Whoa, chapter ten already. I can't believe it's been three months, therabouts...

This entry into our little angsty series is darker, in my opinion. You can judge for yourself; feedback is always good. I had to edit a bit, take out some things I really liked, so I could get all the necessary information in. In my opinion(I know you're getting tired of hearing me blather :D), I feel this could have had better flow... Oh well. Here we go! Special dedication to Kinetic Sleeper is go!

Well, then. I haven't really seen you in a while, now have I? It's been kind of lonely, all alone here in this flower pot-not to mention in my head. Inner has been silent for the past few days, but I can still feel what she feels-I guess that's part of the explanations for my fluctuations in mood. Even I noticed it; I'm not so far gone that I can't pick apart reality and fantasy, what's real and what's just in my head. But lately, though, it's gotten harder. Thing-things I see in nightmares show up sometimes, on the corners of my vision. They're just out of sight, and whenever I turn to look, they're gone. Gone! Just like that! I can't pin anything down, and it's driving me crazy. I say that literally-I know something's wrong; I've known ever since Shisou wouldn't let me handle the medical records any more. She's got something to hide, or maybe I do and I just can't remember.

But on with this stupid charade, yes? You've humored me this far; I guess I'll just have to try your patience a bit more.

But, I conclude, that if you're reading this letter, that you've gotten the flowers, this letter, and a drawing or description from Ino. I also guess that you're wondering why I left something like this in her care; you should also be aware of its dual purposes. Firstly, she was-is-my friend, even if neither of us knew it for a while. You can't erase years of ties in a split second.

I mean, I can see your point of view-I really thought I hated her for a while. But that was just it-I thought. Me-I-we-us- I think-or do we-

Agh. Damn this. The bottom line is, though, that things like this-this paper you're holding-are what happen when I think. Nightmares are what happen when I think. And this, sure as anything, is a fucking nightmare. I'm in so deep; I'm losing more and more of myself. I think I am crazy-I am! And I know I am-what the hell does that mean? What am I? What have I become? I don't understand-not any more.

Hah. 'Not any more.' That's my refrain-I'm stuck in rewind. I'm living-well, not really living-in the past, in what used to be. You- you all got over what life threw at you, as far as I know. Or you could be like me… But for some reason, I'm falling-fell-apart. I don't want to, but I don't want to stop myself either. I can't; but I wouldn't-even if I could. There's a satisfaction in breaking a plate, in shattering a glass. Seeing everything fly apart, and know that you-you!-could cause this, that you could do this. And that's only a glass… If you could destroy someone else's life, wouldn't you?

Well?

I thought not. You were never like that. You weren't like me.

But I couldn't very well go around killing people, could I? I'm a medic, not a killer, and something in me still rebelled at the thought of taking lives, with either one less heartbeat or making life not worth living for someone else. I can't describe anything accurately for you. It can't be described-you have to feel it. It's not conveyed, but lived.

But I digress. Like I said, I couldn't hurt others, for some reason. So I settled for what I at first thought to be second best, but turned out to give more of a thrill, a mental high, than anything else.

Ripping into myself, destroying my own life, was so much more satisfying. Seeing it flutter down in wispy shreds, like my future is snowing; catching in my hair and on my eyelashes, but not owned by me any longer. I have no future now; I did that purposely. I couldn't have a way out; I had to go through with this.

I would beg with you to understand, but I wouldn't expect you to understand, Naruto. Oh, yes- I know it's you. I've known It would be you all along.

I just can't see you feeling the same want for destruction not of others-I know you feel that, that the Kyuubi feels that-but of yourself. I want to rip myself to shreds-I WANT to! I crave it; I think about it all the time. I can hardly stand it; I want to be free! And the only freedom-the only TRUE freedom-lies in death.

And now, I'll bet, you're wondering the second purpose of my leaving this with Ino. I haven't; I guess we're both lucky tonight. And, of course, luck has everything to do with this-my game for you. I'm getting tired of it, and I want this to end.

I tell you this, and take it as fact.

You have thirty-six hours left to complete the game.

In thirty-six hours, Ino will panic, because nothing has been explained. She will go to Tsunade-shisou, who will in turn go to you. And you will not be able to find a way out.

In thirty-six hours, you will have to be outside the gates of Konoha, heading towards the Iwa outpost. You will have to be long gone. This is the last part of the game. Stay with me.

Please, remember two things.

First, I wanted this.

Me.

Secondly, it was you all along.

You.