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Chapter 10
Casey walked down the hall to her office, determined to go inside, no matter what it took. It was five thirty in the morning- no one else was here, and Olivia probably wouldn't come looking for her for at least another hour. Olivia had been so sure that she was a victim, that she needed to talk to someone about this. Going into her office so soon after the assault would be perfect proof that Olivia was wrong.
There was that same burning sensation from yesterday. That same unbearable urge to get away and never step foot in her office again. But now, she had motives that she hadn't had yesterday- to prove to everyone, especially Olivia, that she was okay.
Finally, after over half an hour of hard work, she was standing in the middle of her office, a slow, amazed smile tugging at her lips. Everything still burned and tingled, but it wasn't as bad as before. She could handle it. Was she comfortable? No. Was she happy? Definitely not. But she could do this.
After a moment of just standing there, still fighting the urge to give up and dash away, Casey collapsed against her desk, closing her eyes and shaking her head. "Damn it," she muttered under her breath. What was even the point? Yeah, she proved Olivia wrong. So? She didn't accomplish anything. She still was barely able to keep herself in control, wanting to run for safety any second right now... and she'd managed to make herself look like a complete idiot, running out in the middle of the night and trying to do this.
Shifting uncomfortably, Casey pulled herself towards her desk chair and began tracing one of her ribs again, staring blankly at the papers scattered across her desk. Olivia would be arriving soon, probably to chew her ass out. Not that Casey blamed her...
Time passed slowly. Casey got back to work. Her injuries healed. Olivia eventually stopped trying to make more out of what had happened, though she still hadn't left Casey's couch. Most every night, she would wake her up from nightmares, calm her down, and eventually head back to her living room. Casey, though, thought she was perfectly fine. She was able to work in her office- though being there after hours was out of the question- and the nightmares were just an unfortunate occurrence that she never mentioned. Ever. The memories of her attack that weren't coming to her... no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't remember. She completely ignored the doctor's advice and fought to remember, but it never worked. Didn't stop her from trying, but other than that... Everything was going well.
That is, until, she and Olivia were discussing a case in her office over lunch. Her phone rang, and when she answered, she was greeted by the clerk down in the lobby. "Flower delivery, Ms. Novak. Should I send them up?"
Flowers... but that was how Zergin had gotten up here. This couldn't be happening again, could it? It couldn't be!
"Um... y-yes, please. S-send them up." After hanging up the phone, she looked back at Olivia, who was examining one of the files and hadn't realized her panicked expression. "Liv," she forced out, "Um... I know you were about to head back to the squad room, but... could you stay for a couple minutes? Please?"
Olivia looked up in surprise, then narrowed her eyes and watched her carefully. "Yeah, sure. Casey, is something wrong?"
She shook her head and started trembling. "No. No, everything's okay, I... just... I really need you to stay here for a couple minutes."
The detective crossed her arms, getting up out of her seat and walking over to stand next to her. Casey wrung her hands out before her and focused on her watch, somewhat fascinated by the leather. Olivia tried to get her to say something else, but she managed to not really give the true answer until her office door open, revealing the flower delivery man. Casey immediately flinched back, keeping her gaze glued to her hands as she started shaking even harder. Olivia placed a protective hand on her shoulder, immediately realizing what was wrong.
"I've got flowers for a Casey Novak?" he asked, and Olivia nodded.
"Yeah, you've got her." He placed them on her desk, then turned and left.
That's all. Nothing bad happened. He just put the flowers down and left.
Casey rested her head on top of her arms, closing her eyes and groaning in embarrassment, though she was still shaking and still trying to convince herself that there was nothing to be afraid of. Olivia squeezed her shoulder before taking a note from the roses... the same flowers Zergin had brought. The detective read aloud. "Casey- lovely flowers must work for a lovely woman. Hope to see you tonight, Steve... Casey? You okay?"
She nodded weakly, still without looking up. "I never realized... I mean, I never really told him what happened and besides, I didn't think it'd be a problem..."
Casey blinked as the burning feeling started tingling in her limbs again. That had gone away after her first week back. "Damn it!" she swore, pushing herself back from her desk and crossing her arms tightly over her chest. She was supposed to be fine. What the hell was she doing, reacting like this?
"Case, do you want me to get rid of these?" Olivia asked softly, gesturing at the flowers. Casey shook her head, trying to keep herself calm, but with no success.
"No... It's not Steve's fault, it's mine. It's a sweet gesture, anyway..." Groaning softly under her breath, Casey got to her feet and brushed past Olivia as she hurried outside, muttering something about a meeting. Olivia watched her leave, thinking not only about this latest incident but everything- the nightmares, the denial... this was going too far.
"Dr. Huang? Can I see you for a second?"
He nodded, glancing up from his laptop and waving her in. "Sure, Olivia. Come in, sit." Olivia slipped inside his office and closed the door behind her, walking over to sit in front of his desk. "So, what's this about?"
Olivia hesitated. Should she really do this? She didn't want to betray Casey's trust, but... in this case... perhaps it was the best thing for her. "Well, it's... it's about Casey," she finally confessed.
He nodded again and shut his laptop, moving it aside so he could focus on her. "Yes, what about her?"
"You know how she was assaulted about a month and a half ago?"
"Yes. I haven't seen her much since then, but it seems like she's dealing with it well..."
She shook her head and leaned forward. "That's just it, George- she's not dealing with it. I mean, nightmares and things like that, I'd expect. That's normal. But she won't admit anything's wrong. She won't talk about it, no matter how much I ask her. I tried giving her space after that, hoping that maybe she could work with it better by herself. But she hasn't. I'm trying to help her, I really am, but I just don't know how... today, she got a delivery for flowers in her office- exactly how she was assaulted the first time. I'm not surprised that she freaked out; that's normal. But she still won't admit that anything's wrong. I mean, every victim goes through denial, I know, but... I've never had to work with a victim long term like this. And I'm not sure how to make her see that she's not dealing with it... that there issomething to deal with."
George frowned and tapped his finger on the side of his pen, chewing on his lower lip. "Has she made any progress at all?"
"Yeah," Olivia said with a slight nod. "Some. She can work in her office now, though still not after hours. And she can say what happened out loud, but... that's it. She doesn't actually accept it; if I force her, she'll say it and that's all, then she find some way to get out of the discussion."
"Well, it sounds like you're right- just basic denial. You want me to give you advice on how to break her out of that?" When Olivia nodded, George thought about it for a few seconds before starting off slowly. "I know Casey. She's stubborn; it won't be easy. Try and confront her again, but this time, about the changes you've noticed in her since the assault. Right now, how have you been trying to break her out of her denial?"
Olivia paused, thinking back over her many difficult conversations with the ADA over the past month. "I try and talk to her, get her to admit that it wasn't just a small thing; what happened. That it's affecting her and she needs help with it. At that point, Casey always gets furious and sometimes even storms out after that. I'm not trying to blame her for not having dealt with this by now; I wouldn't have expected her too... but I don't know how to help her."
"Well, what happens after you try and confront her? Do you discuss it at all, or..."
"No," Olivia murmured in surprise. "No, actually. After she leaves, we eventually meet up again, mostly when we both go home- I'm sleeping on her couch still. Neither one of us mentions it."
He nodded again. "That's typical, in cases like this. Next time you confront her, give her examples that prove she hasn't dealt with it yet- that she has a problem. And the timing needs to be good, too- after she wakes up from a nightmare, for example, and you've calmed her down, you could bring it up. And you know a lot of vics use alcohol or drugs- have you seen any sign of addiction in Casey?"
"Drugs, no. Well, not the usual ones that vics use, like crack or heroin- I would of seen some sign. I haven't noticed any other signs of drug use... alcohol, maybe. I think she may be drinking a little more than usual, but it's not serious alcoholism."
"Anything else, then, that's seemed different? Remember, victims use other things besides alcohol and drugs. Many of them use work- which actually sounds more like Casey..." George trailed off, watching as Olivia's eyes widened and she thought back again over the past month.
"You're right," she said quietly. "You're exactly right. She's always given every case her all, but it's different now. She buries herself in work and if we ever try to get her to go with us for drinks or head home early, she says no, she's busy. She's still not comfortable working late at night in her office, but she goes in early and always stays up late working. Most of the time, she goes in on her days off to work too- god, I just never realized anything until now. I'm used to her working late, trying hard, but... now it's different."
"Try and confront her," Huang advised. "And tell her my office door is always open, if she doesn't want to talk to you." Olivia nodded at him and smiled in thanks as she stood up and headed for the door, unaware of how much her situation was about to change.