Anchor

chapter 10

"Are you sure you don't want to come into town with us, Kai?" Yung asked, as Appa and Imaru lowered the plank. They had finally reached Yun-Ho that morning, and after a very busy day of trading and exchanging money, night had fallen with the crew planning to hit the town. It was one of the rare times Kai had chosen not to partake in the partying and drinking and one night stands that usually happened with a night on the town. He still felt drained from his experience with the sirens, and someone besides Jinora needed to stay back with the ship anyway.

"Yung, you stayed back last time," Kai shrugged. "Besides, I'm tired, a little extra rest will be good for me. Now go on. Don't be afraid to bring home some pretty girls and boys, alright men?"

"What about a pretty girl for yourself?" Momo asked, and Kai rolled his eyes.

"I'm good for now, Mo," Kai answered, and Yung shushed the younger boy.

"I think he's already found his pretty girl," Yung muttered to Appa, who laughed loudly and nodded as they both glanced back at the ship. Jinora was down below decks, pulling on pajamas. Understandably, she too had been tired and overall uninterested in joining their outing. Yung wondered if those pajamas would still be on by the time they got back; hopefully not, seeing as Kai and Jinora had the ship to themselves for the first time, and Yung had fifty yuans riding on them getting together within the next two months (only Momo had been foolish enough to bet against him).

The crew laughed, strolling down the plank as they left the ship. Momo even waved goodbye, and Kai gave the boy a pointed look, trying not to smile.

The one thing that dampened his mood for the night was the fact it was cloudy: it was practically moonless, with hardly any stars shining through the thick cloud cover, which was too bad, as stargazing was one of his favourite things to do, and was sure Jinora would have appreciated the sight as well. Speaking of Jinora… She had gone inside to change into some warmer clothes, as it was a slightly chilly night, and Kai smiled softly as she stepped back out onto the deck. Ever since he had revealed his past to her, something had shifted. The snark and playful teasing was still there, but gone were the defences, the walls he had thought for so long to be so necessary now having being obliterated (around her, at least). A weight had been lifted off his shoulders, and Kai had never felt happier, strangely enough.

Then he realized she was wearing his shirt, the one he had given her to change into the other day. Come to think of it, he couldn't remember her ever giving it back. "My shirt, Gyatso?"

Jinora flushed. "It, uh…it's comfortable, alright?" she crossed her arms over her chest, the sleeves dangling over her hands and wrists, the shirt at least two sizes too big for her, and Kai couldn't help but think that she looked adorable. Under the shirt poked out her tight black leggings and boots.

"I'm just teasing, Gyatso," he grinned. "You can keep it, I don't mind. It looks better on you than it ever did on me, anyway, why do you think I'm always taking my shirt off?"

Jinora narrowed her eyes and smiled at him. "You like showing off?" she suggested.

"I think you like it more than I do," he said, winking at her.

Jinora snorted. "Keep dreaming Captain."

They went to the mast and leaned against it. It was a colder night, but not enough that their hands felt like ice, and Jinora was grateful. Even if she couldn't see the stars, the low warm breeze was pleasant, and it was a beautiful sight to see all the lights of the town shining on the water, flickering pools of light that changed with the current. The only sounds was the buzzing of the city's nightlife, faint shouting and music, and the waves lapping against the hull of the ship.

Jinora looked at Kai out of the corner of her eye, biting down on her bottom lip. "So…how many girls have you been with?"

Kai glanced at her, looking slightly surprised. "Any particular reason you're wondering, Gyatso? There's still room for you on the list, you know."

Jinora elbowed him in the side. "Shut up, you know that's not why I'm asking. I'm just curious. You can't go around asking people about stuff like this in high-society after all."

"Just teasing," he said again. "Ah, give me a moment…" Kai paused to think, counting on his fingers for a moment, before he answered. "Around 30, I think. All one night stands though, you know, just a bit of fun. Nothing substantial."

Jinora arched an eyebrow at him. "You've slept with 30 girls, but you've never had a real relationship?"

Kai shook his head. "That's about it," he shrugged. "But that's the way a lot of sailors are, you never stay long enough anywhere to get attached to anything. Otaku's sweet on one girl, in Dishow, and they're trying to keep up with the long distance thing, but it's hard. I've never given it a shot, actually."

"So there's no actual girl in your life? No one grand true love?" Jinora asked. Kai was a genuinely good guy, attractive too (not that Jinora would ever admit it out loud) and she found it hard to believe that there wasn't some girl that was holding out for him.

Kai shook his head again. "Nah. Like I said, nothing permanent."

There was a brief silence before Jinora asked, "Do you think you'd like to have something permanent one day?"

Kai let out a long exhale. He reached into the pocket of his pants and pulled out a cigarette, offering one to her, which Jinora refused, before he lit it. The smoke curled over his lips. "Yeah, one day I guess. But the biggest thing is that pirates can't get married." Jinora shot him a surprised look. "Yeah. Being a pirate's illegal, and I have a big enough rep no council would ever let me get married without turning me into the authorities. But the whole permanent-relationship thing is probably just wishful thinking, anyway, I dunno. This life suits me… what about you? If you could find the right guy?"

"Well, I'd actually want to get married then," Jinora replied. "I think the honeymoon would be the best part - and not for that reason, you idiot," she added, when Kai opened his mouth to reply. "I just think the traveling part of it would be fun. Exploring the world."

"The world wouldn't be the only thing you explored - ow, hey, that hurt," he pouted, rubbing his arm. Jinora stuck her tongue out at him. "Okay, I'll be serious. So, if you found that guy, you'd have kids?"

"A couple, yeah I guess so," Jinora answered. "I know my parents want to be grandparents one day, and with four kids of their own they're bound to have a bunch. What about you, if that permanent-relationship thing worked out?"

"I don't know," Kai said, his voice growing soft. "I…I don't think I'd be a very good dad." Jinora frowned sadly at him. "I didn't have one for a long time. You already know how bad my dad was, and Yung's the closest thing I've ever had to one, but even he's more like an older brother."

Jinora placed a hand on his shoulder, giving it a squeeze. "I think you're already a great dad."

Kai's eyebrows shot upwards. "What-?"

"You're like the dad to the crew, aren't you? You take care of them, feed them, protect them. The only difference is they call you Captain instead of father, to be honest. Oh, and you're much younger than them, obviously," Jinora explained, and slowly, Kai smiled.

"You really think so?"

Jinora grinned at him and nodded. "I do."

Kai leaned against the mast post, relaxing with a content look settling over his features. "Alright then. Thanks Gyatso." The warm breeze faded into a bitter one, and Jinora shivered. "You cold?"

"A little, I guess, I…" she trailed off as Kai wrapped an arm around her shoulders, her face suddenly feeling quite warm. "Thanks." Hesitantly, she relaxed into his side, going so far as to rest her head on his shoulder. She felt Kai tug her closer slightly, and heat flooded her cheeks. Sitting like this with him was rather nice, after all, his body warm and strong, a pillar of support for her to curl into. For someone so strong, Kai was surprisingly gentle when he wanted to be.

Neither of them spoke for a long time, before Kai finally broke the silence. "I can't believe it's been over two months," he said quietly. Jinora raised her head slightly, before resting it back down, and snuggling into him more. Kai glanced down at her, his expression unreadable.

"It's cold okay," she lied, and Kai merely smiled at her. "But…" Kai's smile faded. "I know what you mean. Over half my time here is over. It - it seems crazy to think about. Things are so different now."

Kai pulled her closer, his hand resting on her hip, as her forehead pressed into the crook of his neck. "I know what you mean. It'll be really weird, not having you around." A lump formed in his throat at the thought of it. Somehow, Jinora had become an integral part of the crew, an important part of his life. Just like with the ransom deal, this hadn't gone according to plan either.

"A lot more peaceful," Jinora said, with a feeble half-laugh.

"A lot more boring," he corrected her. "As much as you can be a thorn in my side, it's actually kinda fun arguing with you, Gyatso. I'll miss it, I'll…" The sadness in his eyes caught her off guard. "Do you think you'll really go back home and get married to some asshole?"

"I don't want to, but…Hopefully I'll be able to cut a deal with my father and he'll let me pick a man that I want, first and foremost, and let me get married on my own terms. If he doesn't agree, I suppose I'll run away and try to find work somewhere. Daw says I've gotten quite good at cooking, you know." She smiled a little.

"Oh yeah?" Kai challenged. "Alright." He stood up abruptly and pulled her along him, his fingers laced through hers, before he quickly let go. "Make me some food then, I'm hungry."

"Saying the magic word wouldn't hurt," Jinora said dryly, but she ran through the list of things she could make, and wondered which one he'd like best anyway. Kai's face was suddenly very close to hers, and heat rose to her cheeks.

"Ah, but I have lots of other magic ways to make it up to you," he said, and her heartbeat quickened despite herself. It was a relief when he pulled away, and her heartbeat slowed down again. Why exactly had it sped up in the first place, she wasn't sure. Kai had a way of making her blood boil when they argued, but this was a new sensation she'd never experienced around anyone before. Come to think of it, even their past arguments had always seemed more extreme than arguing with her family or friends. Like a pulsing sort of current, taking a sort of pleasure out of seeing him all riled up.

Jinora pushed those thoughts away as they walked down the stairs and through the dining hall, stopping in the large pantry, stuffed full to bursting with food and barrels of various liquids and spices. Jinora pulled out a loaf of bread and a stick of butter, along with a couple of tea bags. Daw had left the stove running, so at least they didn't have to relight the fire, and she filled the kettle with water and put it out for tea.

"You're getting bread and butter," Jinora told him.

"A very complicated delicacy," Kai said sarcastically, plopping down in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest, looking unimpressed.

Jinora rolled her eyes. "Just be grateful I'm making you anything, Captain."

"How should I show my gratitude?" Kai asked.

"You could shut up," she suggested, and he chuckled.

He watched as she moved around the kitchen, taking a knife from one of the drawers and began slicing up bread and spreading butter over it, her slim fingers closed over the handle of knife. He wondered briefly how it was possible that it had been only two and half months since she had come into his life. He couldn't help but compare her to a storm - loud and chaotic and damaging, but beautiful in its own way, and once it was over, a peaceful calm. Only this time, he didn't want the peace to come.

He wanted her to stay.

Kai opened his mouth to say something, perhaps just that, when the kettle's shrill whistle split the air, and whatever courage he had gathered had been destroyed along with the end of the soft silence between them. Instead, he munched happily on his bread and made sure to keep his mouth open while he chewed, eyes gleaming with amusement when Jinora wrinkled her nose at him.

"You're disgusting."

He swallowed and grinned cheekily at her. "So I've been told, Gyatso. But come on, don't knock it til you try it. I bet you've never chewed with your mouth open, have you?"

"No, I have not," Jinora said, her lips twitching upwards.

"And you've never had sex either, right?"

Jinora nearly choked on her tea. "W-what?" She narrowed her eyes at him. "What sort of question is that to ask?" she snapped, her cheeks burning.

Kai held up his hands. "Hey, you asked me how many girls I've slept with, and I answered you. Besides, don't your crowd always wait until marriage anyway?"

Jinora's anger faded. "Well, yes…and you're right, I am a virgin. And I swear to God, if you make some kind of suggestive comment-"

"I promise I won't for tonight, at least," Kai swore, trying to figure out what was going through her head as her defences fell once again, and she relaxed, a strange sort of sadness falling over her face. "Hey Gyatso, you okay?"

"It just…reminded me, of what's waiting back home. It's not exactly an exciting prospect," she muttered, staring into the steaming contents of her mug. "Ugh, I need alcohol for this."

Kai's eyes widened in surprise, and he grabbed her arm when she went to stand up. "Nu-uh, I'm not letting you become an alcoholic like my dad on my watch. That tea's fine. Come on, just talk to me. Please, Jinora. You were there for me when I needed you, so let me return the favour, alright?"

Jinora sat back down, letting her hand fall into Kai's. He carefully interlocked their fingers, and Jinora found a strange sort of comfort in it; his fingers were rough and calloused and warm against her smaller, softer ones. "Alright… it just gets to me sometimes. I don't understand why my father thinks money is so important. Why I have to marry for money. I want to marry for love."

"You get a say in who you marry, right?"

"If he wasn't the governor, yes, but since he is…The negotiations will happen between him and the suitor and the suitor's father. A woman never gets a say."

Kai was surprised as rage boiled up inside of him. "You don't even get to choose?" he said in disbelief.

Jinora shook her head. "Not really, no."

"That - that's insane," he said, anger seeping into his voice. She pursed her lips, squeezing his hand. "And it's all because you need money?" She nodded, frowning. A sudden wave of guilt washed over him, making his stomach churn. Here he was, sitting with the woman who was technically a hostage and doomed to a miserable future, yet he was going to charge her father with ransom. "Jinora…how much will the ransom money cut into his fortune?"

She winced. "Kai-"

"How much of a difference will it make? Please, Jin, I need to know."

Jin. No one had ever called her that before, but it tumbled so effortlessly from his mouth, weakening her resolve as his big green eyes pleaded with hers. "It will leave a dent. Not a very big one, but it will…change things. But even without the dent, nothing about my future will change. There's nothing you can do Kai." She took a long sip of her tea as they sat in silence, and when Jinora set her cup back down, she rose from the table and Kai did nothing to stop her. "I'm going to bed." She paused by his chair, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Good night."

She went to leave, and his chair nearly fell over as he hastily stood up, his fingers closing around her wrist and pulling her back, a little more than he had expected, so that when they were face to face, there was only a few inches in between their faces. "Jinora, I…" He watched her brow raise in an unspoken question, and quickly took a step back, needing the space to collect himself, because his heart was hammering in his chest and it wasn't supposed to do that. "I'm sorry I can't do anything to help," he said finally.

Jinora smiled softly. "It's alright," she said, and he opened his arms as she stepped into them, wrapping her arms loosely around him. Kai tried not to hug her back too tightly. The last thing he wanted was for her to think he was clingy, or something. His arms lingered around her, even as she stepped away and released him. She seemed to do so with apparent ease, but he found it was much harder than he had ever thought possible to let her go. She took his hand and gave it a squeeze. "You did help you know, just by listening. Thank you."

Kai managed to return the smile, which faded as she turned around and walked away. Hostage. The word made his throat go dry. She was still a hostage. Still his hostage. Not a pirate. Not a member of the crew. A friend. Just a friend. Why was it suddenly so hard to think of her that way, when just a few hours ago it had been so easy?

What had changed? Was he…no. No. He could not be - there was no way - he couldn't be falling for Gyatso, could he? It was impossible.

But that was the thing about storms, Kai remembered as he sat back down, knowing he'd never get to sleep now, and deciding to wait up for the rest of the crew. They always damaged the boat, and he supposed a person's heart was no exception.