Want To

Dom pov

The morning sun shined down on my face, waking me up from a restless sleep. When I tried to move, I realized that DT was on my arm still out of it. I sighed as I turned my head slightly and looked at the clock. I saw the green flashing lights saying it was 9am. I sighed slightly, as I carefully moved my arm and got up. I sat on the edge of the bed looking over my shoulder at DT still out of it. I was still in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I could hear some soft footsteps down the hall, and figured the guys were starting to get up and around. I knew that I needed to as well. Mia was most likely still here, then again she was probably the one that was tip toeing around and letting me sleep. As I pulled myself up and headed for the bathroom, to get ready for the day. When I stepped out, I saw DT still laying there, but when I looked closer I saw a ghost of a smile on his face. Knowing that he was playing possom. I carefully sneaked over and grabbed him, tickling him. As he shrieked a little and laughed, I stopped after a few minutes and looked at him.

"Morning buddy" I said
"Morning daddy" he replied. I laughed a little bit and scooped him up, throwing him over my shoulder.
"Let's go get something to eat" I said, as I walked down the hall. When I walked down the stairs I saw Mia at the counter.

"Morning" She said, not even bothering turning around. I never could sneak up on her, even when we were kids. She knew my footsteps by heart as I walked over.
"Morning" I said, as I sat DT down at the table and then kissed her on the cheek. When I did, she gave me a strange look.
"Dom" she said, I could hear the worry in her voice. For some reason, I felt happy, I don't know why. I probably never will, but as I looked at her. I could see she was worried about me.
"Mmm" I said, grabbing an apple and taking a bite.

"You alright?" She hissed at me.
"Yeah, I'm fine" I said, as I swallowed the bite of apple and looked at her. "Why?" I asked, cocking an eyeridge.
"You...seemed happy Dom. Are you sure everything is okay?" she hissed back as she picked up a plate full of scrambled eggs and put it in front of DT.
"I guess I am, even though I should..."
"Dom it's alright, she would want you both to be happy." Mia layed a gentle hand on my arm and looked at me straight in the eyes. I sighed and nodded as I watched DT. I sighed thinking about Sasha. Sure she would want us to be happy and move on, but what if something else was going. What if..I'm abusing her memory? Is it wrong to be this happy?

"Dom?" Mia asked, waving her hand in front my face.
"mmm" I grunted, looking at her.
"DT" she said, motioning toward my son.
"Yeah buddy" I said, looking at him.
"We go to garage" He asked

"Sure buddy" I said, as I walked over and scooped him up. As both of us gave Mia a kiss goodbye and left.

When I got there, I already saw the team hard at work.

"Well, something is wrong here" I said, DT by my said as I stood in the entrance watching them. All of the head turned toward me and DT walked in, heading straight for Vince.
"Dom, man I thought you wouldn't be in today" Vince said, scooping DT up and walking toward me.

"Well, I'm here" I said, heading for the office. I sighed as I collasped down behind the desk and the mountain of paperwork in front of me. I just about to get some done, when Vince walked in.
"Hey man, you okay?" Vince asked, I realize that he had shut the door and he didn't have DT with him anymore.

"Where is DT?"
"With Jesse, now answer the question. Are you okay?"
"Man why do people keep asking me that. I'm. Fine." I replied, looking up at him.
"Dom, were worried about you. You just lost your..." he cut himself off. I could see the fear in his eyes. It was like he was scared to say her name around me or that she was my wife.
"My wife" I complied for him.
"Uh, yeah" He said, I see he was uncomfortable.
"Vince cool it, it is fine. Yeah Sasha is gone, but she wouldn't want me and DT stop living. I'm not going to do that. Sure it hurts, but I refuse to stop living, just because she is dead" I said, I couldn't believe it had almost been a week since her death. It had happened a Wensday and it was now Monday morning. I dropped my head and looked down at the paperwork in front me.

"Dom?" Vince asked

"Mmm" I replied

"How about you go home to get some rest" I sighed as I pulled myself up and headed back toward the garage,
"We need to get some work done" I said, I knew that all of them heard the irration in my voice. Vince didn't go on about, he just headed back to what he was doing. I saw Jesse and DT sitting in front of a computer. It looked like Jesse was giving him a lesson in designing a car by the computer. As long as he was happy, I was just going to let him be. As I headed for a Eclipse in the back of the garage.

It was a little after noon when headed for the cafe. Mia was behind the counter, carelessly flipping through a magazine. When we walked through the door, her head popping up to see us enter.
"Hey guys" she said, Brian immediatly moving toward his wife.
"Hey Mia" Brian said, lightly kissing her as the others echoed the 'hey' and took seats. Mia watched them and then smiled slightly as noticed DT heading for the back. Jesse had noticed also and followed him back. I chuckled a little,

"If we aren't careful we are going to have two mad scientists" Leon had said, I chuckled a little. It was so true, Jesse and DT got along great. Sure DT loved his other uncles, but Jesse was by far his favorite. As I also headed for an off section of the cafe to look through some of the paperwork.

A few minutes later, Jesse walked back into the room.

"How is DT" I asked,
"He is playing on the computer" Jesse answered

"Mmmm" I said, pulling myself up and headed for the counter. Everyone else scattered around, just as a car pulled up. Everyone looked toward the car, as a young woman stepped out. It a few minutes to figure out that it was Letty. She was dress in a brown suit with a red button up shirt peaking out. You could tell that her hair had been pulled back, but was now down, falling around her face. As her heels clicked softly against the tile.
"Hey" Mia said, handing her a Diet Coke.

"Hey" she replied, it suddenly hit that I missed that voice. I missed everything about it, and she looked stunning standing there. Just then Jesse piped up,

"Where have you been?" Jesse asked, I saw his eye move up and down. Obiviously he was refuring to the suit.

"Just closed a business deal" she replied, 'A business deal. What exactly does she do?'

"Oh" Jesse said, everyone must of just swept it off, because it was then that Brian piped up.

"How about you come to our place Friday, we are having a huge cookout."

"I..." I could tell that she was going to deny it.

"Come on Letty, we haven't see much of you lately. Come by, it will be like old times" Vince said

"Alright, I will see you guys there" she said, I could feel relief flow through my veins as the thought of her going to be there.

DT and I had come earlier than anyone else to help out with what had to be done. Brian seemed to have everything under control, but I kind of reclined back. Watching the ruckus in front of me with the kids. DT was hanging out with his cousins, I was watching them. When Brian asked me to watch the fire for a little bit to see how Mia was coming along with the meat. I just nodded and moved to where he was standing. I watched him leave, just as Vince, Jesse, and Leon walk out.

"Hey Dom" Leon said

"Hey Leon" I greeted back, now that everyone was starting to arrive. I felt the butterflies starting to form. All of a sudden I was scared to see her. I turned toward the fire and pushed it a little with a spike metal rod. The wood moving around and making the fire crackle. Brian walked out a few minutes later, we had sent Vince in for some drinks. When I heard his voice,

"Letty, it is about time you got here" Vince said, I could just imagine her smiling at him. As he picked her up and twirled around a little bit. I could hear the muffled voices, as Leon and Jesse stood by chatting with each other. Brian had sat down and was watching the kids, run around goofing off. I could voices coming from inside the house, when Vince walked out and a few minutes later Letty and Mia walking out. I stared at her, she looked stunning standing there. With a pair of jeans and a easy tank top with a light weight jacket over it. Her hair was down, as she stood there before us. Are eyes connected briefly before Mia walked by telling Letty to join the party. I watched her from the corner of my eye as I looked at the fire. She was pratically gliding around the yard, every step made my heart jump. My breath caught every few minutes, seeing her like that again. The Letty that I knew and loved...love. I love her, I always will. But Sasha...no she would want me to be happy. She would want me to move on and be happy. It was then Brian said that food was ready and we all headed for the table.

It wasn't until everyone was fed that we all headed for the family room to watch a movie. DT and his cousins had disappeared upstairs to play, and I heard the girls talking in the kitchen. I just couldn't make out the words, it wasn't until I walked in that they stopped and looked at me. As I reached in the fridge for a beer and headed back out that I heard them start talking again. I glanced at the guys in the family room, watching 'xXx'.I had seen the movie so many times that I decided to go check on the kids. As I slowly climbed the stairs I heard them in the playroom, goofing around. I glanced in and saw DT rolling a toy car on the floor. I decided that they were fine and I could go see what Letty was up to. As I headed back down the stairs.

When I got down there, I saw Mia in the kitchen finishing up somethings. She glanced at me briefly,

"Looking for someone?" She asked, her head focused on the dishes.

"mmm" I replied
"Dom, if you are looking for Letty, she is out back"
"Oh"
"Dom..." I didn't bother replying as I glanced inside, toward the family room. The guys still watching the movie, I needed some air, I decided as I headed out back.

Sure enough, she was out there, her eyes closed and her head down. She was sitting on the picnic table in the back, as the wind blew by rustling her hair. She looked gorgeous just sitting there. She looked like she was listening to the stuff around her. When I slowly moved down the stairs and headed for her, she didn't even flinch when I let a sigh go and jumped beside her. I was starting to wonder if she knew that I was there, when I decided I needed to break the silence.
"Isn't this all to familiar?" Did I just try to make a joke out of that.

"Yeah it is" she said, I chuckeled softly.

"How are you?" I decided to keep the conservation going. We hadn't gotten a chance to talk during the party, now I wanted to talk to her.
"Alright, How are you?"

"Okay" Did I just sound desperate? Did my voice betray that I wanted to hold her?

"Mmm" she grunted in response. I was staring straight ahead toward the door I could feel her eyes on me. She was watching me, her eyes going up and down on my body. I watched her during the party, I knew every move. I knew how her long black hair swayed against her shoulders, the way her shoes clicked against the floor in the house. Her eyes sprackled just right when the light hit them. Or she smiled, her nose crinkled slightly and her eyes light up. I slowly turned my head toward her and cocked an eyeridge,

"What?" I ask

"Nothing" She replies, and turn away.

"Let" I say, slowly. I watch her body tense slightly.

"Mmm" she grunts again, this time refusing to look at me.

"Letty look at me please" I plead, she finally looks at me. Our eyes connecting with each other. Her dark brown eyes seemed gleam in the porch light. I carefully grab her chin in my hands. After looking in those eyes, I stopped feeling and lost myself, as I lean in and kiss her softly on her lips. The first kiss she didn't respond, she just seemed to stay still. When I pulled back and looked in her eyes, I couldn't tell if she liked it or not. But I decided to give it another shot, as I leaned in and kissed her deeper. She soon deepened the kiss between us, it was like the world stood still. Everything fading, nothing had happened, we were still the same kids enjoying a passionate kiss one late night. The hiest hadn't happened, I hadn't cheated on her, she hand't walked out, I hadn't gotten married, Sasha hadn't died, and the team move out. We were caught in the moment, with every breath the kiss deepened more and more. When all of a sudden I pulled back, panting. When I looked in her eyes, it was like something had changed. She all of a sudden jumped up and stood there, quickly saying,

"I better go, tell Mia bye for me" I watched her walk off, and then it came crashing down on me. I ran after her,

"Letty!" she kept going, "Let..Letty!" I watched her pick up the pace. As I ran after her, I could tell that she wanted to get away from me. But I wasn't going to let that happen, as I reached her just as she opened her door. My hand reaching out and stopping her. Her head was pointed down toward my hand staring at it,

"Letty" I said, I was panting slightly, as she kept staring at my hand, "Letty please don't go"
"W-why?" Her voice shaking

"Be-because..." I didn't know what I was getting myself into. But I knew that I needed to get my feelings across to her. But she cut me off,

"Dom don't please.." Her eyes looking at me for the first time that we were standing there. Her eyes pleading with me not to say it, but I ignored it. I needed to tell her how I felt.

"I can't help it, I love you Letty, it has taken me five years to realize it. I should of fought for you, but I didn't know. Now I can't help it, I. Love. You. Letty. With every fiber of my being I love you." She just stared at me, she didn't say anything, she just looked at me. My heart was pounding in my chest, as the silence dragged on. Then,

"I better go" she said and stepped into her car and drove away. I stood there dumbfounded. Watching her drive away, I couldn't move, I could barely breath. Then it hit, it was like getting hit by a semi doing 180mph. She had just walked away, I had poured my soul out to her and she walked away. She didn't say anything to me, just walked off.

I was brewing over it when, Vince interrupted my thoughts.

"Hey Dom" Vince called from the porch.

"What?" I called back, turning around

"Everything okay?"
"Yeah" I said, as I made my way over and headed into the house. I saw Mia and Brian in the kitchen, as I made my way upstairs. DT looked like he was close to passing out, as I moved over.
"Come on buddy, let's go home" I said, softly..scooping him up and headed down the stairs, just as Brian walked up the stairs.
"Leaving?" He asked, as he looked at DT in my arms.

"Yeah, I figured I would head that way. Thanks." I told him.

"Hey no problem, I kind of enjoyed all of us being together again. And if you need anything just call."
I just nodded and headed down the stairs, I could feel his eyes on my back.

When I got down there, Mia looked over and smiled.

"Thanks for coming Dom." Mia said

"Thanks for having us over. I will talk with you later." I said, lightly kissing her on the cheek and moving DT around slightly.

"goodnight Dom" She said

"Night Mia" I replied and I made my way toward the house. Due to how close we lived, I walked to there place and then back home.

As I walked through the door, I headed straight for DT's room and set him down. Removing his shoes and pulling the covers over him, as he relaxed. I stood over him, lightly running my hand against his forehead and watching him sleep. I sighed, as I decided to leave and let him sleep. I reached over turned on his nighlight and walked out. Heading back downstairs to see what needed to be done. I turned out a few lights and turned on a dim kitchen light and a lamp in the family room and headed back up the stairs. Heading for my bedroom, as I reach up and pull my shirt off just as I walk through bedroom door.

I toss it aside as I collasp on the bed, just wearing my jeans and folding my hand up under me. Looking up at ceiling, I sigh slightly and reach over. Turning on the clock/radio,

...I can't hide what I feel inside

And just stop lovin' you

Even if I wanted to

I can't hold on

But lettin' go

Is stomthing I can't do, is something I can't do

Even if I wanted to...

The song blared through the radio, as I sighed and listened. Those words cutting deep down inside. I had poured my heart out and she left, had she moved on. Did she not love me anymore? Am I wasting my time? Or was she just afraid? But Letty didn't get scared, she was someone that spoke her mind no matter what. She never got scared. And to have something like this scare her, I kind of doubt it. As I groaned and turned around, my head buried into the pillow. The song had finally ended and they were saying the person that sung it,

"that was 'Even if I wanted to by Jason Aldean' " the announcer said. I hadn't heard the song before, and now that I had, it made my heart ache. As a lone tear trickle down, my heart acheing as I thought about what I said that night and her reaction. Soon the tears were flowing freely, I was crying for losing Letty, for losing Sasha, for becoming a single parent, for the reaction that I got from Letty tonight. I was crying for the world, and right now nothing looked good. As I cried myself to sleep.