NOTE: Since the past few chapters had key songs I'm going to continue doing that. I will recommend a song that goes to each chapter. If you like the songs let me know, and if you think they fit let me know. The song for THIS chapter is Bo Bruce The fall. I do NOT own it but it's what I listened to while writing this chapter. Enjoy it!
Arnold stood in the kitchen humming softly to himself while filling the dishwasher. Ok, so maybe Helga was mean and crazy half the time, and maybe the house was cold and dark, but despite all that he had a good paying job plus room and bored, and the perks he was getting on the side yeah he loved those. He put the last dish in the dishwasher and closed it gently Helga had actually cleaned up her plate, but he figured she had worked up an appetite. After their lunch she had promptly kicked him out insisting she needed to write, and he had obliged needing a nap himself the woman wore him out.
He could hear her stereo playing music upstairs but that was all the clicking of the keys wasn't loud enough to be heard downstairs so at this point he didn't know if she was writing or drinking but he guessed it was a little bit of both. He snatched up his copy of the locket ready to read the last page. He settled down in the livingroom cracking it open to the last page instantly sucked into the story.
Hannah Woke up in the hospital the beeping monitors letting her know she was still alive. One more thing she had failed out. She wanted to scream, and cry out, but she couldn't she was so utterly defeated even crying now seemed pointless. Her best friend Pamela was asleep in a small folding chair beside her bed, and Hannah was ashamed that she was in this condition. Andrew wasn't here, Andrew didn't even know what she had done. Because Andrew was out living his life, and he didn't care about what happened to her. Hannah took a deep breath that seemed almost painful, and finally felt Andrew leave her lungs. Maybe she had succeeded in cutting him out of her life. Maybe, He was gone forever, Maybe she was going to be ok. THE END.
Arnold shut the book and sat there absorbing the words into his soul for a minute. The only word to describe the novel was brilliant. It was haunting, tormenting and in the end slightly jarring in it's honesty of love being rejected or at least not felt. He glanced up at the ceiling where Helga was above him and felt a sense of pain for her. To write as free, and raw as she did she had to have survived or felt something amazingly painful. He felt like someone had peeled back a veihl on love that he had never know existed. Maybe he was wrong about Helga maybe she knew more about love than he thought.
Helga sighed with mild relief as she finished the latest chapter in her newest book. It always felt peacful to finish a chapter and get the words out of her mind and onto the pages. She did a small victory spin in her desk chair and threw back the last of her brandy.
Sometimes writing was the only thing she could do. It was who she was it was why she breathed. It was why she lived if she couldn't write she though maybe she'd go crazy. Maybe she'd die like someone who stopped breathing died. If she didn't get it out of her it would surely kill her. There was a soft knock but she didn't reply and slowly the door opened.
"Hey..."Arnold stepped inside closing the door behind him.
"Hey."She didn't turn around to face him.
"I just finished the locket...I wanted to say something to you." He said softly.
"Ok, go ahead." She said turning slightly to face him.
"I'm sorry about the things I said to you. The things I said about you not knowing how to love, and everything I said...I'm sorry I was out of line." He said honestly and he didn't miss the way she bit her lip and looked out the window instead of at him.
"No, don't be sorry. You were right about all of it." She said shaking her head.
"No Helga I wasn't. I know I wasn't...I know you better now...you're so passionate, and...you're so...broken." He said softly and she winced.
She stayed silent for a few minutes and he waited for the tongue lashing he was sure she was going to give him. Instead she shrugged with a heavy sigh.
"You're right I am broken...but writing has always made me feel whole." She said with a small smile.
The music that had been playing changed to a different song. It was haunting and in a way he felt like it fit Helga perfectly. It got beneath your skin and flowed easily into your veins.
"What are you listening to?" He asked and she looked at him.
"Bo Bruce...The fall...It..inspires me."She said motioning to the laptop.
"Dance with me." He said, and she frowned.
"Are you crazy?"She asked.
"Why not? Come on." He motioned at her.
She slowly stood and took his hand he pulled her close one hand resting lightly on her waist the other holding hers. He started to move to the slow music.
"I never thought I'd be here." He said.
"Me either." She replied.
"You're such a mystery Helga...It's stunning to witness." He told her.
"I'm not stunning to witness."She said rolling her eyes.
"How is the new book coming?" He asked.
"Good. I should be finished soon." She said.
"I can't wait to read it." He told her honestly.
"Arnold...we need to talk." She said gently pulling out of his arms.
"Yeah?" He put his hands in his pockets to keep himself from reaching for her.
"I think that when this book is over...you should find a new job." She said.
He stood there not quite believing her. The look on her face let him know she wasn't kidding and he realized it was more than devestating to think of going back to life without her.
"Why? Did I do something?" He asked and she shook her head.
"No, You didn't I just...I think you need to get out of this house, and away from me."She said moving away from him.
"What? Why?" He attempted to follow her but changed his mind.
"Because Arnold...I'm a basket case at best...I'm a time bomb waiting to go off and when I do...I don't want to take you out with me." She said looking at him.
"I don't understand."He said sounding angry.
"I know you don't...maybe someday...you will."She shrugged.
He wasn't stupid he knew what she was doing. She was doing what Helga always did. He was slowly breaking down her walls and so instead of lashing out she was going to run. She was going to push him away because she was scared. He knew she was scared but that didn't help the anger boiling inside him.
"What is wrong with you? You have sex with me and then decide that maybe I should quit? Are you really that much of a vindictive whore?" As soon as he said it he regretted it.
"Yes, I am...and you should have known...I warned you Arnold I told you this was just employer and employee...I told you not to get too involved...I warned you that you would get hurt but you didn't listen." She said coldly.
He looked away running a hand through his hair his eyes catching the clock on the wall. He shook his head in disbelief. Had it really only been two hours since he was in this room making love with her on the floor?
"You warned me...but I'm not the one who's falling in love."He said bitterly and her quick intake of breath let him know he had an advantage now.
"I...I don't know..."She stuttered.
"That's it Helga...You're in love with me and it's scaring you so you're going to push me away. The thing is I don't care. Push me away it means absolutely nothing to me I'm not the one in love."He said knowing how badly his words cut her.
She didn't say anything she spun on her heel and stormed over to her desk and grabbed her bottle of whiskey. She wripped the top off and down a gulp directly from the bottle her hands shaking.
"Go ahead Helga...get wasted..do it...drown your pathetic life in booze." He taunted.
"Shut up."She said softly.
"What? I'm sorry I couldn't hear you over violins playing in your honor." He said.
"I said shut up."She said bracing her hands on her desk her entire body shaking.
"You'll have to speak up Helga...I can't hear I seem to be slightly deaf from your screaming my name earlier." He taunted.
She grabbed the bottle of whiskey spun towads him and hurtled the bottle across the room at him. He ducked and the bottle shattered against the wall behind him.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" He yelled.
"I SAID SHUT UP!" She screamed.
"I'll do even better than that."He said moving towards her he crossed the room.
"Get away from me." She said through gritted teeth. He stopped a few inches away and leaned in as if he was going to kiss her. Her body trembled so hard her teeth rattled.
"I quit."He said softly.
"Good." She spat back.
He turned and strode to the door she didn't speak or try to stop him and he opened the door leaving it open behind him. He went into his room slamming the door behind him. She stood there a second shaking with anger, and need. She turned around to her desk. Sitting beside her computer was the first draft of her novel printed neatly in a stack. She grabbed it and threw it in the fireplace watching the words burn. Every love confession, every kiss, every touch and feeling burned away. She grabbed her brandy and up ended the bottle downing most of its contents.
Arnold finished slamming his clothes into his suitcase and by now most of his anger had burned out. She was so infuriating anytime they made progress she did something to ruin what they had. He didn't understand her and she wouldn't let him try. Right now all he wanted was to take a lesson from her and run for the hills. He carried his first bag out into the hall and went into his room for the second one when he came out Helga was standing beside his bag.
"Take off your clothes."She said.
"You've got to be kidding me."Arnold said dropping his second suitcase to stare at her.
"I said...take off your clothes." She said moving closer and he could smell the alcahol on her.
He stood there looking down at her and something in the burning way she looked into his eyes had him kicking off his shoes. She just stared as he stripped off his shirt. When he had tossed his shirt to the floor he wrapped his arms around her pulling her body to his he kissed her. She kissed him back biting his lower lip. He pulled back just a tiny bit.
"You bring out the worst in me." He said his hands going to her shirt and peeling it up her body.
"That's funny...you bring out the best in me."She said kissing him again.
He kissed her deeply his confusion turning quickly into lust and pouring into their kiss. He tugged her shirt over her head and she broke away for a second until he tossed it aside. She slid her hands up his bare chest and around his neck. He pulled her closer his hands on her hips his mouth devoiuring hers. He had to admit he heard once crazy girls were great in bed, and he was inclined to believe it. She was the best lover he ever had, and even when she was screaming at him he wanted to do nothing but bend her over the nearest object. She pushed him slightly back into his room, and he backed up until he hit the edge of the bed and could sit down allowing her to straddle his lap. He leaned back and she pursued her hands trailing back down across his chest, and stomach.
Maybe she was split personality. That was Arnolds theory as he lay in his bed staring at the ceiling. He was alone. Like always Helga hadn't stuck around long after. She rolled out of the bed told him to unpack his things and make dinner then she vanished. He decided it would wait a minute or two until he caught his breath. As much as he enjoyed being with her the woman was slowly killing him. Still, what a way to go.
He frankly didn't know how she had the energy to keep running off after their encounters. Between the pushing, biting, scratching, hair pulling sex and his job he was completely exausted. Helga however had no problem getting up and going on about his business. Now, he was faced with the fact he'd have to apologize to her again. He shouldn't have lashed out at her and he knew it even when he was doing it but it had been so easy.
He rolled out of the bed and pulled on his jeans with a heavy sigh looking at the bruises that covered nearly his entire body. He winced when he bent to pick up his shirt from the floor. He pulled it over his head and moved to the kitchen to start making dinner. He was mixing a salad when she came into the kitchen.
"What's for dinner?"She asked.
"Chicken, and a salad...unless you want something else."He said not turning to face her.
"No, That's fine." She said moving to the fridge and getting herself a water.
"Helga...I'm..."He started to speak she interrupted him.
"Don't say you're sorry again. Please, For goodness sake...I've had enough of your apologies."She said waving her hand.
"Well I am."He said chopping a tomato.
She walked over to stand beside him snatching up a slice of carrot and eating it, and he had a terrible urge to kiss her right there and then. He resisted though. He finished the salad and sat it on the table with the chicken. She sat down and took a drink of her water.
"Can I ask you something without you biting my head off?"He asked as he sat down.
"Probably not." She said taking a bite of salad, and he smiled.
"There's...not a chance that..."He trailed off.
"What?" She made a motion of impacience with her fork.
"You can't be getting pregnant. Can you?" He asked realizing now he should have asked sooner.
"Not likely football head." She snorted taking another drink.
"Ok I mean I don't want you to think it's because of it being you...I just..."He trailed off again.
"I'm on the pill...relax.."She said taking a bite of chicken.
"Ok then."He finally took a bite of chicken.
"Whores like me...gotta take something."She said under her breath and he dropped his fork with a heavy sigh.
"Helga...I'm sorry I didn't mean it."He said.
"It sounded like you did."She said taking another drink.
"Well I didn't...honestly."He said.
"Whatever I've been called worse."She said shrugging like it was no big deal but he saw the hurt in her eyes, and felt it in his soul.
They ate mostly in silence until Helga stood up after finishing her water.
"It's been a long day. I'm going to bed."She said.
"Oh...ok."He moved to stand and she shook her head.
"I'm going to bed alone...I'll see you in the morning."She said.
"ok then."He sat back down watching her.
"Goodnight Arnold."She said sadly, and he saw a loneliness in her eyes he didn't notice before.
"Goodnight Helga."He said softly.
She exited the kitchen and drug her tired body up the stairs. She went into her room and shut the door behind her. She leaned against it for a minute before changing into her pajamas a long silk pink nightgown. She moved to the large doors leading onto her balcony and stepped out onto her balcony feeling the cool night air hit her skin chilling her to the bone.
He was right about everything and that hurt more than anything he could have made up. A single tear rolled down her cheek and she stared up at the moon. She glanced down at the concrete below her balcony and for a minute debated jumping just to end this pain. The dull ache that was chewing her insides away. She couldn't let go, and she couldn't hold on. She wasn't anything if she wasn't in love with him. Maybe, if he left she'd disappear just vanish and not be anything at all anymore. She wasn't much of a human being to begin with . The only thing that reminded her she was alive, and she was human was the way she loved him.
When everything went wrong, when it hurt to breath, when she wanted to just give up. Her love of Arnold breathed life into her and kept her going. If she didn' t have that anymore if that feeling left. She didn't have anthing. She moved into her room collapsing onto her bed. He couldn't stay here forever, and she couldn't expect him too. If he left she'd be alone again but at least alone the only person that could hurt her was herself...and she would, she knew she would. It was a terrifying thing to be afraid of yourself and Helga was. She was scared to be alone with her own terrible mind, and thought and worst of all she was afraid that if she was alone with her feelings they would succeed and kill her.
read and review!