Why am I Still Here?

I was never the type to wonder that my life was a dream, or that I might be controlled by someone else. I always thought that thinking things like that would only drive you crazy while you tried to answer it. As far as I knew, this is my reality and I should just roll with it.

But at that particular moment I speculated, no, I wished with all my might that this was all some horrible dream, and I would wake up perfectly fine on Nox's chest. Hot pain numbed all other senses, and I watched objectively as the scene played out around me.

Mason tripped over one of my traps and instead of falling in it, fell on his own axe. When I looked up, Diamond was laughing at him. She was doubled over, laughing as hard as she could.

Somehow I was awake enough to notice the opening, and found the strength to move. It took all of my willpower, but I stood and ran. I ran as fast as I could, but Diamond wasn't following me. She was laughing too hard. I made it about an eighth of a mile away when my knees gave out. I fell face-first into the snow, giving me a splitting headache. I should've known I wouldn't last long. I found the pinpoints of pain in three places on my back. In my foggy daze, I checked for daggers. She had taken them back, so I turned onto my back to let the ice freeze away the agony. Nox held my left hand, and I smiled at him warmly. "Hey, Nox, you know I love you, right?" I gazed into his forest green eyes with all the love I could find.

"Yeah, Archie-baby. I know." He gave me his dazzling smile as I felt my back get warmer. Then he kissed me, kissed me all over my face and lips. His kisses were cold and soft, leaving a bit of wet residue behind. He kissed me wherever my skin showed, and I surrendered myself to him.

I giggled and squirmed under his love, asking him why he was so cold. He never answered me, only kisses. Then kisses turned into nipping, then biting. "Ouch, Nox! You're hurting me." I whined, but he wouldn't stop. Then he dragged me by my feet, still biting me and causing my back to explode with the fires of hell itself. It seemed like hours before I was relieved of the torture. After that, I don't remember much. Except that I came to in a cave, wrapped in bandages and sleeping next to a fire, my coat drying near it. At first, I wasn't sure where I was. Then there was no mistaking it. I was still in the Hunger Games, suffering. I could've died, and this would be all over. I could've been put out of my misery, but it seems the world is keen on keeping me miserable.

The Games broke me. I became another pawn in one of their games, another notch in the cog in the brewing machine of violence and insanity. I cried, and cried for a long time. It didn't even occur to me that someone had to have saved me, or even that that person was in the cave I was in. I didn't care. I wished I had died back there. The pain was unbearable, and the overwhelming need for Nox rushed over me in tsunamis of emotion.

When I finally calmed down, I lied quietly, hollow and flushed from so much exertion.

"Hey, are you okay? You cried an awful lot." I recognized the voice belonging to Lillian Oakshade, the girl from 10. I could only grunt in reply.

Turning to face my savior, a real bumpkin souvenir, I tried to make out details in the low light of the small fire. She had dusty blonde hair and freckles, a few bent teeth, and green eyes. "Hey. You're stabbed pretty bad, so I laid you on your stomach. Sorry I had to drag you here." I stared at her for a little while. "Why'd you save me?" My voice cracked, withered from the sobs. "Oh, you just looked so bad. I mean you were goin' all crazy, saying something about 'Nox' and gettin' hurt and someone was biting you." I realized that Nox was never there at all, and those "kisses" I'd felt were the snowstorm now raging outside of this nook in the mountains. My body shook with exhaustion, unable to continue the conversation. I grunted again, then fell asleep under the morphling of intense and unbearable pain.

I stayed there for about three days, I think. The snowstorm raged for so long and I'd slept so much that time was unreadable to me. Eventually I had to stand, but I often got dizzy and sat down anyway. By the fifth day the storm had stopped, and four tributes had died. Lillian wasn't there, but I had to leave. As a thank you so I wouldn't feel guilty or something, I left her the last of my jerky and some bandages. I was limping now, having been hit by knives not only in the leg but now in the back. I must've looked pretty pathetic, actually. I laughed at myself for a minute, unsure of what to do after all of this. "Man, some medicine would be amazing right now." I mumbled to myself. Not like anyone was listening.

First time I'd ever been wrong, and it was a good thing. A few minutes after I'd said that, a silver parachute with a small package came floating down. "Oh, yes!" I limped over to it as fast as I could, smiling. I sat down to open it, and just as I thought, there was a medicine spray in there. I started with my leg, which by now was grossly bruised and not yet scabbed. I sprayed sparingly, not knowing how many injuries I'd come across later. It worked miracles, though. I watched the wound close, and the pain was numbed. Oh, sweet normalcy. I missed not being injured.

I sprayed some on my back and sighed as the pain lifted away, leaving behind a renewed vigor. I felt like I was ready to take on anything but Gloss.

After that, I happened upon a spear. Now, this seemed far too coincidental, and smelled like a trap. I picked up a stick and moved it, but nothing happened. This...this is horrible. Something awful is definitely going to happen. I picked up the spear and pointed it toward the ground as I walked, fearful of meeting Mason's fate. I found myself by that small cave I had been in before. I stared at it, an ominous feeling creeping over me. This isn't good. I needed to run, but I couldn't move. I wanted to look around, but nothing would do anything. I could only listen to the footsteps of the career pack advancing, and Gloss's voice announcing my presence.

My life really did pass before my eyes, and I gotta admit, I had a pretty shitty life.

The footsteps quickened, and I prepared for the absolute worst. There was no way I could survive Gloss. Fate was done with me.