess, it's kind of up to me."

Haley could feel the tears spilling down her cheeks now and she looked up at him again. "Can I at least hug you?" she asked. Jake looked down at the ground before looking back up at his sister. She could see the sadness on his face as he shook his head.

"I won't feel it," he said, "and neither will you. It'll be like nothing's there."

She nodded and wiped the tears away from her eyes before sitting down on her bed. "Promise that you'll stay for awhile? I don't want you to go yet."

Jake nodded, "alright. I'll stay as long as I can." He smiled at her before they continued to sit in silence. Part of him thought maybe what he was doing to everyone wasn't really fair. That he was giving them a false sense that he was there. But he couldn't give them up yet. He wouldn't give them up yet. As selfish as that was, he just couldn't give up all the people he loved.

Nathan could feel his nerves kicking in as he walked into the James's house. It wasn't like he hadn't been there what seemed like 1000s of times before. But not for something like this. And the last time he'd been inside was after Jake's funeral. But now it was all about him. It was his going away party. Sure, he'd been the focus of a lot of attention before, this wasn't the first time. But never for something like this. He'd never been the center of attention because of all the things he'd given up. People didn't normally get a party when they gave up their collage scholarships. They didn't get a party when they threw a loop into their life plans and took everyone by surprise.

But Nathan had learned that nothing in his life was going the way he'd planned. He never planned that his best friend would die. He never planned that he would enlist in the army. He never planned that he would give up the scholarship to the school he'd been wanting to go since he was 10 years old. He never thought that he would fall in love with his best friends sister. And he never, never thought that he would ever get the guts to admit that he had.

When he walked through the door he was instantly greeted by people he'd known practically all his life. Jimmy and Lydia were in the living room talking to people that his parents had invited. People like Brooke and Peyton and all of his friends from the basketball team. They were all there. They wanted to see him before he left so that knew that he had all their support. He even saw his coach Whitey there. He saw a few girls that had been on the cheerleading squad with Haley, Brooke and Peyton. Mouth, Skills, Fergie and Junk were all there. He saw them talking to Lucas by the stairs. He saw many people that he knew were friends with his parents. It seemed like almost everyone he knew was there.

But he didn't see Haley.

He knew that she had to be there somewhere. It was weird but it was like he could feel it. He knew when she was close by. His heart would race before he even saw her. But he couldn't help it. That was just the way she made him feel. Like nothing could ruin the high that she put him on. And he didn't want anything to ruin it.

Nathan walked farther through the house saying hi to people as they stopped him on his way in. He would smile before walking farther away. He got into the kitchen and saw Haley reaching to get a glass from a tall shelf. He smiled as he watched her struggle to reach it. He walked up behind her and grabbed it off the shelf for her and she turned around to see who it was. When she saw that it was him a smile spread on her lips and a light blush painted her cheeks. He couldn't help but instantly smile back when he saw it. He loved that he evoked that reaction from her. That he made her nervous. He could feel that physical reaction from her.

"Hi," she said and pushed her hair behind her ears. She looked down at the ground again before looking back up at him and smiling. "Thanks for that," she said and motioned to the glass that now sat on the counter. "It's kind of embarrassing that I'm not even tall enough to reach a glass in my own house."

"You've always been a tiny thing Hales." He smirked when she blushed again. He loved that.

They stood in silence for a moment before Haley said, "well you must be Mr. Popular. A lot of people are here."

Nathan shrugged, "yeah I guess. I mean I don't think a lot of people would turn down a party though ya know?"

"People like you Nathan," she said and smiled, "you'll just have to get used to that. A lot of people are going to miss you and they want to see you before you leave. Don't even act like there's a chance that that's not true."

"I don't know, I guess it's true. But I wouldn't have minded spending the time that I have here with the people I actually care about. Like you and my parents and my friends. Not the people who pretended to be my friends all these years because I could put a ball through a hoop."

"Well at least the people you actually care about are here."

"Not all of them."

Haley nodded. He was right, not everyone that he cared about was here. She wanted to tell him about seeing Jake earlier. But she knew how that would look. Like she was completely crazy. Who could she tell that would believe her? No one. No one was going to believe that she saw her dead brother and that she had been talking to him. If she even mentioned that they would have her committed. There was no point in even bringing it up. Even though she knew what she saw. She saw him in her room. She talked to him. She wasn't making it up and she wasn't crazy.

"There he is!" they heard from behind them and they both turned to look at the person coming towards them. Nathan smiled when he saw Cooper walking towards them with a big smile on his face. "There's the man of the hour!" he said and took his younger nephew into his arms in a tight embrace. "I'm so proud of you Nathan. I think what you're doing is amazing."

"Thanks Coop," Nathan said, "it really means a lot to hear you say that. And it means a lot that you would come out here for this."

"Of course! I had to see you off." Cooper turned and saw Haley standing next to him and he quickly wrapped his arms around her.

It was like hugging Nathan. She felt so small in his arms and her head only came up to his chest. She felt so small around them. "Hey Cooper," she said, "it's good to see you again," she said when they pulled away. Cooper nodded and smiled.

"It's so good to see you Haley. You been keeping him out of trouble this Summer?"

"I guess so," she said, "I mean no permanent damage done," she joked, "but mostly he's been the one helping me out all this time."

"I'm glad to hear that," Cooper said and smiled at his nephew.

"Um, well I'm gonna give you guys some time to talk," Haley said, "Nathan, I'll talk to you in a little bit. It's really good to see you Cooper."

"You too Haley."

Nathan watched her walk away and he realized that leaving in the morning was going to be the hardest thing for him to do. Walking away from the hospital when he knew that it was the last time he would see Jake, it killed him. And so did this. Knowing that he wasn't going to see her for months and months, it killed him too. He was going to go crazy without being able to talk to her. He wasn't sure he was going to be able to do it. "Did you tell her how you feel about her?" Cooper asked.

"No," Nathan said, "and I'm not going to. I just can't."

"I've never known Nathan Scott to be afraid of anything."

"It's not that I'm afraid. I just can't do that to her. Not with me leaving tomorrow. I can't tell her that I love her and then leave her. I won't do that to her."

"Are you ever going to tell her?"

"I don't know," Nathan said, "I want to be with her. I want that so much. But the timing is just never right with us."

"You can't plan falling in love with someone Nate. It happens when you're not looking. I know that you never thought that you'd fall in love with her. But you did and you can't hide those feelings forever."

"Maybe not," Nathan said, "and I'm not hiding them. I'm just… putting them off for now. In a few years when she's done with school and then when I'm home, if things are right then, I'll tell her. I'll tell her everything. But that time isn't right now."

Cooper knew that Nathan was stubborn and that there probably wasn't much that he could say that would convince him to tell her how he felt. He would do it when he wanted to do it. And he couldn't make that time be right now. Nathan never rushed into anything. He did everything on his time and in his own way. This was something that he just couldn't make him do now.

Haley sat down on her front porch and let the sounds of the Summer night surround her. She could hear the crickets in the grass as they all chirped in unison. She could hear the sound of her neighbors sprinkler in the grass. She heard the sounds of laughter coming from insider her house. Everyone was there to say goodbye to Nathan, to wish him good luck. And she was hiding out, away from everyone.

Right then she wanted Jake to show up again and tell her what she was supposed to do. How she was supposed to handle it. Even if he didn't know, she just wanted him to talk her through it. Tell her everything was going to be ok. That's what he always did when she needed him. And right now that's what she needed more than ever. She needed her brother to be there for her.

"What are you doing out here?" she heard Nathan ask as he walked outside. She turned around and saw him walking towards the porch swing that she was sitting on. His dark blue button down shirt was now unbuttoned all the way and she could see the white t-shirt he wore underneath. His jeans sat low on his hips but were secured in place with the black belt he wore. She could tell that he'd been running his hands through his short dark hair. It was something he did when he was nervous. He sat down next to her and rested his arm across the back of the chair around her shoulders and waited for her to answer.

"I just needed some air," she said, "what about you? Why are you out here?"

"I was looking for you."

She could feel her heart race when he said that. She wanted so badly for him to say something like that. And now that he had she wasn't quite sure what to say next. Sometimes it felt so right just to sit in a comfortable silence with him. But not tonight. She needed to say something to him. Anything. This was the last night she would have with him in a long time and she needed to remember it. She was sure that she would though. She remembered every night that she'd had with him during that Summer.

"I'm gonna miss you so much," he said, "I can't even explain to you how much I'm gonna hate not seeing you all the time."

"Oh don't say stuff like that," she said and looked down at her hands in her lap.

"Why not? It's true."

"I believe you. It's just that you saying stuff like that makes me realize how hard this is going to be," she said. "I'm so afraid that I'm not gonna be strong without you anymore. I'm afraid that I need you to just… be able to live my life. Like I can't do it without you. That's how it feels. And I'm scared as hell now that you're leaving."

Nathan stared at her. She was so beautiful and so perfect and he couldn't believe that a girl like her was telling him that she needed him. He'd never felt more like he was worth anything than he did in that moment. Knowing that she trusted him and needed him made him feel like he could do anything. He wasn't sure what came over him in that moment but he knew that he had to kiss her. There was no stopping it. He leaned in to her and pressed his lips against hers gently. He could feel the shock and surprise from her. She hadn't expected him to do that.

One hand cupped her cheek while the other tangled in her long blonde hair. He could feel his heart start to pound in his chest when she kissed him back. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled herself closer to him. She slowly opened her mouth and let his tongue invade her mouth. It gently massaged against hers and he let out a soft moan when her fingers gently scrapped against his scalp. He couldn't help but think that the kiss they were sharing was the most perfect kiss in history. He pulled away when they needed air and he said, "that should have been our first kiss."

She smiled and leaned in to kiss him again. Her lips grazed against his and he wanted to kiss her back but something inside of him was yelling at him not to. He pulled away from her and he saw the confusion on her face. Her hair was tangled from his fingers and her lips were swollen from his kisses and her eyes searched his face for the answer to the question she hadn't yet asked. "Why did you stop Nathan?" she asked and he could hear the hurt in her voice, "I thought that's what you wanted. I thought you-"

"Haley it is what I wanted. You have no idea how much I've wanted that kiss. I've wanted it for so long. But I can't do this to you."

"Do what to me?" she asked, "I don't understand."

"I'm leaving tomorrow Hales," he said quietly, "I'm gonna be gone for months and I can't ask you to put your life on hold for me. I won't ask you to do that. You need to live your life and be happy, even without me. It kills me to say this right now, but you and me, we just can't happen. Not right now."

He saw the tears in her eyes and he hated himself so much in that moment. He sat down next to her but she moved away from him. She stood up and walked towards the door to her house. "I get it," she said, "I'll just… I'll see you tomorrow Nathan," she said before walking inside the house. Nathan let out a frustrated groan and slammed his fist down on the bench he sat on. He couldn't believe that he'd just done that. How could he have turned down the most perfect girl in the world?

Nathan stood in front of the mirror in his room and looked at his reflection. He was wearing his uniform. The camo fatigues looked so foreign even to him. He ran his fingers over the patch with his last name on it. He let out a nervous sigh before looking back towards the clock on his night stand. It was almost 7 in the morning. He had to be at the bus depot that would take him to the airport at 7:30. From there he would get on a plane to Ft. Worth. After he was there for a week he was shipping out to Germany. From then on it would be places like Iraq and Afghanistan. Thinking about all that was coming at him, he'd never been more afraid in his life.

There was a knock on his door and a moment later Karen walked in. She felt suddenly short of breath as she looked at her youngest son. He wasn't a little boy anymore. He was a man. She had barely been able to keep herself from crying the night before at his party but now that she was looking at him in his uniform, she couldn't stop the tears. Nathan walked over to her and pulled her against his chest. He could feel the sobs shake through her and he rested his chin on the top of her head. "Everything's gonna be ok Mom. I promise."

"I'm just so afraid for you."

"Don't be," Nathan said, "I'm not gonna let anything happen to me."

She smiled up at him before taking his hand and walking out into the hall with him. Keith and Lucas stood at the bottom of the stairs waiting for them. When they saw him, it felt like seeing a completely different person. Keith hugged his son tightly before walking out to the car. He put his bag in the back of the car and when he buckled his seatbelt he felt his nerves begin to dissipate. This was the way his life was supposed to go. Everything would go the way it was supposed to and he knew there was no reason to stress over it. Of course there would be times when all he could do was stress, but he would worry about those things when the time came. Not now.

They pulled up to the bus depot a few minutes later. He had about 20 minutes until his bus left. He saw other guys and girls in their uniforms. They had come from near by towns to the busses so they could also go to Ft. Worth. He watched as they said goodbye to their families. It was just life for them and for him too.

It was hard to say goodbye to his parents and to Lucas. When he hugged them he told them all how much he would miss them and that he would always be thinking about them. And that was true. There would never be a day when he didn't think about them. Brooke and Peyton along with his other friends were there to say goodbye to him. It killed him to see Brooke cry while she said goodbye. He had only seen her cry a few times in their whole life. When Jake died and at his funeral. Those were the only times. "Don't cry Brooke," Nathan said, "you're gonna be so busy up in New York you won't even have time to miss me."

"Nathan you're one of my best friends," she said and wiped the tears from her eyes, "I'm always going to be worrying about you." He smiled and kissed the top of her head before saying his goodbyes to Peyton. He told her that he was going to be thinking about her and the baby and that by the time he got home, she would already have it. He kissed her forehead and said goodbye to her before turning around and seeing Jake's parents not to far away.

They had been his second family and saying goodbye to them was harder than he thought it would be. Lydia cried while she said goodbye to him and Jimmy shook his hand before hugging him. "I've always thought of you like a son Nathan," Jimmy said, "and right now I've never been prouder of you." Nathan thanked him and hugged him one last time before saying goodbye to his uncle. He knew that Cooper would write him and he would call him from time to time to check in. Even though he was going to be able to talk to him, it was still hard to say goodbye.

Nathan walked away from Cooper and saw Haley standing next to Brooke. She looked up at him and slowly walked towards him. "Hey," she said. He smiled and quickly took her in his arms in a tight hug. She hugged him back quickly and locked her arms around him. He never wanted to let go of her, she felt so right in his arms. "I'm sorry about last night," she said, "I shouldn't have over reacted."

"Don't apologize. I told you that I wanted that kiss. And I do. I still want it now," he said and smiled, "it's just too hard right now."

"I know."

"God I'm gonna miss you so much," he said and rested his head against hers. "I'll think about you everyday."

"I promise I'm gonna do the same," she said, "please be careful. If something happened to you-"

"Nothing's gonna happen to me," he promised, "don't even worry about me."

"That won't happen. I'm always gonna be worrying about you and thinking about you. All the time."

Nathan smiled before lightly kissing her on the lips. He knew that he was just making things harder on himself and her too, but he needed just one last kiss from. One last one before he left and before she would have to move on with her life. He saw people getting on his bus and he said, "I should go."

Haley could feel the tears roll down her cheeks and she nodded. He was right. It was time for him to leave. He was walking out of her life and she couldn't do anything to stop it. "I have something for you," she said and pulled a folded envelope out of her back pocket. He took it in his hands and looked down at it. His name was written on the outside and he recognized it as her hand writing. "Don't read it until you're on the bus," she said.

"I won't," he said and looked back up at her. He hugged her tightly again before picking up his bag and smiling. "I'll see you real soon Haley. I promise."

"See you soon," she said and watched as he walked towards the bus. He put his bag in before climbing up the steps onto the bus. He wanted to cry out his name and tell him not to leave her. But she couldn't. She felt so powerless in that moment as she watched him leave her. She hated it so much. But she also knew that he was right. She had to go on living life, maybe the living would make it easier to miss him.

Nathan sat down in one of the chairs next to the window. He looked out and saw all his friend and family standing there. He smiled and waved before looking down at the envelope in his hands again. A few minutes later the bus began to pull away and he watched the people around the bus wave as they watched their loved ones leave. He looked back at all the people he loved until he could no longer see them. When they were out of sight he flipped open the envelope and pulled out the letter that was inside. He smiled when he saw the hand written note from her.

Dear Nathan,

Now you're on your way to the airport. On your way to start the new life you chose for yourself. And I want you to know that I'm so proud of you. I think you're one of the bravest people I know and I commend you for what you're doing. But with saying that, I want you to know that knowing you'll be so far away and for so long… it kills me. I'll miss you so much while you're away, but I'll think about you all the time.

I want you to write to me. I'm sure you'll be busy and moving around a lot, but I want to know everything that's going on with you. I want to know that you're ok and I want to know that you're thinking of me too from time to time. Just like I'll be thinking of you. When I'm at Duke, everything there will make me think of you. I really wish that this was an experience that I got to share with you. But I understand, completely now, the choice that you've made.

You're right, there are things that are so much more important than our own selfish wants and you're an amazing person for seeing that. I wish I could be more like you in that way.

I'll end this letter by saying that you're one of the most amazing people I know, Nathan Scott. I'm so glad that I finally got to know you, the real you, this Summer. That trip we took was one that I'll never forget. All the things we did, or saw. I'll remember them all the time. I'll miss you and I can't wait to hear from you. Be safe and be strong, like I know you are.

Love always,

Haley

Nathan read the letter over and over trying to memorize all of the things that she had said. He would never forget them. He knew he was going to think about her all the time. That was the one thing he never had to struggle to do. He already thought about her all the time anyway. He rested his head against the window next to him and shut his eyes. All he wanted to think about was her and not all the things he'd given up. Things like her.

Sometimes we find others in that darkness. And sometimes we lose them there again.