A Look Back
Lorien was leaning over a tiny tow-headed first year in a hospital bed half way down the hospital ward when Snape entered, carrying a box containing the potions he'd promised to have for her this evening. He set the box on the table, glancing at where she was still busy tending her patient, and set about taking the flasks and vials out of the box and tucking them away on the appropriate shelves in the storage cabinets.
In part he was being helpful since she was still busy so late this evening, but partly it gave him an excuse to watch her surreptitiously. He'd never said anything to her about it in conversation, but he had to admit he liked to watch her work. He had a great deal of appreciation for her skill as a healer, and her seemingly endless patience for sniffling, sneezing, wheezing, bleeding, oozing children that arrived daily with ailments both mundane and magical.
Case in point, she was gently coaxing the sobbing little girl to swallow the rest of the contents of the small clear vial she'd prescribed. Sleeping draught it looked like. He knew it tasted awful, and how Lorien got eleven-year-olds to drink them without threatening worse curses than they already had, he'd never understand.
He placed another pair of "sober-ups" on the shelf and picked up two more, pausing to watch where Lorien was wiping the last tears from the sleepy child, and then leaned down to tuck her in under the covers.
He certainly didn't mind watching her work from this angle when she bent over her charges like that. Snape admired the way her robes draped about her derrière for moment, and then turned back to putting away potions as Lorien dimmed the lights and walked away from the now sleeping girl.
"Severus," she said in greeting softly, so as not to disturb her patient. She sounded tired, but she gave him a wan smile and nodded at the stocked shelf. "Thank you."
He nodded. "You look like you've had a long day," he said, glancing briefly at where the first year girl was now sleeping soundly. "What happened to her?"
Lorien beckoned him to follow her into her office where she sank into a chair and let her head fall back. Snape leaned back against the desk next to her and folded his arms as she spoke. "She got caught in the crossfire of a hallway hexfest," Lorien sighed. "It's taken me and Poppy most of the evening to sort out the half dozen curses she'd been hit with."
Snape had a bad feeling about the answer to his next question. "Who did it?"
Lorien's expression told him this was about to become his problem.
"Crabbe and Goyle ambushed several Ravenclaws signing up for Quidditch tryouts. Unfortunately, Miss Hazen and two friends were walking by when the fireworks started and couldn't get out of the way in time. She got the worst of it."
Snape felt his blood pressure rising. Those two had shown signs of becoming a larger menace than before, now that they were no longer spending time in the company of Malfoy. "Damn it," he snarled.
"Filius was looking for you earlier," Lorien continued, " and Minerva as well."
"Minerva?"
"Yes," Lorien said, now smiling a little, " she wanted me to pass along the message that she has already handled punishment for Ginny Weasely."
"What's the Weasely girl got to do with anything?" Snape asked.
"She happened to be standing nearby seeing which Gryffindors were signing up for Quidditch trials and managed to put a stop to the whole thing," Lorien answered. "I let Crabbe and Goyle sit and deal with her Bat Bogey hexes until well after we got the other students sorted out."
Snape quirked an eyebrow up at her.
Lorien spread her hands in a gesture of innocence. "What else could I do?" She asked, " I had to prioritize which injuries were worst. Unfortunately, they had to wait."
"I would have left them at least until tomorrow," Snape said in a manner that convinced Lorien that he probably would have. "Bat bogeys," he growled, agitated now, "I'll give them worse than Bat bogeys." He was off the desk and pacing the length of Lorien's small office.
Lorien recognized the warning signs, knowing that Snape was now working himself into a furious frenzy. It was inevitable that it would lead to an explosive and unproductive confrontation in the Slytherin dorms if she didn't do something to halt his momentum. She stood and quietly walked out of the office, knowing well that this would be more effective than trying a direct approach.
Sure enough, after a moment or two, he followed her out into the hall.
"Where are you going?" he demanded, harsher than she knew he meant to.
"Miss Hazen is stable and sleeping soundly," she replied, matter-of-factly. "She'll be ok for a couple of minutes while I slip off to the kitchens."
"Kitchens? It's after eleven, Lorien," Snape answered, sounding marginally less irritated.
Lorien nodded patiently. "I know, but I'm starving. I've been out straight all day, and haven't eaten anything since breakfast," she said.
'Breakfast' was evidently the magic word. Snape's anger began to erode, and he looked at Lorien with a trace of concern as he realized how hard she'd been working all day. "You must be exhausted," he said, stepping in front of her and blocking her path to the kitchens. "Let me get you something."
"Thanks, Severus," she replied gratefully, " I can manage, but you could walk down with me and keep me company."
Snape nodded and fell into step next to her, suddenly feeling tired, himself. The last traces of his mounting rage were fading as he realized how adeptly she'd just prevented him from having a meltdown.
'Sly bitch,' he thought affectionately, glancing at how she was calmly walking next to him. She halted in front of the hidden entrance to the kitchens, and when she extended her hand toward the pear in the painting, he reached for her arm and pulled her around to face him.
"What?" she asked.
He pulled her another step toward him. "You know exactly what," he replied. "Very smooth the way you manipulated me out of my righteous rage just now."
" 'Manipulated' is such a strong word, Severus," she said quietly, meeting his stare evenly.
"And what do you call it?" he asked.
"I call it taking care of you," she said quietly in return. She placed a hand gently on his chest over his heart, and dropped her gaze to where she had placed her fingers. "It can't be good for you to get that upset with all the other worries that we have right now…." Her voice trailed off.
"I see," he said. "So, you know what's best for me, do you?" There was only a hint of sarcasm lacing his question.
She looked up into his eyes, leaving her fingers over his heart. "Who would know better?" she asked softly.
He gave her a rare smile and pulled her gently against him. "No one," he whispered, and he drew her into a long deep kiss.
"Ahem."
Snape recognized the headmaster clearing his throat, even from down the hall, and he quickly released Lorien, who was going quite red.
"Ah, there you are Severus," Dumbledore said as if he'd only just noticed the tall, darkly robed wizard standing in the middle of the hall. "Good evening, Lorien," he said pleasantly as he approached, appearing not to notice the bright shade of pink her face had turned.
"Headmaster," she said quietly in return, smoothing out her robes distractedly.
"Would you mind if I borrowed Severus for a few moments?" he asked her kindly. "I promise not to take up much of his time."
"Of course," Lorien replied, blushing a brighter shade of pink and escaping beyond the portrait into the kitchen.
Snape waited for the headmaster to speak as Dumbledore stared thoughtfully after where Lorien had swung the portrait closed behind her. He looked back at Snape. "Lovely girl, that. Smart witch, smart witch indeed, wouldn't you agree, Severus?"
"Of course."
"Really goes out on a limb if it's needed to care for others, that Lorien," Dumbledore continued, walking casually along the hallway as Snape followed.
Snape was pretty sure that by 'others', Dumbledore meant him. He walked along in silence with the older wizard, waiting patiently for Dumbledore to speak again. He wasn't expecting what the headmaster would say next.
Dumbledore interrupted his stroll for a brief moment, but never took his gaze off the end of the hallway. His voice was hushed when he spoke again. "Don't let her go, Severus." He turned and looked meaningfully over his half-moon spectacles at the younger mage. "Keep her close. Keep her safe."
The headmaster's brief advice conveyed volumes to Snape, who conveyed as much back with a silent but solemn nod.
"Good." Dumbledore resumed his casual pace along the deserted hall and changed the subject as Snape clasped his hands behind his back and kept pace with him. "I assume that you've heard by now about Messrs. Crabbe and Goyle?"
"I have only just heard," Snape replied with a sigh.
"Yes, well, they pose a bit more of a problem this year, don't they?" Dumbledore mused.
Snape knew that Dumbledore, like he, had come to the same conclusion that Crabbe and Goyle were an obvious danger to the school without the influence of Malfoy to temper their recklessness.
"I wanted to speak with you first before making any decisions," Dumbledore continued. "How would you handle this, Severus?" The headmaster came to a stop again and turned in Snape's direction.
Snape stared at the floor between them thoughtfully for a long moment, and taking deep breath, looked back up to meet the headmaster's clear blue gaze. "I would expel them at once," Snape answered firmly.
Dumbledore didn't really look surprised but he questioned Snape's answer anyway. "Truly? You believe there is no hope of redemption for either?"
Snape shook his head. "No, they do not doubt in the least that the Dark Lord's way is the only one. They have traveled too far down that road to turn back."
"You're sure of this?" Dumbledore asked. "You even gave Draco the benefit of the doubt."
Snape continued to shake his head. "No, Draco always doubted. He swaggered, and boasted and talked a lot, but he learned a very hard lesson last year when he got hung out to dry as a scapegoat even though he risked a lot to prove himself to his father and to Voldemort." Snape heaved a weary sigh before he continued. "Draco learned that hard work and loyalty don't necessarily warrant reward. In the Dark Lord's world, you earn yourself a one way ticket to hell for hard work and loyalty."
Snape had paused for a moment and was unconsciously clenching his left hand before he spoke again softly. " It isn't a world Draco wants to live in anymore. He's too smart, too talented. He's realized that he's wasted precious time already. As for Crabbe and Goyle?" Snape snarled, "they're unthinking, unfeeling thugs."
Dumbledore nodded gravely. "No one would understand the situation better than you, my friend. I highly value your opinion, as usual."
"When will you make your decision?" Snape asked quietly.
"Oh, I just finished deciding while we were talking," Dumbledore replied somewhat wearily. "Your feelings are the same as mine. I'm going to have them expelled immediately."
Both men glanced back down the hall a little ways to where Lorien was exiting the kitchens, and then Snape addressed the headmaster again. "Do you need me to deal with this?"
Dumbledore shook his head. "No. While I think your influence was invaluable where Draco was concerned, it has no bearing on this situation."
Snape looked a tiny bit relieved as Dumbledore continued. "The Aurors and I will handle this tonight."
"You're sure?"
"Yes," Dumbledore replied, "besides," he said with a smile and a glance at where Lorien remained patiently back by the portrait, "I told her I wouldn't take up much of your time."
Snape merely nodded and strode off to join Lorien at the end of the hallway.
Dumbledore watched them walking away together, and saw the gesture of concern from Lorien when she placed her hand gently on Snape's arm just before they rounded the corner.
He knew that Lorien was aware of what lay beneath her hand on Snape's arm. Severus had confided to him himself that he had told her about his past, including the things that no one else but Dumbledore himself had known. She had chosen to stand by him and place her utmost trust in him as had Dumbledore, but in addition to her trust, she had given Snape her heart.
Dumbledore frowned a little; knowing that she was good for Severus, but concerned that the path that lay before them was still going to be rocky. He hoped they would survive what lie ahead intact, and that the bond that was obviously growing daily between them would be strong enough to see them through.
Not that he wasn't worried about Lorien, he was. It was just ……Snape had been through so many traumas, emotional and otherwise, throughout his life. Dumbledore had often worried about the younger wizard over the years, wondering if his will to live was as strong as one was led to believe. Until he met Lorien, that is. Since the night she had saved his life he seemed not only to be surviving, but to be living again.
Dumbledore wondered if Lorien knew how much she had done to heal the dark wizard in soul as well as in body. Dumbledore had seen that ragged soul, laid bare and torn before him on that night so many years ago……
Dumbledore was sitting at his desk, head leaning wearily on his hand as he read the latest letter from the board of governors, stating their concerns about the safety of the students at Hogwarts. Once again, they were debating about closing the school.
It was raining heavily outside, although the preoccupied headmaster had hardly noticed the approaching storm until a particularly sharp crack of thunder split the sky over the castle.
Fawkes jerked his head out from under his wing and ruffled his feathers in agitation at having been woken from his nap on his perch next to Dumbledore's desk. Finally taking notice of the storm, Dumbledore let the letter fall to his desk, pressed his palms to his eyes for a moment and then lowered his hands to stare out the window.
He was fighting a losing battle with the governors. He wished he could make them see how much better off they would be if Hogwarts were allowed to open this term. Of course, he couldn't blame them for getting panicky. Two Aurors had changed sides, two more had ended up in St. Mungos…probably permanently, and three more members of the Order of the Phoenix were missing.
A knock at his door roused him from his thoughts, and he turned his gaze back from where he'd been staring out into the rain. "Come in."
Sirius Black entered the office.
"Ah, Sirius. How are you?" Dumbledore started to get up, but Sirius held up a hand indicating he shouldn't bother and flung himself into the chair in front of the large desk, running a hand back through his wet hair.
"Fine." Sirius replied.
"And how are Lily and James?" Dumbledore asked, "They're well?"
Sirius nodded and smiled. "Little Harry is keeping them busy enough."
"Good." Dumbledore was quiet for a minute and then looked back at Sirius. "You know about Frank and Alice?"
Sirius nodded, looking tired and careworn, but there was a fierceness in his eyes. "My cousin had better hope that I'm not the one to catch up with her……."
Dumbledore nodded in understanding and then changed the subject. "Sirius, I asked you here because I need someone to take a message to Mad-Eye for me. I don't dare entrust this one to an owl at this point. It's too important."
Sirius was instantly on his feet, taking the sealed letter Dumbledore was handing to him. "I'll take it immediately."
"Good, and one more favor, Sirius?" Dumbledore asked as the younger wizard was heading back for the door. "Check on Remus for me. The full moon isn't far off and he's probably in rough shape."
Sirius sighed and remained standing with his back to the headmaster. "You're convinced still that it's not him?"
Dumbledore's answer was firm. "I am."
"Somebody's leaking information still, Albus. I wish I could be as certain as you that he's not……."
"Time will tell, Sirius. You'll check on him for me?"
"Yeah," Sirius answered from where he had his hand on the doorknob. "I'll try. He's been giving me the cold shoulder lately too." He walked out before the headmaster could say anything else, and another crack of thunder ripped its way across the heavens.
Dumbledore sighed. The mistrust that had been growing among the members of the Order was like a cancer, threatening the survival of the whole organization.
Fawkes let out a tiny inquisitive squawk, and Dumbledore turned to follow the bird's gaze out the window into the driving rain. At first he saw nothing, but after a moment, he thought he could make out a small shadow in the looming darkness. Was that an owl?
He rose and went to the window to look closer, and after a minute or two, it became clear that a small dark owl was battling its way through the storm towards his window. Dumbledore threw the window open as the bird drew near, and it shot gratefully through the open window and collapsed more than landed on his desk.
Dumbledore saw how rapidly the bird was breathing, and he removed Fawkes' water dish from his perch and placed it in front of the exhausted bird in front of him. He sat down to wait patiently. The bird quit breathing so erratically after a few minutes, and then took a long drink at the dish. Finally it held it's left leg out to the headmaster.
Dumbledore was expecting to unroll a message, but felt a surge of adrenaline when he saw what was on the sheet before him. The small piece of cloth was white, with the tripartite wizard's symbol of peace. It was smeared in the center with a red-brown stain that looked like recently dried blood.
A truce proposal, sealed with an offering of blood so that the truce was binding upon penalty of death. Who would send such a thing?
Dumbledore quickly looked down at where the small owl was now holding out its right leg.