Chapter Nine:

Answer's Aren't Always Satisfying

Saita just sighed, before shaking her head. How could he possibly want to know about her past? It wasn't even that interesting or different, many people nearly get raped and see their parents murdered when they are just children… well, not really. But still telling her rival and most hated person in all of Seireitei, about her very personal and painful past wasn't something Saita ever wanted to do.

"Listen, Mu-Renji, my past is personal and I don't need you telling everyone in Seireitei about it. So just drop it." Saita told the tall, tattooed, redhead with a defensive tone, she no longer wanted to play, whatever game he was playing, she was tired and wanted to just go back to her house, take a long, long shower and forget about this afternoon's adventure.

"I wont tell anyone… trust me." When Renji spoke those last two words, he expected Saita to scoff at him and more than likely try to hurt him, seeing as how the words "trust me" was something Saita did not believe in, not one little bit, especially coming from him.

Saita cocked an eyebrow at Renji's last two words, before scoffing and shaking her head with a somewhat sinister laugh and speaking, "Trust you, really? You've got to be joking? Like anyone would ever trust you."

Renji did not like Saita's reply, not at all, but gritting his teeth and shoving his anger back for another time, he tried to speak calmly, though it came out forced and a small hint of anger was heard in his voice, "On the contrary and to your greatest surprise, I'd imagine. A lot of people trust me. Because I'm the kind of person who can keep other people's secrets and I'm a very trust worthy guy. So, you need to stop being a brat and get over your self, because one day you're going to need someone and because you've pushed everyone away, they're not going to be there!"

Saita just stared wide-eyed at Renji, she had never expected something so serious yet moving, to come from his mouth; Though he had called her a brat, which she did not like, she still kind of got the meaning of his rant.

'Maybe… I can… trust him?' Saita's mind spoke, almost of it's own accord, because she would have never sanely thought that in a million years, but perhaps, it was her, the part of her that wanted to trust people, but being let down so many times had locked that part away, maybe now she could trust again, maybe.

Saita just stood there for a minute before, her features softened and a tired sigh escaped from her lips, "Renji if I tell you, about my past, would you never ask again and swear on your honor and family jewels, that you will never tell anyone?"

Renji grimaced a little from Saita's question and the promise he would have to make, but being true to his word, he nodded his head, before speaking, "Yes, I swear."

Saita could tell that Renji wasn't lying, so she nodded her head, before looking at her wrists, which were still in Renji's grasp, "Do you mind, letting me go?"

It was more of a demand than a question, though she hadn't been rude about it. Renji still didn't quite trust her not to run away, but he reluctantly let her wrists go, after he did Saita backed away from him while rubbing her wrists, where his grip had been, before eyeing his room over once and backtracking to his bed and plopping down right in the middle, with a sigh.

"Well, where to begin?" Saita muttered to herself, before she looked down at her hands, for a minute before looking back up and stareing straight into Renji's brown eyes.

"When I was little, I was a lot different than I am now. I used to trust people, I used to smile, whether you choose to believe this or not. I used to be polite and shy. Yeah, I was a lot different back then. But anyway that's off subject, so yeah, I lived with my parents, my mom, Asuna and my dad, Jinsei." When Saita spoke of her parents Renji noticed that her eyes shined and a small smile crossed her lips, it was unusual, yet Renji liked seeing Saita's emotions, especially the happy ones.

"My surname is… Naoto, but I never use it anymore. Not since I was young. Anyway that's off subject too." Saita laughed a short halfhearted laugh before continuing, but her voice and face became cold.

"When I was younger, my dad and mom, let someone stay at our pitiful looking shack of a house for a night, but, they shouldn't have, because that night, that man, who's name I don't remember or even care to, took a Tanto and… slit my father's throat, while he slept. Then… my mom, she woke up, hearing my father's choking and… well, saw the man standing over my father with a bloody Tanto. She went to scream, but… the man hit her, hard which made her head smack into our wall and blood started to fall from her head… she was basically unable to do anything but lay where she was, but when the man… went to take my mother's cloths off, she started to fight back. Until the man started to hit her, over and over and over again, until she could do nothing but whimper in pain, then he… he, proceeded to… rape my mother, before he stabbed her several times…" Renji couldn't believe how much she was telling him and how bad her past had been, but he had a gut feeling that her gruesome story wasn't over yet and he wasn't so sure if he wanted to hear the rest, but he asked, so he couldn't turn back now.

"Then he turned to me… I was young and naive, back then. But I knew that he had done something bad to my mother before killing her and I also knew that he was going to do the same thing to me, if I didn't get away, but I was… frozen in fear and I couldn't make myself move. No matter how hard I tried…" Saita's face was as cold as he'd ever seen it before, it almost made him sick, to think of what she was going to say next. He sincerely hoped that she hadn't been raped, but only she knew the answer, so he just waited, while fearing the worst.

"But when the man grabbed me, I snapped out of whatever trance I was under and started fighting him, but he had already got a tight grip on me, so all I could do was fight… and beg for him to let me go." Saita nearly growled out the word beg, she hated the word just as much as she hated the act of doing it, but with a deep calming breath, she started again.

"I was crying and pleading for him to let me go, when he started to run his hands over me, all over me… before he started to… run his hand under my nightgown and over my legs… and when I started to struggle more he slapped me so hard that for a minute I lost all since of what was happening around and to me. Luckily the man had let my wrists go, when I stopped moving around and so, after he pulled my underwear off and started to pull my nightgown up, I regained my senses and lashed out with my foot and caught the guy right in the throat. So while he was choking for air, I jumped from the floor and ran off… I never went back. Not even to this day, have I ever been back to my old house and I've never trusted people since, especially men." Saita finished with an evil scowl and glare as she looked at the wall.

She had moved her gaze from Renji's when she started to talk about what the man was doing to her. Renji guessed that she was ashamed and angry at herself, for not being able to do anything about her parents or fight back before that man had touched her.

It made him angry, that someone would do that to her and her parents, but what really got under his skin was the fact that he could tell that the man, whoever he was, was probably still alive and out there somewhere, doing the same disgusting thing all over again. It made Renji so mad that he could have caught fire and he wouldn't have cared.

A strong tense silence enveloped the whole house, for at least twenty minutes before Renji could break the silence, "Saita, I… I'm sorry about your parents… and I hope that one day you get your revenge. But, don't loose yourself in the process and for Kami's sake don't push everyone away, yet. Not yet."

As Renji whispered those last two words, Saita finally met his gaze. She was just as surprised as Renji was when they both found kindness and concern in one another's eyes, but Renji was most surprised when Saita, smiled at him, yes it was a small one and it held a lot of sadness, but it was a real smile, not a smirk, or even a scowl or anything like that. It was real and Renji couldn't help but smile back, even if it looked more like a twitch of his lips, Saita saw it, and for once, since they had met, forty years ago, they now held an understanding between one another.