Disclaimer: I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion.

THE THIRTEENTH DAY

Kaji

If Kaji had any flaws, aside from an extremely weird and messed up taste in women, it was that he was just too dedicated. One could also call it stubbornness. For someone so laid back, he could be really serious and single-minded sometimes. He always saw things through to the fullest, with no regard to the personal consequences.

His work at NERV was the perfect example of that. He was some kind of troubleshooter, an investigator who looked into the operations of the company's subcontractors – or something. Asuka actually only had a very nebulous idea of what his job actually was, but she knew it had long hours, didn't pay much and often required him to leave Tokyo-3 on business trips for days and even weeks to boot. Even when he was around, he kept himself very busy, performing his duties with unswaying diligence. Perhaps there was a bit of the typical Japanese salaryman in him, though comparing him to sweaty middle-aged men in suits, even off-handedly, was a horrifying thought.

The dedication was a flaw because it meant he was cut off from Asuka for long periods of time. He put too much time and effort into things that weren't her. She did not appreciate that, especially now.

She had called him again and again and again over the last two weeks, perhaps several dozen times all together, but had never reached him. She had tried his cell phone, his work phone and his home phone, all to no avail. When his phone wasn't switched off, he just didn't pick up. Asuka knew she should not have been this insistent about it, that she shouldn't interfere with his duties, but surely Kaji could find five minutes to have a small conversation? Only five minutes – that wasn't too much to ask, was it? That wasn't being clingy and annoying, was it?

She really could have used someone to talk to.

She would have given anything just to hear his voice, even if it was just to say "I'm sorry, Asuka. I don't have time for you right now."

At least it would have been something.

Kaji lived in an apartment complex not unlike Misato's, though his place was considerably smaller and, to be perfectly frank, dingier. It was located in 'the bad part of town' – the industrial projects on the other side from the suburbs. Like the rest of the city, it was only constructed a few years ago, yet somehow looked several decades older than any other district. Parts of it were in a ridiculous state of disrepair, since the reconstruction work following Angel attacks always seemed to reach there last. It would no doubt have been the district with the highest crime rate, if there had still been any criminals left in Tokyo-3. There was always some kind of demolition work going on in the area, and the noise pollution resulting from that was the worst part by far. Hearing the continuous dull thuds at length seemed like it could drive a man insane; Asuka thought she was half-way there already.

She was on her way to visit him. It wasn't yet ten in the morning, but it looked like it was going to be a great day, a sunny day. Of course, everything was gloomier in the projects, owing partly to the nearby smokestacks pumping drab cloud cover up in the sky all day long. Asuka had been walking for half an hour, but the building Kaji lived in was now in her sight. It was an eyesore.

It was beneath someone like Kaji to live in a place like that, really, and Asuka didn't understand why he chose to stay there. She wasn't exactly intimately familiar with the housing situation in the city, but considering the state of the population, she would have expected prices for living space to be way down. Even with his wage, Asuka was sure he could have afforded to find something better, if he wanted to.

Still, lame as the apartment was, Asuka much preferred it to Misato's place. She had spent her first few precious days in Tokyo-3 there, before she was ordered to move in with Misato. Sure, it was just two rooms and a kitchen, the plaster was peeling off the ceiling in a couple of places and the bathtub was a little rusty, but that was nothing compared to all the good things, like the fact that the bathroom lock was broken, giving Asuka a perfect opening to "accidentally" walk in on Kaji while he was showering in the mornings.

Living with him in an apartment of their own had been so different from their time together in the NERV training facility back in Germany, or on the Over the Rainbow. They had been free to casually spend time together like never before. They had cooked food for each other. Asuka could get away with wearing so little that even she had been scandalized. It was the closest thing to domestic bliss that she could imagine for herself. But her memories were bittersweet at best. Her life with Kaji had ended before it had begun when she was forcibly uprooted and put together those other ones instead.

Still, despite the briefness of her stay, Asuka managed to conjure up a vague sense of nostalgia as she walked up the stairs to the apartment. There was an elevator, but sometimes she just preferred to exert herself and take the steps. She couldn't wait to get her hands on him, and standing motionless in an elevator felt at odds with that.

Kaji was definitely going to be there, she knew it. She had intentionally picked one of his off days. That's also why she was there so early; she knew how much he liked to laze around in the mornings.

But as she approached Kaji's floor, she got slower and slower. There were things she hadn't yet figured out.

The last time she had seen Kaji was just after the attack of the 14th Angel. It was funny how she felt like a cold hand gripped her heart any time she thought of it. For the last twelve days, she had done her best to forget, but memories of the battle had a tendency to invade her mind, to hook into her and simply not let go, and once she started thinking about it, it was so hard to stop.

After she was taken out of the fight, Asuka had been left alone to stew in the silent darkness of the entry plug for quite a while. Once the NERV technicians eventually came to fish her out, Kaji had been there with them. He'd taken her to the medical ward for a check-up and then driven her home later on. It had all felt so unreal. He'd also explained everything that had happened, but Asuka had barely listened. The details of Shinji's triumph were insignificant compared to the magnitude of her failure.

These whole couple of hours were just a big blur for her. She was trapped in an endless loop of recall and had not had the energy to pay much attention to her surroundings. The reason this was a problem was because it left some things unpleasantly ambiguous between her and Kaji.

Asuka thought... well, she wasn't really certain... but she thought she might have been crying when Kaji picked her up.

She did not want to think that she had let herself down so hard. No, it was quite improbable, almost impossible even. But whether there were tears in her eyes or not, the fact of the matter was that she had been in a PATHETIC state. And Kaji had been there to see it.

Because pondering about this was so difficult, she had never reached a real conclusion about what to do and how to behave. Now she had to decide how she was going to play it.

She could just pretend everything was alright and act normal – sweet and pleasant and slightly forceful. If she did that, maybe he would forget all about her show of weakness two weeks ago. That was one possibility. But Kaji had shown himself time and again to be cold and resistant to that Asuka.

There was something else she could do, something truly drastic: appealing to his protective instinct by showing emotional vulnerability. It would only be a pretense, of course! If she feigned being lonely and sad, then he would have to finally take notice of her. He couldn't turn her away if she really looked desperate and in need of comfort, he absolutely couldn't!

But... Asuka didn't know if she could stomach acting that way. Even if it served a purpose, she could not abide the idea of Kaji getting the mistaken impression of her as a weak little girl. Nothing was worth that.

By the time she reached Kaji's door, she still didn't know what to do. She was just going to have to wing it, because she absolutely couldn't stand to be apart from him for a moment longer. She rang the doorbell right away, and hearing the muted buzz from inside pleased her to no end. It felt like she was coming home. An inadvertent smile was already on her lips.

Her smile faltered as the wait drew on. It probably just took Kaji a minute to get ready because he'd still been in bed. He was going to come, he was definitely going to come.

Part of her already knew that he wouldn't be there.

Gritting her teeth, Asuka rang the doorbell three more times before resorting to knocking. Nothing happened, and silence was her only reply.

"Kaji!" she finally yelled.

Asuka couldn't help but think:

What if Kaji was there? What if he was hiding because he had a woman with him?

What if Misato was there with him?

"Kaji, are you there? Kaji!"

One last try.

"KAJI!"

But no matter how loud she was, Kaji wouldn't come. He wasn't home. Even on his day off, he didn't have time for her.

Misery was bearing down on her like gravity. Frustration was welling up inside her like actual, physical pressure. Asuka noticed she was breathing heavily. She hadn't come all this way for another goddamn disappointment, but there was nothing she could do about it except groan and give the door a kick. She was seriously contemplating whether she could break it down and get in by force, if only to stay there and wait for him.

On a whim, she bent down and looked inside Kaji's mailbox. It was empty, meaning Kaji had been home recently. If he was away from the city, the letters would have piled up.

"Why?"

Asuka stood up again and stared at the closed door. She had the wild and irrational urge to knock again, even though she knew that it would be pointless. The only way she could resist doing it was averting her eyes from the door. She looked over her shoulder; there was no one behind her.

What else could she do? She grabbed her phone.

Notes:

- Like Misato, Kaji will have a proper chapter later on as well (a better, less explanatory one).

- With this chapter, the story is now officially one-third complete. At the current pace, I'd be finishing up at some point in August - but I doubt things will go quite so neatly. For one, I have to take a short break for now. I have ten days to write a 4000-word essay, so I'm thinking it's best to focus on that for now. Expect a wait of at least two weeks until the next chapter. You should use this time to write lots and lots of reviews.

Next chapter: Numbers.