X.

Demyx slept deeply, and soundlessly. Admittedly he spent the first few minutes of the morning thinking about the previous afternoon, remembering and wanting touch, finally giving in and taking care of it himself. All traces of any misdeeds washed away in the bath, he got ready for the day. When he saw Ienzo buried in a book at the kitchen table, he was ready to get angry; but it was the same book from yesterday. He kissed him good morning and relished in the fact that he could even do that much. "I've been meaning to ask you. Why do you always keep your hair in your face? Is it an aesthetic thing?"

"You sound like Even," Ienzo said, shaking his head. "Partially, I suppose. When I was little the weight of it would help me avoid sensory overload. Now it's just habit more than anything. I assure you I can see quite well."

"Really?"

"Yes. Seeing or hearing too much would cause me intense anxiety, especially certain pitches. Not so much anymore."

"Mythology," Demyx said.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. I just want to learn more about you. That's all." He drummed his fingers on the table. "Can I see it?"

"It looks like the other one. But, I suppose, if it will sate your curiosity." He pulled aside his bangs. Ienzo was right; there was no discernible difference. But it was nice to look him fully in the eye.

"...You have a nice face," Demyx said.

"...Thank you. I-I don't have any strong feelings about it," he said, with a laugh.

"So what do you want to do today?" Demyx asked.

"I'm not so sure. It might be nice to get outside. I hear the weather is good."

"You hear things, but you don't know." Demyx sighed. "You have so got to get out more."

"Precisely why I suggested it," Ienzo said.

The season was just barely turning, with hints of cold in the breeze. They walked, hand in hand, through the quiet.

"The light feels good," Ienzo said. "I feel as though I've lived here, but I haven't been a part of it."

"Yeah. Me too."

Morning, midweek, the marketplace was nearly empty. They browsed, a bit emptily, but nothing caught either of their eyes. Demyx bought a bag of roasted seeds and they ate it slowly to have something to do.

"I'm going to have to get a job," Demyx said, counting the change in his palm. "I'm almost out of money."

"Now that I'd like to see," Ienzo said.

"What happened to the ambition you saw in me?"

"It doesn't necessarily relate to making a wage. Lucky for you, you get room and board free."

"Cool. Great. Now even you don't believe in me."

Ienzo rolled his eyes. "Could always ask to make you my research assistant."

"Yeah, like that'd go over well." Demyx snorted.

Ienzo laughed. "You'd be miserable. You'd quit within the hour."

"Well-with you it might not be so bad."

"No, I'd find you much too distracting. In multiple ways."

Demyx squeezed his hand.

"Besides, your talents lie elsewhere."

For a little while they sat and fed the birds with the remaining seeds.

"...I don't know what will happen," Demyx said, scattering a handful on the ground.

"In the future? Or in general?"

"Both," he said. "I mean, I thought I would know, once I became human. But I feel pretty aimless. Haven't you thought about what will happen after Sora? Will you keep doing experiments?"

"I have not… put much thought in it," Ienzo said. "Yes, maybe I would research something else? But I haven't the slightest idea what it would be. Part of me thought I would never make it this far. But here I am. And here you are. And my life has taken turns I never thought possible. I… I don't know." His hands fluttered at his throat. "This existence scares me."

"Me too. So much."

"I could spend my whole life thinking about what it means to be human after all that and still be wrong." He hesitated. "I know it's early yet. But I hope that you might be perhaps involved in some way."

He felt like he was full of light. He leaned over and kissed him softly. The kiss deepened, but Demyx broke away before it could become unsuitable for public. All this warmth and tenderness and comfort… maybe he didn't know much about humanity, and maybe their connection was still growing, but Demyx was almost sure that he lo-

"Shall we head back?" Ienzo asked. "I'm feeling a little tired now."

Demyx jerked, like he was coming out of a dream. "Yeah. Of course."

They took the short way home, back through residential backstreets that were largely abandoned. People who had once lived here had either died, become Heartless, or plain didn't return to Radiant Garden. There was an icy vacancy that the rest of the town lacked, and Demyx shuddered. "This place gives me the creeps."

"I don't like it either," Ienzo said. "Let's hurry. Might be Heartless about."

They picked up their pace slightly. Several of the homes here were shrouded by overgrown shrubs. Ienzo stopped dead in his tracks. "What's up?" Demyx asked.

"This place feels… familiar." He approached the door to one of the homes and brushed the dirt off the nameplate. His back was to Demyx; he couldn't see his expression. Ienzo reached for the door, hanging slightly off its hinges with age and decay.

"You know it?" Demyx asked.

He was silent for a moment. Looking in on the darkened room, he said in a strained voice, "This used to be my home. This is the first time I've come out to this part of town in many years."

"You mean… with your parents?"

He nodded.

The wind blew coldly.

Ienzo pushed through the half-open door. Demyx hesitated. A place with this much bad energy-especially tied up in emotion-was bound to be crawling with Heartless, something Ienzo no doubt knew. But he seemed to be in a trance.

It was an average home, one that had no doubt once been beautifully furnished. The walls, once a soft peach if the odd preserved patch meant anything, were grayed, and cracked open in places. "Someone must have been after the copper piping," Demyx muttered. "Assholes."

The windows were blown out. If there had been nice things, they were broken or had been stolen, and glass littered the threadbare carpet.

Ienzo was breathing quickly. Demyx could see it in the set of his shoulders. He took Ienzo's hand. "We really should go." But Ienzo pulled away from him. He knelt down and pulled something out of the glass and dirt.

An old photo. There was a young man and woman, smiling happily. They were dressed professionally, like they were academics. Between them was a younger Ienzo.

"Do you want to take that with you?" Demyx asked. "We can frame it. Make a memorial for them."

"I thought I would feel something."

"What?"

There was a terrifying furrow of rawness in his voice. "Demyx, I don't feel anything."

He didn't know what to say. He fumbled. "You know how when you're about to cry or have a panic attack and everything is numb? I think that's how you feel."

"I'm a monster. It's my fault that they-"

Demyx exhaled. "That's not true. Don't you ever say that about yourself." The air in the room shifted. In the corner, Demyx saw the shadows begin to pulse. "Ienzo, we have to go now."

"If they knew what I was responsible for-"

"You need to calm down. There are Heartless and they're reacting to you."

"...then they'd wish I'd never been born."

The shadows became solid, their gold eyes glowing in the dark. These weren't weak Shadows, but their stronger, merciless counterparts. "Ienzo, please." But when he remained motionless, Demyx knew he had to do something. He wrapped his arms around his waist and hauled him up, ready to drag him out the door if that's what it took.

Ienzo resisted, positively thrashing against him in an aimless, traumatized way. His elbows beat against his ribs. Demyx could feel tears in his eyes.

"Ienzo-"

He screamed. It was a weird, animal sound that set Demyx's teeth on edge. Clearly he was deep in some memory, something not dealt with, maybe something he'd previously repressed.

He finally got him past the door frame and they collapsed painfully onto the street, Ienzo's elbows digging into his chest and knocking the breath out of him. Demyx pushed him off and ran to the door, slamming it hard and watching the jam for several anxious moments, waiting for the Heartless to appear, but they seemed to have delved back into their nest. Apparently they weren't hungry.

Demyx turned back to Ienzo.

He'd curled into a ball and was rocking slightly, an empty look in his face. Demyx knelt down next to him and touched his shoulder. He looked up, the emptiness slowly giving way to pain, and he burst into tears.

Demyx held him for a long time as he cried. The sound of it felt like it would shatter him, and he cried a little too. After a while the sobbing subsided, but Ienzo shook, his whole frame quaking. Demyx kissed his forehead. "You ready to stand?" he asked. "It's going to be dark soon. I don't trust that nest."

He said nothing, locked deep in himself. Demyx helped him up. Ienzo pulled away, hugging himself tightly.

Demyx sighed. "I'm sorry I had to force you like that. I just didn't want them to attack you. Especially when you were so vulnerable. You get that, right?"

He began walking, heading off towards the castle. Being nonverbal was one thing; he was completely numb. Demyx noticed the photo on the ground. He picked it up and slipped it into his pocket. He stayed several paces behind Ienzo. Demyx couldn't help but feel like this was somehow his fault, even though there really wasn't anything he could've done. Triggers were triggers.

Once they got back to the castle, Ienzo went to his room and shut the door. The message could not have been clearer: leave me alone.

It began to rain.

It took Demyx a long time to fall asleep that night. When he finally did, he was bombarded with images of the inside of that house, crawling with darkness, until he saw watched it tear him and Ienzo apart.

The images shifted, turned into the Keyblade Graveyard. People in armor, alive, but instead of fighting monsters they were fighting each other, ruthless in their blows and magical attacks. And he was running hard and fast, trying to get away from it all, but everywhere there were swarms of them, until gradually they started coming after him too, and then-

Being shaken. The memory was hesitant to let him go, but at last it did. It was dark, still night; and the wind was howling.

"You were having a nightmare," Ienzo said. Demyx couldn't see his expression.

"...Are you okay? What are you doing here?"

"I can't sleep. And I know that if I'm alone I'll only torment myself." It seemed to take a lot to admit this; his whole body sagged.

Demyx sighed. "Come here." He lifted the covers and Ienzo crawled under. There wasn't much room on this small bed for them to spread out, but Ienzo didn't seem worried about space. He rested his head against Demyx's chest and breathed shakily.

"Your heart's still racing," he said. "What were you dreaming about?"

Ienzo was no doubt too brittle to be able to take in the enormity of the truth-not only was Demyx somehow hundreds of years older than him, but was also apparently a war survivor and a Keyblade wielder? Yucky. Demyx pushed those thoughts down, and lied. "I already forgot."

It rained. They listened to it patter on the old window.

"I thought I could handle it on my own," Ienzo said. "But I can't. Doesn't that make me weak?"

"No. Not at all."

"I'm sorry I hit you."

"You were having a flashback. You weren't in control of yourself." Demyx could also feel Ienzo's pulse, still heightened with anxiety. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

"Alright. That's alright."

He held him for a while, stroked his hair, let him breathe. Eventually, Ienzo's heart rate slowed to normal. His warmth and weight soothed Demyx, brought him down to somewhere very near sleep.

"Will you stay?" he asked Ienzo.

"Yes."

Morning. It was still downpouring, and the light in the room was a dreary gray. Ienzo, lying against him, was still asleep, momentarily at peace. They could always wake up like this, together.

But Demyx would have to tell him about his past somehow. How could he tell him when he didn't know much himself? Would Ienzo be mad? Would he consider this lying? He just wanted to be good enough, and strong enough, to be the person Ienzo needed.

Somewhere in this complicated thought process, Ienzo woke up. He lifted his head long enough to see the rain and lay back down. "What a gloomy morning," he said.

"You sleep okay?"

"Surprisingly, yes. You make a good pillow."

"Glad to hear it."

"I'm still so very tired."

"It's the weather. And yesterday was a long day."

"Very, very long." He sighed. "I don't think I'd mind if we stayed here for a while."

"See? You're getting the hang of it."

"I've always loved the sound of the rain. Especially in the spring. It's so cleansing. It makes me want to curl up with a cup of tea. Read something halfway decent. I can't remember the last time I read a novel for the pleasure of it." He yawned. "Maybe later."

"Maybe."

He propped himself up on an elbow. "I'm glad you're here," Ienzo said. "I can only imagine how… difficult this experience would be otherwise."

Demyx was thrown momentarily for a loop. "I… I'm glad I'm here too."

He kissed him. It was a sort of kiss built on comfort and trust, in a way different than any of their previous. The pureness of the vulnerability was overwhelming.

That was the moment Demyx fell for him.

The kiss changed, became heavier, less hesitant. He pulled his fingers through Ienzo's hair and pressed his lips against the old scars, making peace with them. They were together now, and there was more strength in that than he anticipated. Ienzo shifted his weight, pulling his legs around Demyx's hips and slipping his hands up under his shirt. His hands were so soft and Demyx's sides were so sensitive that for a moment he couldn't breathe. He let him take the shirt off, aware suddenly that the only other piece of clothing he had on was his underwear because that was all he usually wore to sleep.

He slipped off Ienzo's shirt and for a moment they lay skin to skin, struggling for air. Ienzo traced the innumerable scars on Demyx's chest, left there by Sora and who knew what else.

"I don't know how to do this," Ienzo said, his voice catching slightly.

"It's okay. I mean…" For some reason he thought he might cry, though he wasn't upset by any means. "Are you sure you want to try something? We just talked about this two days ago."

He nodded, and Demyx could tell he meant it from the soft glint in his eye. "Yes. Are you?"

He thought about it for a few seconds. Something vital between them had shifted. No more doubt. "Yeah. I guess I kind of am."

Ienzo laughed.

"I think… maybe it would be easier if we switched spots?" He was feeling anxious again, though more differently, flightier. "Just because you're starting from scratch, here."

"What, are you an expert?" Ienzo asked in a low voice that sent chills through him. "You know I learn fast."

Demyx couldn't help but kiss him for that.

"You're right though," Ienzo said shakily. "For now." He lay back against the pillows. It felt slightly less spontaneous than before to get on top of him. Even in the gray light Demyx could see the flush in his skin. But his hands didn't shake.

"You can relax, okay?" he said. "Do whatever feels natural to you."

Ienzo helped him take off his thin cotton pants and then reached for Demyx's underwear.

"Don't worry about me," he said quickly.

"I want to."

And just like that they were naked. Demyx could not get over the strangeness of the moment, but it all felt right . Every nerve was twice as alive. Demyx kissed him. Every feeling and touch eddied into the next, achingly. Demyx was shaking as he touched his skin. Every bit of Ienzo was still more surprising. Soft. Supple. Surprisingly wiry.

Ienzo gripped the hand that was touching him and squeezed it once.

I am completely lost, Demyx thought, but then, do I care? It took a moment to find the nerve to let his hand dip lower and lower still, across the curve of his lip and his inner thigh to his dick.

The response was instantaneous. Ienzo gasped, hardening a little more with the slightest touch. Demyx could feel himself getting even more turned on. As gently as he could, he stroked him a few times. Touching someone else like this had never made him feel so vulnerable before. Ienzo was breathing hard and fast. His hands knotted at the nape of Demyx's neck, catching in his hair.

"Is that good?" Demyx asked. His voice was husky, as though he might cry.

Ienzo kissed him in response. His bucked up against Demyx's hand, the muscles in his thighs tensing against him. Even though Demyx wasn't being touched himself, knots of tension began building in the pit of his stomach, almost sweetly painful. Hearing and feeling him react was almost too much. It was more than he thought it would be, more emotional, too.

He began to move a little less hesitantly. Ienzo's grip on him tightened. "I feel…" he said in that same strange voice, but couldn't complete the sentence.

"Are you going to come? It's okay. Let it happen."

He stifled a moan against Demyx's shoulder and he felt the rush of heat against his thigh. Ienzo's grip loosened, and when Demyx saw his hands they were trembling. "I…"

"Are you okay?"

He nodded. "I'm… a little dizzy."

"Just relax." His own hands were shaking. The want was almost painful, but Ienzo's comfort was far more important. He seemed almost shocked, a touch shaken. He straightened his legs and then looked down. Demyx lay on his side and pulled the sheet quickly over his own body, but Ienzo had seen.

"You're still-"

"I'll live."

"It doesn't seem fair." He lay on his side. "If you want some privacy, I can step out."

"Really, Ienzo. I'll be okay."

"...Okay."

Demyx lay down next to him, as much as the small bed would allow.

Ienzo seemed to regain his composure somewhat, relaxing more naturally. "...So this is what people are always obsessing about," he said. "I finally have some insight."

"Well-I mean, there are other things people do."

"No. When people write of longing, is this what people are seeking?"

"You're a scientist. You can say it. "Orgasm." You came on my thigh."

Ienzo wrinkled his nose. "I suppose I did."

"Did it not live up to your expectations?" he asked, only half joking.

"I didn't have any expectations," he said. "Only what I've heard."

Demyx was so shocked he nearly sat up. "You mean you never- ever -"

Ienzo shrugged. "My life has been peculiar."

"I can't believe this. You've never masturbated? You've never come in your sleep?"

"Believe it or not. These are simply feelings I've never had to act on. Consciously or no. Chalk it up to an emotionless puberty."

"Holy shit. I don't know if I should feel honored, or if I've completely corrupted you." The talk was distracting Demyx, which was good.

Ienzo laughed. "I don't feel corrupted. And I should know. No. I feel… clean, if that makes sense. Despite the evidence otherwise."

It did make sense. Not only was there a sense of release (for him, anyway), but the trust there was stronger, less superficial.

"And yet. If you'd have told me last year that this would have happened, I'd have gone positively feral," Ienzo said. "This life is so strange."

"The strangest," Demyx agreed.