I feel Ginny grab my shirt collar and pull me closer to her. This act of wanting, whether it was genuine or not, sends me over the edge and a moan escapes my lips and down her throat. The hum of the crowd luckily drowns it out, but I know Ginny feels it because she gives a small sigh that is so faint I almost miss it. I hate myself for enjoying this moment that I know she clearly doesn't want. My arm that is extended to the invisible barricade, is shaking from reining in all of my control. The only thought ripping through my addled head is mine. She is mine, and no one else can have her.
At this thought I am pitched forward, as the only thing that is keeping me from having Ginny on the floor disappears from beneath my hand. Our lips break apart as I feel her falling backward. My reflexes attuned to every movement she makes, cause me to quickly grab her and pull her to me, to steady her. I know that her hands tightened around my shirt, and her head buried into my chest, is from her own attempt to keep herself from falling, and that I am merely a stabling structure, but I don't care. And I could really care less if everyone is staring at us. But I do care that I had to force myself on her.
"See, it wasn't so bad!" George tells us happily. Once I'm sure Ginny is stable and secure in my arms, I turn and shoot George the most furious look I've given anyone in a long time. I see Ginny turn and do the same. This might be the first time Ginny and I had been on the same team since I'd gotten back.
I finally look to the crowd in the living room. My eyes immediately look for Ron, who is looking red faced and livid as Hermione was talking to him rapidly, trying to calm him down. That did not bode well. I hope his fury is directed to his own brother. Then my eyes fall on Gabe, who is giving me a big thumbs up. I acknowledge it with a raise of my eyebrows, but my expression I'm sure is not what he is expecting. I know I am scowling, and the only sight that can change that is Ginny's questioning and vulnerable eyes as she turns back to me.
We look at each other for a long moment, and a million things I want to say to her race through my mind. Before I can choose one, she turns and gives a bow to the crowd. The applause and cheers fill through the room again, always in control. I humor her and give my own. Yes, we will pretend like nothing happened. How could I forget her favorite way to deal with whatever was happening between us.
I can feel her absence the moment she walks away from me. I watch as she crosses the room to Della, Edie and Hermione who were now all standing by the punch bowl. I hit my limit of how much of this I can take and I reach up and yank the mistletoe from the ceiling, and chuck it at George. The mistletoe lands hard in his gut, as he catches it with a grunt. "Burn it," I tell him, and grab another firewhiskey.
...
"What are you doing out here alone mate?" I hear Alex ask me a few hours later, peeking his head out of the window that opened up to George's fire escape. I had been sitting out there for a bit trying to get my surly mood under control.
"Oh. Hey Alex, I just thought I'd celebrate on my own for a bit." I answer him, taking a long drag of my firewhiskey.
"Right then," he says, disappearing from the window, only to return a moment later with our over cloaks. He climbs out onto the metal balcony, tosses me my cloak and joins me. The November night is dark and biting, and after the heat of my anger has died down I am grateful for the extra warmth. He stands opposite my seated position, leaning against the railing. We quietly sip our warming drinks. I was really going to miss him.
"So, how are you doing?" He asks me.
"Okay I reckon, works been going really well, and it's nice to be home again." I answer him reflexively.
"I think we both know what I am talking about." He corrects.
"Right..about that."
"Yeah, about that. What happened to you staying away from her?" He asks me.
I run a hand over my face. "It was not as easy as it sounded." I start to explain. Alex just nods his head skeptically. "I did try, but I mean, we're practically family...and once I decided to stay in England, I just didn't really have the will to keep it up." I finish defeated, draining my glass of its contents. I feel the alcohol burn down my throat and warm my belly.
"You know something mate?" He asks with a sympathetic grin. "I realized how hard that was going to be for you the second night we were in England, and the only person you talked to who wasn't Edie, Gabe or myself was the one girl you swore to stay away from!" He laughed out incredulously, shaking his head.
"I know okay! But in my defense it was a surprise for me too. I had no idea she was going to be there. And then she literally fell into me! What was I to do, turn away and run?" I ask him, my frustrations of the last month pouring out.
"And what about the Larkin's game? That rousing picture, and don't think your disheveled appearance when you got back from her apartment was lost on me." He inquires with a raised brow, stuffing his hands deep into his cloak pockets.
"First off, I went to that game with the sole intention of working on restoring our friendship. And that damned picture...I'd like you to tell me what you would have done, if the girl of your dreams who you were 90% sure hated your guts, came running to you after a horrific explosion crying your name and weeping into your shoulder?"
"Fair enough." Alex says a bit quieter.
"...as for after that...Merlin, you should've seen the way she looked at me. Those beautiful golden brown eyes looking up at me...I would've given her anything she wanted. I tried to fight it! It wasn't like I hadn't known she was upset and emotional. Every reason why I shouldn't do it ran through my head in those few seconds. But all she had to do was ask, and every one of those reasons seemed pretty ignorable. A lot more ignorable then the woman clinging to my chest. So I did the one thing I shouldn't have and snogged her."
"I'm guessing from that display inside means you two haven't had a proper chat about it yet?"
"We haven't had a proper chat about anything yet." I tell him, shaking my head in frustration.
"Why do you think that is?" He asks.
"Because every time we get close, she tells me to forget about it, and disapparates! Merlin sometimes I just want to grab her so she can't run away!" I say slamming my glass down on the metal balcony, and running both my hands through my dark hair.
"Why do you think she is always running away from you?' Alex asks me calmly.
"Bugger if I know! I mean I know she's still upset from the last time I left. But she never lets me explain myself. She's absolutely maddening! I swear all the beautiful women in this world are. After the explosion she was convinced that I snogged her out of pity!" I tell him, incredulously.
"Okay. So why was that kiss so charged under the mistletoe?"
"...We had been arguing." I admit.
"About what this time?" He asks, and I can tell he is bracing himself for my answer.
"This time? This time we dredged up the night we slept together." I tell him, pinching the bridge of my nose. Oh I was a git.
"And that didn't go well did it?"
"No. She thinks I forgot about that night!" I tell him, sure he would understand my frustration.
"Why would she think that?" He asks me.
"You certainly ask a lot of questions," I tell him annoyed, but the look he gives me back makes me answer. "Because...because I haven't had any contact with her since that night..." I answer, hanging my head in shame. No wonder she was so hurt. And if Ron never told her, of course it seemed like it hadn't mattered to me.
"Look mate, I'm leaving in two days so I feel like I can request this. We've been working together for over two years now. I know you're a good man. It's not debatable. And from what I've seen over the past month is the only thing that makes you more mental and makes you the best version of yourself is that girl. So swallow your pride and tell her." He finishes, giving me a squeeze on my shoulder.
The sound of the window sliding open catches our attention and we turn to see Ginny pushing the glass pane up. I look at Alex, who is reading my mind. He sends me a look, saying careful there.
She climbs through the window and onto the fire escape. Alex and I are frozen as she opens her mouth to address us. "Hey sorry to interrupt. Do you mind if I talk to Harry?" She asks Alex in a voice that is oozing forced neutrality, and I see the blush in her cheeks. My eyes go wide at what she is asking. She purposely wanted to be alone with me. This was certainly unexpected. Alex's eyebrows rise in our shared surprise. He turns and looks at me, before looking back at the red head standing before us.
"Um, sure." He answers, crossing to the exit. Before he disappears through the window he mouths to me, "tell her!". Once Alex is gone, Ginny quickly shuts the window, before taking Alex's spot opposite me, leaning against the railing.
She stands there nervously. Her ankles crossed, and arms crossed over her chest. Her face is tense, and her knees are bobbing with energy. She takes a deep breath before starting.
"Hey." Is all she says.
"Hey...is everything okay?" I reply confused.
"No." she tells me quietly shaking her head, and I hear the tears in her voice.
"What's happened? Who's upsetting you?" I ask, quickly pushing off the brick wall moving over to her. I would hex whoever was giving her trouble about our kiss under the mistletoe.
"You. You are upsetting me." She tells me pointedly, and I back away. I lean against the cold brick wall, and let my head fall back til it hits the hard surface. I nod, in agreement. I certainly knew that. I see her white breath as she lets out a deep exhale and says, "Look, I think we need to talk."
"Yeah, we do." I agree looking back at her. She stands there, her hair big and mused from running her hands through it in frustration. If someone would have told me 3 years ago that I would have ever mucked things up with her this bad, I wouldn't have believed them. How far things had fallen since then.
The tears that pricked her eyes before, are replaced with anger as she asks, "So why were you acting like a jealous ex-boyfriend earlier?"
"I am your jealous ex-boyfriend." I tell her honestly. She says nothing to this, but instead stares off into the night. "Did you sleep with him?" I ask the question that was needling me all night. I knew I pushing my luck.
"Really?" she scoffs turning her gaze to me and asks exasperated.
"Really." I tell her seriously.
"No." she answers me simply, and I feel myself let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding. "And you can wipe that satisfied grin off your face too." She jeers at me, crossing her arms over her chest. I do my best to keep my expression in check. "You're unbelievable." she mutters under her breath.
"What's that?" I ask.
"I said, you're unbelievable. I can't sleep with anyone other than you, but you've been sleeping around the entire continent!" She bites at me, throwing her hands up in frustration.
"What are you talking about?" I ask her confused.
"Ha! Don't think me so naive. I know you've slept with other women!" She answers venomously.
"And how do you know that?"
"Because..." she starts out yelling, but then quickly drops to a furious whisper and continues, "because you were too good at it!" She finishes blushing furiously and looking away. I stand there frozen at her words. I can't fight the smile that erupts on my surprised face. Then I feel low rumble in my chest, before a loud laugh escapes from me. And I am laughing, and I can barely stop. This...this was her reasoning? If looks could kill I would be dead, because Ginny would have murdered me on the spot.
"Oh Gin..." I say, trying to regain my breath.
"I'm glad this is so amusing to you." She says turning around in a huff, refusing to look at me. I swallow my laughter, and straighten up. Well this certainly did explain a lot of things. I move behind her, and she quickly turns to head back to the window.
"No, Gin wait." I say to her, grabbing her shoulders and turning her to face me. She was not going to run away from this again. She stands under my grasp, pointedly looking away. "Ginny look at me," I said softly, moving her chin so she had to no choice. I could feel her heart beating rapidly. I take her hand and she struggles to pull it out of my grip. Unfortunately for her, I was much stronger. I place her palm over my heart. "You are the only one Gin." I tell her in all sincerity.
"That can't be true." she says almost to herself.
"Ginny, as flattered as I am at your accusation, you're wrong. Guys talk for one. And for two, has the thought ever occurred to you that I'd been thinking and dreaming about doing that with you since I was 16?" I ask her, which causes her to go scarlett. I let go of her hand on my chest, and she leaves it there, staring at her palm, and I cup her face, bringing her gaze up to mine. "I promise."
Her breath is rapid, and I can tell that she is quickly trying to process this new information. She just nods in affirmation. As much as I don't want to, I let go of her and give her some space. I was too willing to do more to prove to her that she truly was the only one.
I move back to my spot against the brick wall, and after a moment, she moves to lean against the rail once again.
"So..." she says, running her hand through her long red hair.
"So." I reiterate. We stand quietly for a moment. I wonder where to go from this. Suddenly Ginny gives a wave and an annoyed smile towards the window. I look over to see Della and Hermione standing on the other side of the glass. Della is mouthing something to Ginny, as Hermione is pulling the Della away.
Once they're gone Ginny turns her attention to me and asks, "Do you maybe want to get out of here?"
"Yeah I do." I reply.
"Good. I'm sick of being watched all the time. Everyone can just mind their own business." She says, looking over the side of the fire escape. "Come on. This way." She says, gesturing to the ladder down to the street below. I move next to her and look down. It looked safe enough.
"Are you sure?" I ask her, giving her one more time to change her mind.
"Yeah, aren't you?" she asks me. I answer her by swinging over the side of the railing and standing on the ladder.
"You know you're brothers are going to kill me for leaving with you." I tell her, starting the descent down the cold steel ladder.
"Details," was her only response as she climbs over the rail and joins me on the ladder.
"What about your bag and cloak?" I ask her as we climb.
"Della and I have a deal that the last one at a party brings home the other person's effects. Which typically means that I grab Della's stuff when she goes off with a bloke. She owes me." She answers from above me. We climb down quickly and when I'm just a few feet from the sidewalk, I jump down and hold the ladder for her. She climbs down with ease, and we stand on the sidewalk together.
"Where to?" She asks me. I hadn't quite thought of that yet.
"You're apartment?" I suggest. She immediately shoots down the idea.
"Eh, unless you want to hang out while Della and Alex going at it." she tells me.
"What makes you so sure Alex is going to go home with Della tonight?" I ask her skeptically. She just shoots me a look and I give in, because I'm sure she's right.
"Alright, let's go to Grimmauld Place then." I tell her, and we head off side by side to the other end of the alley to disapparate. We walk silently and I take off my over cloak and wrap it around her shoulders. I hadn't realized how long we'd been outside and she wasn't wearing a cloak. She must be freezing. I leave one of my hands on her shoulder, and she doesn't protest as we continue down the dark street.
...
By the time we get to Grimmauld place both Ginny and I are yawning. It was just before midnight when I had taken a break from the party, so I'm sure it's the wee small hours of the morning by this point. Ginny heads straight for the couch in the living room when we get in. I follow her, and sit on the opposite end. She starts the conversation by telling me how sure she is that Della and Alex are going to hook up. I'm surprised this is what she wants to talk about, but I humor her. As she goes on, she starts curling up, and before we've even been home for 20 minutes, she is asleep. She looks so beautiful, I can't bare to wake her. I get up and grab a blanket from my bedroom, and throw it over her. I sit back down on the other end of the couch for a few minutes, in case she wakes up and wants to go home.
...
"Good morning you two." I hear a very annoyed Ron say. I don't open my eyes just yet as I try and gage where I am exactly. I'm laying on a very hard pillow. No, that's someone's chest. It's Harry's chest, and his arm is around me holding me against him. We must have fallen asleep on the couch while we were talking last night. No wonder Ron is in a state. I feel Harry shift underneath me.
"Morning Ron." Harry says hollowly. But he doesn't try and change our position. I can feel the lights flick on from underneath my closed eyes.
"Are they here? What's going on?" I hear Hermione's voice across the room.
"Oh you know! Caught my supposed best mate in bed with my sister!" Ron's voiced raised on the last few words.
"Ron, I am your best mate. And technically this is a couch." Harry answers again, and I can't help but chuckle, into his chest. Serves Ron right for always sticking his nose into my business.
"Bloody hell you two! No wonder you drive each other round the bend!" says Ron.
"Language!" Hermione protests.
"Ron it is much too early for this." Harry tells him rolling over a bit and covers my face with his arm, shielding me from the light and I suppose the scrutiny of my livid older brother. I feel his chest vibrate in suppressed laughter.
"I'd say! Come here to find you to all snuggled up on the couch together. So this means you two are back together then?" Ron is rambling out.
"No!" Harry and I say together.
"Well then you both better be wearing clothes under there!" Ron yells.
"Ron," Came Hermione's anxious voice. I finally open my eyes from my rather comfortable position on Harry's chest, and he gives me a look that says time to face this.
Harry grabs the covers and throws them off us, to prove that we are both fully dressed in the clothes we had been wearing the night before underneath our shielding blankets. We both sit up on the couch, as Ron paces in front of us. I feel like I'm twelve again getting in trouble with my parents for helping Fred and George out with a prank.
"Ron, this isn't what it looks like." I start calmly, wondering how much of last night I was going to have to explain to my brother.
"Ginny I can't believe you're acting like this! I never figured you for a girl who let men take her home!" He yells back at me. It feels like he slapped me at the insinuation of his words.
"Hey! Watch what you're saying!" Harry warns, standing from the couch, getting in Ron's face. This was escalating quickly.
"Don't tell me to watch myself. You took my little sister home with you so you could sleep with her! You may not be aware but she does have more uses than that!" Ron bellows at Harry and I can see Harry spark in anger. I look to Hermione for her to do something, but she seems frozen at the sight of her two best friends arguing.
"Don't you dare say that to me." Harry says his voice so controlled it's frightening. I can't sit idly by anymore. I see them both reaching for their wands. I quickly stand and scramble over to them, forcing my way between the two short-tempered men.
"Stop it you two!" I demand, pushing at Harry's chest, causing him to take a few steps away from Ron. Hermione finally gets into motion, and comes to pull Ron back away from Harry. Neither of the the boys would even look Hermione or I. Their eyes blaze in fury.
How did Ron even know that we'd slept together before? I had only told two people, Della and... "Hermione, you promised not to tell Ron! Can you see now why I asked you to?" I yell at her angrily. I can't believe she betrayed my trust like this!
"She didn't." Harry says flatly, and all fight in him leaves. His wand arm drops to his side, and he and Ron are sharing a look that means something more than I know. "He already knows." Harry won't look at me, and I look to Ron for an explanation.
Ron's seems to calm a bit and begins to explain, "I went to drop off some documents from the Ministry that I had forgotten to give you the night before at the Burrow and ran into Harry coming out of your flat." I freeze at his words. After all this time Ron had known. I look over to Harry. He is looking at me nervously, his hand gripping the back of his hair.
"So, you caught him sneaking out?" I ask mortified.
"No, he wasn't sneaking out..."
"I was going to get us some breakfast." Harry finishes for him. I suddenly really need to sit down. I quickly sit back on the couch.
Ron picks back up with the story, "It was evident what he was doing at your place at that hour of the morning so I punched him. Surprised you didn't wake up to that..." Ron mused.
"Might want to stick just to the story." Hermione warns Ron, as she looks concernedly at me.
"Right, we got into it, and some choice words were tossed around. And I basically told him how he'd really messed you around the first time he left, and that if he wasn't ready to come back for good that he needed to leave you alone so you could live your life. I told him if he loved you like he said he did then he needed to act like it. So he did." Ron finishes not quite as confidently as he began. He looks apprehensively at Harry.
I follow Ron's gaze and look over to Harry, who's bracing himself against the wall, his head bowed in shame. He looks sick to his stomach. I barely trust my voice but I ask anyway, "Is that true?"
Harry swallows and nods his head yes, "I wore that black eye for two weeks." He tells me, his voice strained.
Rage boils up in me and I am on my feet. "I can't believe you two! Did it ever occur to either of you, to let me make my own decisions. Ron," I spit turning at my now scared brother. "It is none of your business what Harry and I do! He didn't force me to do anything. I let him in. I let him take off my clothes." I tell him and I don't even care, as Ron winces at my brash words. "How could you keep this from me? Didn't you see how much it killed me after he left!" Ron didn't answer, but stood there shamefaced.
I turn to Harry. He was leaning against the wall looking at me apprehensively. "So, why? Why did you leave? Because you loved me? Is that it?" I ask my voice thick with tears and emotion. He pushes off the wall as I come over to him. He almost backs away from me as his eyes avoid mine, and I can see unshed tears in them. "No," I tell him, reaching up and grabbing his face in my hands. I was not letting him get out of explaining himself this time. He pulls away from me at first, but I hold him tightly. He finally looks at me, and I can feel his jaw flex under my hands. We are both crying by this point. "Tell me Harry. Why?" I plead, forgetting that we aren't the only people in the world.
He is gripping my forearms, as he backs me up against the living room wall. "Because I'm not good enough for you. I didn't want to pull you down into my darkness." He whispers as a tears slide down his cheek.
"I've handled it before." I argue with him, wiping his tears away with my hands.
"No. Now you can, but you couldn't before. Before I left, I kept you all to myself. I was selfish, and I let you lose yourself in me because I wanted all of you. Because you're so good and you care about others so deeply. It wasn't until after I left that you worked for the Ministry; that you tried out for the Harpy's; that you let yourself think of yourself first. I had to leave and grieve and mourn without making you pay for it." When he finishes he is leaning his forehead against mine, and his hands are holding my arms with a vice like grip. Tears stream down both of our cheeks. I don't know what to say to him, because he's right.
"Ron is the closest thing I have to a brother, and he was right. I couldn't pull you back down," Harry whispers to me. We are both breathing heavily.
"Ahem! Ginny..." I hear from across the room. I tear my eyes away from Harry to see Della and Alex had joined the audience. Ron and Hermione at least had the decency to look away, and I could tell that Hermione was trying to hid the fact that she'd been crying. Harry never turns around to look at the new comers. His eyes are fixed on my face. "I'm really really sorry to interrupt, but we need to be down at the pitch in like 10 minutes. We do have our last game for fall season today!" Della urges me nervously.
I look back at the man in front of me. Harry's eyes were swirling with remorse and emotion, his grip getting tighter, as if he's afraid to let me go. "Harry I have to go." I tell him, letting go of his face. I have to pull at his fingers, before he will let go of my arms. I slide out from between him and the wall, and he collapses against it. I quickly walk over to Della, who immediately wraps her arms around me and directs me to the door. I take one more glance back, and Alex is making his way across the room, as Harry continues to lean his forearms against the wall, holding the back of his head in his hands.
"Come on girl. Just shake it off, and let it all out on the field." Della tells me as I dissolve into tears outside on the front walk.
...
Author's Note: So this was not how I expected this chapter to play out. But once I started writing it, it felt too right. Yes it is extremely emotionally charged by the end, but it had to be. It's a lot of angst, but the two have a lot to be angsty about.
Harry maybe a tough Auror who faces death more often than he doesn't, but hurting Ginny like this is probably one of the biggest regrets of his life. So his reaction to facing his demon's with Ginny seems appropriate.
Let me know what you thought.
Also, I'm planning on the next chapter being a flashback episode. I've got a pretty good idea of the scenes I'm going to take you back too, but I would be more than willing to listen to suggestions.
You are all the loveliest people.