Chapter 10 Confession

I wanted to stay here with Edward. The moonlight was shining down on us and the music was playing again inside making our current scene all too romantic. Just as I was beginning to become comfortable, Edward's hands were no longer holding onto me.

"Bella, I…" he began to speak and then stopped. Something was unsettling Edward. Did he regret the kiss? "I'm sorry," he finally muttered and he stared deep into my own eyes.

"Oh," I said feeling ashamed of myself. "You didn't want to?" I asked half heartedly, scared of the reply.

"No Bella," he reassured me quickly and I was able to look up at him again. "It was very ungentlemanly of me is all I meant. I cannot have you thinking poorly of my manners."

"I wanted you to. How could I think poorly of that?" I asked and then immediately felt weak at my knees. Had I just confessed my long time crush to Edward?

His right arm started to twitch at his side. I leaned forward a bit hoping that he would reach out for me again. My thoughts were interrupted by a loud call from behind French doors.

"Edward," the female voice called loudly. "Edward."

Edward grabbed the tops of my shoulders then and I nearly fainted from the feeling of the skin on skin contact. The veranda was lined with tall plants and shrubs. He roughly pushed me behind one and then pressed his index finger to his lips, shushing me.

Mrs. Masen stepped out onto the veranda then and caught sight of him.

"Oh Edward! Finally! I've been searching for you for the longest time dear. Is something the matter?"

Edward stepped away from me and towards his mother.

"It was so crowded. I needed the air and to clear my head."

"I see. Come along then son. It's time for cake."

I could hear their footsteps as they left me. I felt alone now on the veranda and it wasn't romantic like before. I reminded myself that Edward wanted to protect my reputation and so he hid me from view. We weren't engaged in a courtship or betrothal and it might raise suspicions for us to be so close in such a dimly lit surrounding.

Edward, the perfect gentleman. Sometimes I wished he was not so perfect, for my first kiss was much shorter than I would have liked it. I sighed then and began to recount what had happened. Edward had kissed me! He wanted to kiss me, he had said so. My stomach fluttered up toward the sky and with a smile on my lips I started back toward the party.

Edward and I didn't have any more alone time that night but I know I caught him looking at me more than once across the room.

"Tell me," said Alice coercively as we ascended the staircase side by side.

"Tell you what?" I asked innocently.

"Tell me what you and Edward were discussing so privately on the veranda," she finished with a soft giggle. I didn't respond immediately so she continued. "I noticed when mother was searching for Edward that you were missing too. Then I saw you come in from the veranda moments after Edward and mother."

We stopped walking at the top of the stairs and she looked at me, trying to hide a smile. Edward's bedroom door opened and startled us both. He stepped out his room, still in his trousers but with his white shirt sleeves rolled up. He stopped awkwardly when he saw us.

"Oh, hello," said Edward running his hand through his hair and glancing between myself, Alice, and the floor.

"Hello," Alice giggled while I looked down. "Bella was just telling me what a wonderful evening she had. Apparently it was a beautiful night out."

Alice laughed and the awkward tension between the three of us increased with her words. I glanced at Edward to see him blushing but suddenly he stood up straight and looked at Alice.

"You're right," he said decisively. "It was beautiful." He smiled wide and then turned to retreat to his bedroom.

"That was interesting," said Alice still smiling. "Now you really have to talk."

She grabbed my hand and rushed me in to her room begging me for details all the while.

I had my nightgown on and was ready for bed when there was a commotion from downstairs. I opened the door and could hear raised voices coming from downstairs. I knew it was none of my business, but curiosity got the best of me. Slowly, I crept out onto the landing and peered downstairs.

A light was on in Mr. Masen's study and the voices were coming from within.

"Bella?" asked Alice from behind me. She seemed disoriented as if she'd already been asleep and was woken up by the shouting.

"I'm here," I said reaching out to take her hand and drawing her close to me.

"What is it? Who is it?"

"No idea. I only just came out here but they're in your father's office."

"Come on," she said and she started to tread lightly down the staircase.

I followed her carefully, not wanting to make any noise. The voices were louder as we approached the bottom of the stairs. Alice didn't step around the banister. Instead she sat down on the bottom step and I sat next to her. The voices could be made out now.

"Do you know how lucky you are? Do you?" shouted Mr. Masen.

"Yes, and I said I was grateful for the opportunity but," said a frustrated Edward.

"Grateful? This is grateful?" asked Mr. Masen shouting again.

"You don't understand. You're not listening," Edward said and his voice was beginning to get louder.

"No," said Mrs. Masen loudly and it sounded like she had held her tongue for too long. "No more shouting Edward. This is his decision. His decision and he is choosing the way he was taught. We've never discouraged either of our children from fulfilling their lives." Mrs. Masen seemed to be the voice of reason between the men because hers was the last voice that spoke for some time.

Mr. Masen spoke after a long silence. "She's right," he said much quieter than he had been speaking earlier. "It's your choice Edward, and if Europe is calling to you…" he stopped then, choking on his words.

No one else spoke but heavy sobs were pouring from the room. Both Mr. and Mrs. Masen seemed to be crying now, maybe even Edward too. When they started to speak again their voices were too quiet to make out. I could hear the sounds, but no words.

I turned to look at Alice next to me. Her head was down and her knees were folded toward her chest. She looked up at me and silent tears were streaming down her cheeks.

"Europe," she said to me. "I suppose in times like these he doesn't mean he wants to take a tour of the countries." She smiled a little but there was no humor behind it.

I reached my arm around her shoulders. "I'm sorry Alice," I whispered to her.

"You already knew didn't you," she said accusingly.

"I, Edward mentioned it to me before," I said cautiously not knowing how she would take this.

Alice shook her head knowingly. "And you kept it from me, as you should have since Edward asked you to I'm sure."

"Alice," I whispered but I really had nothing else to say.

"It's alright. I'm hurt is all," she said with a quaking voice. Quietly, Alice rose and slinked back up the staircase. I heard her door close and I felt sorry that I couldn't comfort her. I had to keep Edward's secret, I had promised. Still, my best friend now felt hurt and betrayed by us both.

I sat there for a while, thinking about all the repercussions of Edward's decision. I must've gotten lost in my own thoughts because shortly after I was thrown back into the stair behind me. I let out a shriek but was silenced by an icy hand over my mouth.

Edward was lying across me rather inappropriately with one arm gripping the stair next to me. I could feel part of his body weight on the side that wasn't supported by his arm.

"Shush now Bella," he commanded and he moved his hand while also lifting himself up.

"Edward? Is everything alright," called Mr. Masen from somewhere down the hall.

The lights were out and I realized that I must have actually fallen asleep sitting there on the staircase. I wondered how much time had passed. Edward and his father had resolved their differences I assumed or at least come to an understanding since they had dispersed.

"I tripped father," called Edward as he reached down for my hand.

He pulled me up too fast and I nearly knocked him over as I rose. Edward smiled at me and started to pull me up the stairs. When we reached the landing he walked us to his bedroom and slowly opened the door. My heart started to race. It had been a while since I'd been invited into his room and now here I was in my nightgown about to cross the threshold again.

"Eavesdropping much?" Edward asked turning away from me and I couldn't tell if there was any anger in his tone or not.

"No. Well, yes. Sort of. In a way I suppose," I said stuttering.

Edward opened his armoire and pulled out a quilt which he handed to me. His face didn't give anything away.

"Here," he said. "You might want to cover up."

I unfolded the soft quilt and threw it around my shoulders. He gestured toward the bed offering me a seat. Without thinking I climbed in to center.

Only afterwards did it strike me that I was sitting on Edward's bed and my stomach began to lurch. Edward folded himself down on the floor. He was still dressed.

"I guess you already know how that went over," he said finally.

"I heard a few things. It seems like it's been resolved now though," I mumbled quietly. I was embarrassed at being caught on the staircase.

"As resolved as it can be at the present time."

"Alice isn't very happy with either of us. I suppose my face gave me away, as usual. She knows that I already knew and kept it from her."

"Ah. Yes, that would be disappointing wouldn't it?" he said and I felt like he was avoiding something. "I'm sorry, by the way, for waking you and for running into you on the stairs as well."

I couldn't help but giggle a little then. "I'm sorry for being in your way on the stairs."

"Always my clumsy Sissy," he said smiling a little but it didn't reach his eyes.

"I thought that, especially after tonight, you weren't to call me that anymore," I said looking down. I couldn't stand to look at him knowing that I was blushing.

"You're right. I promised. My clumsy Bella."

The way he said my name shot chills up my spine. I shuddered under the quilt and when I looked up he was standing in front of me. There was an unexplainable energy in the room. I suddenly felt very comfortable, yet uncomfortable at the same time.

"Come here Bella," he said and my name was so soft as it rolled off his tongue.

I struggled to stand up but somehow managed it, leaving the quilt ruffled up on his bedspread.

"Please, tell me if it isn't alright. I mean, it's highly inappropriate given our circumstances but," Edward said and then he stopped. He was trying to tell me something, but he was embarrassed to say whatever it was.

"Yes?" I asked stepping closer to him and the energy felt stronger than before.

"May I kiss you again?" asked Edward and he breathed out a sigh of relief after the question left his lips.

Ah, Edward. He was such a gentleman. The thought of another kiss made my heart flutter and my knees weak so I decided it might be best if I didn't speak. I nodded my head and anticipated another peck on my lips. This was not a kiss like the one earlier had been.

He raised his left arm and his fingertips lightly grazed up my arm along to my elbow. His hands were still cold as they had been earlier. I fought back the urge to shiver but I could feel the hair on my arms standing up.

He moved his hand and snaked it around my waist pulling me closer to him. I hadn't expected such a daring move from Edward and I let out a small gasp as he did it. His right hand touched my temple lightly and then continued back, running his fingers through my hair.

I closed my eyes and waited. Soon enough his lips softly and lightly touched against mine. This time I couldn't stay still though. I immediately pushed back against him with my lips, kissing him back. I raised my arm instinctively and touched the side of his face. It was much longer than the first kiss and much more forceful.

I would have gladly stayed in that position for some time but Edward didn't allow it. He broke the kiss all too soon for my liking and stepped back.

"That helped," he muttered softly.

"Helped what?" I asked quizzically.

"It helped make my birthday complete, especially after all that's happened the last few hours."

"I'm sure," I said sighing in disbelief.

"Honestly Bella," he said seriously. "I've waiting too long to do that."

"Why me and why now?" It didn't make sense that Edward should choose me and the timing was very surprising to me.

"I suppose it felt right. If I must be honest Bella, I haven't thought of you in a very sisterly manner for some time. On the contrary, I've hoped…" he stopped short of finishing his sentence.

"You've hoped?" I tried to prompt him.

He shook his head and reached out, taking my hand in his.

"Not now," he said. "You had better get to bed. The servants will be up shortly preparing for the day and you mustn't be seen in here, in your nightgown," he added humorously.

I couldn't imagine that so much time had passed already, but he was right. I slept quietly out of his room and snuck into my own. I was tired and so much had happened the previous day. Almost as soon as I had tucked myself in and closed my eyes, Mrs. Trent was opening my curtains, welcoming me to a new day. At least if felt like I had just closed my eyes.